


A Bridge Between Worlds

by GoesMeow



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-05-17 02:52:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 65
Words: 138,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14823836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoesMeow/pseuds/GoesMeow
Summary: The story of how Clarke and Lexa build a connection between their people and themselves.





	1. 1

Clarke woke to the now familiar walls of Lexa’s chambers. The sun was just rising and beginning to cast its golden rays through the curtains of the room. The rays of sun caught the specs of dust dancing in the air and make them look like sparks. Smiling at this sight Clarke rolled over comfortably and stuck her arm out, searching for Lexa’s form. To her displeasure her fingers met the cold side of the bed. Growling in annoyance Clarke sat up slightly to take in the sight she knew she’d be met with. 

The Commander of the 13 clans was standing on the far side of the room, sword in hand. She wore a dark loose shirt and skintight black trousers, her equivalent to pajamas on cold nights. Her eyes were closed and her face relaxed. At first sight one may think she was frozen, not a muscle twitched on the girl’s body, not a hair dared blow in the breeze. Then she moved, like a silent strike of lightening Lexa swung her sword. She swung with such purpose and such grace that you’d think it was a dance. Though she swung her sword at full speed she did not hit anything, the motion was in complete silence. It was merely a practice swing. 

“I hate it when you do that.” Clarke said smiling slightly as Lexa’s eyes opened at her voice. Not at all surprised. 

“Do what?” Lexa said still holding the fighting stance she’d frozen in after her last strike. 

“Get out of bed so easily.” Clarke noted that her voice had a slight whine to it. 

“You are a heavy sleeper Clarke. It is not as difficult as you’d think.” Lexa lowered her sword and stood to face the Skaikru girl. 

“Oh just shut up and come here.” Clarke said begrudgingly laying back down. It baffled her how Lexa woke so early while often falling asleep much later than Clarke and somehow managed to not only extract herself from the bed without waking Clarke but locating her sword and doing her morning training all while Clarke slumbered on. 

A slight smile crossed Lexa’s face as she returned her sword to its scabbard and placed it on a nearby chair. She then climbed back onto the large bed that she and Clarke had shared for the past few weeks. Clarke avoided the Commander’s dark green eyes as the girl settled herself next to her.

“You’re displeased because you consider yourself weak next to me. How I can sleep less and train often.” Lexa said propping her head up on her elbow. Clarke said nothing, secretly enjoying the way the Commander looked down at her, and ready to relish in whatever words were to be spoken next. 

“You are anything but weak.” Lexa said softly brushing Clarke’s hair from her face. “You are the Ambassador of the 13th clan, your strength is their strength Clarke. Just because you sleep like a hibernating bear doesn’t mean you are without power.” 

On her last few words Lexa leaned over and captured Clarke’s lips in her own. The sensation was a familiar one as they kissed now almost daily but it still did not reduce the fiery passion that came with it. Clarke groaned slightly under Lexa’s warm lips, then despite herself began to laugh. 

“Was that a joke you just made Commander?” Clarke said breaking the kiss laughing. 

Lexa scrunched her nose playfully down at the younger girl, a new expression she’d developed instead of admitting Clarke to be right. She made this face often. 

“Shof op.” Lexa said laying on staring at the ceiling. 

“A hibernating bear? Really?” Clarke said sitting up slightly looking down at the girl beside her. 

Lexa smiled slightly and shrugged. “They sleep quite heavily. Easy to hunt.” She said matter factly. 

Clarke grabbed the pillow she’d previously been using and swung it at Lexa. “Now that was definitely an insult.” 

Lexa blocked the blow with ease and somehow in the process managed to get a grip on Clarke’s wrists. With her always surprising amount of strength the Commander pulled Clarke so that she was laying over Lexa.   
Clarke struggled for a moment but then relaxed as she looked down at Lexa’s face. A face she’d so despised a few months ago but now brought a feeling of peace and comfort within her. Lexa was the only reason her people lived, the sole reason Clarke herself was still alive. Clarke knew this as a fact. Lexa was the most driven and intelligent Commander the grounders had ever had. She not only fought and won wars, she forgave and governed. Arkadia had been pushed into hard times under Pike and Lexa had not taken the simple solution and killed them all, she had allowed them to kill Pike themselves and now permitted them to sort out their own way of governing their people. Yes Clarke knew she’d played a major role in Lexa’s decision making process but Lexa was not a doe eyed love sick puppy, in her heart she knew that letting the Sky People live and changing the revenge system of her people was a step towards a brighter future. Lexa had betrayed Clarke once for the better of her people and Clarke knew that that was what she would always do. But now that Skaikru were the 13th clan Clarke needn’t fear of betrayal. 

As the two women stared intently into one another’s eyes a general sigh escaped them both and Clarke felt her body relax to that she lay on top of Lexa, her head nuzzled into the older girl’s neck. The mornings were for this. Before the city of Polis truly woke up, before the council meetings, and hunting trips, and other daily duties took hold of them both they relished the mornings. Where they were not Commanders or Ambassadors where they were just two young women living simple, happy lives with one another. The two didn’t speak, they’d always found themselves the most relaxed in each other’s presence and this silence was so rare for them. 

After several minutes of watching the sun’s rays grow longer and longer across the room Clarke finally lifted herself from Lexa’s body. The guards would soon be knocking on the Commander’s door to escort her to the dinner hall where she would greet Titus and the other Night bloods. Clarke would be needed in the council chamber where she and the other Ambassadors were constructing a map trying to donate as much land as possible to Skaikru so they could begin farming their own land. Lexa was not needed in these meetings, as it was not a matter she could simply command results of. As she placed her bare feet on the cold stone floor Clarke felt warm lips press into her neck. 

“Lexa.” Clarke said weakly, relishing in the tingling sensation Lexa’s lips were releasing from her neck. 

“Have a good day Ambassador.” Lexa said quietly, kissing Clarke’s shoulders. 

“You as well Heda.” Clarke said fondly using all her will to rise from the bed. Once she was on her feet and dressing in the clothes she’d worn the day before Lexa too rose and began to dress. Clarke knew she needed to hurry away before the guard’s arrived. She and Lexa had both agreed to keep their bond a secret as long as Skaikru’s re-welcoming into the Coalition was still fresh. Many of the 12 clans still held grudges not to mention Pike’s supporters in Arkadia. Lexa said that such news were put too much strain on an already fragile bridge between clans. Clarke agreed though she felt such distance between herself and her people. 

She had not been to Arkadia for almost a year; she had not seen her mother, Raven, Monty, any of them for months. She’d only seen Octavia in passing and had not spoken to her other than in formal context. Octavio spent move of her time in Polis training with Indra but also served as a messenger between Arkadia and Polis. 

XXX

Clarke left Lexa’s chambers a few minutes later and had to duck into a corridor so as not to be seen by the guards. She’d stayed much too long this morning. Though at first she joked to herself that she was only doing the Walk of Shame now it felt a lot more like walking through a minefield. She now almost wanted someone to make the connection so as to avoid the secret she and Lexa were living. She shook her hear of the thought, knowing that that reality was still quite a distance away. 

Clarke returned to her chamber to her perfectly made bed, that she had barely used in the last month. She poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher on her table and looked out her window over Polis. The vibrant city was very much awake now, its citizens bustling out and about trading furs and food, children racing through the streets playing some chasing game, elders sitting by their shops speaking to whoever happened to pass by. Clarke suddenly felt a pang of loneliness. Sure within the tower she was familiar enough with its residents to greet them as they walked by but she couldn’t really speak to them. In Arkadia she would know each and every person she walked by, and could speak with them freely. But speak to them about what? Today there were no wars to be fought, no food to be found, no recent deaths to mourn. 

She smiled at the thought of speaking of Lexa, a comedic image of her Octavia and Raven sitting on a bed cross-legged crossed her mind. Maybe someday Clarke thought. 

A knock on her door snapped her from her daydreaming. 

“Wanheda.” a gruff guard’s voice called.

“Yes?” Clarke asked firmly. 

“The Ambassadors await your arrival.” The guard said.

“Thank you.” Clarke said placing her water on the table and grabbing several of her maps and notes and opening the door for the guard.


	2. 2

Clarke plunked herself on the bed like a ton of bricks. She groaned into her pillow audibly.   
It had been a very long day. The Ambassadors of the other clans had been particularly enthusiastic today and felt the need to complete the mapping out of the land for Skaikru. This was all well and good except that she had spent the better part of 12 hours in the stuffy council chamber arguing every little detail for her people. After a moment Clarke lifted her head to look out her window. The sky was cloudy tonight so the sky was dark an ominous. Below the city’s lights were beginning to dim as the residents settled down for the night. 

There was a knock on her door. Clarke looked at it confused. Lexa never came to her room, Clarke always waited until the guards had left her to go to her Chamber. There was something strange about the Commander making several nightly visits to her room. 

“Enter.” Clarke said hesitantly unsure of who was to walk into the room. The great oak doors opened and in walked Octavia. 

“Hey.” Clarke said feeling herself relax at the familiar face. 

“Hey Clarke.” Octavia said with all and any amount of warmth she could muster. 

“How are you?” Clarke said feeling that push on the conversation. 

“I’m alright. You know, busy.” Octavia said awkwardly, then she released some of the tension in her face. “I’ve got wicked saddle sores from riding back and forth from here and home.” 

Clarke noted how strange it was that Octavia referred to Arkadia as home since she struggled fitting in there even more than Clarke.

Clarke smiled. “I bet you do.”

“Yeah.” Octavia said scuffing her feet on the floor. “So in a few weeks I’m going to be heading there for a while. Titus is drawing up the official land plans and wants me to deliver them. Then I’ll probably stay there for a while. You know, because I won’t be needed as much here.” Octavia said the last few words pointedly at Clarke. 

“I’m needed here Octavia.” Clarke said realizing what Octavia was getting at. 

“Come on Clarke, we know that’s not true!” Octavia said with a hint of aggression. “Once the land is divided Indra told me the council will be meeting a lot less. You can come home.” 

“Octavia…” Clarke began. 

“Clarke.” She said forcefully cutting her off. “How can you call yourself our Ambassador when you don’t even know us anymore?”

“I...”

“Come with me Clarke.” Octavia pleaded. 

Clarke felt her mouth go dry. “I’ll… I’ll need to talk to Lexa…”

“Screw Lexa.” Octavia yelled. 

Clarke couldn’t help but smirk slightly to herself at Octavia’s choice of words. 

“She’s the Commander Octavia. I need to get her permission.” Clarke said composing herself once more. 

Octavia’s eyes searched Clarke’s face for a moment before she let the air from her lungs. 

“You should come home Clarke.” 

“I know. I’ll see what I can do.” Octavia narrowed her eyes. “I promise.” Clarke added. 

“Okay.” Octavia said walking to the door. 

“Octavia” Clarke called suddenly feeling a sinking pit in her stomach. “Am I still one of your people?” 

At this Octavia laughed. “Clarke… I’m the wrong person to ask, I think between the two of us I’ve got to ask myself that question a lot more.” 

Clarke smiled, Octavia caught her eye. “Come with me Clarke. They’ll never see us truly at peace unless we both go.” Then she was gone. 

Clarke sighed and sat on her bed. Octavia was right, a long as there was still this gap between her people and the grounders they could never truly be at peace with one another. She couldn’t help but wonder how her going to Arkadia would help the situation. Her people knew her as the mass murderer who saved them, and then left them, what would her return mark? No her being in Arkadia would almost even make her people question what the grounders were doing. It wouldn’t build trust; it would only increase skepticism. Her returning home would do nothing. Her. 

Then the idea struck her, it was absurd, but maybe could come true. 

XXXX

Lexa’s voice sounded tired as she answered Clarke’s nightly knock with her usual “Enter.” 

Upon entering the room Clarke saw that Lexa had clearly had as just a vigorous day mentally, and physically too apparently.   
The Commander had a deep gash on her bicep and was attempting to clean it with her non-dominant hand. 

“Here” Clarke said tenderly sitting beside Lexa and taking the bloody cloth from her. Lexa smiled her faint smile as Clarke set to work cleaning the wound. It was from one of the training swords of the Nightbloods. Lately on the days she worked with them she’d come home with more and more cuts or scrapes. They were clearly getting better. 

“Aden?” Clarke asked noting that this cut was particularly deep. 

Lexa nodded. “He is growing stronger with each day. I think tomorrow I’ll send him home with a few sparring wounds though, he’s growing too bold and careless.” 

“Then you probably shouldn’t reward him with your blood.” Clarke said smirking, placing a bandage on the wound which was still oozing the black blood of the Commander. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Lexa said rolling down her sleeve to cover the bandage. “Thank you Clarke.” 

“You’re welcome Lexa.” Letting the girl’s name roll off her tongue. Lexa held her gaze for a moment before rising to fill two glasses of water. 

“Titus informed me that the land arrangements were completed today.” She said continue to stand handing a cup to Clarke. “Your days will be less occupied from now on.” 

Clarke sipped her water thoughtfully, trying to put her proposition to words. 

“Yes.” Clarke said placing her water on the bedside table and rising placing her hands on Lexa’s pointed hips. “I spoke to Octavia about it today.” 

Lexa placed her water on the table as well and rested her hands on Clarke’s. “I’m glad to hear it. She has been the only other Skaikru in Polis for a while now.” 

Lexa leaned in and kissed Clarke’s forehead. Clarke felt herself relax at Lexa’s touch and raised her hands to wrap over Lexa’s shoulders. The two girls stood in silence relishing in the contact. Clarke found it was often Lexa who instigated these beautiful moments; it pained her slightly because she knew Lexa hadn’t had them for such a long time. The girl had been robbed of her last love and had probably spent too many nights alone in this room to her thoughts. 

Lexa pulled Clarke closer and the two girl’s lips met. Clarke sighed as she felt her mind relax and let the worries of the day fade away. The kiss was warm and light without an immense amount of passion or drive. It was a relaxed kiss that lasted a moment before Clarke pulled back, unable to contain her thoughts any longer. 

“Octavia said I should go to Arkadia with her.” Clarke said looking down. She felt Lexa’s brow crease. 

“You could.” Lexa said after a moment. Surprised Clarke looked up at the taller girl. Lexa’s eyes were searching hers. “You could go. The council will not meet again formally for a moon. You could return home, many of the Ambassadors will be. You should spend some time with your people.” 

This answer surprised Clarke; she had expected Lexa to be firm in the fact that she as an ambassador was needed in Polis. 

“They aren’t just my people.” Clarke said slowly, starting to release the floodgates of ideas she had been conceiving ever since speaking with Octavia. 

“Clarke?” Lexa said her brow creasing even further. 

“They are your people as well. “ Clarke said looking at Lexa. “You’ve said so yourself.” 

Lexa examined Clarke before nodding. “I did.” 

“So you should spend some time with them.” Clarke said quickly. Before Lexa had a chance to retort she ploughed on. “How can they respect your leadership when you are just a name or a reputation. My people elect leaders from a vote; they know the candidates, not just as a reputation but as a person, a real person. But you as their new commander are just a faceless grounder. How can they respect or be lead by you if they don’t know you. You’ve told me that you will sometimes visit other clans. Have a festival or some form of celebration to make the clan feel included. Then why not the same of Skaikru, are they no less worthy of your presence than any other clan.” 

Clarke finished her verbal explosion panting. She had apparently forgotten to breath whilst speaking. She stared almost sheepishly at Lexa, searching for some form of reaction from her. Lexa’s face was unreadable. Clarke knew that at this moment she was no longer speaking to Lexa but the Commander. Lexa’s hands left her hips and the girl took a step back, her eyes losing their golden green shine, and being replaced with a cold dark look. 

“Clarke I cannot do that.” She said simply. “Skaikru have proved themselves to be far too untrustworthy for me to enter their camp. If I was to even try I would need to bring several guards with me, which I do not think would help the situation in any way. “ 

Clarke reached for recapture Lexa’s hips, she was not going to let Lexa slip away into the Commander that easily. “But what better way to gain their trust than show them that you are human and capable of compassion.” 

Clarke immediately regretted her choice of words and Commander’s expression of distaste did not soften the stupidity she felt. 

“Not in that way.” Clarke said quickly. “I Just mean, I think allowing them to hold a celebration or something and showing that you like them can have fun, can laugh, smile and socialize will gain you little more respect. You go to them and they will like you even more.” 

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “And I would do this with you?” 

“I could ease the introduction.” Clarke confirmed. Trying to hide any selfish feelings she was having of not wanting to be parted from Lexa. “You would do this for and with your people.” She said taking a step back from the Commander to enforce the formality of their conversation. “I would merely be your Ambassador.” 

Lexa narrowed her eyes in thought. “I will consider this Clarke of the Sky People.” She then straightened herself and put her hands behind her back, the stance she took when about to make a proclamation. “But you will travel to Arkadia before me. You will arrange any festivities with your people. You will also ensure that I will indeed be safe whilst visiting your people. They must first become familiar with yourself again before you introduce them to me. Does this sound fair to you?” 

Clarke nodded and hesitantly took a step towards the other girl. Not entirely happy with the conclusion but pleased that Lexa was actually considering visiting Arkadia.   
Sensing that Lexa was not tensing as she approached Clarke took that as a signal that their formal conversation had ended. 

“Thank you.” Clarke said quietly wrapping her arms around her and placing her head on the older girl’s chest. Lexa placed a hand on Clarke’s back and ran the other through the girl’s long blond hair. 

“You are welcome.” Lexa said gently into Clarke’s hair. Clarke lifted her head to look into Lexa’s green eyes. Their lips were only an inch apart and she could feel the older girl’s warm breath on her face. Taking a breath Clarke closed the gap between their faces with a kiss. 

This kiss was stronger than the previous one they had shared. Clarke felt a burning in her chest as she deepened the kiss with Lexa. Lexa seemed to be sharing this drive and sucked Clarke’s lower lip into her mouth. 

Clarke attempted to stifle the groan the action brought from her chest. She felt Lexa’s face smile as the two kissed. She seemed to take energy from Clarke’s groan and kissed the younger girl more feverishly. Abandoning her lips and beginning to kiss along Clarke’s neck and collarbone. A now familiar path she treaded often. Lexa was rewarded with groans increasing in volume and Clarke’s hands were beginning to wander along Lexa’s hips, where her shirttails hung loosely. 

After a particularly strong kiss on her pulse point Clarke pulled Lexa’s shirt over her head. 

The two stopped kissing for a moment as Clarke admired the body of the woman before her. Thought her smooth skin was marred with several large scars she was still beautiful. Her body was toned and tough and she was no less confident now than when she had been covered by a shirt. Feeling the desire to feel her skin against Lexa’s Clarke removed her shirt and unhooked her bra. Feeling Lexa’s eyes combing over her body Clarke took the girl’s hand and pulled her towards the bed, just as she felt the back of her legs his the baseboard Lexa kissed her once more, the most intense kiss yet. Clarke felt herself being lowered onto the soft bed and Lexa climbed on top of her. Clarke spread her legs to accommodate Lexa’s form and the girl rested her body on top of the blond. The heat of their skin sent shivers through Clarke’s body and she founded herself wrapping her arms around Lexa pulling her closer. The two fit together perfectly, it curved and bone seemed to fit cohesively together, including their lips.


	3. Chapter 3

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Octavia said jaw dropped when Clarke told her that Lexa had agreed to travel to Arkadia. 

“Yes.” Clarke said affirmatively. “She told the council this morning. She will travel there in 3 weeks.” 

Octavia could only stare at her in disbelief. Clarke couldn’t help but smile. Lexa must have thought about her proposition all night because when Clarke woke Lexa was as usual at the foot of the bed sword in hand. 

“I have called for a council meeting.” She had said simply. 

“What for?” Clarke said rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“If I am to travel to Arkadia I will need to arrange for how matters are to be dealt with in my absence.” She had said it so simply that Clarke hadn’t fully grasped what she was saying at first.  
Then Lexa had smiled, one of the rare full smiles that she reserved only for Clarke’s eyes. It extended from her mouth all the way to her eyes and made her look not like the all-powerful Commander of the 13 clans but as a beautiful, happy young woman. Clarke couldn’t decide whether she wished the world could see Lexa’s beautiful smile or whether she should be selfish and relish in the fact that only she got to see it. 

“So what is the plan then?” Octavia said snapping Clarke from her thoughts.

“We will ride for Arkadia in a week to tell them about the land arrangements and help prepare the festival.” 

“Figures she’d make us to the work.”

“Come on Octavia.” Clarke pleaded, “It will be a chance for us to get to know them, and for us to truly celebrate that we have peace.”

“If you say so Clarke.” 

XXXX

Rain pounded against the walls of the tower and Clarke emitted a slight huff of frustration.  
She couldn’t get Lexa’s eyebrows right. She creased her brow as she scribbled furiously with her charcoal. 

Movement. She froze and glanced up. Lexa was simply shifting slightly in her sleep on the couch. The book she had been reading still held firmly in her hand. Clarke smiled fondly at the sight of the sleeping Commander. Lexa had been planning to take the Nightbloods on a training hike today but the rain had proved too extreme to travel and Lexa had instead chose to spend the day in her chamber. To which Clarke was grateful of since tomorrow she and Octavia were to travel to Arkadia. As long as the rain stops, Clarke thought glancing out the window at the dark brewing sky. 

Lexa shifted again in her sleep, releasing her grip on the book as she did so, sinking into a deeper sleep. Clarke hoped the book wouldn’t fall and wake her. Lexa got so little sleep Clarke wondered some days how she functioned. She would often not fall asleep until past midnight and would wake with the sun. 

Clarke actually liked when Lexa dozed off, it not only showed how relaxed she was but it gave Clarke a better chance to try and draw her. She’d only had the chance to draw a few Grounders since arriving on Earth but Lexa was by far the most different from her own people. Her bone structure, expressions, and complexion were like nothing she’d ever encountered on the Ark. 

Clarke concentrated on Lexa’s eyebrows before she saw it. The twitch, the tell tale sign that Lexa was about to wake from a nightmare. If happened often whenever Lexa napped and fairly often as she slept through the night. More than once Clarke had awoken with a jolt to find Lexa thrashing slightly in her sleep. The first time she’d tried to wake her Lexa had somehow (while still asleep) managed to punch Clarke in the face, splitting her lip. So now Clarke did nothing but wait for Lexa to wake herself up. This made Clarke feel slightly guilty for whenever she found herself back in Mount Weather Lexa would somehow ease her out of the nightmare peacefully and Clarke would wake with her face resting against Lexa’s chest and the girl squeezing her tightly, easing her back reality. 

Lexa twitched again, this time the movement encompassed her upper body. One more Clarke thought, folding up her drawing and sliding it under the chair she was sitting on. Clarke wondered what dream plagued the Commander this time. Was it the dream of assignation, pain, or loss? On her third twitch Lexa sat upright with a quiet yell. Her panicked eyes scanned the room and fell on Clarke. Recognizing her and her reality Lexa collapsed back down on the couch exhaling sharply and covering her face with her hands. Calming herself down. 

“Was that a bad one?” Clarke asked rising and sitting next to the shaking girl placing a hand on her shoulder. Lexa took Clarke’s hand and sat up. 

“No worse than usual” She said squeezing Clarke’s hand slightly. “I’m sorry” 

“Don’t be.” Clarke said kissing the side of Lexa’s head. The Commander shut her eyes and relaxed herself into Clarke who subconsciously ran her hands through Lexa’s braided hair. 

“I’ll miss this.” Clarke confessed as she breathed in Lexa’s scent; A piney, smoky yet sweet smell. 

“As will I.” Lexa said opening her eyes, placing a hand on Clarke’s cheek rubbing her thumb across Clarke’s lips. Clarke kissed the finger and pulled Lexa in tighter, connecting their lips. 

A knock at the door sent both women scurrying. Clarke found herself on her feet and backing up into her chair. Lexa had shot up to her feet, her back straight. 

“Enter.” She called as Clarke needing something to do grabbed the book that Lexa had been reading an opened it to a random page. She glanced surreptitiously over the top of the book to see who had entered the room. 

Octavia walked into the room looking very out of place. She had evidently never been in the Commander’s chambers before and clearly impressed. Her eyes darted along the high ceiling, to the large window, to the lavish bed, then finally on Clarke. She looked at her confused. Lexa cleared her throat.

“What can I do for you Octavia kom Skaikru?” 

Octavia straighten herself. “Heda, I have come to ask what amenities you will require during your visit in Arkadia. They will need to build something for you to stay in. “ 

The Commander nodded. “I will only require a secluded room, preferably with easy access to the outdoors. Solid walls are preferred.” 

“Thank you Heda, Clarke and I will ensure your requests are met.” Octavia said bowing slightly and catching Clarke’s eyes questionably. Clarke simply nodded her acknowledgment of what had been said. Not sure how to respond to Octavia’s gaze. 

“Clarke.” Octavia said turning now to fully address her. “We are leaving at dawn, rain or shine. Titus is getting us horses. I’ll see you then?” 

“Of course Octavia.” Clarke said putting her book down and rising. “I’ll also take note of any other requests the Commander may have.” Clarke said nodding at Lexa. 

“Okay.” Octavia said slowly walking backwards out of the room. “Goodbye Commander. I will see you soon.” She shut the door as she left. 

Lexa smirked at the sound of the door clicking shut and tried to stifle her laughter. 

“What?” Clarke asked confusedly looking around for the source of the other girl’s amusement. 

“You cannot read Trigedasleng can you?” Lexa said gesturing to the book in Clarke’s hand which she only noticed now was covered in strange markings and lines. 

“Maybe I’m trying to learn.” Clarke exclaimed loudly as Lexa’s laughter.


	4. Chapter 4

“Have you spoken to Bellamy since Pike died?” Clarke asked Octavia as the two road along the trail towards Arkadia. 

“Barely.” She scoffed. “He’s pretty quiet lately. Embarrassed if you ask me.” 

“As long as he’s okay with the way things are being run now.” Clarke said thinking of poor Bellamy who had been through just as much as her but somehow seemed to be on the other side of this wall they’d built. 

“It doesn’t matter if he is or isn’t.” Octavia said kicking her horse slightly to speed up its trot. “Your mom and Kane won’t let him anywhere near any form of leadership. I’m surprised they didn’t lock him up honestly. Lincoln said it was talked about but they didn’t for my sake.” At this she laughed. “And he was the one threatening to lock me up.” 

“I’m sure he’s thinking clearly now.” Clarke said hopefully. Enjoying how Octavia was opening up slightly to her. The two had been riding in near silence for over two hours since leaving Polis. Though Clarke felt strange leaving Polis knowing it was going to be two until she saw Lexa or the other grounders again she couldn’t help but feel a little excitement to be returning home. She was beginning to recognize more and more landmarks that told her they were nearing Arkadia. 

“We’ll see.” Octavia said ominously as the two emerged from the trees onto a grassy plain. They were nearly there. 

Suddenly the two’s horses started in fear. The sound of a motor roared over the peaceful sounds of the forest rover appeared on the far hill. Clarke reined in her startled horse and broke into a laugh. 

Raven was driving the rover and blasting music from it. Monty and Jasper were sticking their heads out of the windows and waving. Raven braked the rover hard and it skidded to a stop. 

“Race you Grounders home.” She yelled over the music. 

“HAHA!” Octavia yelled spurring her horse. “You’ll try.” Clarke spurred her horse as well and the two horses sprinted after the already speeding rover. Clarke’s horse was no match for the Octavia’s mare who seemed to almost enjoy the race as much as she did, the two sped ahead over the final hill and Arkadia came into view. 

Clarke reined in her horse at the top of the hill and let the rover and Octavia continue on. She stared down at the bustling camp below her. It had certainly grown since she’d last been there. When she left before it had only been the remaining Ark station that stood and a few makeshift huts. Now the walls had expanded and several more study looking cabins had been built. The camp almost reminded her of Polis, market and settlements surrounding a large and ominous structure. 

The gates opened and the rover and Octavia entered the camp, before fully disappearing though Octavia stopped and waved for her to follow.  
Clarke spurred her horse and the two trotted down the hill towards the main gate.  
Once she was inside she dismounted and was immediately engulfed in a firm hug.   
Jasper has flung his lanky body over her and was embracing her so hard she almost fell over. 

As soon as Jasper released her Monty hugged her, much less forcefully but still with emotion, then came Raven who limped over to her and hugged her with one arm. Admittedly she was the most pleased to see Raven out of all of them, she felt that Raven and her had been hurt most by this world and for that reason had bonded somehow. 

“Good to see you Clarke.” She said, her voice muffled. 

“You too.” Clarke said sincerely. 

The two broke apart and a path cleared for Abby and Kane to approach. 

“Welcome home Clarke” Kane said smiling as Abby pulled her into the tightest hug yet. 

“I’m glad your safe.” Abby said and Clarke couldn’t help but rolling her eyes. Of course she was safe. Her mom had known this.   
As her mother released her Clarke gave an awkward nod. “Me too.” 

“The last rider said that you had figured out the land plans.” Kane said. 

“Let her rest first Markus. Then we will start with that.” Abby said harshly. 

“No.” Clarke removing her bags from her horse. “The ride wasn’t bad. I’m fine. Octavia?”

“Good to go.” Octavia gave her the thumbs up. 

“You’re sure?” Abby’s concern was burning through her face. 

“Mom.” Clarke said almost laughing. “You have no idea how little rest I get anyway.” Abby stared at her for a moment before admitting defeat and nodding. 

Clarke and Octavia waved goodbye to their friends and began to walk towards the station. In the corner of the gathered crowd Clarke caught a set of familiar dark eyes and tousled black hair. She stopped in front of Bellamy. He stared at her and gave a half smile. 

“Good to see you.” He said awkwardly. Making a decision Clarke pulled him into a hug. He resisted at first but after a moment returned the embrace. 

“Great to see you.” She said forcing brightness into her voice. Everyone makes mistakes she thought, picturing Lexa walking away at the doors of Mount Weather. 

Kane cleared his throat and Clarke released Bellamy. Octavia held out her hand to her brother and the two shared an arm squeeze before the girls entered the Ark station. 

XXXXX

“A celebration?” Abby said appalled. “Is she crazy?” 

The discussion on land arrangements had taken several hours as the maps were hand drawn and difficult to understand. Finally though they had moved on to the visit of the Commander. 

“It was actually my idea.” Clarke said insulted by her mother’s reaction. Octavia laughed lightly. 

“I think it’s actually a great idea.” Kane said staring at the nearest candle in thought. “It will help to break down this wall we’ve built between us and the grounders and instead we can start building a bridge.” 

“But for us to throw a party for her.” Abby said exasperated. 

“It doesn’t need to be a huge celebration.” Octavia said cutting in. “Just even a dinner or some form of party. Paint her in a good picture instead of the woman who betrayed us.”

Abby huffed at the memory.   
“I think we could throw together at least one good night of festivities in the next two weeks.” Kane said happily. “Give her and her people a nice warm welcoming. They’ve done the same for us.” 

Clarke smirked slightly as Abby glared at Kane. No doubt there was going to be a conversation once she and Octavia left. 

They spent the next hour mapping out the plans for the celebration and how they would house Lexa and her men. It was only after Clarke foolishly gave into her driving temptation to yawn that Abby called the meeting adjourned.

Octavia went off to find Lincoln who apparently often slept in the woods. Kane went off to check on the guards and Clarke was left awkwardly standing with her mother.

“How have you been Clarke?” Abby asked tentatively. Clarke tried to hide her annoyance at the question. She knew that Abby just wanted to be involved with her since she was after all her daughter but Clarke didn’t feel like Abby was her mother. She’d functioned independently for so long and Abby had done such terrible things.   
However, since it had been so long Clarke decided to give in to Abby’s wishes to talk. 

“I’ve actually been really good.” She said lightly. “Polis keeps me busy and I feel like I’m actually helping our people.”

“You could do just as much for our people here.” 

“But I can’t be here very long.” Clarke said not wanting to enter the realm of that conversation. “Mom. When I left after Mount Weather its not because I wanted to, it was because I had to and I still know that the reasons I left are here.” 

Almost as if on cue she saw Jasper walk by and noticed he had a slight stagger to his walk. He had been drinking. Octavia had said that losing Mya had changed him; her killing Mya had broken him. 

“I’ll stay as long as the Commander stays but then I’ll go back to Polis.” Clarke said starting to walk away. “Goodnight.” She called back leaving Abby in the dust. It was only after the Ark was out of sight that Clarke realized she had no idea where she was going. She didn’t really have anywhere to sleep. Anytime she’d truly been here she’d spent the nights in medical. That was not an option now. 

Clarke began to wander along the tight streets of the newly built shelters and cabins, most of Arkadia’s residents were asleep so the village only echoed with light sounds of fire’s crackling and crickets singing. She’s walked around the camp completely twice when she heard her name being called. She turned to see Raven limping up to her waving her hand. 

“Hi.” Clarke said grateful to see a familiar face. 

“Your mom mentioned that you might need a place to sleep.” Raven said lightly and Clarke felt a twang of guilt for walking away so quickly. She however laughed lightly. 

“Yeah. I’m so used to being held up in medical I guess I never really settled here. “

“It just so happens that I need a roommate.” Raven said as brightly as Raven can sound. 

“Thanks Raven.” Clarke said following the girl into the Ark. They walked along the hall only a few minutes before Raven opened the door to a compartment 

“It’s not huge but it’s got a bed for you.” Raven said holding her arm up so that Clarke could pass her. 

She was right; the room was smaller than most family compartments. This probably housed either a couple or an elder. It was very minimal with only a small sink, no bathroom, and two metal beds pushed against either wall. One bed was clearly used often while the other looked cold and lonely. Clarke sat on the unclaimed bed and sighed, she’d forgotten how comfortable the beds on the Ark were. Her and Lexa’s beds were made of animal pelts and straw while the Ark had sprung mattresses. 

“High living am I right?” Raven laughed at Clarke’s reaction. 

“You have no idea how uncomfortable Grounder beds can be.” Clarke said removing her worn jacket. “They wouldn’t know comfort if it was standing right in front of them.” 

Raven laughed as she removed her jacket and leg brace. Clarke untied her shoes and got under the cotton blankets of the bed. 

“Thank Raven.” Clarke said once they were both settled and Raven had turned out the light. “I appreciate it.” 

“No problem Clarke.” Raven said through the darkness. “Now I know this is the part where we are supposed to have girl chats and gossip about our lives but….” She gave a large yawn. “Can we do that another time, it’s been a long day.”

Clarke chuckled. “If you want Raven.” Raven didn’t respond so Clarke assumed she was already drifting off. Clarke stared at the metal ceiling, it seemed so unfamiliar, compared to her roof in Polis, she’d also gotten used to sleeping with someone else. Her bed felt small and cold with just her in it. She silently cursed Lexa for being so warm as she rolled to her side curling her body trying to create some form of heat in the cold blankets. The Commander it seemed always emitted high amounts of heat that Clarke had come to love. Clarke fell asleep peacefully thinking of the days to come and wondering what the Commander of the 13 clans was doing at that specific moment.


	5. Chapter 5

President Wallace stood before her, his worn elderly face more wrinkled and shadowed than she remembered it. Though he smiled sweetly at her he held Raven’s severed head at his side. Slowly he lifted it up and grinned broadly revealing sharp fangs instead of teeth. 

“Noo.” Clarke yelled her voice cracking as she heaved the lever to let the radiation in. 

She looked back up to see Wallace’s face returned to normal, but his smile was replaced with a fearful once, Raven’s head was gone. Now he was holding a basket of fruit and offering it to her. 

“Clarke?” He asked afraid. “What have you done.” 

Clarke turned to see dozens of bloody bodies before her, all moaning her name. 

She screamed, and her scream mingled with the 200 dead Mountain Men. 

“CLARKE!”

The closest body yelled her name. 

“CLARKE WAKE UP.” The woman yelled and suddenly Clarke was staring at the metal ceiling of her room in the Ark. 

“CLARKE.” Raven called again. Gasping Clarke turned her head to see the other girl sitting awkwardly up in bed. “Jeez.” Raven said laying back down. “You scared me half to death. I hate when you do that.”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke said wiping the sweat pouring from her brow. “They’ve gotten worse since I’ve been here.”

“I can tell.” Raven chuckled. “The first night you were here I thought someone was murdering you.” 

Clarke chuckled at the memory. She had been so exhausted on her first night back in Arkadia that she’d drifted off to sleep with ease only to be awoken several hours later to Raven shaking her. 

“Sorry. I woke you again.” Clarke said sheepishly.

“Don’t worry about it.” Raven said taking a deep breath and sitting up again. “We should probably be up anyway. Get ready for that party thing.” 

“That’s right.” Clarke said suddenly feeling bright. “She’s coming today.” Both girls through off their blankets and started to dress. Raven slightly slower than Clarke because she had to put her let brace on. 

The corridors of the Ark were bustling as Clarke and Raven emerged from their compartment. It seemed like everyone had something to do and so little time to do it. It had been a busy two weeks, between constructing extra shelters for the visitors and clearing a piece of land large enough to hold even a small festivity. At the same time many farmers and builders had been branching off to the new land assigned by the council to begin farming and cultivating. 

Clarke had spent most her time shut away in a room with her mother and other leaders trying to arrange the day-to-day functions of Arkadia but she was also surprised to find herself accompanying many of the hunter parties into the woods. The 8 months she’d spent on her own in the forests had taught her a lot about tracking and hunting and she was now an asset. Since Octavia and Bellamy were also skilled at hunting the three would often head out together. It gave them all the chance to rekindle their bonds and catch up. 

Bellamy was truly sorry for the part he’d played in the murder of Indra’s army but was not entirely ready to admit that Pike was a poor leader. Clark knew that his loses were still fresh and his anger still burning, she just hoped he’d soon be able to relax into this peace. 

After she and Raven ate their breakfast in the dining hall Clarke went outside to the newly developed clearing. It had taken some time but after a lot of hard work all the trees had been cleared and all rocks and hills removed. Now the clearing was about 200m across and was a rounded shape, the earth in the middle very firm, this would be the dance floor. Several Arkadians were hard at work pitching large tents that would serve as shelter incase it became cold later in the night. Raven walked over to a large pile of equipment, the party’s sound system and began tinkering away. Clarke smiled as she watched her people work. This was by far the largest event they’d ever put together. It wasn’t that they didn’t enjoy parties on the Ark; they just never had the space to pull everyone together. She hoped that this night would be one to remember. 

“Clarke give us a hand!” Octavia yelled from across the clearing where she and several others were unloading firewood from a wagon. Clarke happily trotted over to help 

“Are you excited?” Octavia asked Clarke as they carried a large log to the large pile of wood next to the fire pit. 

“Yes. It should be a really great night.” Clarke said truthfully looking around trying to image how the clearing would look after nightfall. “You?”

“We’ll see.” Octavia said huffing as they threw the log onto the pile. “I’m not sure if the Grounders will like our taste in music.” 

“I’m sure it will be fine.” Clarke said wiping her hands on her pants. 

“If not.” Octavia said crossing back to the wagon. “We will just give them some of Monty’s moonshine and they’ll be right as rain.” 

“Monty’s making moonshine?” Clarke asked slightly amused. 

“Oh, is he ever.” Octavia said gleefully. “Why do you think you haven’t seen him much lately? I’m planning on giving some to Lincoln and saying it’s juice.”

“Octavia.” Clarke said trying to sound stern but also laughing at the idea of a drunk Lincoln, laughing even more at the thought of a drunk Lexa. 

Clarke spent the next few hours wandering around the camp doing various jobs to help out, tasks that varied from skinning rabbits, to pitching tents, to cleaning dishes. In truth she was happy to do the work, she felt like she was ready to jump out of her skin. Since they didn’t really have an open line of communication with the grounders they didn’t know exactly when to expect Lexa. They’d had a rider yesterday arrive to say Lexa would be coming today but failed to provide a time of day.  
It was mid afternoon and Clarke was scrubbing a large pot that seemed determined to stay greasy when she heard the horns. She instantly dropped the pot in the soapy water and took off at a run towards the main gate. By the time she got there a large crowd was already standing on the path murmuring, some voices sounded excited, others apprehensive. The man nearest her was actually swearing under his breath. She was about to say something to him when she heard Kane calling her name. She pushed her way through the crowd and stood beside her mother, Kane, and a few other of the officials. 

The guards called back and forth to one another and the gates began to open. As the gates slowly eased apart the murmurs from the crowd increased in apprehension. A horse whinnied from the other side of the wall and Clarke craned her neck to look passed the doors. Then she saw them. Lexa was at the front of her caravan on a large black stallion. She looked truly magnificent but also terrifying sitting on top of her large steed in full armor and war paint. Had Clarke had the chance she would have told Lexa to dress as normally as possible to make her seem less frightening.  
Behind her stood about 20-30 grounders some on horseback others on foot, with them they had two large wagons. Though some of these grounders were warriors others were not, some wore less armor and seemed much more personable, there was also a lot more woman in the assembly than Clarke had seen in most of Lexa’s armies. 

“Welcome!” Kane called as Lexa kicked her horse through the doors, almost hesitantly her eyes were darting around the faces of the strangers before her. “Welcome Commander of the 13 clans to our home Arkadia. “ Kane called loudly so everyone present could hear him. 

“Thank you. Markus of the Sky People.” Lexa responded even louder than Kane; her voice much more used to projecting itself. “ It is a pleasure. And greetings to you Skaikru.” She called looking at the staring afraid faces. “I am Commander Lexa.” She dismounted her horse, which Clarke thought was a wise decision. It made her much less oppressive looking. “I am your Commander, your protector, and your guest.”

“Protector!” A derisive voice called from the crowd. Clarke’s heart sank as she saw the crowd part to make room for the man who had been cursing under his breath. “Then why did you and your people kill us? Why did you leave us?” Before a guard could grab him the man barged onto the path and stood about 10ft from Lexa. “What makes you think we welcome you as our guest?” Both Clarke and Lexa opened their mouths to retort but before either of them had the chance to react someone from the crowd swung their fist and punched the man squarely in the jaw. He dropped like a load of bricks. 

The crowd gasped. The puncher stepped from the crowd and stood to face Lexa. “This woman is our protector, she is our guest.” Bellamy said loudly massaging his fist. “Though our relationship with the Grounders has been strained this Commander has proved her loyalty to us and has let us into her Coalition; for our own protection. It is time for us to let go of the past and focus on our future; A future without war or death, a future of peace. That future starts today with tonight. “ He turned to face Lexa and to Clarke’s complete and utter surprise sank to one knee. “We welcome you Commander.” 

Those nearest Bellamy applauded and one by one sank to their knees. At her side Clarke sensed Kane first, and then her mother follow suit and soon the entire of Skaikru were on their knees looking at Lexa. Clarke smiled, somehow through all of this Lexa had remained composed but she had clearly not been expecting this. She held up a hand and a small smile flickered across her face. 

“Tonight we will celebrate, we will celebrate the lives of those we have lost and we shall begin our future together. Now rise people of Skaikru for we are all equal now.” 

The crowd rose and applauded once more before making way for the caravan to enter the village. Clarke saw Lexa take a step forward and began to walk, Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle because she knew the Commander how no clue where she was going, but she didn’t let it show for one moment.

Clarke rushed up to her. 

“This way Commander.” She said holding out and arm in the direction of the new shelters that had been built for their visit. Lexa saw her and nodded gratefully. 

“That could have gone much worse.” Lexa said quietly as she and Clarke walked slightly ahead of the rest of her group. 

“I agree.” Clarke had experienced one or two nightmares in the past few nights of Lexa entering Arkadia only to be shot down by the guards or mobbed by the citizens. 

“This is your accommodation.” Kane said jogging to catch up to Lexa and Clarke who had been walking quite briskly. He pointed to a fairly large cabin made of sturdy wood. 

“Thank you Kane and the rest of my men?” 

“Those structures over there.” Kane pointed to three longs structures that were built to hold 7 or 8 people comfortable. 

“Thank you.” She jerked her head to her officer who began shouting orders in Trigedasleng. “We’ve brought some food and furs.” Lexa said gesturing to the wagons. 

“I’ll direct them to our kitchen and storages.” Abby said with surprising confidence walking over to the grounders with the wagons who were over a foot taller than her. 

“Will she be alright?” Lexa asked Clarke quietly raising a brow at the girl’s mother. 

“She’ll handle them.” Clarke said wrapping an arm around Lexa’s waist to direct her to her cabin. At her touch Clarke felt Lexa’s back tense and she immediately released her, cursing herself for being so stupid. She darted her eyes around to make sure no one had noticed. Kane was still laughing at the sight of her mother trying to direct the wagons and the rest of the grounders were filing into their shelters. 

“Sorry.” Clarke uttered walking ahead to hold the door open for Lexa. She said nothing. A sign that they were not to acknowledge what had just happened. The Commander walked into the cabin and walked around examining the structure. There were very few windows located on the roof of the structure to allow light in. There was a large table in the middle of the room and an even larger bed in the far corner. Kane stood beside Clarke almost ready to jump out of his skin in anticipation. 

“Commander. Will this suffice?” He said worried at Lexa’s lack of readable expression. 

“Yes Markus. This will do just fine. Thank you. Now leave us. I have much to discuss with your Ambassador.” 

“Of course.” Kane said nodding stepping out of the cabin and quickly shutting the door behind him leaving Clarke and Lexa alone. At last. 

After waiting a moment to ensure Kane was really gone Clarke walked hesitantly up to Lexa. 

“How was your journey Commander?” Clarke said placing her arms around Lexa’s neck. 

“It went quite smoothly. How has your time been here Ambassador?” Lexa’s hands instinctively found their place on Clarke’s hips.

“Oh you know.” Clarke said non-chalantly. Lexa turned her head slightly examining the younger woman confused. Clarke smiled slightly. “It’s been lonely.” She said leaning in and kissing the Commander’s warm chapped lips. Clarke felt all the tension that had been building within her for the last two weeks disappear with the kiss. Lexa seemed to pull any ill feelings or stress she had out of her and make it disappear. 

“You should go.” Lexa said after several minutes. “I need to ready myself for tonight and you should speak with your people.” 

Clarke unwillingly released the Commander and stepped back. “I hope you enjoy the celebration Commander.” She said trying to regain her formal tone. 

Lexa smiled. “I’m sure I will.”

Clarke had turned and put her hand on the handle to the door when a thought suddenly struck her. 

“Lexa.” Clarke said turning. Lexa froze in the process of removing her cloak.

“Don’t accept anything to drink from Octavia tonight.” 

Lexa smirked confusedly as she watched the Sky girl leave the cabin.


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke wondered if Raven had somehow managed to have the music play to the beat that the fire danced. As she stared at the darting flames of the large bonfire she couldn’t help but move with it to the sound of the music. 

The party had been going on for several hours now and the sun had long since set. They had begun with a feast. Large wooden tables in long rows stacked with more food than Clarke had ever seen. She had felt some sense of pride seeing several of her hunting kills being passed along the tables, cooked to perfection. Some of the dishes the grounders had brought were at first greeted with crinkled noses and suspicious eyes but quickly turned into a sought after dish after the first few brave Skaikru tasted them. 

After the meal there had been several presentations. One included a reenactment of the Unity Day pageant put on by the children of Arkadia, a drum dance from some of Lexa’s people, and a magnificent fire display that Jasper had concocted. By throwing various powders onto the fire he could make it change from its regular orange and red tone to a dazzling green, an ominous purple, and a blue as clear as the sky. This had been the highlight of the night and had signaled the end of the feast as most people were on their feet applauding and dancing around the fire. Raven had taken this as the cue to start playing the music for people to dance to. 

Clarke wished she’d had time to draw the faces of the Grounders when the music began. They were completely and utterly bewildered. They were accustomed to slower songs with intense drums or instruments made from the horns of animals.   
The music Raven was playing had been recovered from the Ark and was over 100 years old. It consisted of sounds made from instruments that no one knew the name of. Clarke had been fearful that the music would cause the grounders to sit back down and the festivities would come to a screeching halt. She could not have been more wrong. The dancers and drummers Lexa had brought began to dance to the new sounds with such enthusiasm and euphoria that the rest of their people had been unable to resist rising to their feet.   
That had been almost an hour ago. 

Now the dance floor was full of moving people, both Skaikru and Trikru together. Clarke had danced with everyone for the first while but now sat on one of the benches framing the floor, a small tin cup of moonshine in her hand. She’d refused Monty at first but after seeing how happy and free everyone was couldn’t resist. 

As she watched the dancers move her eyes caught the familiar brown hair and dark green eyes. If anything had proved to surprise the Arkadians the most, it was Lexa. When she arrived to the feast Clarke immediately realized why she had chosen to arrive in full armor and war paint. There she had been the strong and powerful Commander, she had needed to show the people that she was not a force to be reckoned with. She needed to confirm the image the Arkadians had created of her. 

However, at this feast and dance she was not a suppressive force. She was a leader, but like any other she was just a person. Lexa had arrived to the feast without war paint, without armor, even without her usual braids.   
She had let her long brown hair down completely so that it draped over her shoulders in light waves. She wore a long tight black dress and a black stoned necklace. Her eyes were emphasized with dark and gold streaks that reminded Clarke of eagle wings.   
Most of the Skaikru hadn’t even recognized her as she sat at the front table in the center. There had been many confused whispers but the effect was positive. The Arkadians definitely preferred this kind, attractive young woman to the terrifying war machine. 

When the music had begun Lexa had joined her people in what looked like a traditional dance but as more and more of her people slipped off to dance with members of Skaikru she had sat down in her chair to watch. She’d only been sitting for one or two songs when Kane approached her and asked her to dance. She had been surprised by this request. It was not a custom her people participated in. However, she accepted Kane request and joined him on the floor. 

It took Lexa almost the entire song to grasp the steps of the dance that Kane was leading her through. It consisted of strange arrangement of back and forth steps and a stance that involved her placing her hand on Kane’s shoulder and his on her waist. He had been smart about it though and warned in her advance what he was about to do. Lexa wouldn’t have agreed if she hadn’t seen several other groups of Skaikru dancing in the same fashion. As she had hoped several of her own people joined into the new type of dancing when they saw her performing it. 

That, after all was the purpose of the evening. To bring the clans together, and it could not be done if both parties were unwilling to learn. 

When the song ended Kane surprised her by bending over and kissing her hand. He thanked her and moved away. She had been about to return to her chair and perhaps for some water when another member of Skaikru intercepted her, he was a younger male with darker skin that she’d never seen before. He asked her to dance and she politely agreed, though she was much less enthusiastic about this boy placing his hand on her waist. It turned out that she enjoyed dancing with this boy much more than with Kane. She hadn’t realized it but Kane had been very ridged and formal, as he should have been. However, this new boy was much looser and seemed to intend on having fun. He added new steps to the dance once Lexa had mastered it the basics, steps that involved him spinning her in circles away from her, and then spinning her back to him. 

Clarke smiled as she watched the Commander move on the dance floor. From the moment Kane had asked her to dance she had not yet had the chance to sit down. Once Kane had left her, Miller had asked her to dance. He was being polite and Clarke knew that he was interested about this new Commander. Once Miller had moved on several others men and woman began to ask Lexa to dance, all seemed intrigued by this young ruler. They did not leave disappointed. Clarke observed Lexa having small conversations with each as she danced and each partner left nodding, a slight grin on their face. A nod saying that they were okay with her, accepting her. 

Lexa was no doubt tired and as the most recent song finished left her partner, one of the female farmers to get some water. Clarke considered rising to greet her but Bellamy beat her to it. He offered Lexa a seat near the fire and the two sat down. Clarke wished she could here their conversation as it seemed much more serious than any of the previous dance partners. She saw Bellamy’s mouth moving swiftly and Lexa kept nodding at him. 

“She’s not what I expected.” Clarke hadn’t heard Abby approached and was surprised to hear her voice to close to her. She turned to see her mother sitting next to her looking across the fire at Lexa. Who know was placing a hand on Bellamy’s shoulder and speaking slowly. 

“What did you expect?” Clarke said turning to look at her mother.   
“She’s just….” Abby searched for the words. “She’s a lot like you Clarke. Determined, strong willed, smart. I guess I just expected her to be much harsher and…”

“Less human?” Clarke said filling in the blanks for her mother.

“Don’t be like that Clarke. I just… she’s so young I assumed she’d be harsh or impressionable. But she has her own ideas. She’… She’s a good leader.” 

“She is a good leader.” Clarke confirmed turning back to look at Lexa. “Much better than I would be if I was in her position.” Raven asking Lexa to dance had interrupted Bellamy’s conversation; the two now moved around the dance floor awkwardly. Raven’s leg was making the steps harder so Lexa was leading. She certainly learned quickly. 

“If you’ll excuse me.” Clarke said standing and crossing around the fire to where Bellamy still sat. He was staring intensely into the fire in deep thought. 

“What was that about?” Clarke asked sitting down taking drink of the moonshine, which seemed to becoming less and less pungent with each drink. 

“I’d never really spoken to her before.” Bellamy said still looking into the fire. “I’d only known what you and O told me about her. I wanted to meet her, apologize to her.” 

“Apologize?” Clarke asked. 

“For killing so many of her people.” Bellamy said her voice uneasy he turned to Clarke. “She said that we all have the ghost of regret following us. You can either choose to fight it off, or try to live with it. But ghosts are not of our world and cannot be fought.”

“So you need to learn to live with it and continue on.” Clarke said rubbing the boy’s shoulder. 

“She apologized too.” Clarke looked at him questionably. “For leaving us in the Mountain, for killed so many of us when we first arrived. For everything. She’s better at all of this than Pike could have ever hoped to be.” 

Clarke smiled slightly. “Well, we’d better hope so considering she was born for this.” 

Bellamy laughed and Clarke offered him the rest of her liquor, which he took gratefully. She grabbed a passing Monty and took a new cup for herself. 

The song ended and Raven plunked herself breathlessly next to Clarke. “Damn that girl can dance.” Raven said in awe. “She’s got this weird way she moves, like a snake or a swan or something.” 

Bellamy and Clarke laughed.

“It’s probably because she’s trained in sword combat.” Clarke said, picturing Lexa doing her training exercises in the morning, moving so graceful while performing such deadly acts. “They have to move quickly and whatever. Ask Octavia about it.” 

“Whatever, she’s insane. “ Raven said tightening a strap on her leg brace. 

“It doesn’t look that hard.” Clarke remarked looking at Lexa who was now moving with Jasper very loosely, probably because he was quite drunk at this point in the night. He was even holding a sloshing cup as he danced. 

“This song isn’t very fast.” Raven exclaimed “and it’s Jasper.” Clarke raised an eyebrow at Raven. “Fine Clarke. Next song you go ask her to dance, I know you’ve got as much grace as a bear.”

“Fine I will.” Clarke said downing her new drink suddenly filled with a strange determination to show the others how well she knew the Commander. They were all in awe of her as a person, something she’d realized months ago. The song ended and Jasper instead of kissing Lexa’s hand offered her his cup. She took it and politely took a drink. If she was disgusted by the taste of the liquor she never let it show.

“Now’s your chance.” Raven said shoving Clarke to her feet. Clarke walked up to the Commander who was busy watching Jasper stumble away from her.

“Mind if I take this next one.” Lexa turned her head quickly to face the blonde. 

“Clarke…” She said sadly. 

But Clarke instead placed a hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “I was told to ask you, if you dance with everyone and not me it will look just as strange.” Clarke said quietly.   
Lexa sighed and nodded placing her hand in its familiar place on Clarke’s hip. The song started and Clarke was pleased to find it was a slowly song, she knew Raven wouldn’t be but this way they could talk without focusing on the movement. 

“Did you enjoy the drink Jasper gave you?” Clarke whispered as the two swayed around fellow dancers. 

Lexa grimaced. “It was vile. What was it?” 

“We call it moonshine. It has alcohol in it.” 

“Is that what is used to clean wounds?” She asked curiously. 

“Yeah but this stuff isn’t as strong.” 

“Why do you drink it?” Lexa said her curiosity getting the better of her. 

“Well.” Clarke said trying to explain. “It makes people easier to talk to, makes them looser.” 

“Ah yes.” Lexa said nodding, “the boy I just danced with was very loose.”

Clarke smiled. Lexa gave a slight grin back. The two danced in silence looking at each other. 

“I must say I’m disappointed in you Clarke.” Lexa said after a few minutes. 

“What?” 

“You are not the best dancer I’ve been with tonight.” Clarke glared at her. “You need to float with this music, no matter how strange it is. Like a warrior moving with a sword.” 

“Well, I’ll just get you a better partner then Commander.” Clarke said pulling away slightly. 

“Come now.” Lexa said smiling and pulling Clarke in closer. Close enough that more than just their arms brushed together as they moved. As the song came to an end the two woman found their faces quite close together, Clarke could feel the older girl’s breathe on her face. There was a yearning building in Clarke’s stomach. Lexa must have felt it too because she pulled back suddenly. 

“Thank you Ambassador.” She said releasing Clarke’s hips and walking away towards the table with food. Leaving Clarke standing alone on the dance floor.   
Clarke could feel the cold air on her hips where Lexa’s hands had previously been. She found she could almost even feel the girl’s lips on her own. 

“Now that wasn’t even fair. You guys were barely moving.” Raven said approaching Clarke. “Now if it had been a song like this.” Raven said raising her finger to listen to the very upbeat song that was beginning to play. “You wouldn’t have been able to keep up with her.” 

Clarke didn’t answer, she was still focused on Lexa, who had gotten a drink and was sitting on a bench. 

“Heeey ladieeees.” Octavia said walking up to Clarke and Raven, her speech from slightly slurred from the alcohol. “Why aren’t you dancing? This song rocks.”   
Octavia offered Clarke the rest of her drink and Clarke took it, wanting to distract herself from the burning in her chest.


	7. Chapter 7

Though she’d never admit it to anyone Lexa’s feet were sore. She had traded her usual combat boots for dark sandals so as to look less threatening to Skaikru. However, she had not anticipated the amount of dancing she would be forced into. The Skaikru songs changed in tempo so frequently and randomly that she had been having trouble adjusting her movements. The result was large blisters where her sandals hugged her feet. She just hoped that no other Arkadian would ask her to dance; she didn’t want to refuse them but didn’t think she could take anymore. 

She sipped at her water and observed those around her. Many of her people had stopped dancing sometime ago and now where huddled around the fire in various groups. Some she was pleased to see were in deep conversation with members of Skaikru. She had been careful when choosing her companions for this festival, she specifically chose comrades who she knew would be open to the new world of Skaikru and would try to make conversation. So many of her people were still so against the addition of Skaikru that this evening could have gone array on their part as much as the Arkadians could have spoiled it. 

Somehow most of the Arkadians were still on their feet. She noticed that it was the younger generation that seemed to be the most energetic and vocal. Lexa wondered if it was because of the vile substance they were drinking. She had smelt it strongly on Jasper and even slightly on Clarke. At the thought of the blonde Lexa found herself searching the crowd of dancers. She found her in a smaller group hopping up and down to the music and shaking their heads. She had never seen Clarke like this. The girl was so reserved most of the time. It was nice to see her losing control slightly. Though she was only a few years younger than Lexa; Lexa found herself pitying the responsibility that Clarke had been tasked with. Lexa had been raised to be Commander where such duties had been forced on Clarke; almost robbing her of her youth. Lexa had only ever seen Clarke in this relaxed state when she was drawing.  
“You’ve had enough dancing then?” A female’s voice said from behind Lexa. 

The Commander turned to see Abigail Griffin, Clarke’s mother standing behind her. 

“Your people have much more energy for it than I do.” She said gesturing towards the younger dancers. 

Abby ignored her remark. “May I sit down?”

Lexa nodded. She had spoken to many of the leaders of Skaikru tonight and had been expecting Abby. She was sure that Abby was just as curious about herself and she was her. Lexa had only built an impression of the woman through her daughter’s words, but Lexa wondered how someone like Clarke could be built from such a woman Abby. 

Abby sat herself awkwardly next to the Commander and watched the dancers. 

“You are not what I expected.” She said after a moment. Lexa said nothing, knowing that the woman was composing her thoughts. “I mean… Clarke always seemed to have this trust in you, but I never saw it. That’s not meant to be offensive. I just… I could be your mother. You’re so young.” 

Lexa turned to face the woman; this prejudice was something new. Her people had always had young Commanders, so the trust and respect was simply there. But members of Skaikru seemed to associate wisdom with age. 

“I was trained for this my whole life.” Lexa said simply. “When I was 8 I was brought to Polis and began learning the ways of war, the ways of governing, and when I was 16 the previous Commander chose me to lead.”

“You were 16?” Abby exclaimed in disbelief. 

“I was a trained warrior and an experienced leader.” Lexa responded simply. “For my people age is simply a number. We gauge wisdom through experience. Simply living longer than another does not necessarily make them wiser. Should one consider a shopkeeper of 50 wiser than a 10-year-old healing apprentice? It’s how you spend your years not how many years you have that my people give respect to.”

Abby was silent for a moment, absorbing what Lexa had said. Completely and utterly surprised by how articulate and sensible Lexa was. Then her thoughts turned to her daughter who danced on the floor like the teenager she never got to be.

“Clarke…” She began. 

“Clarke from my understanding lived here months longer than any of your leaders. She understood this world more than you when you arrived. She still understands this world more than you. She is a strong leader, and a wise Ambassador. You should be proud.” Lexa felt a hint of pride swell in her as she spoke of Clarke’s gift for leadership. 

“Thank you Commander.” Abby said quietly. “It’s just. She’s so young. You were raised with this, I’m sure your parents knew what future you had. But Clarke, I raised her under the impression she’d grow up in space and become a healer. But now she’s a woman on the ground and is known as the bringer of death.” Abby said this quite sadly. 

Lexa thought for a moment before looking over at her own people. 

“My people offer her their gratitude. What she did may be considered horrible or shameful but for my people it was heroic. My people’s children sleep soundly in their beds now, without the fear of missiles or reapers. She will be remembered our history for what she did.” 

“Is that why you make her stay with you instead of being with her own people?” Abby asked icily. 

The Commander turned to the woman before. “I ask nothing of Clarke. I command nothing of her. What she does she does of her own free will.” Then Lexa felt the lie coming. “I play no part in Clarke’s reasoning to stay. She is free to return to you whenever she pleases. I cannot say why she chooses to stay. I can however say that she does great work in Polis. Now if you will excuse me.” Lexa stood and began walking towards the table of food leaving Abby to her own thoughts.   
Lexa felt no particular hunger but she felt the need to distance herself from Abigail. Lexa rarely lied, only when completely necessary and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was a necessary lie. As she looked around she wondered how necessary it was to keep her relationship with Clarke a secret. The two clans seemed to be getting a long well. Of course love was weakness but what if there was nothing ready to pounce on her weakness? Lexa also couldn’t help but think that Clarke made her stronger rather than weak.

XXXXX

The dance floor was beginning thin out as it grew later into the night. Many Skaikru had left the area and were returning to their dwellings for the night. 

Many of her people had gone to bed as well. Lexa noticed a few of her guards were still wandering around keeping an eye on her, as was their duty. She resisted the urge to send them to bed. Though she did feel safe amidst these people there were still those like the man who had yelled at her this afternoon. She wore no armor and didn’t even have her knife. Lexa suddenly felt very exposed in the environment, vulnerable. All at once she moved with the intention of returning to her cabin for the evening. She had made it halfway across the clearing before a voiced called her. 

“Heda!” She turned to see Clarke walking briskly towards her. She had left her friends. Her face was flush and her smile genuine. The fire caught her golden hair and made her look even more beautiful than usual. 

“Ambassador.” Lexa said standing straight and putting her hands behind her back.

As Clarke came to a halt before her she noticed how the girl swayed slightly on her feet and her face was far redder than it should have been from exertion. Alcohol. 

“I am with my own clan. Here you may call me Clarke.” Clarke said cheerfully. “May I speak with you in private for a moment before you depart?” 

Lexa narrowed her eyes and glanced over Clarke to her companions, which included Octavia and the boy Bellamy. They did not seem entirely interested in the conversation but Lexa sensed their attention on her. 

“You may.” She said hesitantly. Clarke nodded and began to walk around the far side of one of the large tents. The fabric blocked out most of the fire’s light and even the sound of the music was muffled. 

“What can I do for you Clarke?” Lexa said when the younger girl had stopped walking and they were alone. The girl turned to face the Commander and the two stood in the dark. 

“What can you do for me?” Clarke asked tilting her head to the side slightly and taking a step towards her. 

“Yes.” Lexa asked feeling the proximately of the blonde. 

“You can let me kiss you.” Clarke said stepping so close to Lexa that their hands met at their side. Clarke took Lexa’s and squeezed them. 

“Clarke…” Lexa began to say, the logical part of her wanting to step away from the blond, but the other part of her, the part she’d only discovered as she had fallen for Clarke planted her feet to the ground. 

“Shh.” Clarke said leaning into Lexa, her breath warm, her lips wet. Lexa didn’t pull away and Clarke’s lips closed the gap. On the kiss Lexa cradled Clarke’s cheek with one hand while the other slid over Clarke’s smooth back.   
After a few blissful seconds Lexa pulled away.

“Goodnight Commander.” Clarke said cleverly. 

Lexa said nothing and instead walked around the tent to her guard and departed for her cabin, she felt like cursing the blonde for being so sly. 

As Lexa walked away Abby’s eyes stayed focused on Clarke. She’d just been on her way up the hill to Arkadia when movement on the side of one of the tents had caught her eye. Feeling a slight fear that it could be grounders sneaking off to cause trouble she crept closer to the two breakaways. It was then that she saw Clarke approach the Commander, take her hands, kiss her. Abby’s jaw had dropped. The two young women were leaning against the tent pressed against one another. The Commander did not pull away and instead pulled Clarke closer to her. Her daughter kissed the Commander harder.   
Clarke had done this. She had pulled the Commander from the crowd, approached her, kissed her; Clarke instigated it, not the Commander. Abby felt completely bewildered as she watched the two of them.   
After a moment Lexa pulled away from her daughter and set off towards her cabin. She watched as Clarke stayed behind the tent for a moment, waiting for Lexa to get a head start. Then Clarke straightened her clothing and returned to her friends. 

Abby slowly closed her jaw and turned to proceed up the hill to home. To her surprise Raven was standing just a few feet away from her. 

She imagined Raven’s face looked a lot like her own, pure shock. 

“Abby… I… My leg is sore.” Raven stumbled out. “The dancing. Would you mind getting me some pain meds?”

“Of course Raven.” Abby said starting to walk. “It’s no trouble.” 

“Thanks.” Raven said blankly.


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke awoke the next morning with a pounding headache. She had not drunk that much alcohol in such a long time she’d forgotten the after effects it could have. She glanced across her room and saw an empty bed. Raven must have already woken and gone for breakfast. Clarke dragged herself out of bed and got dressed. She needed to drink some water and get something in her stomach. Her head ache and her stomach churned slightly. 

As she walked into the meal hall she was surprised to see several grounders crowded around a few tables sampling Skaikru’s food. She made sure to pass by them and greet them on her way to get water. They answered with as much enthusiasm as one could muster after as late an evening as they’d all had. 

As she collected her food she noticed Raven and Octavia sitting at a table alone on the far side of the hall. She approached them and sat down, noticing that their conversation came to an abrupt halt upon her arrival. 

“Hey.” Clarke said suspiciously sitting down. “How are you guys feeling?”

“Oh you know, the usual.” Octavia said taking a drink of water. Raven said nothing. 

“How are you Clarke?”

Clarke forced a laugh. “I shouldn’t have had that much to drink.” 

“So you were pretty drunk last night then?” Raven asked curiously. 

“I guess so.” Clarke said confused. “I’ve got a pretty bad headache so I guess that proves it.” 

Octavia laughed awkwardly. Clarke opened her mouth to speak again but at that moment the murmur of the meal hall died down. All heads turned to the main door where Lexa stood. She wore her regular armor but no war paint. Sensing the many eyes on her she nodded and proceeded to the food. As she passed their table she nodded slightly at Clarke who returned it with a small nod of her head. 

As the chatter began again Clarke turned to her two friends. Both of whom were narrowing their eyes at her.

“What?” Clarke asked feeling a horrible suspicion in her stomach. 

“It’s too crowded here.” Raven said suddenly. “Want to go eat in our room?” 

“Yeah!” Octavia answered a little too enthusiastically picking up her tray of half eaten food and walking out of the hall. 

“Sure.” Clarke said lifting her tray as well to follow, feeling like a pig on its way to the slaughter. Raven held the door to their compartment open for her; she entered and sat on her unmade bed. Raven shut and locked the door before joining Octavia on her bed. The two sat stared across from her, their breakfasts sat forgotten on Raven’s bedside table. 

“So Clarke.” Raven said abruptly. “Remember when you first got back and I said we’d have to have heart to heart girl talk at some point. Well that point is now.” 

Clarke stared at her for a moment before looking at Octavia for help. Octavia met her glance with a smirk. 

“So what happened with you and the Commander last night?” 

Clarke’s heart leapt to her throat. 

“What?” She said trying to pull the panic from her eyes.

“Last night, after you too danced and whatever.” Raven said smugly. “You guys danced together a really long time.”

“Everyone dance with her.” Clarke said defensively. “YOU danced with her.” 

“But I didn’t take her behind the tent at the end of the night and kiss her.” 

Clarke felt her blood freeze. “What?” 

“I didn’t do that.” Raven said pointing at her slightly. “You did.” 

“I…” Clarke began. 

“And don’t blame the alcohol either.” Octavia cut her off. “Because I know and you wouldn’t even do that, and there is no way Lexa would have let you.” 

“I…” Clarke began her throat suddenly very dry. They knew! They knew!

“It’s okay Clarke.” Octavia said smiling. “Hey, I’m a Grounder Pounder too.” 

Raven snorted. Clarke chewed on the inside of her lip. 

“Who else have you told? Who else knows?” 

“No one.” Raven said defensively. “I didn’t tell anyone but Octavia.” Clarke felt herself relax. Dealing with these two wouldn’t be too bad. “But I wasn’t the only one who saw you.” Raven said visibly bracing herself for Clarke’s reaction.

“What?” Clarke snapped. “Who else saw?” She was hoping it was Bellamy or Monty or someone she could clamp down into silence easily. 

Raven scrunched her face. “Abby.” 

Clarke froze. “My mom?” She said in disbelief. 

Raven nodded painfully. “Yeah.”

“Oh my god.” Clarke put her face in her hands mortified. 

Octavia stood up and sat next to Clarke patting her back comfortingly. 

“Did you say anything to her about it?” Her voice muffled by her hands. 

“Are you kidding?” Raven exclaimed. “We avoided the subject like the plague.” She laughed awkwardly for moment. “So long has it been going on?” Raven asked sitting comfortably on her bed looking at Clarke expectantly. “Octavia says at least a month.” 

Clarke turned to look at Octavia in surprise. She just shrugged. 

“I actually think longer but I can’t pinpoint the time when you stopped wanting to kill her with your bare hands.” 

Clarke said nothing; she was still trying to figure out how to play this off with her mother and how she was going to tell Lexa. How could she have been so stupid as to kiss Lexa last night? She should have kept a better look out, or better yet not done it. But for some reason the sight of Lexa ignited something in her, maybe it was the alcohol, or the dress, or the way they ‘d danced earlier, regardless of what it was she knew at that moment she needed to her. That was just a fact. 

“So Clarke?” Octavia said prodding her. “How long?” 

Clarke shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.” 

“Come on Clarke. Be a girl for like 5 seconds. Give us the gossip!” Raven begged. Octavia elbowed Clarke in the ribs. “Come on.” 

“Fine.” Clarke conceded. “It’s hard to say how long. I don’t think we even know.”

“Well when did it start?” Raven asked.

Clarke felt her face go slightly red. “Before the mountain.” 

Both Octavia and Raven gasped. 

“Seriously? You’ve kept it a secret that long?” Raven said tossing a pillow at Clarke. 

“It wasn’t really anything until a few months ago.” Clarke said defensively. “She… Uh… We…”

“You guys hit a little speed bump with the whole you wanting her dead thing.” Octavia said laughing. 

“Pretty much yeah.” Clarke laughed feeling her face go completely red. She couldn’t exactly remember when she’d stopped dreaming about her hands around Lexa’s throat and started dreaming of Lexa’s lips. It happened very slowly. Rowan’s fight had definitely sparked something in her. She hadn’t wanted Lexa to die but couldn’t exactly say why. From there things had only gotten worse for the kill Lexa side of her. 

“So. What’s she like?” Octavia said settling in on Lexa’s bed. “Like is she an actual person or is she still a robot?”

“She seemed cool last night.” Raven said thoughtfully. “Pretty chill but also badass.” 

“She is.” Clarke nodded. “She can be intense. But… She can be… I don’t know. Other things too.” 

Both Raven and Octavia paused after listening to Clarke’s attempt at describing Lexa, and then they laughed. 

“She’s other things too.” Raven said nodding in a mock understanding. “Sure Clarke. Whatever you say.” 

“Oh shut up.” Clarke said tossing Raven’s pillow back at her and standing. “I’ve got to go find my mom. You too don’t say a word to anyone. Do you understand me?” 

“I don’t think anyone would believe us if we did.” Octavia shrugged. “Lincoln would probably say I was shaming the Commander’s name or something.” 

“Please.” Clarke said asking them to be serious.

“We won’t Clarke.” Raven assured her. “But I want to meet her. Not the scary ass Commander I see all the time. The Other things girl.” 

“Yeah, we’ve got to make sure she’s good enough for you.” Octavia laughed. 

Clarke groaned and left the compartment. Though she had said she was going to find her mom she actually wasn’t sure whom she should talk to first. Lexa or Abby. She tried to think whose wrath she would rather face. Lexa. Definitely Lexa. 

XXX

Turns out it didn’t really who she chose because as Clarke approached Lexa’s cabin she was informed that the Commander was currently in a meeting with the leaders of Skaikru; meaning Kane, her mother, and a few others. 

Clarke stood outside the council room trying to hear what the topics of discussion were. She thought she heard a few things about winter, fresh water, and education. She knew that Lexa had mentioned wanting one or two of Skaikru to move to Polis as teachers to bring the knowledge from the Ark to the ground. Hopefully Abby and Kane agreed.  
Clarke had only been outside the door for a few minutes when she heard the tell tale shuffle of a meeting adjourning. She door to the room opened an a few farmers and engineers including Sinclair filed out. Clarke squeezed her way into the room once they’d left. 

The only ones left in the room were Lexa and a guard, Kane, and of course her mother. Lexa’s guard stood in the corner of the room nearly invisible while Lexa and Kane stood over a large map whispering. Abby was standing a few feet away looking at the two but wore an expression that told Clarke she wasn’t really listening. 

As Clarke entered the room the three’s heads looked up at her. Lexa and Kane nodded to acknowledge her presence then looked down again continuing their conversation. Abby however walked directly over to Clarke, a gleam in her eye. 

“May I have a word?” She said, clearly not asking. 

There was nothing Clarke could do but nod and follow Abby out of the room. She felt Lexa’s gaze on the two of them as they left. 

If Clarke had hoped that their conversation was going to be had just outside the council room she was sorely mistaken. Abby left the room and continued to briskly walk along the corridor. Clarke had no choice but to follow. 

Finally they arrived at an empty compartment, stood by the door and waited for Clarke to enter. Clarke hesitantly went in, feeling more like a child than she had in years. Abby shut the door on the two of them. Clarke didn’t like the idea of the rest of the world being shut out from the conversation that was about to ensue.

“So.” Abby said clasping her hands together and putting then to her mouth, like she was praying. 

“So.” Clarke said figuring it wasn’t worth it to play dumb. She’d only wished she gotten to speak to Lexa before this conversation. 

“What can you tell me about why you choose to stay in Polis instead of coming home?” Abby lowered her hands and looked at her daughter.

Clarke’s blood froze. She was going to make her be the one to say it. Admit to what Abby already knew. 

“There are a lot reasons.” Clarke said averted her eyes from her mother’s. 

“But what is the main reason?” Abby said forcefully. 

“I’m the ambassador.”

“And that’s the truth?” Abby prodded. 

“Yes, I need to be there for our people. I know you hate it but it’s what’s needed from me.” 

“Who needs it from you?” Abby’s tone was getting less and less disguised. 

“I need it.” Clarke said. 

“And Lexa?” Abby jabbed. 

“Lexa has nothing to do with it.”

“Don’t lie to me Clarke.” Abby snapped. 

“I’m not.” Clarke answered in equal force. “She has nothing to do with me wanting to stay away from here.” 

Abby stood in silence for a moment before dropping the charade. 

“How can you Clarke? She betrayed us. She’s killed so many of our people.”

“And I’ve killed so many of hers.” Clarke argued. “And you said just last night that you thought she was a lot like me. Turns out that’s just another thing we have in common.” 

“She’s a grounder.” Abby said harshly.

“So am I.”

“She’s going to hurt you.”

“She won’t.” Clarke said defiantly, Abby opened her mouth to speak again but was cut off. “This is my life, my risk, and my decision. I choose this life.” 

“I won’t let her get you killed.” 

“She won’t.” Clarke groaned. “I promise.” She said firmly taking her mother’s now shaking hands. “Mom…”

“Don’t promise that Clarke.” A voice said from the other side of the door. Both women in the room froze as the handle on the door turned and opened. Lexa quietly stepped into the room and shut the door behind her so that she was leaning against the door.

“I assumed I should be present for this conversation since I am the topic of discussion.” She said frankly. 

Abby seemed to deflate like a balloon at the sight of Lexa.

The Commmander ignored the awkward silence and stared at Clarke. The blond was chewing her lip in embarrassment. Lexa’s green eyes pierced her like a knife

“Clarke never promise about your life. We can never predict our futures so promising something you cannot guarantee is speaking lies.” 

Clarke shifted uncomfortably “Lexa…” She began.

“Abby.” The Commander turned to the older woman to subconsciously took a step back. “I apologize for not informing you of the relationship Clarke and I have formed. To keep us both safe we thought it best to keep it as secret as possible. Admittedly in the past those who have been with the Commander have met less than desirable fates.”

“Less than desirable fates.” Abby repeated. “Interesting choice of words Commander.” 

“I do not think it is.” Lexa explained. “The most desirable fate for my people is to live a long life with those they love. An undesirable fate is a life that is cut short, or spent without loved ones. Would you not agree?”

Clarke looked to the ground, trying to hide her smirk. Abby was completely without words; as she usually was around Lexa. Though Abby would hardly admit it to anyone the young Commander truly astounded her. 

“Now.” Lexa’s voice was now firm as the teaching moment was over. “If you want your daughter to remain safe, you will tell no one of this. Not yet. Do you understand?” 

“Yes.” Abby voice was low. 

“Good. Now please leave us. I must speak to Clarke alone. My guard will escort you back to Kane.” 

Abby opened her mouth to protest but Lexa had already opened the door to the compartment. So she had no choice but to obey. 

“We’ll talk later Clarke.” Abby snapped as Lexa shut the door on her. Leaving just the two of them in the room. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke looked at the floor; the embarrassment of what had just transpired surfacing. “Last night I shouldn’t have…” 

Lexa held up a hand to silence her. “Clarke, I was not impaired last night, I could have stopped you. Should have. We are of equal fault. What happened happened.” She waited until Clarke looked back up at her to speak. “Who else saw us?”

“Raven, and she apparently told Octavia. But only Octavia.” Clarke shifted uncomfortably on her feet. 

“Have they spoken to you about it?” 

At this Clarke chuckled. “Boy did they ever.” 

Lexa furrowed her brow. “I do not understand.” 

“Yes, we talked, I told them to keep it quiet.” Those words hurt Clarke slightly. It had been slightly refreshing to speak openly about her and Lexa no matter how briefly. She’d up until this point had no one to truly confide in but with Lexa herself. 

Lexa seemed to sense Clarke’s sadness. “I’m sorry Clarke. But until our alliance has settled I do not feel comfortable allowing this to become common knowledge. It’s for your sake more than mine.” 

“I know.” Clarke said taking Lexa’s hands and pulling the girl towards her into a hug. “I just… I want others to know you like I do. You impressed everyone so much last night.” 

Lexa smiled sadly. “I can’t let them know me. I cannot lead them if they see less of me. I could for some but not all. So therefore none.” 

“I know.” Clarke said leaning her face into Lexa’s chest. The older girl stroked her hair comforting. 

“What can I do to make this better?” Lexa asked quietly. “To make you content with this situation?” 

Clarke thought for moment. There was nothing, at least until they returned to Polis, which was still several days away. Then the thought struck her. She pulled away from Lexa suddenly. 

“A Girls Night.” 

Lexa cocked her to the side. “What is that?”

Clarke leaned in and gave Lexa a quick kiss. “You’ll find out.”


	9. Chapter 9

“You’ve got to be kidding me Clarke?” Octavia guffawed when Clarke proposed the idea to her and Raven. 

“Clarke. I said we should girl talk with you, not with the freaking Commander of the 12 clans.” Raven laughed. 

“Guys please.” Clarke pleaded. “You and my mom are the only ones who know and I’m not exactly going to bring Lexa to my mother.” 

“Lexa? Is it?” Octavia’s eyebrows rose. “Would we be able to call her that tonight?” 

“Yes.” Clarke groaned. It had taken some time but Clarke had finally been able to convince Lexa to have a “girls night” with her friends. Lexa had be so confused at first, the idea of her just sitting with Clarke’s friends and talking with no real purpose seemed like a foreign concept to her. The only way Clarke was able to get her to understand was by equating it to when the two of them were in Lexa’s chambers drawing and reading. Just a relaxing night of bonding but introducing two people to the mix. Still Lexa was hesitant but agreed, as long as no other Skaikru or Trikrui knew about it. Clarke agreed. 

“Octavia, Raven.” Clarke said trying to hide her exasperation at the two. “Tonight, I’m going to introduce you to my partner. She is called Lexa, and that is all. We are going to stay in our room and talk and do whatever it is girls do. Okay?”

Octavia and Raven both smirked. 

“And you can’t tell anyone about it. Okay?” 

“So I’ll talk to Monty about him giving us some Moonshine?” Raven asked Octavia who nodded furiously. “We’ll need it.” 

Clarke punched Raven in the shoulder before walking from the room. “I’ll see you both tonight.” She said waving good bye.

XXXXX

The sun had just set when Clarke walked from the Ark station and through Arkadia. Trying to attract as little attention as possible she walked to the Commander’s cabin. Lexa’s guard was around on patrol leaving the door exposed but firmly locked. Clarke had only knocked once when she heard Lexa’s voice only a few feet from her on the other side of the door.

“Identify yourself.” She demanded. 

“Clarke.”

She heard the lock click and Lexa opened the door, making room for Clarke and the girl slipped into the cabin. Lexa quickly shut the door and locked it once more. 

“Hey.” Clarke said kissing the girl a quick kiss on the cheek and crossing to her bed. The metal bed from the Ark looked strangely out of place in the entirely wooden cabin. 

“Hello.” Lexa said following Clarke with her eyes. She watched as the younger girl removed her backpack and dumped its contents onto the Skaikru bed. The bag contained several garments, all looking similar to what Arkadian’s wore. Clarke examined the clothes for a moment before crossing back to Lexa. 

“Here.” She said gently removing Lexa’s intricate braiding. Once Lexa’s hair was completely free of restraints she gathered the bulk of it up and tied it into a high ponytail. 

It was such a strange sensation Lexa thought. Her hair felt almost like it was floating on her head, but this was a Skaikru style and tonight that’s all she was. 

Once Clarke fixed Lexa’s hair she tossed the girl a pair of tight blue jeans and a plaid button up shirt. Lexa stared at them confused, examining the zipper on the jeans with curiosity. 

“Lexa.” Clarke laughed good-naturedly. “We’ve got to go.” 

“Of course.” The Commander said removing her shirt and pants, pausing wearing only her underwear and binding to look at Clarke. The blonde could almost swear she was being teased. Then Lexa pulled on the jeans grunting at their strange restricting tightness. Clarke helped her button up the shirt and smoothed it out for her; running her hands down the girl’s front, feeling hard abs as she passed the Commander’s stomach.   
Once Lexa was fully dressed Clarke took a step back and stared. She was sure she wouldn’t be able to recognize the person standing before her as the Commander if it wasn’t for her distinct green eyes. . The jeans caused Lexa to need to stand differently and having her hair out of her face gave the girl’s face a new shape. The plaid shirt was loosely fitted an didn’t hug the girl’s body as her amour did. 

“Well?” Lexa asked holding her arms up as if under examination. 

“Sorry who are you?” Clarke asked jokingly placing her arms around the girl’s shoulders and placing another on her hip. The jeans defined Lexa’s tight muscles and Clarke wanted nothing more than to run her hands all over the girl’s body. Noting how exposed her neck was and unable to resist it she kissed along it. Lexa laughed and relished in the tingling sensations Clarke was drawing from her nerves.   
Though she was curious as to what this night would compose of, feeling Clarke’s hot lips on her tender neck made her simply want to remove these new Skaikru clothing and spend the night alone with Clarke. But she needed to ensure that Raven and Octavia would remain quiet. After a moment Lexa pushed Clarke away good naturedly. “You will make us late.”   
Clarke who would too have rathered spending the night in the cabin reluctantly backed away and grabbed the last piece of clothing from the bag. A dark red hoodie. 

“Here” She said holding it open so Lexa could slip her arms into the sleeves. Clarke zipped it up and Lexa flipped the hood up, covering her face in a dark shadow. 

“Excellent.” Clarke said adjusting the hood to make completely sure the girl’s eyes were completely shadowed. Then Clarke grabbed her bag and unlocked the front door. At the same time Lexa was at the back of the cabin where a small cupboard secretly revealed an exit. A security measure Kane had ensured the cabin’s builders adhered to. As Clarke opened the cabin’s front door, Lexa quickly climbed through the cupboard to the outside world. Their hope was that should anyone be watching the cabin Clarke’s exit would distract him or her from noticing another form crossing along the edge of the camp. Clarke slowly walked back up to the entrance of the Ark station and there met a brunette in a dark red hoodie, who seemed to breathing slightly faster than normal.

“Okay.” Lexa said quietly, her face still mostly covered. 

The two girls walked quickly along the corridors avoiding contact with any night owls that were still making their way through the dark station. They arrived at Clarke’s compartment and the two slipped inside quickly. 

“Someone chasing you?” Raven’s sarcastic voice called. 

Clarke turned to see that she and Octavia had pushed their beds together so form one large bed on one side of the room, the other side of the room continued a few bowls of fruit, a pitcher of what looked like juice and several extra pillows. 

“You never know.” Clarke said locking the door. “Some pretty strange people out there at this time of night.” She stopped talking as she noticed neither girl was listening to her. Instead their attention was focused on Lexa as she lifted her hood.   
Raven and Octavia shifted slightly in shock when they saw the strange girl before them. 

“Hello.” Lexa said casually, unzipping her sweater. 

“Hi.” They both said in unison. 

Lexa walked around the room examining the ceiling and corners of the compartment. Though she was feeling relaxed and unthreatened she still held a bit of her warriors stance. “So this is how you lived before you fell from the sky.” 

“Yeah.” Octavia said her eyes following the Commander, unsure of how to react to her current situation. Raven simply mouthed to Clarke. “Oh my god.” When Lexa’s back was turned. Clarke smirked. This was Lexa’s attempt at normal conversation. 

“I still wonder how you survived in such tight living quarters. Trikru could never do such things.” Lexa said sitting herself on the small metal chair Raven kept in the corner of their room. 

“Well we didn’t really have much of a choice.” Clarke said settling on the floor equidistant from Lexa and the other two, feeling like a strange party host. 

“We couldn’t exactly leave and go out for a run.” Octavia joked. 

Lexa nodded. There was an awkward silence that followed. Clarke feared this would happen that no one would be able to talk to one another. She had just opened her mouth to make a feable attempt at discussing the weather or something when Raven spoke up. 

“Well some of us could leave, but you couldn’t exactly run.” 

“That’s right.” Clarke said grabbing at Raven’s contribution in the conversation. She turned to Lexa. “Raven was a zero G mechanic which meant she did all the repairs outside the Ark. 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” Lexa said looking from Clarke to Raven leaning forward in interest. 

“Well…” Clarke began but Raven cut her off. 

“Don’t even try Clarke, you barely know what you’re talking about.” She said prodding Clarke with her good foot. “You lived over in medical.”

“While I lived under the floor.” Octavia added self deprecatingly. 

Lexa gave a small huff of amusement. “What was that Octavia?” She asked assuming she’d misheard. 

“Yeah, you want to talk about tight quarters trying growing up like me.” Suddenly Octavia was on her feet kicking Clarke’s outstretched legs away. “Have a look at this.” She gripped a particularly large floor panel and gave it a jimmy. It jiggled loose and she shoved it aside. Lexa stood up and glanced down in the crawlspace below the floor. 

“You were raised in there?” She asked aghast. It was no bigger than a single bed, and she assumed had very little light. 

“Pretty much.” Octavia said a hint of pride in her tone. “Needless to say I don’t get very claustrophobic.” The floor gave a crack like a whip as Octavia replaced her floor panel. 

“It’s quite similar to what the cave people lived in.” Lexa said sitting back in the chair. “What were you saying you did Raven? You were a carpenter?”

“An engineer.” Raven corrected, not knowing that Trikru didn’t really have a word for engineers. “I’d going outside the Ark and could walk in space.”

Lexa’s brow creased and looked at Clarke for guidance on the subject. “But I thought space was lethal. Clarke said that was how you executed your people. By making them leave the Ark.”

“It’s really deadly.” Raven assured. “No air, super cold. But if you had a special suit like I had you could actually go out.” 

“You never really said what it was like outside.” Clarke said suddenly interested. 

“Yeah.” Octavia said sitting up from her lounging position. “What was walking in space like.” 

Raven smiled and got up crossing to the table of food and poured herself a drink. “It’s hard to explain.” She said pausing for effect knowing that each girl was hanging on her words. “Okay. You know that feeling you get when you’re swimming under water? That weightlessness?”

Everyone nodded. Raven took a drink of her moonshine juice concoction. “Yeah try to imagine swimming in this endless world of water and being able to breath.” 

“Like diving into the great oceans.” Lexa perked up. 

“What?” Octavia asked.

“In the east there is this mass of water that does not end. On the edge of a village there is a cliff my people always jump off of. The water is so deep and so clear that you can almost see for miles around you. “

“How deep is the water?” Clarke asked the deepest water she’d only been in being just over her head. She couldn’t imagine water that went on forever. 

“We believe it is as deep as the torch in Polis is high.” Lexa said fidgeting with her ponytail. 

“How high is that?” Raven asked never having been to Polis. 

Clarke thought for a moment. “As high as you can picture a building, but higher.” Then she laughed. “It’s got enough stairs to give you thighs of steel.”

“Hey now Clarke.” Octavia called. “You barely had to walk the entire thing. I had to go up and down it completely at least twice a week.”

“Every morning as a Nightblood I had to run from the bottom of the stairs to the top twice.” Lexa said smiling slightly at the memory of her young self sprinting up the steps, hoping she wouldn’t fall and crack her knees off of the hard steps. “There are exactly 1574 steps. I counted every day as a child.” 

“Oh my god.” Raven laughed. “No wonder you are in such good shape.” Lexa looked slightly confused but laughed at the comment. Raven suddenly aware of what she said cast her eyes are Clarke who just laughed back.

“My.” Lexa suddenly removed the tie Clarke had used to put her hair up. “How do you wear these things?” She asked letting her hair fall naturally. “It feels like my skull has been stretched.”

Clarke groaned slightly. “I’m sorry. I forgot you don’t wear your hair like that..” 

“Never.” Lexa said combing her hair out with her fingers. “Your skull must be very strong.” She added looking at Raven’s ponytail. 

“Yeah. Ravens’ pretty hard headed” Octavia laughed. 

“Ha. Ha” Raven said grabbing Clarke’s pillow and hitting Octavia, spilling her drink slightly as she did so. Once Octavia had crumpled under the pillow Raven held up her glass. “Now who wants a drink?”


	10. Chapter 10

Lexa’s head was heavy. She wondered if the style Clarke had put it up in had somehow increased its weight. She was lying on the cold metal floor of Clarke and Raven’s room and could not lift her head. It was not entirely an unpleasant feeling. She could still hear and see everything going on around the room. She was just not accustomed to conducting herself this way. She tried to will herself to sit up but she could not muster the strength to lift her head. Octavia was lying on the floor next to her, laughing at a supposed joke Raven had just made. Lexa hadn’t understood it but laughed politely. Lexa’s eyes searched for Clarke as her loud sounded the loudest in her ears.

It was then that Lexa realized her head was resting next to the blonde’s legs. But she couldn’t remember exactly when she had laid down. Clarke was sitting upright, her back against the beds. She was gingerly holding her drink above Lexa’s head trying not to spill it. Her empty hand was considerably close to Lexa’s hair and she was sure the Blonde was fighting the urge to touch her. They both enjoyed a mutual proximity. It was comforting. 

Once Raven had passed out a beverage to each in the room they had done a toast to celebrate the new found peace and finding of new friends. . Naturally Lexa had taken a drink with everyone else. 

Though the liquid smelt and looked like a common juice her people drank it had a strange foul taste to it. Not wanting to be rude to Clarke’s friends Lexa drank the juice faster than she normally would have, to be rid of it. Or so she had hoped. The moment she had finished her cup, Raven politely refilled it. 

That was four drinks ago. Now Lexa’s head was heavy and she found she could not focus on a conversation as clearly, but she didn’t mind. She looked up again to see Clarke’s eyes staring back down at her, the piercing blue eyes.

“Well Lexa?” Clarke asked, apparently repeating what she had just said.

“Hmmm?” Lexa asked unable to recall what they had been discussing. 

Raven snorted. 

“Shut up Raven.” Clarke said good-naturedly. “This is your fault, she was being polite. That’s why she was drinking those so fast. She didn’t want to offend us by saying our moonshine tastes awful.” 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked looking up at the other girl.

Clarke looked back down at her and ran her fingers through the Commander’s dark hair. “What have you done to me?” Lexa asked sensing the ground turning slightly. 

“Sit up Lexa.” Clarke laughed supporting the girl’s neck and lifting her up into a sitting position. 

“How are you doing Lexa?” Octavia asked from the ground. 

“I… am well.” She replied smiling happily still able to feel the warmth of Clarke’s hands on her neck. Whatever the drink was it had lowered her need to guard her emotions. It was a strange yet freeing feeling. She hadn’t smiled or laughed this openly since her childhood. 

“Good.” Raven said from her across the room. “Can I ask you a question Lexa?” 

“I suppose.” Lexa responded leaning against the bed next to Clarke. 

“What did you first think of us when you learned we’d fallen from the sky.” 

At this Lexa laughed. “I was astounded. “ She confessed. “It had been years since anyone had heard tell of a person falling from the sky. I set scouts to spy on you all. Soon you all became a slight joke to us all.” 

“What?” Clarke asked turning to look at the other girl who was still grinning. 

“You were so naïve and unorganized. My scouts only told me of your lack of leadership, forethought and maturity. Like children playing.” Lexa shrugged her shoulders. “So I began to ignore you and focus on other tasks.” 

“Until we started fighting you guys back.” Octavia said sitting up. “And kidnapping your people.” 

“Until then.” Lexa confirmed. “Then you became very interesting to me.” 

“Jeez. It’s been a weird year.” Raven thought aloud. 

“I think most people have thought this.” Lexa chuckled. She certainly had a hard time remembering the way the world ran before Skaikru. Her main concern had been uniting the clans, keeping Azgeda in order, fearing the mountain. Now all those things had been dealt with. She had also been alone and had vowed never to love again. Subconsciously Lexa brushed her hand against Clarke’s, which was supporting the girl just next to her. 

Raven caught this small hint of affection and smile slightly mischievously. Thus far they’d talked about many things from funny childhood stories, to latest things happening in the camp or in Polis but they had not touched on one of the main reasons they had gathered. She stared at the two women across from her. There connection was apparent. After talking more and more with Lexa; Raven understood why Clarke respected her so much. She was intelligent and confident but also had the slightest sense of humor and was a wise engaging speaker. She and Clarke were very similar in most aspects of their personality. However, Raven couldn’t really image any romance between them. She’d hoped the alcohol would loosen them up and they’d slip. Lexa had certainly become more conversational but she was still composed for the most part. This slight touch of the hand could be the flood gate Raven hoped. 

“I have to go to the bathroom.” She said standing up suddenly, catching eyes with Octavia. 

“Me too.” The girl said catching the not so subtle hint. “We’ll be back in second guys.” She said opening the door and slipping out of the compartment, closely followed by Raven. 

Once the door shut Clarke laughed and shook her head. 

“What is it?” Lexa asked looking at the other girl. 

“They’re just stupid.” Clarke smiled, still shaking her head, her two friends had been anything but subtle in leaving the two of them alone. She turned her attention to the slightly tipsy Commander. “Are you having fun?” She asked. Lexa smiled a not entirely sober smile. 

“I am. I’m afraid I’m not completed focused on this girl talk. My head is quite heavy..” 

Clarke smiled sweetly and put her hand on Lexa’s cheek. “Don’t let those to give you anything else to drink that isn’t water. Okay?”

Lexa would have nodded but she was too preoccupied with the warm feeling of Clarke’s hand on her face. There had been many times that she had thought of kissing the girl over the past few days but enforced high amounts of restraint. However, tonight she felt almost nothing holding her back. She didn’t care about her people or the problems. She just wanted to feel Clarke’s lips against hers. She pull her in tightly, to run her hands along her beautiful body.   
Clarke seemed to be feeling this same pull, as she didn’t re-ask the question, she too was not entirely sober. She found her eyes darting from the Commander’s eyes to her lips. The two found themselves leaning into one another. They got so close that Clarke could feel Lexa’s warmth breath on her face. The desire proved to be so much and she kissed the Commander. It was a rough kiss brought on by desire more than compassion. Clarke found herself pushing against the Commander who pushed straight back. The two girl’s bodies closed their gap so there was no space between them. Lexa’s hands reached over her and grasped her hip, pulling her closer and running her hands along the younger girl’s back.   
Clarke stroked along Lexa’s face and down her neck. The Commander shivered at her touch. Clarke wanted nothing more than to lower the girl onto the floor and continuing kissing on top of her. Just as Lexa began to allow herself to be pushed down the door opened.   
The two girls jumped and released one another. Clarke hadn’t realized she’d been supporting so much of Lexa’s weight. So when she released the girl, Lexa fell backwards slightly too tipsy to catch herself. Clarke went to grab her but found her coordination poor and ended up falling on top of her more than helping her. 

Raven and Octavia came into the room laughing. 

“Sorry. Are we interrupting something?” Raven asked smirked taking care to step over the two girls and throwing herself on the bed. “We can leave you two along and come back later.” 

“I believe you now Raven.” Octavia said looking down at Clarke and Lexa’s tangled forms. 

Lexa simply lay flat on her back staring at the metal ceiling a look of mortification carved on her face. Clarke her face red gingerly climbed off and sat herself on the opposite side of the room. 

“Well finally Clarke.” Octavia said sitting next to her embarrassed friend. “I was beginning to wonder if you and Raven were completely just pulling my leg.” 

“Hey Lexa.” Raven said leaning over the Commander who was still stewing in her shame. “Don’t worry about it.” She consoled. “It’s natural.”

“Yeah.” Octavia said to Clarke. “I don’t see why you guys are keeping this so secret. You both seem happy with it.” 

“It’s not that…” Clarke began but Lexa cut her off.

“The last time the Commander was with someone, she was tortured and beheaded.” Lexa said calmly from the floor. Clarke sat slightly straighter. Lexa rarely spoke of Costia and if she did it was more in rage over Azgeda. 

“I don’t want the same to become of Clarke.” Lexa said sitting herself up looking crestfallen.   
Raven and Octavia were silent. Glancing at Clarke for any type of detail but Clarke couldn’t tear her eyes away from Lexa. Was that really why Lexa had been so keen on keeping them a secret? She wasn’t as fearful for what it would do to the clans but what it would do to her?

“Hey.” Raven said sliding down to sit next to Lexa. She lifted her arm to put it around the girl, hesitated to contemplate what she was about to do, then followed through with the motion. 

“ No one is going to hurt Clarke.” Raven said confidently squeezing Lexa’s shoulder. “I’ll kill them if they try.”

Lexa cracked a small smile, enjoying Raven’s biting personality. The girl had been through so much, and still she remained strong. 

“So Lexa.” Raven said, suddenly very serious. “I’ve got something very important to ask you.” 

Lexa cocked her head to the side curiously. 

“How many stupid things has Clarke done in your capital, uhh Polis right?” 

Lexa looked at her confused. Clarke just groaned. 

“Come on Raven…” Clarke began wanting them to leave Lexa be. 

“No. I’m serious.” Raven held up a hand to silence Clarke and focused once more on Lexa. “I mean, we have no idea of your customs or life style. She’s got to have done some pretty stupid things.” 

At this Lexa understood. Raven was looking to lighten the mood at Clarke’s expense. She felt the corner of her mouth twitch at the idea. She looked across the room at Clarke who sighed and just nodded. 

“Well?” Raven prompted.

“Clarke has been pretty adaptive.” Lexa said shrugging. Octavia groaned disappointedly. “Except for once or twice.” Lexa smirked. “Her first official meal as an Ambassador was quite memorable.”

At this Clarke sat up straight. “Lexa no!” She cried. “You said you’d never mention it again!” 

“Mention it now!” Octavia sat up attentively while Raven nodded encouragement. “Story time!” 

“We had all just sat down to eat.” Lexa began and Clarke groaned and lay down on the floor her hands covering her face. “There was such extravagant food. The finest to celebrate the 13th clan.” Clarke uncovered her face slightly to listen. “A servant was passing by the dining table just as the meal started to feed our hunting dogs. On his way past the table he was called off to help with something and left the try on the table. By the time he’d returned the entire table looked at Clarke to see she had filled her plate with the dog’s food and was in the process of eating it.”

Raven and Octavia broke out laughing. Clarke groaned. 

“She said it was the best she’d ever eaten” Lexa added laughing. Clarke kicked her foot out slightly to hit Lexa’s. 

“I was being polite.” She cried. “It looked like all the other dishes.”

“So you are saying that their food all looked like dog food?” Octavia laughed.

“What do you feed your dogs?” Raven asked. 

Lexa laughed. “The parts of the animals we don’t eat. That day it was pig groin and deer intestine.”

“Delicious was it Clarke?” Octavia asked prodding her. 

“I wasn’t sure if we were meant to laugh or be offended.” Lexa confessed. “After all the time I’d spent convincing my people that Skaikru were intelligent and worth keeping alive. She did that.”

“Right. Right.” Clarke nodded in mock agreement. “Coming from the girl who didn’t know how to unhook a bra.” 

The room was silent. Then Raven’s jaw dropped.

“Shots fired!” She said impressed. Lexa opened her mouth in shock to respond but Raven simply placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “Don’t even bother. She’s cut you, don’t make her twist the knife.”

Clarke’s self-satisfied grin vanished as she truly began to process what she’d said. 

“I mean…” She began crawling across the floor to sit by Lexa. 

“Don’t even Clarke.” Octavia laughed at the shocked expression Clarke and Lexa were making. “The damage is done.”

“Lexa.” Raven whispered to the Commander. “This is the part where you storm away and make her chase you. It’s what girlfriends are supposed to do. 

“I’m not going to storm away.” Lexa replied simply, feeling the alcohol loosen her tongue completely. “I was just going to say, yes I couldn’t get the damn piece of fabric off. But I have to say I’m very skilled at it now.”

Clarke’s face went blood red as she started at Lexa. Who returned her mortified look with a grin. 

Raven didn’t say anything at first. Instead she just patted Lexa’s shoulder thoroughly fascinated. “That’s a good skill to have.” She said tight-lipped, trying to hide the intense laughter she was dying to release. “I must say I’m impressed.” 

“Would you both like to hear about Clarke drinking my incense instead of her wine?” Lexa offered her eyes locked on Clarkes’. 

“Alright that’s enough.” Clarke barked leaning in and kissing Lexa. Ignoring Octavia as she wolf whistled. The kiss relaxed the two and they both leaned back against the bed, completely comfortable. 

“Incense. That’s nothing” Octavia laughed.” Once my mom left out some grease and I thought it was that butterscotch pudding stuff.” 

As Octavia delved into the story of her spooning cooking grease into her mouth Clarke leaned herself against Lexa, resting her head on the girl’s firm shoulder to listen. Lexa remained sitting straight but subtly took Clarke’s hand and played with her fingers. The two were completely at home and Raven and Octavia couldn’t be happier. They had watched Clarke almost destroy herself with guilt and grief. Seeing her happy with someone made them feel like they truly could build lives here.


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke awoke in her semi lit room. Across from her she could see Raven in her bed, Octavia on the floor fast asleep. She was just wondering where Lexa was when she felt warmth on her back. She and Lexa had fallen asleep in a perfect curve. Lexa’s hand was stretched over Clarke’s midriff and resting against her stomach. Clarke found her hand over the sleeping girl’s. The Commander breathed lightly in her ear as she slept. Clarke only had a vague memory of deciding to go to sleep and ignoring Lexa’s offer to sleep on the floor like Octavia. She had pulled the girl into the bed, Raven and Octavia hadn’t even batted an eye. They seemed to become used to any affection Lexa and Clarke emitted very quickly. 

Clarke shifted sleepily in her bed. They must have only fallen asleep a few hours ago, though she no longer felt the effects of the moonshine she did feel the weight of exhaustion. So why had she woken up?

The answer came almost immediately as she heard the sound of shuffling feet outside her compartment’s door. People were moving through the halls, many of them murmuring. But why, it was too early for anyone to be ready for breakfast. 

She felt pressure on her stomach as Lexa clenched her hand and lifted her head to look over Clarke as the door. They were both awake from the noise. 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked quietly. Clarke lifted her head and squinted at the door. It must only be 5 or 6am, the sun would have barely risen yet dozens of shadows were crossing their door as people made their way down the corridor. 

“I don’t know.” Clarke confessed in a whisper. The feet began to move faster and the murmurs louder. Octavia and Raven both stirred and opened their eyes sleepily. 

“What the?” Octavia asked groggily.

Lexa threw back her and Clarke’s blanket. A horrible instinctual feeling brewing in her stomach. When crowds moved with such determination it only ever meant danger. 

She put on her shoes and was about to open the door when Clarke called after her.

“Wait Lexa.” Clarke said slipping her shoes on and lifting up Lexa’s red hoodie. As she lifted it she felt an odd weight in one of the pockets. She stuck her hand in and was surprised to find herself gripping a large dagger. 

“Just in case.” Lexa said snatching the hoodie and zipping herself in, taking care to flip the hood up to cover her face. Then before Raven or Octavia had even extracted themselves from their blankets Clarke had slammed their door shut and she and Lexa were nearly walking briskly down the hall after the crowd. 

The sun was just lighting up the camp when the two emerged from the Ark station. It took no time at all to realize where and why the crowd had gathered. On the far side of camp a huge fire burned brightly.

It was Lexa’s cabin. Lexa growled as she saw the flames engulfing her quarters. The cabin was entirely ablaze. She made to move forward but Clarke grabbed her wrist.

“I don’t know what this is.” Clarke hissed. “Don’t do anything until we do.” 

Lexa looked into the girl’s bright blue eyes and nodded. Clarke adjusted Lexa’s hood to cover her eyes more. The two joined the frightened crowd. 

Several Skaikru members were running back and forth with buckets trying to put the raging fire out. But no matter how much water was thrown the  
fire the flames burned strong and brightly, devouring the cabin. 

There was a roar from the other side of Camp as several of Lexa’s guards ran forward. “Heda!” Several cried. Lexa tensed fighting an urge to answer their cries of sorrow and rage.

One or two guards attempted to get to where the door of the cabin used to be but were restrained by their fellows. 

“She’s gone.” They cried. “Heda!” More and more Trikru were arriving; Some throwing themselves down to their knees and punching the earth in grief over the death of their Commander. Two warriors ran forward, at first it looked like they were going to try to enter the fire but instead they grabbed a dark mass just near the flames, they dragged it away. Clarke squinted and saw that it was the body of one of Lexa’s guards, his throat had been slit. 

Lexa turned to face Clarke, her eyes filled with rage.  
“Lexa, This wasn’t us.” Clarke cried, afraid of the gleam in the Commander’s eyes. But then Clarke realized that the Commander wasn’t looking at her.

Over the cries and yells of the warriors a horrible laughter arose. As the laughter got louder and louder the cries and murmurs died away. Clarke followed Lexa’s eyes and found the sound’s source. The straw haired man who had yelled at Lexa on her arrival stood slightly apart from the crowds laughing at the fire. 

“Not so mighty now is she?” He cried. “I guess even fire can kill a mighty Commander.” Several Trikru rose to their feet advancing on him, gripping their weapons tightly but the man pulled out a pistol. The crowd retracted, some citizens gasped in horror. “

“What?” The man asked the Arkadias. “Why do you all look so sad and bothered? That woman killed our people, left us for dead.” Clarke caught sight of several Arkadian guards trying to approach the man but were hesitant incase he opened fire on the crowd. “Blood must have blood. That’s what these mongrels saying isn’t it? Well I’ve had my blood. She killed my wife so I burned her.” Then he laughed, a horrible deranged laugh.

“I didn’t kill your wife.” Lexa called to the man and before Clarke could stop her she had lowered her hood and was walking through the crowd toward the man. The Arkadians parted to make a clear path for her, their eyes wide in shock. Once she was clear of the crowd the man’s laughter stopped. He stared at her in disbelief. Though she still wore Clarke’s clothing was very much the Commander of the 12 clans. Her back was straight, he eyes hard, her air solid. 

Several of the Trikru citizens cried out in joy. “Heda!” 

Lexa held a hand up to silence them. 

“I did not kill your wife.” She repeated. “War killed your wife.” 

Clarke’s blood froze as the man turned his gun to Lexa. “Your people killed my wife, in cold blood. She was innocent, we all were.” 

Lexa held up one hand, a sign of peace.

“I am sorry for the loss of your wife.” She said calmly almost seeming to ignore the fact that the man pointing a gun at her was less than 15 feet away from her. “But you cannot punish for acts that were done during a war. If we continue to seek revenge on one another for things in the past then we can never truly move forward into a time of peace, which is I am sure what you all want.”

“You don’t want peace.” The man said, his eyes wild, gun shaking. “Your people don’t know the meaning of the word. You are all animals.” 

Clarke noticed that although Lexa held one hand high in the air in surrender her other hand was held slightly behind her back, a glint of metal hidden in her grip.

“We do not want anyone else to die.” Lexa said firmly. 

“You’re savages, animals.” The man said his voice rising. “Barbaric deranged monsters, and you’re their leader, their bitch.” 

Two things happened after those words, things too fast for Clarke’s mind to truly comprehend. Both Lexa and the man seemed to move. The shot of a gun rang out as Lexa threw her dagger forward. Several people screamed. As the shot echoed the dagger spun in the air and embedded itself squarely into the man’s forehead. He dropped backwards, he eyes still wide in shock. 

Clarke followed the man’s body as it hit the ground and bounced before she redirected her eyes to the Commander. She had not flinched. The bullet had missed her. 

“Blood must have blood.” Lexa yelled once the crowd settled slightly. “That use to be our way. That is false now. We do not call for blood, but we do call for justice.” Lexa placed her hands and her hips and turned to face the shocked crowd. “ That man twice now has made attempts on my life. It is just by chance that I was not killed tonight. He murdered my fellow, an innocent bystander. In these new times we must call for justice. I consider his offenses punishable by death. Would you agree people of Arkadia?” 

Members of Skaikru began to nod. Others yelled out their agreements, some applauded. Lexa held up her left hand to silence them, keeping her right firmly placed on her side. This seemed strange to Clarke. 

“Justice has been served. I am sorry for the family of the persecuted today.” 

Once Clarke saw Lexa’s unmoved hand she found it similar to looking at a smudge on a drawing she could not unnoticed it. Though Lexa waved her left hand around emphasizing her points of peace and loss her right hand remained glue to her hip, not her hip her lower abdomen. As Clarke focused more on the hand she began to see a dark liquid seeping through the tightly squeezed fingers. The blood of the Commander.  
Clarke’s eyes grew wide. By looking at her, you would never be able to tell that Lexa had been shot. She stood straight, spoke loudly, and clearly, not showing the slightest amount of pain.

“We all must move past this and learn to forgive as a people.” 

Clarke’s eyes frantically searched the crowd and after a moment she saw whom she was looking for. Abby Griffin was standing near the back of the crowd, her eyes crossed staring at the Commander. Clarke pushed her way through the crowd who seemed enraptured by Lexa’s words. She stood next to her mother both watching Lexa. 

“Today, I stand before you wearing the clothes of your people. I am accepting you. I need you to accept Me.” 

“Mom.” Clarke said quietly catching Abby’s attention. “I need you to go to medical and get a bed ready.”

Abby glanced sideways at Clarke confused. “For who?” Then her eyes widened in concern. “Are you okay?”

“It’s not me.” Clarke hissed in exasperation. “It’s Lexa. She’s been shot.” 

Abby glanced back and forth was the Commander to her daughter. “She doesn’t look like she has been.” 

“Mom.” Clarke glared. 

With a skeptical look on her face Abby returned to the Ark and headed to medical just as the crowd applauded once more. Lexa had evidently finished her speech with some great words of inspiration and the crowd was beginning to disperse. 

Clarke began to push her way through the crowd towards the Commander.  
Lexa, hand still glued to her side was now speaking quickly and quietly to her guards. Many were still wearing their expressions of relief. Just as Clarke approached the guards nodded and fanned out in different direction to complete whatever their assigned tasks. 

Clarke felt someone brush by her shoulder and saw Kane approaching the Commander. Without thinking Clarke grabbed his arm and stopped him. 

“Not now.” Clarke said firmly, knowing that he needed to discuss what had just happened and to deal with it. 

“Clarke we need to figure out how he lit the fire and if he has any accomplices.” Kane explained, his annoyance at being grabbed evident. 

“I know.” Clarke assured him, completely understanding what steps needed to be taken. “But you can do that without her.” Kane opened his mouth in protest but was cut off by Lexa.

“Clarke is correct Markus.” She affirmed. “You are a strong leader and know what needs to be done following what has just happened. You can do it without me. I need to discuss several things with your Ambassador. Then I will send her to you.” 

Then Lexa strode towards the Ark. Clarke simply shrugged to Kane and followed her, leaving him in their dust. 

“How bad is it?” Clarke asked catching up to the now slowing Commander.

“I do not know.” Lexa said simply. “I only feel adrenaline.”

“Here.” Clarke said pulling the girl slightly into a hallway corner. “Let me see.”

Lexa hesitantly removed her hand from side. Clarke’s heart went to her throat. The girl’s hand was completely covered in black blood that had soaked through her shirt. “Keep pressure on it.” She demanded putting Lexa’s hand over the wound. “My mothers’ getting a bed ready for you. Come on.”

Lexa nodded and followed Clarke al little ways further until they reached medical. Clarke noted how the Commander’s usual purposeful walk was significantly slower. She was beginning to feel the effects of the bullet. 

Clarke pushed the door to medical open and immediately crossed to the far room. It was slightly larger than her compartment and had a private door. As she entered the room she said her mother finishing laying fresh sheets on the bed. 

“Where is she?” Abby demanded in her voice she only ever adopted while in her doctor mode. To answer Clarke stepped aside to reveal the paling Commander. 

“Sit here.” Abby said briskly motioning towards the bed. Lexa sat. 

Abby began to wash her hands in the nearby sink. “Clarke. See if it went through and through or if it’s still in there.”

Clarke nodded looking at Lexa. “Here.” She said gently lifting Lexa’s shirt over her head. She heard Lexa’s breath hitch slightly as the shirt passed her wound. Clarke tossed the blood stained shirt aside and stared at Lexa. From the base of the right side of Lexa’s binding to the top of her pants was completely covered in blood. Clarke bent over to try and locate where the bullet had entered. It was difficult to navigate through all the blood. 

“Oh my god.” Abby exclaimed staring at Lexa’s blood covered side. Frozen mid towel dry. “Why did it hit? What kind of bullet was it? I’ve never seen blood turn that color. ”  
“It’s the blood of the Commander.” Lexa said lifting her arms so Clarke could get a closer look at the bleeding hole just above her right hip. 

“So it has always been like that?” Abby asked putting her towel down and rolling up her sleeves. 

“I was born with it.” Lexa said through gritted teeth as Clarke pressed on her side. 

“There’s no exit wound.” Clarke confirmed grimly. Meaning that the bullet was still inside. Meaning some sort of surgery. 

“Damn.” Abby said crouching beside her daughter wiping at some of the blood with a cloth. She glanced hesitantly up at the Commander who’s eyes were shut as she tried to even her breathing. She was no doubt in tremendous pain but was barely letting it show. “I need to know how deep it is.” She glanced up at the Commander. “This may hurt.” Abby reached for a small scope from her try of instruments. Before she could do anything however, Clarke gripped her wrist.

“Shouldn’t you give her blood?” Clarke asked her voice shaking slightly. 

“I can’t.” Abby said releasing Clarke’s grip. “I don’t know what our blood will do to hers.” 

“But you can’t exacerbate the wound, she’s already weak.” Clarke pushed. “You should stop the bleeding before even thinking of getting the bullet.” 

“Clarke…” Lexa huffed, her eyes still shut. 

“No. Lexa.” Clarke snapped and continued to glare at her mother trying to decipher whether or not Abby was capable of letting someone die out of spite. 

Abby looked at her daughter and noticed a slight fear in her eyes. Abby straightened up. 

“Clarke you need to leave.” 

“What?” Clarke snapped. “No I’m staying. You need me.”

Abby sighed. “Not like this.” Abby said stepping away from the patient and placing her scope back on the table. “I never allow loved ones of patients in the room.”

Clarke stared at her mother. She was being stupid. She needed her help. It didn’t matter what Lexa meant to her, they just needed to help her. 

“I am staying. You can’t make me leave.” Clarke’s voice was growing in volume and pitch, each moment they delayed Lexa lost more of her irreplaceable blood. “I’m not going to let you kill her. I know that’s what you want.” Clarke yelled. “Now do your job!”

“Clarke. Enough.” It was Lexa whose voice proved to be louder than the near hysterical blonde’s. Abby stared at the Commander’s whose eyes were open and hard. “Your mother is right. You are no help to me like this.”

Clarke stared at Lexa in shock. “But...”

“I need you out there.” Lexa gestured to the door. “I need to you discuss with Kane how we can ensure the safety of my people and myself. How that man escaped and got a gun. Do you understand.”

Ignoring that her mother was there Clarke approached Lexa and put a hand on her cold face. “I can’t leave you.” 

“You need to. My people need you.” Lexa said soundly looking into those piercing blue eyes. “Please.”

Clarke released Lexa and took a step back. “Take care of her.” She directed at her mother and with one quick look back at Lexa, who nodded Clarke strode out of the room, shutting the door behind her.


	12. Chapter 12

As the door shut behind Clarke, Abby released a sigh. Arguing with her daughter was never easy but this had just been difficult. 

“She has a strong spirit.” Lexa said quietly from her bed.

“That’s one way to say it.” Abby said picking her scope up and approaching the Commander. “I just need to see how deep the bullet penetrated and if it remained intact.” 

Lexa nodded shut her eyes, bracing herself for the pain. 

Abby slowly slid the scope into the girl’s side and immediately a new wave of blood poured from the wound. Clarke did make a valid point that there was no a lot of this black blood on the bed and floor. Lexa’s color was much paler than it had been when she first came into the room. 

“That was certainly a kinder speech than I would have expected from you.” Abby said positioning the piece of metal. 

“I’m sure had one of your people tried to kill us it would not have gone over so smoothly.” 

“There is no point scolding one who is grief stricken. I am sorry your man had to die.” Lexa said wincing slightly as Abby fiddled with her insides. 

Abby felt the corner of her mouth twitch. This girl was so relaxed at the mention that she had killed a man today. That she had almost been killed. The grounders truly did deal with conflict and emotions differently. Abby shook her head slightly, bringing her mind back on the task at hand. Ensuring she did not kill the Commander of the 13 Clans.   
As she moved her scope Abby discovered that the bullet hadn’t entered the girl very deeply but from the feeling of it had broken into several pieces. 

“Damn.” Abby said pulling the scope out. Lexa released a sigh as she did so and she realized the girl had been holding her breath. 

“There is some concern.” Lexa said smoothly. “I assumed there might be. I did not think bullets would heal as easily as an arrow.”

“The bullet shattered upon impact. I’ll have to comb through the wound and extract them all.”

Lexa was silent for a moment. Trying to absorb the information she had just been giving. She only slightly understood what needed to happen.

“So you need to collect the pieces inside me?” 

“Yes.” Abby said crossing to a cupboard and extracting a small syringe of clear liquid. “But you shouldn’t feel a thing. I’ll give you a small dose of this to put you to sleep.”

Lexa’s eyes followed the needle as Abby walked to her. 

“No.” Lexa said firmly. 

“What?”

“I will not take that.” 

Abby froze in front of the girl looking down at her confused. “This will hurt.” 

Lexa simply stared harshly back.

“I need to go into your abdomen. It will be very painful.”

“Pain reminds us we are alive.” Lexa said lying down on the bed. “Without it we can lose our senses, become reckless.”

“Lexa. I don’t think you understand…”

“With all respect Abby your people have offered us many beneficial medicines. This is not one I intend to take advantage of.”

“Okay.” Abby placed the syringe back on the table deciding after one or two fragments Lexa would all but beg for the medication. She put her gloves on and picked up her tweezers. “I’ll need you to lay still though.” 

Lexa sat up once more. “Can you please hand me one of those?” She asked pointing to a table of supplies, which included tongue compressors. 

Abby reached over and grabbed one. “This?” She asked holding it out to the Commander. “Why?...”

To answer her question Lexa took the stick and placed it firmly between her teeth before lying back down and making herself comfortable. 

“Oh.” Abby said getting the feeling that this girl truly understood the pain she was about to go through and was accepting it. “Okay.” Abby said picking up her tweezers and scalpel. “Are you ready?” 

Lexa nodded, teeth clenched on the stick and shut her eyes.

Abby took a deep breath and plunged the tweezers into Lexa’s side. 30 seconds later there was a thick line of sweat across Lexa’s brow and her fists were balled up so tightly her knuckles were white. Abby found the first piece of the bullet and extracted it. Lexa bucked slightly and Abby was sure she heard the cracking of wood as the Commander bit down on the compressor in pain. 

There was a ting as Abby placed the bullet fragment in a small dish next to the bed. She looked at Lexa who nodded for her to continue. The next two fragments were even deeper than the first; Abby could barely see what she was doing because of all the blood. Abby estimated that she had maybe three more pieces to find as she moved her tweezers deeper into Lexa’s side. Suddenly there was a snap as Lexa bit the compressor in half, she sat bolt upright no a hint of color left in her face. Abby took a step back in surprise and stared into the Commander’s dark eyes. Then like watching a candle be blown out the light disappeared from her eyes and Lexa felt backwards. 

“Damn it!” Abby cried rushing to Lexa’s side and lifting her eyelids and placing her ear next to the girl’s mouth, listening for a breath. 

XXXX

“Did you lock him up?” Clarke demanded again, hating to repeat herself but frustrated by the lack of a proper answer. 

“We cuffed him and left him in an interrogation room.” Kane said running his hands through his thick hair. “He was so riled up we couldn’t get coherent sentences from him.” Clarke groaned in frustration and rested her hands on the table. “ I figured I’d leave him for a night. Let him calm down.” Kane ploughed on. “I don’t know how he got out Clarke. No one released him.” 

“Then how did he end up burning a building to the ground and getting a gun?” Clarke yelled. Still trying not to think of what would have happened if Lexa had been asleep in her cabin the night before. 

“I know.” Octavia pushed the doors to the council room and tossing a pair of bloody handcuffs onto the table. “The guy was nuts.” 

“What’s the meaning of this?” Kane demanded. 

“I was looking at the guy’s body.” Octavia snapped. “His wrists were shredded. He literally pulled his hands from the cuffs. No one let him out.” 

“What about the gun?” 

“Miller got knocked out while he was on guard duty.” Octavia explained. “Someone stole his gun and some rocket fluid from the stores he was guarding. The Commander’s newest friend we can all bet.” 

Clarke stared at the cuffs. There were large pieces of flesh around the edges. No one in their right mind would be able to strip themselves from handcuffs. 

“Who was he anyway?” Octavia turned to Kane. 

Kane sighed. “One of Pike’s Farm Station men. We cleared him after Pike was killed but were trying to keep an eye on him. His wife and son were apparently killed in the first attacks from the Ice Nation. Grief got to him.” 

“Well.” Clarke said coldly turning to Kane. They’d all lost people; they’d all gone through war, that didn’t give that man the excuse to commit murder. “You will go through all of Pike’s remaining men. You will check their mental stability and check how they are reacting to the Grounders being here.” 

Kane stiffened his back indignantly. Clearly not agreeing with Clarke’s course of action. 

“What Kane?” Clarke asked placing her hands on her hips. “Do you know what would have happened if he’d killed Lexa? What the grounders would have done to us.” 

Kane turned to one of the guards and relayed Clarke’s orders. The guard nodded and left the room. Before the door to the room shut Bellamy slipped in. “Clark.” He said formally. “Abby needs you in medical.” 

Octavia glanced quickly over to Clarke who’s mouth had gone dry. “Go.” Octavia prompted shoving Clarke towards the door. 

She followed Bellamy out of the room and walked down the hallway. The two moved briskly and silently. Clarke too fearful for what awaited he to bother with mild conversation.   
“She’s okay by the way.” Bellamy said quietly as they walked. Clarke felt her entirely body relax and she found herself winding up to punch Bellamy. “Hey!” He said as she ploughed her fist into his shoulder. 

“Why didn’t you tell me when you came in?” Clarke demanded. 

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of the others. I know you guys were trying to keep it a secret.” Bellamy said defensively. 

“What do you mean trying?” 

“Come on Clarke.” Bellamy groaned. “ I know you. I saw how you acted around Finn and I see a lot of the same looks between you and her. I bet I’m not the only one.” 

Clarke ran her hands through her hair. If what Bellamy said was true then she had put herself and Lexa at even a higher risk. 

“It’s okay Clarke.” Bellamy said putting a hand on her shoulder. “ Everyone I’ve talked to has been okay with it. Encouraged it even.” He laughed. “They think she’ll be less likely to slaughter us all with you around.” 

Clarke let a small laugh escape her lips, a short lived laugh as they’d just arrived at the medical room’s door. Bellamy stopped walking and gave her a little nod to encourage her in. Clarke pushed the door open to the general medical area. Her first thought was “that’s a lot of blood.” Abby’s entire front was soaked in dark black blood, not to mention her face and hands. Had Bellamy lied to her? Let her be happy for a few last moments before Abby shattered her world. 

“She’s okay Clarke.” Abby said catching Clarke’s panicked eyes. “She’s in there” Gesturing to the closed door of Lexa’s room. “She’s asleep now, she stayed awake for most of the surgery and was great. But she did lose a lot of blood and I’ll need to watch for infection.” 

Clarke nodded, unable to make words, to thank her mother. Instead she walked to the closed door. Took a deep breath and opened the door. 

Lexa lay on the bed white as a sheet. She wore only her binding with blankets pulled just up to her waist. There were crisp clean bandages tightly wrapped around her abdomen, a slight patch of black on her right side where the wound still oozed blood slightly. 

Clarke found herself standing in the doorway of the room unable to move, unable to divert her eyes from Lexa’s chest. Watching it, studying it. Then she saw it. It moved, it rose with breath. She was alive. She was okay. 

Clarke moved across the room like a sleepwalker. She stood over Lexa and found herself placing her hand on the girl’s beautiful face. She was chilled but not cold. Clarke rubbed her thumb on Lexa’s cheek encouraging it to pink up. The motion caused the girl to stir. 

Lexa’s eyes seemed significantly greener when they opened. Or maybe Clarke had just been afraid she’d never see them lit up again.

“Hey.” Clarke said quietly sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Hello.” Lexa said hoarsely. 

Clarke turned to the bedside table and poured a glass of water from the pitcher. “Here.” She said gently lifting the glass to Lexa’s lips, supporting her head as she tried to lift it. 

“Thank you.” Lexa said taking a sip. 

“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked placing the glass back on the table. 

“You Skaikru made efficient weapons.” Lexa conceded. “Arrows don’t tear one’s insides up like your bullets do.” 

“I’ll be sure to pass that along to everyone then.” Clarke said sarcastically, leaning in and giving Lexa a slight kiss on her lips. “Now go back to sleep. I’m sorry to wake you.” 

“You need to rest too.” Lexa said looking at Clarke concerned. The corner of Clarke’s mouth twitched as Lexa, wincing lifting her arm making room for her. The younger girl lay down and rested her head on the Commander’s chest. Letting each strong heart beat remind her that she was alive. After a moment she glanced up and saw Lexa’s eyes closed, her breath even, fast asleep. Clarke wasn’t far behind her.


	13. Chapter 13

Abby stared at the closed door. She had been standing in front of it for several minutes now. It had almost been an hour since Clarke had gone inside and not returned. Now it was time for Abby to check Lexa’s bandages but she had no desire to. 

Working on the Commander had been surprisingly difficult, especially after she had passed out. Lexa was so much like Clarke that Abby felt as though she was operating on her on daughter. She had also been afraid that the Commander was going to die. Not only would that have destroyed any chance for peace between Skaikru and Trikru but she knew that Clarke would blame her, accuse her even. Clarke whose relationship was already so fragile with her that Abby was certain the smallest action could make her lose her daughter forever.

Abby shook her head. She couldn’t let her personal feelings affect her duties as a doctor. Taking a deep breath Abby opened the door the patient’s room and entered quietly. The site that met her warmed her heart.   
Both girls were fast asleep on the bed. Clarke has nestled herself under Lexa’s arm and now slept with her head on the girl’s chest. The Commander lay flat on her back, arm wrapped protectively around her daughter. Holding her as she slept, comforting her, protecting, and loving her. Abby stared at the two of them, trying to imprint Clarke’s expression into her mind forever. It was so relaxed and peaceful. Whenever Clarke had slept in medical it had always been a rough troubled sleep, it seemed the girl never truly drifted off, but now even as Abby closed the door she did not stir. 

On the click of the door however, Lexa’s eyes opened quickly and shot to the source of the noise. She stared at Abby for a moment and glanced down at the woman’s daughter whom she held. At the site of Clarke so fast asleep smiled, one that Abby could not help but mimic. 

Lexa gave Clarke’s shoulder a slight squeeze and shake and the blonde stirred. She glanced up at Lexa drowsily and then to her mother. At the site of Abby Clarke sat up abruptly. Causing Lexa to wince slightly. 

“Everything alright Clarke.” Abby said quickly sensing her daughters panic. “I just need to check her wound.” Clarke rose from the bed and let Abby cross by her. 

Lexa pulled her blankets down and allowed Abby easy access to her abdomen. 

“How are you feeling?” Abby asked unwrapping the bandages. 

“I am very weak.” Lexa said she voice hoarse. Clarke needing something to do poured her another glass of water. “I am also cold and slightly nauseous.” 

“That’s to be expected.” Abby said wiping the excess blood around the girl’s fresh stitches. “You will feel like that for a few days at least. If you start to feel suddenly very warm you need to tell me.” Lexa nodded. Abby glanced at Clarke who was standing away respectfully. “ Clarke I’ll need you to keep checking her, if she gets a fever I don’t want it to sneak up on us.” 

“Of course.” Clarke said gripping the cup of water tightly, Embarrassment burning in her stomach, for how she behaved with her mother before and how Abby had found her. She had never had any sort of official boyfriend on the Ark and Abby had barely seen her with Finn. This was the first person Clarke was sharing with her mother and her mother didn’t approve. 

“Clarke…” Abby said pulling Clarke from her thoughts. “She needs water.” Abby said glancing at the cup in Clarke’s shaking hands.   
Lexa felt the corner of her mouth twitch in a smile as Clarke nodded vigorously and helped her sit up. 

“Thank you Abby.” Lexa said once she was sitting fully. “Can you please find my closest guard and bring them here?” 

“Of course.” Abby said leaving the room. 

Clarke handed Lexa the glass of water and the Commander took it gratefully; her throat feeling as though she had not drunk water in days. Clarke replaced the glass on the table. Lexa lay back down and sighed. She normally found the Skaikru beds too cushioned for her taste but today was an exception. Her aching tired body sank into the mattress and her eyelids grew heavy. 

Clarke sat next to Lexa and looked down on the girl. Her color was much better but she still looked exhausted. 

“Clarke, wake me when my guards arrive.” Lexa said eyes shut, nearly asleep.

“I won’t. You need sleep. You can talk to them when you’re rested.” Clarke said kissing Lexa’s forehead.

Lexa didn’t protest and instead reached out, took Clarke’s hand and squeezed it. Clarke smiled and held the girl’s hand until Lexa’s hand’s pressure decreased signifying she’d drifted off again. 

As quietly as she could Clarke backed from the room and shut the door softly. The main room of medical was fairly quiet. Clarke had barely crossed half the room when one of Lexa’s guards entered the ward, looking very out of place. Luckily this was one Clarke knew and she approached him easily. 

“The Commander is resting.” She said clearly in Trigedasleng figuring he would respond better to that. “She has stated that you shall guard her door. Allow no one but myself and Abigail Griffin. Understood.” 

“Is she alright?” He asked, a hint of worry in her voice. 

“Yes. She was injured slightly by the Skaikru traitor but will live.”

The guard who she was pretty was called Gideon placed his hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “I am glad she has you.” He said gruffly before crossing to the door and standing post. 

Clarke stood frozen for a moment. Deciphering his words. He knew. He knew she was more than an Ambassador and he accepted it. Was even glad of it.   
Clarke glanced quickly back at Gideon who smiled at her. She left the medical ward and had walked halfway to the meal hall before she truly registered where she was going. She only then realized how hungry she was. 

As she filled a plate for herself and grabbed some pieces of fruit for when Lexa woke up she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Raven. 

“How is she?” Raven asked concerned. “I saw you taking her to medical.”

Clarke just gestured for Raven to follow her and the two sat at the most distant table from the food. 

“She’s okay. Took a bullet to the hip almost.” 

“Dang, you’d never know it the way she talked after she knifed that guy.” Raven said impressed. 

“Yeah. Most grounders have a high pain tolerance. I guess they just take a lot of beatings growing up.”

Raven chuckled before her face became sullen. “How are you doing?” 

“What do you mean? I’m not the one who got shot.” Clarke said furrowing her brow. 

Raven sighed. “Come on Clarke.” She said knowingly. 

Clarke shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s been a long day. I just keep thinking to myself. What would have happened if we had chosen to do Girls Night tonight? She’d be dead.” 

Raven nodded. “But we didn’t. She’s safe. Alive, thanks to you.” 

Clarke nodded said nothing, instead she directed her attention to her cooling meal and began to eat. 

 

XXXXXX

Lexa awoke to the feeling of a warm hand on her forehead. She opened her eyes to see Abigail Griffin looking down at her. 

“I’m Sorry.” She said business-like, retracting her hand. “I just need to check you every few hours.” 

“I know.” Lexa said struggling to sit herself up. She glanced over to the empty wooden chair next her bed. “Where’s Clarke?” The blonde had almost constantly occupied the chair or her bed for the last week. 

“She had to attend the interrogations of the remaining Farm Station Members.” Abby said probing at Lexa’s side. Lexa noticed that she was doing her examination much more vigorously than she normally did. 

“What is wrong?” Lexa asked narrowing her eyes are the preoccupied doctor. “You are angry.” 

Abby looked at the Commander and huffed. 

“Speak your mind Abby.” Lexa said reaching for a piece of fruit from the bowl beside her bed. “Tensions only rise will pressure.”

“How can you be so calm?” Abby asked taking a step back from the girl to see her fully. Her color was almost normal and she hadn’t been sleeping as much as she had been. She only had a day or two of bed rest left before she would be able to wander the camp. “You were show, your man was killed, you are now demanding investigations on my people which is leading to more arrests.” 

“They found the guns then?” Lexa asked. 

“Yes they found them.” Abby growled. Over the last week several of the remaining farm station men had been arrested and under Lexa’s orders their compartments had been searched. Since then several stocks of weapons had been discovered and more than one violent scuffle had taken place and another Arkadian had been killed. 

“Commander, may I ask you a question?” Abby asked. 

Lexa nodded. “You may.”

Abby took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. “You say that you are here for peace, to end the war. But since you’ve arrived you’ve been shot and two people are dead.”

“I am waiting for the question.” Lexa said stonily. 

“How can you say you will to keep her safe if you can’t even keep yourself safe? How can you say you won’t get her killed?”

Lexa just stared at Clarke’s mother, a woman who knew so much but so little.   
“Abby.” Lexa said sitting herself up straighter. “ I never said I could keep Clarke safe. I never said I would try. It is unreasonable for me even try.” 

“Then what power do you have? If you can’t even try to prevent the deaths of those you love.” Abby spit venomously. 

“Death is part of this world Abby. I’m surprised you haven’t realized this yet.” As good naturedly as possible. “How much did your people experience death in space, besides as a punishment? Rarely I assume.”

“Death only occurred when necessary on the Ark.” Abby said. “We never like it and we never abused it.” 

Lexa nodded. “How much death have you experienced here?” 

“You know.” Abby growled. 

“Yes I do know.” Lexa nodded. “I know much about death and how many have experienced it. I’ve grown up with death, he is my friend. He is part of the world.”

“But…” Abby began, confused. 

“Do you know who Trapson was?” Lexa asked. 

Abby shook her head.

“He was my guard.” Lexa explained. “The one whose throat your man slit.” Abby shifted uncomfortably, foolishly. “He was only 23, this was his first guard journey with me. He has two sisters and a newborn son. He is dead. No one expected there to be death on this journey. But still it happened and we must move on. It is how we must function.” 

“Clarke should not be part of your world. It is not good for her.” Abby hissed. 

At this Lexa couldn’t help but smirk, which only made Abby prickle more. “I fail to see what’s funny.” Abby’s voice was beginning to rise in frustration. She felt like Lexa was toying with her, having her mistake her foolishness for wisdom. 

“You mistake my choice of language.” Lexa explained. “When I death is part of our world, I mean this world, the one you and I share together, regardless of clan or birth place. Clarke is part of it. So are you. It is our world together. A world where people die everyday. Sometimes the people we love. My brother was kidnapped and died in slavery while I was still a child. My parents killed as victims of war and the elements. The world in the sky was different, here on the ground death is always over our shoulder and we can do nothing but accept it.” 

“I do not believe that.” Abby straightened herself. “It seems to me most of the deaths here were not accidents or fate as you may call them, they were brought on by you.”

“Watch yourself.” Lexa warned, though she was trying to remain on good terms with Abby for Clarke’s sake she would not permit disrespect.

“Your parents are dead, countless of your people dead, an entire species dead. All because of actions instigated by you. What became of your past partners?” Abby’s voice was rising with anger. 

Lexa would not tolerate this. No one had the right to speak to her of her past actions. To command was to lead through sacrifice. She would not have someone hang the deaths of her warriors or Costia over her head. She did that enough herself. 

“They are of no concern of yours.” Lexa said through gritted teeth, deciding how best to deal with Abby’s current state.

“You had them killed.” Abby said loudly. “You will have my daughter killed. You are the bringer of death not her.” 

Lexa let no effect of Abby’s word cross her face. Instead she cocked her head to the side and stared back at Abby.

“Abby” She said coldly. “Clarke told me of her father. How he died, how she blames you for his death.”

Abby began to deflate like a balloon. “You have no right.” She hissed. 

Lexa raised an eyebrow. 

“Abby, Sometimes no matter how much you try, death will overpower you. If you are to live in this world you need to accept that. If not this world will chew you up and spit you out as it did to the man who did this to me”  
Lexa patted her bandaged sides. 

Abby closed her dropped jaw. Unable to find words. 

“Now if you are finished with your examine leave me. Please.” 

Fuming Abby turned and strode from the room. She paused at the door, her hand on the handle and turned back to stare at the Commander. 

“I can’t lose her too.” She said her voice quaking with what Lexa perceived as sadness not anger. “I can’t watch her die too. I won’t be able to take it.” 

Lexa stared at the woman before her and let her expression soften realizing this was her chance to slay the mighty dragon of Abby’s protests.

“ You are not alone in those feelings Abby.” She said quietly. “I want you to understand that. I’ve already caused her too much pain.”

“Then why do you still fight for her?” Abby asked blindly. 

Lexa shrugged. “I don’t, we are not at war, it was won. I need you to accept that. Not only for myself but for Clarke as well. And you must find a way to live in what is rising from the ashes. That is all we are doing.” 

“You make her happy.” Abby stated, happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. 

“For that I am glad.”

“She needs you.” 

“Clarke needs no one. She is too strong for that. I am just one with luck.” 

Abby smiled and before truly realizing what she was doing she had crossed back to the bed and was wrapping her arms around the young woman. Lexa was certainly taken aback by the action but accepted the hug openly. 

“Thank you.” Abby said before releasing her and leaving Lexa alone in her room.


	14. Chapter 14

“It’s healing well.” Clarke said examining the now scabbed wound above Lexa’s hip. 

Lexa nodded, examining herself in the mirror. This was the third day that Abby had permitted her to walk but the first she’d been given access to a mirror. Since her cabin has been completely destroyed in the fire, Kane had arranged for her to stay in a single compartment near medical. The room was equipped with a bed, table, small sink area, and a full-length un-cracked mirror. She was expecting to stay at least three more days before being deemed fit enough to ride home to Polis. 

“It will be a new addition to my collection of scars.” Lexa said tracing the circle the bullet had left in her. It was an interesting shape compared to her gash marks from previous sparring wounds. The sight of her toned muscles caught her eye in the mirror. She wore only her binding and trouser so she had a clear view of her abdomen and arms. Though she still possessed a considerable amount of muscle she noted it was less defined than it had been. She had been in bed far too long and was weaker than before. She had been unable to do her morning exercises for fear of reopening her side. As she examined her body in the mirror she caught Clarke’s eyes. The girl was starring at the Commander through the mirror transfixed, her hands resting on Lexa’s hips.

Lexa smiled, proud. She had always been proud of her body because of her prime physical condition, but the way Clarke looked at it made her feel a different type of pride, one she was sure Clarke felt whenever Lexa looked at her. 

“Clarke.” Lexa said softly breaking the blond from her trance. “Have you completed your examination? May I dress now?” Lexa added the last few words with a smirk.

Clarke simply shook her head. “No. I’m not done.” She said placing her hands on Lexa’s shoulders and straightening her out so she stood squarely in front of the mirror. 

Lexa rubbed her cheek against Clarke’s hand, enjoyed the warmth of her fingers. Clarke smiled for a moment. The Commander was gone. Here it was only Lexa, she knew for only Lexa would show the slightest bit of affection, let alone a tender touch. Feeling a small fire ignite in her stomach Clarke slid her hands down the girl’s shoulders to the back of her binding. 

She looked into the mirror to see the Lexa had closed her eyes. The girl was standing straight as a stalk, her body tense, awaiting Clarke’s next move. 

Clarke leaned in and kissed the top of Lexa’s spine. Lexa inhaled sharply as the younger girl’s lips came into contact with her sensitive nerve endings. As Clarke kissed away at Lexa’s neck her hands began to undo the older girl’s binding. As the binding fell away Lexa let out a sigh of relief. She was free of the fabric she had forgotten was constricting her. She expanded her chest in a deep breath. 

As Clarke’s lips moved further along Lexa’s spine to the side of her neck, Lexa reached back and took the girl’s arms pulling her close around her. Since arriving at Arkadia the two had shared very limited contact, especially since Lexa had been shot. Sure, she had held Clarke in her sleep in the medical room but that was always with the barriers of blankets, bandages and clothing. But now they were alone, it was late, most of Arkadia was asleep, and Raven was not expecting Clarke to return to her compartment. 

As Clarke’s hands felt along Lexa’s bare chest the girl became increasingly aware of the feeling of Clarke’s rough shirt fabric on her bare back. In a huff she turned to face the younger girl. Her fingers found the bottom of Clarke’s shirt and lifted it over her head. Lexa leaned forward and claimed Clarke’s soft lips as her own. As the two kissed, Lexa’s skilled hands went behind the blonde’s back and expertly unhooked the flesh colored bra the girl wore. Clarke smiled as she felt her bra release. She quickly pulled her arms from it and pulled Lexa in tight, placing her arms over the girl’s shoulders. 

“I missed this.” She confessed feeling Lexa’s warm chest against her own. “I miss our life in Polis.” 

Lexa held Clarke tighter and buried her face into the girl’s neck. “So do I. But it won’t be too long now.” She began to kiss under Clarke’s ear and along her pulse point, making Clarke shudder. “So we will return.” 

As Lexa’s kisses began to increase in her vigor Clarke felt herself losing more and more control of her body, she was however doing her best to keep her vocal chords in check. Resisting the urge to moan loudly. As she felt herself being supported more and more Lexa she noticed the older girl was slowly pushing her towards the metal bed in the corner of the room. As she stepped backwards, Clarke unclasped her pants and let them fall to the ground so that by the time she felt the back of her knees her the bed she only wore her plain black underwear. As Lexa let Clarke fall onto the bed she too removed her pants and crawled on top of the other girl. 

Lexa began to kiss her familiar path down Clarke’s chest towards her navel when suddenly the younger girl stopped her and brought her face to look at her. 

“I love you.” She honestly searching Lexa’s face. “I do.”

Lexa smiled, this had not been the first time she and Clarke had spoken these words to one another but it still made her swell. 

“I know. I love you too.” Lexa replied kissing Clarke lovingly. Clarke laughed under the kiss and Lexa pulled back confused. 

“And if you ever let yourself get shot again I’ll kill you.”

XXXXXX 

Clarke awoke in a warm embrace from Lexa. In their sleep the two had formed their perfect curve, Lexa’s body wrapping itself around Clarke. After a moment of listening to the girl’s light breathes Clarke deduced that Lexa was still fast asleep. Then she smirked at her own thought that Lexa was worn out from the previous night. 

As she shifted to make herself more comfortable Clarke noticed wetness on her lower back. She shifted again. Yes. Her lower back was definitely wet with something. Confused she carefully extracted herself from the bed and turned to look at her naked body in the mirror. 

She gasped. Her entire lower back was covered in dark black blood. Lexa’s blood. She turned to look at Lexa who still slept and without thinking wrenched the blankets off of her. The white sheets were completely covered in black blood, even to the extent where it was pooling in the creases of the mattress. Clarke’s eyes frantically looked for the source and her eyes fell on Lexa’s healing wound. Only healing was it no more. Somehow in her sleep Lexa had completely torn open the bullet hole and hadn’t noticed. Or maybe it was her, had Clarke ripped open the wound in her sleep or from before? 

Clarke felt a twinge of fear as she realized that the girl hadn’t awoken from the blankets being removed. Clarke leaned over to shake her awake. As Clarke’s hands made contact with Lexa’s skin she noticed that the comforting warmth the girl had been emitting just moments ago was gone. Now she felt as cold as ice, as cold as death. Feeling her heart beating in her throat. Clarke leaned in apprehensively to listen for the faint light breath that had been fluttering against her neck. Silence. 

She wasn’t breathing. Clarke rolled Lexa’s limp body onto its back. She fearfully placed an eye on the girl’s bare chest and listened for the steady thumping of her heart. Instead she was greeted with silence. Lexa was dead. 

No. That was impossible Clarke thought beginning to shake Lexa, saying her name loudly. The Commander’s eyes remained shut, the color gone from her face, dark circles around her eyes.   
She was dead. Clarke began to scream her name, begging her to wake, she screamed and screamed. She screamed at the top of her lungs, she screamed until her throat seemed to break.

“Clarke?”  
The voice in the room meant nothing to her as she felt hot tears fall from her eyes, she began to shake Lexa more furiously, refusing to accept what she was feeling and seeing. 

“Clarke please!”

How could she have died? How could she have died and Clarke not notice?

“Clarke you need to calm down.”

As Clarke lunged forward to hold Lexa once more she felt an invisible force restraining her, preventing her from holding the body of the girl she loved.

“Clarke please wake up.” 

That was Lexa’s voice, Clarke thought, perceiving the words. But it only made her struggle more. Lexa was dead.

“Clarke! WAKE UP.” Lexa yelled and gasped in pain. “Stop!” 

Clarke awoke with a start covered in a cold sweat; the blankets tightly wrapped tightly around her frame, her eyes searched frantically around the room until they found Lexa. The commander was sitting up in bed, completely naked, but very much alive. Clarke breathed a sigh of relief and fell backwards onto her pillow. Trying to settle her breathing Clarke looked at Lexa only the Commander wasn’t looking at her, instead she was closely examining her side. To her horror Clarke glanced down and saw black blood over Lexa’s hands. 

“Lexa.” Clarke cried untangling herself from the blanket and grabbing the girl’s hands to look at the blood. This was real, and it was fresh. Clarke followed the trail of blood to Lexa’s side. The scab on the bullet wound had been ripped off and the wound oozed blood. 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke cried realizing her dream thrashing must have caused it. 

“It’s okay.” Lexa said cupping her hand back to her hip trying to stop the bleeding. “You were dreaming, it wasn’t you fault.” Lexa was doing her best to hide any pain she was feeling, but Clarke sensed that her dream had caused her to be considerably violent. “Normally I can wake you but this one was different.” Lexa said staring at Clarke knowingly, waiting for an explanation. 

Clarke felt suddenly embarrassed, normally she related her dreams to Lexa but she didn’t want to speak of this, not when she had just made it a little closer to reality. 

“It’s still bleeding.” Clarke said redirecting the conversation to Lexa’s side which was now beginning to drip onto the blankets.

“It will stop in a moment.” Lexa said pressing the wound more firmly. 

“No it won’t.” Clarke resided, placing her feet on the cold metal floor. “I’ll run to medical and grab you some bandages. It won’t stop bleeding, the wound is too big.” She crossed the room and had placed her hand on the handle before Lexa yelled. 

“Clarke wait!” 

“What?” Clarke asked pausing. 

“You really wish to go to medical like that?” Lexa asked looking the girl up and down. 

Clarke looked down at herself and realized that she was still stark naked. 

“Right.” She mumbled releasing the door’s handle and gathering her clothes.


	15. Chapter 15

“Hey Clarke!” Octavia called as the council meeting ending and Clarke was leaving from the room. 

“Hey.” Clarke said stopping in the hall, allowing Lexa and her men to file past her. They were set to leave for Polis tomorrow and the Grounders had a lot to ready for the trip. Lexa gave a little nod to her as she passed. 

“So did you guys decide?” Octavia said after they were alone in the hall. “About who’s going?” 

Clarke smiled; the meeting had been to discuss which members of Skikru would be traveling to Polis to help with the integration of their people as well as to fill certain political needs. Clarke was of course going as their Ambassador. 

“Don’t worry Octavia.” Clarke laughed. “We didn’t fire you.” 

A smile of relief crossed her face. Clarke was surprised that she was so eager to leave Arkadia since Lincoln was staying here. But their relationship was built differently and they didn’t seem to mind the separation. 

“You will serve as a messenger for Skikru but you will still be permitted to train as a warrior.” Clarke said happily knowing that had been a fear of Octavia. 

“Great.” She said smiling. “Who else is going? You obviously?”

“Yeah.” Clarke said nodding. “I’m still the Ambassador. There still needs to be a discussion about when I’ll need to come back here but as of now I’ll be living there permanently. 

“Well yeah.” Octavia guffawed. “Who else. Anyone I know.”

Clarke thought for a moment. “A few farmers, Jackson, my mom’s assistant to help with medical things, Oh and Monty.”

“Monty?” Octavia asked confused. 

“Yeah. He’s really been wanting to go.” Clarke explained. “There’s all that old equipment there that Lexa’s people have no idea what it was used for. He’s hoping to either repair or repurpose a lot of It.” 

“That’s going to be great then.” Octavia clapped her hands. “At least a few of the 100 will be moving away from home.” 

“Yeah.” Clarke agreed thinking on how nice it was going to be to have friends in Polis. She was going to enjoy giving Monty the grand tour and watching his face redden as he learned exactly how many stairs the main tower had. 

“No Raven though?” Octavia asked hopefully. 

Clarke shook her head. “They don’t have any need for an engineer, I don’t think they even understand what they do.” 

“Right.” Octavia shrugged. “Well at least we had a night together when we had the chance.”

“I’m sure there will be more in the future.” Clarke said patting Octavia on the back. “I’ve got to go though, a lot of get together before we leave.”

“Tomorrow midday then?” Octavia asked 

“Yes.”

“Great. I’ll go tell Lincoln.” Octavia said walking off towards her and Lincoln’s compartment.

Clarke continued in the other direction towards her own compartment. She arrived and was disappointed to see that Raven must be out somewhere. She quickly packed up her bag of clothes and limited personal affects into a small rucksack. Once packed Clarke decided to take one more walk around Arkadia to say goodbye to as many people as she could.  
As she was on her way out of the room Clarke caught sight of her own reflection. Spending a year in solitary had made Clarke very ignorant of her own appearance. She rarely actually just looked at herself in the mirror; especially since landing on Earth. But for some reason at that moment she was fascinated by her own appearance. She hadn’t realized that she had created an image in her mind of what she thought she looked like, or maybe it was what she used to look like, before the Skybox, before Earth. She was broader than she remembered but there was definitely more muscle present on her body. She was also darker, she had always been as pale as a ghost but now her cheeks had a slight redness and her face and arms were much more tan, the sun and air had helped with that. Her hair was longer and it too had darkened. There were also several scars along her body. Scars that had definitely been a new addition since the Drop Ship landing. Clarke smiled at herself. She had looked like a Sky Person when she landed but in her time on this planet she’d changed, she’d adapted. She was not some sky princess. She was a grounder. The earth had taken her and changed her and she couldn’t be happier. 

XXXX

Since it was midafternoon the streets of Arkadia were bustling with Skaikru. Many were hard at work sorting or carrying supplies to various places while others were sitting and enjoying the sunning day. It was one of the warmer days they’d had. Summer was coming. 

The sight of her people being so happy as she walked through their streets brought a smile to Clarke’s face. It was sights like these that made her doubts of her actions at the Mountain fade away. As she rounded a corner of the cabins to the clearing she saw many of Lexa’s guards brushing their horses. The animals had mainly been kept in a pen quite a distance from Arkadia for convenience but had just been brought into the camp to pack supplies onto. 

Her eyes scanned the some dozen horses for Lexa’s. It was not there. She scanned a little further and found the Commander’s horse with its owner. Lexa was quite a distance off from the rest of her men brushing her horse. The creature was a large black stallion, far larger than any other horse. He was quite a terrifying fellow but Clarke knew him to be gentle, especially around Lexa. She knew Lexa had named the horse, it was a stranger name that Clarke was having trouble recalling, she didn’t think it really meant anything in their language. It was just a name.   
As Clarke watched Lexa she noticed that the Commander was spending an awfully long time brushing the horse’s sleek coat. Almost as if she was stalling or waiting for something to happen. Then Lexa glanced over in her direction, the tiniest hint of a smile in her eyes. Clarke creased her brow confused. Had Lexa been waiting for her? No Clarke was meant to be packing.   
Lexa side glanced in her direction again. But not at Clarke.   
It was then Clarke noticed the small group of children that had gathered not far from her; their eyes wide in awe at the sight of Lexa’s horse. There were only about a dozen children in Arkadia; the youngest only being about 3 years old. Almost half of the kids had gathered to watch the beautiful horses. Besides Octavia’s horse they’d never really come in contact with the animals and compared to the Grounder’s horses Octavia’s mare was about as interesting as a fly is when compared to a butterfly. 

The grounder horses were not only larger but were a large array of colors, some light brown, white, roan, and palomino, Lexa’s was by far the most majestic. His coat and eyes as black as the sky in space. Some of the horses even possessed slight mutations. One in particular had what looked like another horse’s face growing from its neck, another had an extra leg. Clarke hadn’t realized she’d become so accustomed to them, to how interesting the creatures were. 

Finally Lexa placed her brush on the ground and ran her hand down along the horse’s long snout affectionately. The beast snorted and pressed its face against her hand gently. Several of the children giggled. Lexa pressed her face against the horse’s large neck and Clarke saw her whispering words to it. Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she saw Lexa show something affection, besides with her the girl hardly ever dropped her hard demeanor. 

After she finished speaking to the horse Lexa turned slightly to look at the gathered children. “Would you like to pet him?”

At her gaze the children immediately became skittish, looking like they would sprint off in random directions at any moment. They glanced nervously at one another as Lexa stared at them. 

“Yes.” One small girl said, trying to muster as much courage as she could. 

“Well alright then.” Lexa said standing aside to reveal open the horse’s body to the kids. “Come say hello.”

The girl, Shay, Clarke tried to recall her name, boldly walked towards the Commander and her horse. The children watched. 

Lexa was fairly tall but even she only came up to the base of the horse’s neck, so Shay could barely even reach the creature’s nose on her tiptoes. As she held up a hand to pet the horse Lexa clicked her tongue in a crisp pattern. The horse whinnied and obediently lowered its head to reach the girl, pressing its soft nose into her tiny hand, she giggled. Lexa clicked her tongue again and the horse lowered itself even more, allowing the girl to pet his face. 

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Shay asked petting the creature in amazement. 

“He’s a male.” Lexa responded fondly ruffling the bits of mane between his ears. 

“Does he have a name?” Shay asked curiously. 

“His name is Tarko.” Lexa said and at the sound of his name the horse raised his head slightly to look at his rider. 

“Shh.” Lexa soothed patting him to lower his head again.

“He’s very beautiful.” Shay said thoughtfully running her hands along Tarko’s chest now. 

By this time a few other children had mustered enough courage to approach the Commander and were eagerly waiting to pet Tarko. Lexa clicked her tongue and Tarko turned his head to face the children and stood calmly as many of the children’s hands ran along his face and front. The children giggle and spoke excitedly to one another.   
Then Clarke saw it. It wasn’t quite a smile from Lexa as her lips barely moved but there was a shift in her eyes. A brightness that was not always there, a smile through her eyes. Clarke had only ever seen it when she was around the Nightbloods. 

Though she rarely let it show, and would never admit it. Lexa loved kids.   
She loved their boldness, curiosity, and innocence. Their worlds were so simple and new that she loved the euphoric feeling she received from them. With her Nightbloods Lexa loved seeing them improve and grow. These Skikru children were no different, excited and ready to embrace this new world full of new animals and experiences. 

As Clarke stood and watched Lexa she noticed now a small group of adults were also watching the situation before them. Clarke could only assume that these were the parents of the children with the horse. Parents frightened slightly of the creature and the Commander, worried for their children’s safety. 

Clarke wondered what they could fear. Lexa had proved to be good with kids and the way Tarko was behaving and obeying Lexa Clarke wondered how they could worry.   
More and more children were arriving to see the horse, the youngest Skikru member even toddled over. He was just over three years old and no matter how low Tarko bowed his head his little hands could not pet the horse. Without a word Lexa picked up the child and held him high so that his could run his stubby hands over the smooth snout of the stallion. 

Clarke smiled. Then suddenly she was hit with a flash. She could picture Lexa but instead of holding this boy she was holding a baby. A small swaddled baby with brown hair and bright blue eyes. And Lexa smiled with the baby, not just with her eyes but her whole face lit up as she glanced down at the child, her and Clarke’s child. A Family. Lexa would make an excellent parent. 

Clarke shook her head at the thought, dismissing it. She had long since learned that the Commander’s are forbidden to parent children. There were several reasons for this, one being that it would add a conflict of interest in the choosing of the Commander. The Grounders believed that Leaders were made, not born, that they needed to earn their position, to be born as a child of a Commander may create some how a constant family line of Commanders, something that no Grounder desired.   
The second reason was that raising a child would distract the Commander from working with the Nightbloods, the Nightbloods were meant to be the true children of the Commander. Those black-blooded children learned, lived, and loved their Commander. 

“Commander may I ride him?” Shay asked as she glanced hopefully at Tarko’s large saddle and reins. “I’ve never ridden a horse before.”

Clarke sensed the group of parents tense at the thought of their children riding a horse.  
Lexa looked down at Shay and merely shook her head.   
“I’m afraid not.” She said lowering herself to one knew so she could direct Shay face to face. “You see, I am the Commander and Tarko is my horse. I have raised him since he was a colt and I am the only one to have ever ridden him. He is the Commander’s horse.” 

“And only the Commander may ride him?” Shay finished Lexa’s words sadly. 

“Yes.” Lexa said empathetically.

Shay and a few other children lowered their heads sadly.

“But.” Lexa said straightening up. “You see my warriors over there with their horses?” She pointed to the small group of men and women who were still tending to the horses. 

The children nodded. “I’m sure they would not mind allowing you to ride their horses.” Lexa said glancing around at the children who were shuffling with excitement. The group of parents was now muttering worriedly.  
“But first.” Lexa continued. “You would have to bring your parents to me so I may know you have their permission to ride.” 

The children nodded enthusiastically at the Commander. “Well go on then!” Lexa said ushering the children away. The children immediately broke into sprints in all directions. 

Clarke smirked as the group of concerned parents was now being dragged by the hands of their small offspring towards the towering black horse and the Commander of the 12 clans, their eyes wide in terror.

Shay reached Lexa first, her mother hard in tow. 

“Mother, this is the Commander and her horse Tarko.” Shay explained as her mother stared at Lexa, eyes wide. Lexa simply nodded in greeting. “She says that if you say I can then I can one of the horses. Not Tarko, because he’s her special horse, but another horse. Please Mom can I?” Shay begged. 

Shay’s mother’s eye went from Lexa to gazing up at Tarko’s gigantic head, like her child this was her first experience with a horse. “I…” The woman stuttered. 

“Tarko is quite a large stallion.” Lexa said clicking her tongue so he lowered his head to be pet. “The other horses aren’t quite as large.”

“I suppose it’s alright.” Shay’s mother muttered, hesitantly placing a hand on Tarko’s soft snout. “Just be careful.” 

Lexa smiled with her eyes and called over to her guards in Trigedasleng for them to bring their horses to her. They obediently lead the horses to the slightly larger group gathered around Lexa. 

“This is Gideon, Shay.” Lexa introduced the girl to her guard. 

“Hello Gideon.” Shay said, her eyes fixed on the dark brown mustang Gideon held. “What’s his name?” 

Gideon looked from the child to Lexa, who simply nodded.

“His name is Suvin.” Gideon grumbled.

“May I ride him?” Shay asked boldly. “My mommy says I can.”

Gideon shrugged and turned the horse so its side was facing the girl. In a sudden movement Lexa had lifted the girl and plopped her on Suvin’s back. Shay gave a little yelp of excited surprise. Clarke could swear she saw a flash of white teeth smiling as Gideon watched the child giggle in glee. 

Several other children began to ask Lexa’s warriors to ride their horses and soon more than half a dozen horses were being lead around the field by guards. After a while it wasn’t only the children asking to ride the horses, more and more adults were allowing their fascination get the better of them. As the age of the rider increased so did the trust the grounders inhibited. 

With children the grounder would keep a tight grip on the reins of their horse and lead it around at a steady walk but with adults they would release the reins and let the rider take full control.

Almost 2 hours after Shay had been plopped on Suvin’s back her mother was laughing loudly as she rode the horse around at a slight trot. By that time Clarke had gotten her horse and was leading her children around on his back. Octavia had tacked up her mare and was having small races with some of the older riders, and Lexa was trotting around the camp on Tarko, riding next to members of Skikru and giving them brief instructions on how to control and direct the horse. 

She was just in the middle of adjusting a young woman’s grip when suddenly her slight palomino was spooked by some unknown threat and shot off at a full sprint in fear, the poor woman still on her back, holding on for dear life. 

Several gasped in terror as the women screamed in horror. Lexa kicked Tarko into a full sprint and chased after the pair, catching up to them with ease. Clarke watched as Lexa placed a hand firmly on Tarko’s head and squeezed. The horse snorted and whinnied loudly, a demanding whinny. The spooked horse almost immediately slowed and came to a stop. Lexa led Tarko around to face the panting horse; the larger creature snorted loudly and stamped its hoof, almost as if it was scolding its fellow.

Tarko wasn’t just the Commander’s horse; he was the Commander of the horses. Though he was a gentle giant the other horses apparently listened and followed him. 

Lexa spoke softly to the rider and instructed her to pull the reins toward the camp, she did so and the two steered their horses back to the camp. As they returned several people applauded. As the woman dismounted several people requested to take her place on the palomino’s back. 

As the riding resumed Clarke lead her horse around in a tight circle, Shay was her riding and was encouraging Clarke to have her horse move faster.

“Clarke, is this your horse?” Shay asked curiously as she finally dismounted. 

“Yes.” Clarke said rubbing her roan stallion fondly.

“Does he have a name?” 

“As a matter of fact he does.” Clarke said looking at Shay.

“What is it?” 

“Wells.” Clarke said looking her horse in the eyes, her thoughts on her old friend. 

“Wells?” Shay crinkled her nose. “Why that?” 

“Shay don’t be rude.” Her mother scolded. “I’m sorry Clarke.” The woman no doubt was aware of the horse’s name sake. Wells had been quite well known around the Ark, especially as being Clarke’s friend. 

“I didn’t mean to be rude.” Shay said defensively. “I was just wondering.”

“It’s alright.” Clarke said to the girl’s mother. “You see Shay.” She said kneeling to face the girl. “Members of Trikru believe in naming their horses after their past loved ones. They think it gives the horse their strength and let’s their spirit run fast and free.” 

“So all of these horses are named after dead people?” Shay asked looking around, a small bit of horror etched on her face. 

“Yes.” Clarke said. “Wells was a dear friend of mine, and I find this horse a lot like him.”

“He’s a very gentle horse.” Shay confirmed. “Was Wells gentle?”

“Yes.” Clarke said rubbing Wells’ nose. “He was kind, caring, and wanted everyone to be happy.” 

“Then I definitely think this horse has some of his spirit.” Shay said matter of factly walking away.

Clarke had at first thought calling a horse after someone who was dead to be quite a foolish thing, she felt it didn’t allow you to mourn the dead properly. Then once she had ridden Wells more and more she actually felt a connection with the horse. She could almost see his eyes in the creature’s dark eyes, feel him as she rode. As she looked around at the horses she wondered who they were named after. Great warriors? Parents? Children? Her eyes settled on Lexa and Tarko, she’d never asked Lexa who her horse was named for. She made a mental note to ask her in a more private setting.


	16. Chapter 16

The riding went on for hours as more and more Arkadians arrived to see the horses. It didn’t seem long before the sun was beginning to set, but still almost all of the citizens were still in the field, riding, laughing, and relaxing. As the darkness grew several Grounders began to construct large bonfires with the help of Skikru. As the sun completely set there were 4 or 5 large fires in the field, each one surrounded by Skikru and Trikru alike. The circles were full of chatter as the grounders told stories to curious audiences. Some of the children and younger adults were running around in the dark playing hide and seek, their laughter disrupting the stories in the best way possible. 

Clarke was sitting around a fire with Octavia, Raven, several children and their parents and of course Lexa. She in truth hadn’t meant to sit next to the Commander but as she had returned from tying Wells she found it the only vacant seat around the fire. The two were sitting an appropriate distance away from one another and didn’t find themselves acknowledging each other as the conversation around the fire was too intriguing.

“ Commander?” One of the older kids spoke up as the conversation reached a lull. “Does every Commander get their own horse?” 

Much of the smaller conversations around the fire died down to listen to Lexa’s answer.   
She simply nodded. “Yes, they do. When we are chosen as Commander one of the first things we do is travel to the stables and select an untrained yearling. That way the horse bonds with us and we can train it how we like.” 

“And you picked Tarko?” Shay asked from the embrace of her mother’s arms. 

“You could say that.” Lexa replied. “I think we chose each other. When I went to the stables I saw him trotting around with some of his fellows. He was by far the largest but was very docile compared to his companions. But when I entered the pen he was the only horse not to run. He was curious about me.”

“So you picked him.”

“I was just as curious about him as he was me in truth.” Lexa paused for a movement to think. “Horses of his size are known to be extremely aggressive, but he was quite gentle, yet the other horses seemed to respect him. He reminded me of the type of leader I wanted to be.” 

Several of those around the fire nodded in agreement.

“What happened to the old Commander’s horse?” Shay wondered.

“It was set free when I was chosen.” Lexa shrugged. “I do not know what became of it after that.” 

“You didn’t want it? Wasn’t it a pretty horse?” Shay said sitting up interested.

“It was a gorgeous horse.” Lexa confessed. “I remember as a Nightblood I would watch enviously as the Commander rode on its back. It was a slight, silver colored mare. Much smaller than Tarko but sleek and fast, it was so silver I remember thinking that no matter how much I shined my sword blade it would never be that silver. There was one day when I remember I finally mustered up enough courage and I asked the Commander if I could pet their horse. Something no Nightblood had ever asked to do before. I just needed to know if the horse was as smooth and soft as she looked. The Commander said yes so with the eyes of every Nightblood glued to me; I walked up to her, and held out my hand to pet her.”

“How smooth was she?” A Skikru man asked sitting up, enthralled by the story.

“I don’t know Lexa confessed. “The moment a raised my hand to her muzzle she bit me.” 

The entire fireside burst out in laughter causing several of the other fires to stop their conversations and look over curiously. 

“She was an ill tempered old mare.” Lexa continued showing a small pale scar on her hand to those closest to her. “She was nasty, mean, and aggressive. No Nightblood ever asked to pet her again and I hated horses for a long while after that. I preferred the dogs.”

“Dogs?” A girl asked not understanding.

Lexa turned to a fellow grounder who smiled and began to explain the concept of pets and having animals in their cities. Lexa leaned backwards on the grass and stared into the fire. Clarke looked around; at each fire both grounder and Arkadian were talking to each other animatedly as they relayed stories of their two different worlds. Across from her a man was trying to explain the concept of their water filtration system to a confused set of warriors. Clarke smiled. She’d never seen the two groups of people so involved with one another. She turned to look at Lexa. The Commander too was gazing around at the people. Eventually her eyes fell on Clarke. 

“What are you smirking at Ambassador?” She asked lazily.

“You.” Clarke replied quietly shaking her head in wonder.

“Why ever so?” Lexa asked raising and eyebrow. 

Clarke chuckled and pulled at the grass by her feet. “You didn’t need to spend that much time brushing Tarko.” She said quietly. “You also didn’t need to brush him so far from the rest of your warriors.”  
Lexa rose her eyebrow further. 

“You knew that the school was getting out at that time, and you knew the kids would love to see the horses.” Clarke said tossing a few blades of grass at the Commander. “You planned all of this, didn’t you?”

Lexa shrugged but didn’t deny what Clarke said. “They say that in the darker times there were barely any horses.” Lexa said lying down slightly, relaxing herself. “Each village only had one or two horses, which were always gifted to the best warriors. It’s said that the warriors would never fight on their own land; they’d always ride off to settle quarrels away from the innocent, to preserve the lives. So when your riders returned to your streets you knew you were safe. The stories say that the warriors were always greeted with crowds of people, but it was always the children who would be the first to greet them, to pet the horses that at the time were quite large and grotesque. The horses would bring the people together. Make them feel like they were safe.”

Clarke groaned and tossed more grass subtly at Lexa. “So in other words, yes you did plan it.”

Lexa shrugged and glanced at their surroundings. “Are you complaining?” 

Clarke shook her head and smiled. 

XXXX

As the night progressed the children and several Arkadian’s returned to the village for bed, but many stayed around the fires settling in on the dry comfortable grass for the night. As the fireside conversations dwindled and the sounds of the night overtook the area many people lay on their backs looking at the stars, listening to the forest around them. Most had never ventured out past the walls after dark. They’d always been too afraid, but the Grounders presence gave them courage.   
Lexa and her people would identify any animal calls to those who hadn’t yet drifted off to sleep. The Arkadians listened eagerly to the descriptions of the new and strange animals. Trying to grasp the concepts of large black and tan cats with claws sharper than knives, of foxes with bushy red tails, even of owls, large birds capable of lifting a full-grown rabbit from the ground. Clarke was happy to see relief spread across her people’s faces as they learned that the high-pitched wail that had terrified them nightly and kept them from sleep was actually just an animal called a weasel. Which was no bigger than a grown mans arm and fairly harmless to people. 

Clarke lay flat on her back staring up at the inky black sky dotted with hundreds of stars. Movement caught her eye and she watched a particularly large dot of light move across the sky, the Ark.

It amazed Clarke that she and most of those around her had spent their entire lives on that light that this vast world had been below them the whole time. Waiting for them. She couldn’t help but wonder if the Ark hadn’t been dying. If she was still up there, what her life be like? Would she have met any of these people? Better yet, what would the world be like down here? What would these grounders be doing at this moment if they hadn’t witnessed people falling from the sky? Would some who died still live? Would some who live be dead? Clarke turned her head to glance slightly at Lexa. The Commander too was laying flat on her back staring at the stars. What would Lexa be doing now if Clarke hadn’t arrived? 

Lexa must have sensed Clarke’s eyes on her as she turned her head slightly to look at the blond. 

“What’s on your mind Clarke?” She asked sleepily. 

Clarke shrugged slightly, if the two had been alone she may have told Lexa of her thoughts, her wonder, but around them more and more people were beginning to drift of to sleep, it was late and the night was warm. 

“I’m just thinking.” Clarke whispered looking into Lexa’s eyes. The two were several feet apart, Clarke wished they could be closer and she knew Lexa probably did too. But not in a situation like this, that would be too obvious for anyone’s people. To try to ease her desire for contact Clarke rolled onto her side to fully face Lexa, the Commander did the same. They gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment before Lexa’s grew heavy and fluttered shut; Clarke’s weren’t far behind.


	17. Chapter 17

It seemed to Clarke as though she had only just shut her eyes when felt someone gently shaking her awake. She opened her eyes and saw that it was still mostly dark outside, far in the east there were only the hints of a sunrise. They weren’t set to leave until afternoon so why was she being woken?

Her eyes blearily looked around the dark field and finally found her waker. Lexa was kneeling beside her in full armor. Clarke opened her mouth to ask her what she was doing but the Commander silently pressed a finger to her mouth, requesting her to be silent. Lexa stood up and began to walk away, dodging the sleeping Arkadians as she did so. Wiping the sleep from her eyes Clarke rose and followed. They walked in silence to the edge of the trees where Clarke saw a few guards readying Wells and Tarko. 

“Are you sure you don’t want escorts?” Gideon asked Lexa as the Commander mounted her horse.

“No.” Lexa said. “There are no great threats here and I will not be alone.” Lexa nodded at Clarke to get on her horse. Confused she obeyed. “Skikru have been very kind hosts, it would be rude of us to depart without first bringing them a large kill to feast on.”

“But surely we can help.” Gideon protested. 

Lexa simply shook her head and looked at Clarke who was now mounted and gripping the reins of her stallion uncertainly. “Clarke as the Ambassador knows these lands better than any of us. We should not be gone long. We will be back before noon.” 

Gideon nodded and released his hold on their horses. 

Lexa tightened her grip on Tarko’s rein and turned him to face the nearest path into the semi-lit trees. “When they wake send the first troupe forward so they can ready the camp at the halfway point to Polis. It will make our ride easier knowing there’s a camp waiting for us.” 

“Yes Heda.” Gideon said bowing. “Be safe.” 

“Thank you.” Lexa said kicking Tarko into a trot down the path. Clarke had no choice but to follow. 

The two rode in silence as they trotted down a jagged path leading from Arkadian. Clarke marked it as the one that lead to the drop ship. She assumed though that Lexa had picked it at random, as she had never been to the Drop ship. 

“What are we doing out here Lexa?” Clarke asked after about 15 minutes. Kicking Wells so that he trotted up beside Tarko.

“These lands belong to one of the 13 clans.” Lexa shrugged. “I try my best to learn as much about the lands of each of my clans as possible. I also am hoping to bring back something your people will find interesting. A gift. As well I thought it best that you become familiar with your land; since you are their ambassador.”

Clarke chuckled, Lexa knew that that she had spend very little time around Arkadia itself, she was fairly familiar with the areas around Polis and the Drop ship but had spent very little time actually in her people’s current city. 

“Thank you.” Clarke said shaking her head. “Do you even know where you are going?

“I don’t.” Lexa confessed. “Do you?”

“Yes actually. This is the way to where we first landed here, where my friends and I lived.” 

“The tower of fire?” Lexa asked. 

“We call it the Drop Ship.” Clarke said awkwardly realizing that many of Lexa’s people had died there. 

“I’d like to see It.” 

“Okay. I can take you there.” 

“Thank you.”

The two girls continued along the path in silence. Both listening and enjoying the silent world around them. It was early enough that few birds were singing but many of the night predators had gone to sleep. It was a beautiful in between time. 

The sun was just casting a grey light through the trees as Clarke’s horse rounded the final turn of the ragged path and came upon the Drop ship. It had been such a long time since Clarke had been there she actually gasped when she saw how much it had changed. What had previously been charred and burnt earth was now flush with fresh green grass and several types of flowers. The ship itself seemed entirely out of place in this beautiful area of flowers and foliage. It stood silhouetted by the sun like a giant hulking beast. 

“This is where you lived in the beginning?” Lexa asked getting off Tarko and walking around the clearing. 

“Yes.” Clarke said following her gazing up at her old ship. “It’s where we first landed.” 

“It’s fascinating.” Lexa confessed looking around. “I heard so much about this area, sent so many scouts and men but I never pictured it like this.” 

Clunk!

Lexa stumbled as her foot hit a small obstruction in the earth. She bent down and uncovered it. A skull. 

Clarke stood apart from her awkwardly as Lexa picked up the skull of one of her former warriors, a warrior Clarke had killed. 

“200 warriors.” Lexa said looking around at the plants which she now realized were fertilized by the corpses of her men. She knelt down and placed the skull on a smooth flat rock.

Suddenly Clarke felt as though she was intruding and quietly walked away from the Commander who was now muttering what sounded like a prayer. She found herself walking through the trees, a familiar route to her though she hadn’t walked it in some time. 

The small crosses appeared through the trees like small soldiers standing guard. Each cross-marked one of her dead friends. There were only about 20 or so crosses as many had died away from the ship. These were the first deaths. Clarke walked along the rows counting as she did so, naming each cross, trying to picture the face of its owner. Some she could as clear as day, others she struggled to even remember their name. She walked quietly until she reached a specific one. 

She knelt down at the base of Well’s grave and placed a hand on it. Out of all those she’d lost on Earth she found herself often forgetting about Wells and she sometimes hated herself for it. She’d hated him for so long and had not gotten the chance to truly speak to him, forgive. Then the world had gone to hell so quickly after his death she found herself losing touch with her mourning. 

“Who was it?” 

Clarke hadn’t heard Lexa approach, now the Commander was kneeling beside her gazing at the crosses, eyes sad. 

“Wells.” Clarke said sniffling, not realizing that small tears had formed in the corner of her eyes. 

Lexa placed a hand on her shoulder squeezed. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for your people too.” Clarke said feeling idiotic, crying over her friend when literally hundreds of Lexa’s people died just beyond the trees. How many of them had she known. 

Lexa pulled Clarke towards her and kissed the side of the blonde’s head before rising. “Let’s go.” 

Clarke nodded and stood, taking one last moment to examine all of the crosses before following Lexa back to their horses. 

XXXX

The two continued to ride further into the forest. Clarke was amazed at how quickly their horses sped up their travel. Though they were only moving at a walk they’d always gone further than Clarke had ever ventured out from the Drop ship. The land they were exploring was new to her.

The sun had just appeared completely over the horizon when both girls abruptly stopped their horses and strained their ears. They looked at each other and nodded, confirming they were hearing the same thing. Then a broad smile broke out across Lexa’s face and she kicked her horse forward toward the sound. Confused by Lexa’s reaction Clarke followed the Commander toward the unmistakable sound of running water. Seconds later the two emerged on a sloping bank. 

Clarke could swear she heard Lexa laugh as she gazed over the small pool of water being filled be a tall cascading waterfall. The Commander got off her horse and led him along the bank to a tree where she tied his reins to a branch and approached the water. 

Clarke scanned the area in amazement, she’d never known this place had existed and yet it wasn’t too far away from her old home. The waterfall was about 15ft high and was composed of large jagged rocks. The pool of water was maybe only 20ft across but Clarke imagined it was very deep. She watched the Commander kneel down and splash her hand into the water, filling her cupped hands and drinking from them. 

Then Lexa turned to look at Clarke, her eyes bright. 

“What are you so happy about?” Clarke asked, tying Wells next to Tarko.

“This is fantastic.” Lexa said gazing up at the peak of the waterfall hands on her hips. Then in a fluid motion she removed her shoes and started to pull her armor over her head. She unclipped her belt and pulled her outer shirt off, leaving her only in her pants and baggy shirt. 

“What are you doing?” Clarke laughed completely taken aback by this behavior. 

“Going swimming.” Lexa responded taking large strides forward, but not towards the edge of the water, towards the wall of jagged rocks the water was pouring from. 

“No. Lexa.” Clarke said realizing what the Commander was going to do. 

“What?” Lexa said placing her hands on to rocks and hoisting herself up to the next level of rocks. 

“You’ll get yourself killed.” Clarke said feeling very much like a mother. “You’ll fall or something.”

“I am Trikru.” Lexa said boldly. “Member of the Tree Clan.” She pulled herself up higher grunting in effort. “I grew up climbing.” 

“I am Skikru.” Clarke called back un-encouragingly. “That doesn’t mean I’m an expert at flying.” 

“Have you ever tried.” Lexa yelled, nearing the top of the waterfall. 

“I haven’t, because I’m not stupid like you.” Clarke called back. “Now come down.”

“I’ll be fine Clarke.” Lexa laughed. 

Clarke had to admit the girl could climb, The Commander seemed to move up the wall like a spider on a tree, finding hand holds and grips where there seemed to be none. However, Clarke found her stomach knotting as Lexa scaled the rocks higher and higher. Her heart was basically thumping in her throat when Lexa finally reached the top of the rocks and was running her hands through the top of the waterfall and splashing her face. 

“There!” Clarke yelled. “You’ve had your fun. Now come down before I have a heart attack.” 

Clarke saw Lexa smile and take a step away from the edge of the cliff. “Of course Sky Princess.” She said calmly. “As you wish.” 

By her tone Clarke knew what she was going to do before she did it. 

“NOT THAT WAY!” Clarke yelled enraged but it was too late, Lexa had already taken three long strides and launched herself off the cliff, her body arching. 

She hit the water in a perfect dive and shot below the surface like a knife into flesh. 

Clarke’s breathing and heart stopped as she stared at the rippling area the Commander had landed. After what seemed like an eternity Lexa’s head finally broke the water’s surface. 

“I hate you.” Clarke said crossing her arms and glaring at the Commander. 

Lexa smirked in a very un-Lexa like way and swam towards her counterpart. “Sure you do. Now come in, it’s beautiful.” 

Clarke sighed undid her belt, letting her knife and gun fall to the ground. Deciding to do Lexa one better Clarke removed her shirts completely, so she only wore her bra and underwear. She caught Lexa following her motions as she stripped; she caught Commander’s eyes and raised a brow. Lexa laughed and dove under the water again. 

Clarke gingerly placed her bare feet into the water and gasped. Lexa was swimming around as if the water was warmth as a bath. It most certainly was not. The water was so chilled that it sent goose bumps running up Clarke’s body. She’d only been in this much water only once or twice but it had never been this cold. 

As Clarke made her way deeper into the water her teeth began to chatter. She’d only made it up to her mid thighs when she stopped, unable to proceed. By this time Lexa had resurfaced and was swimming up to the blond. When she got close enough she stood up, letting the water fall from her soaked body, her long brown hair slick and shiny against her body. 

“Finding it a little cold Sky Princess?” Lexa said cockily. “You didn’t have cold water in space?” 

“Oh shut up.” Clarke snapped good naturedly teeth chattering. She was finding the fact that Lexa was calling her her old nickname both strange and enjoyable “Can we get out now?” 

“Okay.” Lexa said holding out a hand to Clarke who took it gratefully, ready to return to the dry land and her warm clothes. The moment she made contact with Lexa’s hand however she saw a glint in the Commander’s eye. Something she’d never seen in the girl before but knew it’s meaning nonetheless. 

“Lexa don’t.” She barely gotten the words from her mouth when the Commander tugged powerfully and pulled her into the water so that she fell forward and with a shriek was completely submerged. 

“I’m going to kill you!” Clarke sputtered pulling her head above the water. Lexa had pulled her out past the shore and her feet couldn’t touch the bottom of the water. She’d been in bodies of water like this but had never been unable to touch, nor had she ever been swimming. They hadn’t exactly had swimming pools on the Ark. Clarke began to struggle to keep her head above the water. 

“Pretty hard to kill someone when you are in the process of drowning.” Lexa said swimming towards Clarke and wrapping an arm around her so she didn’t need to hold herself above water with as much effort. 

“I’ll manage.” Clarke growled, teeth chattering away.

“Alright.” Lexa conceded kissing Clarke’s temple. She began to push/drag the blonde to shore. 

XXX

“When was the last time you were swimming like that?” 

Clarke was hurriedly dressing into her warm dry clothes as Lexa puttered around the bank looking for fire wood, still dripping. 

“Not since I was a child.” Lexa said positioning the tinder and kindling into a pyramid shape. “ My parents once took me to the coast and I dove off the cliffs there. Though the water was much deeper and colder. There were also very large waves.”

“Colder than that?” Clarke laughed. 

“Much colder.” Lexa said clicking her flint together and successfully creating a few sparks that took to the kindling. “I always loved swimming though. I just never could at the capitol.” 

Clarke suddenly understood why Lexa had been so overcome with joy. For once she’d let her inner self take the lead without fear of what she needed to be as the Commander. She’d just been having fun. It was such a strange occurrence for Clarke to witness but she was glad she had. 

“What’s a wave?” Clarke asked focusing on the strange word she’d heard Lexa speak. 

“They’re like very large ripples.” Lexa said coaxing her spark into a small flame with breath. “They occur in large lakes and in the ocean. The ones I’ve seen have reached great heights, some as large as some huts.” 

Clarke pulled on her shirt, trying to imagine such things. 

“Are they dangerous?” Clarke asked buttoning her outer shirt. 

“They can be.” Lexa said sitting up and watching her fire begin to devour the tinder. “There are tales of giant waves destroying entire villages, or tides sucking swimmers out into the far seas.” 

Clarke found herself understanding only about half of what Lexa said but before she could ask another question the Commander rose to her feet. 

“I’ll be back in a moment.” Lexa said collecting her knife and belt. “Can you keep that going please Clarke?” She nodded to her expertly built fire which Clarke assumed could burn for hours unattended. 

“Of course.” Clarke said sitting herself next to the warm fire, her goose bumps finally receding back into her skin. She watched Lexa disappear into the trees, knife in hand.


	18. Chapter 18

The fire crackled loudly as it consumed the damp sticks Clarke and Lexa had pulled from the trees. The two girls sat around the fire in silence eating the rabbit Lexa had killed. Clarke could have sworn the girl had been gone less than five minutes when she returned with a large buck rabbit, its throat slit. 

It amazed her how skilled Lexa actually was. Not only was she an amazing warrior and fighter but she was also a hunter, tracker, and apparently climber. Some skills Clarke knew she had learned as a Nightblood but some she would have mastered as a child. 

The day before Clarke had spent wondering what her life would have been like it she hadn’t never came to the ground, but now as she looked at Lexa she wondered what would have become of this girl if she hadn’t been chosen to be Commander. 

“What is on your mind Clarke?” Lexa asked tossing her stripped bones into the fire and rising to rinse her hands in the water.

“Hmm?” Clarke asked, realizing how long she had been silent and perhaps that Lexa had been speaking.

“You’ve been deep in your thoughts the last two days.” Lexa said drying her hands on her pants and sitting back down next to Clarke.

“I’m just thinking Lexa.” Clarke shrugged. “You are so extraordinary.” Lexa smiled awkwardly. “I mean you are smart, resourceful, good with kids. I’m just trying to imagine you if you hadn’t won the conclave.”

Lexa’s smile receded into a stony expression. 

“I’d be dead Clarke.” 

“No.” Clarke shook her head. “I mean if you were never made Commander, if you didn’t have the blood of the Commander.”

“I’d be dead.” 

“But Lexa…” Clarke tried to explain, try to get the other girl to image her life without Polis. 

“If I wasn’t Commander Clarke, I would have died several times over by now.”

“I know…I Just.” Clarke let her shoulders sag knowing she wasn’t going to get through to the other girl. “Where did you say your parents would take you swimming?” She asked changing the subject. 

Lexa accepted the change of subject with enthusiasm.   
“I was only taken once, to the coast. It was quite a long journey from our village and we went when I was very young. But there I learned to swim as well as to fish.”

“Where are your parents now?” Clarke asked realizing she’d told the girl so much about her family but knew nothing of her own. 

“Dead.” Lexa said bluntly shifting the sticks in the fire, which was beginning to die. 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke wilted, the death of her father still tore her up inside but Lexa was so unemotional about the topic. 

“It’s alright, they died many years ago.”

“How?”

Lexa shrugged. 

“Before my coalition the clans were not nearly as friendly to one another.” Lexa said sitting back, elbows resting in the earth. “The village I was raised in was pillaged by a raiding party from the Dead Zone. My parents were warriors so naturally they died defending their land.” 

Clarke nodded understanding. “How long ago?”

“It must be over 10 years now, I was still a Nightblood when it happened.” 

“Is Tarko named after your father?” Clarke asked suddenly remembering her desire to know the horse’s namesake. 

“No.” Lexa shook her head. “He’s named for my brother.” 

“You had a brother?” Clarke asked sitting up abruptly, Lexa had never once spoken of him so Clarke assumed she’d been an only child. The concept of siblings was so fascinating to her because having multiple children was forbidden on the Ark. The only siblings she knew were Octavia and Bellamy and they seemed to possess a bond that no one else understood. Clarke was now trying to picture Lexa with a brother.

“Yes. Tarko.” Lexa said glancing fondly back at her horse.

“Did he die with your parents?”

“No, he died long ago, before I was even taken to Polis.”

“Oh.” Clarke gazed at Lexa softly. Trying to gauge how much emotion the Commander was allowing. Lexa caught her eye and sighed, knowing that Clarke was seeking the story. 

“He died back when we were children.” Lexa began. “He was 5 or so years older than me. He was a great boy from what I remember; he was one of the older children in the village. He became a sort of leader to us; he was big enough to enforce his will but kind enough to defend the younger children. He was fun to follow I remember.   
A year before Titus took me to Polis, when I was only 7 Tarko and I and several other children were outside the village scavenging and hunting. Collecting turtles and frogs, catching smaller rodents when we were attacked.” 

“By what?” Clarke asked intrigued what would dare attack a group of children? 

“This was a time before the Mountain Men built their Reapers. They were still learning how to survive properly and from what I’ve been told they created a theory of capturing children and raising them to harvest. I still don’t fully understand their reasoning for it, but they did it none the less.”

“Mountain Men attacked you.”

“Yes.” Lexa nodded. “I only remember glimpses of them, they wore their large coverings that helped them breathe and had guns. They shot a few children, not fatally, just enough to subdue them. Tarko was the oldest so they subdued him first. I remember rushing to defend him and was hit in the face with the end of a gun, splitting my cheek so it began to bleed.” 

Clarke exhaled loudly comprehension dawning on her. 

“All the other children bled red, but I was bleeding black. I’d never really thought of it as strange but the Mountain Men did. So they didn’t take me.”

“You wouldn’t have been any use to them, they needed blood like theirs.” Clarke said thinking. 

“Yes. So they took my brother and the other children. Leaving me, calling me a radiated freak. A year later Titus came to our village looking for Nightbloods.”

“Do you know what happened to Tarko?” Clarke asked sitting herself closer to Lexa.

“I only know what I learned in the capitol.” Lexa shrugged poking the fire. “I learned that the Mountain Men’s plan to raise our children failed, the children couldn’t survive as long without their blood and had less blood to give. It is assumed that any child taken did not survive more than 1 or 2 weeks in the mountain. Their lives were short and painful.”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke said placing a hand on Lexa’s shoulder. The Commander just shrugged. 

“I almost laugh at the idea of my brother now.” Lexa confessed. “ I remember when they opened the Mountain and released the prisoners I had a small moment of wondering if I was going to see him emerge from the doors.”

Clarke smiled sadly. 

“How strange it would be.” Lexa marveled. “He was always our leader, I followed him, I still believe he was a better leader than I ever will be, but that may just be the views of a young child. But how strange it would be for him to leave the mountain and see me as Commander, as Heda.” 

Clarke looked at Tarko, he was a kind gentle horse but also a leader. 

“I think your horse suits his name.”

Lexa nodded in agreement, rising and crossing to pat Tarko’s soft nose. “I like to think that being the Commander of the horses gives my brother the chance to be the leader he never got to be.” 

“It does.” Clarke agreed smiling at the sight of Lexa brushing her horse affectionately. She wondered what Lexa’s brother had looked like, if he was a carbon copy of Lexa but male, if he would be taller, shorter, bolder, kinder. Would he have made a better leader? Better Commander if he had had the blood. Clarke wished that Lexa’s people had photos, she longed to be able to look into their past;   
to see past families, past leaders, past Commanders.   
Suddenly a thought hit Clarke. “So if you didn’t have the Nightblood…”

“I would have died in the mountain as a child.” Lexa nodded. Clarke now understood what Lexa had meant earlier. “And even if somehow that day hadn’t occurred no doubt I would have died years later with my parents defending our village.”

Clarke chewed her lip. “If you weren’t Commander you would be dead.” 

“Yes.” Lexa confirmed. “I’ve sometimes thought what you have Clarke, what my life would be like. But then I remember that fact and I accept that it was my fate to become Commander, my destiny as some say.” 

“Was it my destiny to fall from the sky?” Clarke wondered aloud. 

Lexa returned to Clarke and stood over her. “Be careful Clarke.” She warned. “It is dangerous to become enveloped in the world of what ifs. You can lose yourself and fill yourself with regrets.” 

At this Clarke laughed. “Lexa do you know what a fortune cookie is?” 

Lexa furrowed her brow and held a hand out to help Clarke to her feet. “No I do not.”

Clarke took the offered hand and pulled herself to her feet. “Good, because if you did, you’d be an expert a writing them.”

“I do not understand.” Lexa said titling her head to the side curiously. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Clarke said leaning forward and kissing Lexa lightly.   
The older girl smiled at the kiss and pulled Clarke closer reveling in the closeness. After a moment Lexa pulled away. 

“We should return. They’ll be expecting us.” 

Clarke released the Commander and nodded. 

Lexa bent down and picked up her belt with knife and began to strap it on. 

Suddenly the girl froze, her head shooting up to look at Clarke. 

“What?” Clarke asked, thinking that some strong idea at just struck the Commander, but then she saw the girl’s eyes grow wide, and cloud over with what only could be fear. It was then that Clarke realized Lexa wasn’t looking at her, but behind her. 

Clarke was just in the process of turning around when the horses whinnied loudly and something large and heavy hit her, there was a flash of light and the world went dark.


	19. Chapter 19

It was dark. Or was there just nothing to see? It was silent, or was there nothing to hear? She couldn’t breath, but did she need to?

There was pressure pushing down on her. It could hurt but Clarke’s couldn’t really recognize pain, her brain felt slow and disconnected, or maybe she just had nothing to think at all. Maybe she just didn’t exist anymore? 

She felt an increase of pressure on her shoulder. Then movement, her mass seemed to shift, the pressure on the shoulder instigating it. What did it matter?   
The pressure on her shoulder was gone. Now there was force being applied to her face, her cheek? She felt a slight stinging sensation as her cheek was hit lightly. There was also a growing sense of vibration coming from the sound of her head. Sound?  
The force of the hits to her cheek was increasing with each slap, and the vibrations growing more and more noticeable. Then there was this burning, this burning of pressure in her chest, from her empty and compressed lungs, a burning for oxygen. But she couldn’t fill them; the force pressing down on her was too great. But the burning was so painful; perhaps she should try to breath. Her cheek was slapped the hardest it had been yet. 

Then it all came rushing back. Clarke inhaled and in doing so opened her eyes, at that moment her ears seemed to pick up every bit of sound they could. It was like releasing a dam on her senses and everything flooded to her at once. 

The moment she inhaled she felt a sharp pain in her chest and couldn’t hold the air, she released it, but the inhaled again, needing oxygen. Her vision was blurred from the sudden brightness of the sun and Clarke found her eyes could not focus on anything. Her ears too seemed to be filled with a buzzing. 

“Clarke!” suddenly her ears could truly distinguish sound and the sound of girl’s voice penetrated her sluggish brain. Her eyes focused on the blurry shape above. Like she was emerging from a heavy fog Lexa’s bright green eyes and distinct features became clear. 

“Clarke!” She yelled again smacking the side of Clarke’s face and lifting her up slightly. “Clarke!” Lexa was supporting all of Clarke’s weight by wrapping an arm around her back and gripping her shoulder, the crook of her elbow holding the blonde’s head. 

Clarke inhaled again and this time managed to hold the air for a moment before exhaling. She felt her fingers twitch and found one of her hands gripping Lexa’s forearm, trying to deduce if the girl was real or not. She felt the girl’s bones, muscles, warmth. Real. This was Lexa.

As Lexa saw Clarke’s dazed eyes focus on her and felt her fingers digging into her arm the Commander breathed again. She hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath but as those fierce blue eyes pierced hers she felt relief spread across her body. Without truly thinking she pulled Clarke into a hug, pressed the blonde’s head against her chest.

“You’re okay. You’re okay.” Lexa muttered both to herself and to Clarke who still seemed entirely dazed. 

As Lexa held Clarke tightly in her arms Clarke focused in on the sound of Lexa’s heart beat. It was beating incredibly fast and the girl but the girl was breathing steadily. Clarke used Lexa’s breathing as an example to try and slow her breathe. Her body was shaking and stiff. She didn’t remember what had caused it to though. Her lower back in particular seemed to be aching and even stung slightly. Something had hit her. Hit her and knocked the wind out of her. 

As Lexa shifted her grip on Clarke, lifting her higher so that her head rested on the Commander’s shoulder. 

“You’re okay. You’re okay.” The older girl kept repeating. 

Yes, Clarke thought. I am. Her body was completely in shock and she was having a hard time keeping her breath in and despite herself, she noticed large tears streaming from her eyes.   
As Lexa lifted her Clarke could see over the girl’s shoulder. There was a large black mass behind her, lying on the ground. With all her mental power Clarke focused on the mass trying to distinguish what it was.   
It was fur, a large pile of fur, no it was a panther. Clarke’s eyes traced along the cat’s body to where it’s head should be. Her eyes caught a glint of silver as she saw the hilt of Lexa’s dagger protruding from one of the cat’s eye sockets. 

“You killed it.” Clarke mumbled, her voice sounding strange in her throat. 

Lexa loosened her grip on Clarke and lowered her down. 

“What Clarke?” She asked concerned looking the girl in the eye. 

Clarke nodded in the direction of the dead panther. “You killed it.” 

Lexa glanced up at the cat and nodded slowly. “Yes I did.” 

“Huh.” Clarke said feeling slow. 

“Clarke can you move you feet?” Lexa asked brow furrowed in concern. 

Together the two girls looked down Clarke’s outstretched body to her feet. Clarke gave a slight kick and pulled her legs in towards her. 

“Good.” Lexa sighed. “It could have cracked your back.” The older girl pressed her forehead against the younger. Feeling the life in her. 

“I’m okay Lexa.” Clarke breathed, trying to put what had occurred together. 

“I should have seen it sooner.” Lexa said turning to look at the cat. “I should have heard, known it was stalking us, or that the fire…”

“Shhhh.” Clarke said shutting her eyes, her head was aching from oxygen deprivation. 

“I’m sorry Clarke.” Lexa said quietly. 

“Don’t be.” Clarke opened her eyes. “You killed it. I don’t know how but you killed it before it could kill me.” 

“It jumped you from behind. I thought it broke your neck; I killed it as it jumped I’ve never seen a shadow cat that big. You weren’t moving, or breathing.” 

“It knocked the wind out of me.” 

Clarke pulled herself closer to Lexa, she couldn’t think, or move, she just needed to sit for a moment. Lexa seemed to understand and held her tightly, kissing the top of her head. Clarke shut her eyes and relaxed herself, letting Lexa support her weight.  
The two girls sat on the ground holding one another for several minutes before Lexa kissed Clarke’s temple, bringing the girl out of her daze. 

“I’m sorry Clarke, but we need to return to Arkadia.” Clarke nodded, her head still pressed against Lexa’s chest. “Can you walk?” Lexa asked looking down at the younger girl who nodded hesitantly. 

Jolts of pain shot through her back as Clarke tried to stand. 

“I’m okay.” Clarke said catching Lexa’s eyes. The Commander was staring at the girl suspiciously. 

“Let me see.” Lexa said crossing behind Clarke. 

Clarke sighed and removed her jacket. She winced as Lexa lifted the back of her shirt. 

“It’s bruising already but it doesn’t look like anything was damaged but you are bleeding a little.”

“What?” Clarke asked confused. 

“Its claws got you, they’re not deep but still enough to bleed.” Clarke felt Lexa’s hands on her back and winced slightly. “One moment.” The Commander said walking towards her horse and digging in her saddle bag. She extracted several dried blue flowers and to Clarke’s surprise placed them in her mouth and began to chew. 

“What are you?” The younger girl began to ask but as an answer Lexa approached her and spit the chewed flowers into her hand. 

“Here.” She said gingerly lifting Clarke’s shirt once more and from what Clarke could tell was smearing the chewed flowers onto the parts of her back that were stinging particularly fiercely. 

“Those will clean the wounds and prevent infection. It doesn’t burn does it?” 

“No.” Clarke said, realizing that the flowers were actually doing the opposite, it seemed as though they were leaching the pain from her wound. “It’s actually making it feel better.”

“Good.” 

“Yeah.” Clarke exclaimed reaching around her back and smearing some leaves on her fingers. She examined the dark blue substance curiously. “Where did you learn about these? I’ve never seen them used before.”   
Lexa seemed conflicted for a moment. “A healer showed me years ago.”

“Really? I’d love to speak with your healers. These are great.” 

“They are.” Lexa smiled weakly. “Are you fit enough to ride?” Lexa asked untying Wells and bringing him closer to Clarke. 

“Yeah.” Clarke said lowering her shirt and slowly putting on her jacket, riding was not going to be a pleasant experience but anything was better than being dead. As she struggled to mount Wells she saw Lexa tying the panther’s paws together.   
Then in one fluid motion the Commander lifted the huge cat in a fireman’s lift and walked over to Tarko. Lexa swung the body over Tarko’s back, the horse grunted at the sudden addition of weight. The cat was probably well over 200 pounds in weight. Clarke just shook her head hardly even amazed by Lexa’s abilities anymore. 

When Lexa turned back to Clarke she was surprised to see that Commander had a slight grin. 

“What’s so funny?” Clarke asked adjusting herself, trying to get comfortable riding horseback. 

“I told you I would bring your people a feast.” Lexa said bluntly mounting Tarko. 

Clarke nodded and racked her eyes across the panther, impressed. Then she raised an eyebrow. “Wait, So this was all a plan? You took me out here to use me as bait?” 

Lexa clicked her tongue for Tarko to start towards home. “Maybe.” The Commander joked. “You are just fortunate that I am that quick with a knife. “

“Shof op” Clarke laughed kicked Wells forward to follow Lexa back towards Arkadia.


	20. Chapter 20

Abby chewed her lip nervously as she stared out at the tree line of the thick forest that surrounded Arkadia. Around her the camp bustled about; packing up the last of the Grounder supplies as well as outfitting those who were to travel with them to Polis. 

The sun was high but there were still a few hours until noon. The sky was clear but there was heaviness to the air, a precursor she learned to heavy rain, which would most likely arrive after nightfall or on the brink of it. 

When Abby had awoken she was displeased to learn that the Commander was not present in the camp, nor was Clarke. Though the guards informed her that the two had gone out on a hunting exhibition Abby was suspicious. She would not put it past Clarke or the Commander for that matter to leave Arkadia before the citizens had truly woken. Her suspicion only mounted when she discovered that a group of Grounders had already left into to “prepare their next camp.” Clarke and the Commander could have easily gone with them, Clarke to avoid any awkward goodbyes and Lexa, Abby didn’t know; to maybe avoid a large ordeal or departing a busy camp. 

“They’ll be back soon.” 

Abby hadn’t heard Raven approach but now the young mechanic stood next to her, looking out into the trees. “The grounders said that they would be back before noon.”

“They also said that they left before sunrise.” Abby said annoyed. “That’s an awfully long hunting trip.” 

“The Commander wouldn’t leave without a proper goodbye.” Octavia said approaching the two on lookers. “Even just as a matter of respect she’d say goodbye to you and Kane, our leaders.” 

“Then something must have happened.” Abby suddenly feeling her heart beat quicken with worry. The woods were a treacherous place, especially for two young girl, no matter how many clans they commanded. 

“Abby, I’m sure they’re fine.” Raven said placing a hand on the concerned mother’s shoulder. 

“You can’t know that.” Abby snapped. 

Then as if to spite her there came a loud horn. Following the sound two horses appeared on the tree line, making there way towards the camp. Abby recognized her daughter immediately. 

“What have they got?” Octavia asked leaning forward looking down at the approaching pair. 

“Some kind of animal.” Raven said excitedly beginning to make her way down the hill, she was not the only one curious about what was slung over the back of the Commander’s horse; several other Arkadians were jogging towards the approaching girls, jabbering excitedly and curiously. 

When Clarke and Lexa reached the crowd of onlookers; the Commander dismounted and hoisted the panther from Tarko and slammed the body onto the ground proudly. 

“You killed that?” An astonished onlooker gasped, her eyes traveling the length of the panther’s body and focusing in on its long white teeth. 

“Yes we did.” Lexa said cutting the ropes holding the panther’s limbs together so that the full size of the beast could be realized. The crowd gasped and muttered impressed. 

Lexa nodded towards two of her nearby men. “Build a fire, we will feast with Skikru before we depart.”  
The warriors nodded and wandered away to cut some trees down.  
The Commander instructed several Arkadians to lift the cat and carry it to the nearest fire pit. 

When the attention was drifting away from Clarke she gritted her teeth and eased herself off her horse. 

“So you killed that thing all by yourself?” She heard Octavia’s voice ask Lexa.

“Clarke and I killed it together.” Lexa confirmed nodding towards the blond her only just managed to slap a smile on her face when the attention was thrown back at her. 

Several Arkadian’s applauded before a hunter approached the cat and began to skin it, pulling their attention back. Many gasped. 

 

“So you helped huh?” Octavia laughed walking up to Clarke. “What’d you do? Act as bait?”

Clarke grimaced. “More than you’d know.” She grumbled. “Sorry, I’ve just got to go get the rest of my stuff.” Clarke excused herself and began to walk towards the shift. Octavia laughed. “You must have made good bait.” She called noting Clarke’s slight limp and stiff walk. 

“Shut up.” Clarke called back. 

XXXXXX

Clarke was pleased to find that most Arkadian’s were out watching the panther roast over the fire leaving no one in the ship to intercept her on her way to her compartment. 

When she reached her familiar dwelling she gave a small sigh of relief and lay softly down on her stomach, relishing the softness of her bed. After a moment she stood herself up and gingerly pulled her shirt over her head. She gazed at her reflection in the mirror mounted on the back of her door. She turned her body slightly trying to see as much of her back as she could. Lexa was right when she said the cat’s claws had gotten her. There were only 8 perfect puncture marks on Clarke’s lower back in the exact shape of the cat’s claws. To accompany such beautiful marks was bruising that would make a watercolor painter drool. Even though the bruising was no more than two hours old it was still a deep shade a purple, with hints of pink veins trickling around the focal point of where each paw made contact with her back. Had Clarke had charcoal she would have been able to draw a scaled paw print on her back, the dark bruises and the claw marks as her guide for each toe and paw pad. Just as Clarke was beginning to trace what she could of the raised bruise with her fingers there was a knock on her door.

“One second.” Clarke said scrambling to put a shirt on momentarily forgetting how sensitive her back and rewarded herself with a sharp stinging sensation as she pulled her shirt on.

“Come in.” She said sitting on her bed, the pain from her back making her momentarily dizzy. 

Abby entered the room. Clarke did her best to sit straighter.

“Hello.” Abby said looking at her daughter. 

“Hi.” Clarke said still recovering from the aching of her back. 

“What happened?” Abby asked approaching and looking down on her daughter.

“What?”

“I’m your mother Clarke, I know when you are hurting.” Abby crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow at her daughter “I saw you get off your horse.”   
Clarke held Abby’s gaze for a moment but was forced to look away. 

“Show me.” Abby said sternly, trying not to demand too much of her daughter but to her surprise Clarke stood up, slowly pulled off her shirt, and turned away from her.

“Oh Clarke.” Abby gasped looking at the deep shades of purple and dried blood covering Clarke’s lower back. “You shouldn’t have gone out, you aren’t a hunter.”

“We weren’t hunting.” Clarke said through gritted teeth as she felt Abby’s cold hands gently feeling her back, checking for internal injuries. “It attacked us.”

“What?” Abby said her hands frozen mid-examination. 

“It was hunting us.” Clarke explained. “Lexa only just managed to kill it, otherwise it probably would have killed us both.” 

The last part Clarke wasn’t sure was entirely true, would Lexa have been killed two or would she have managed to kill the cat? “It would have definitely killed me.” She added. 

“Well it could have been worse then.” Abby murmured feeling along Clarke’s spine. “What’s this blue substance?”

“It’s some type of flower.” Clarke said glancing over her shoulder to look at the wound. “Lexa had it, she said it would prevent infection from the puncture marks. It took away some of the pain. Do you know what it is?”

“No.” Abby said sniffing the blue flowers. “I’ve never seen it before in my life.” 

“Me neither. Jackson will be learning a lot in the capital.” Clarke said hoping that her mother would take the bait for conversation. 

“Yes, I’m sure.” Abby said handing Clarke her shirt back. “But he will hopefully teach them as well.” Clarke nodded and took her shirt back. “I’ll get you some medicine to help your blood clot to try and control those bruises. It doesn’t look like there is anything internal it will just hurt be a few days.” 

“I figured.” Clarke said pulling the fabric painfully over her head once more. She caught her mother’s eye and felt a slight pang of guilt. “Thanks Mom.”

“Jackson will be returning here with the others at least once of month.” Abby said directly, pushing Clarke for more than meager apology. 

“And I’ll be coming for a week or so every three months.” Clarke said, catching her mother’s surprised look. Abby had been expecting to hear that Clarke wouldn’t be returning to Arkadia at all. 

“Lexa and I agreed that I needed to spent time here every few months if I am to create a proper gauge of what our people are in need of. 

Abby couldn’t contain her smile. “I’m glad to hear that.” 

“I’ll also come back for most of our largest holidays.” Clarke added the idea striking her as she saw how pleased her mother was. With that Abby enveloped her daughter into a hug, it was not nearly as tight as she would have liked but she was cautious of Clarke’s back. 

“Thank you.” Abby whispered over her daughter’s shoulder. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.” Clarke admitted, shutting her eyes and enjoying the moment, not knowing when the next one would come. “We will meet again.”

 

XXXXXX

The panther was fairly gamey but the hunters had added strange spices to make up for the texture. Clarke was sitting on the grass with Octavia and Raven each with a small plate of cooked meat. All around them Arkadians and Grounder alike were sitting or wandering enjoying the food. A little way off Lexa and several of her men were loading up the horses and cart with the last of the supplies. They were set to leave in just a few minutes, it was nearly noon and if they wanted to reach the other camp before nightfall they needed to leave. As Clarke finished the rest of her cooked attacker several Arkadians approached her to wish her farewell, some she knew by name others were strangers to her. They expressed their gratitude for everything she’d done, shook her hand, and thanked her for bringing the Commander to meet them. As Clarke smiled, nodded, and shook hands she caught a familiar face at the back of the crowd. Bellamy was standing slightly off from the group, arms crossed, a look of concern on his face. 

Clarke politely excused herself from the well wishers who happily moved on to speak with Octavia. Clarke quietly walked up to her friend.

“You’re worried.” She said standing next to Bellamy crossing her arms to look at the people milling about before them. 

“More suspicious.” Bellamy said stonily. Clarke looked at him, eyebrow raised. 

“Last time we seemed on good terms with these people they left us to die.” 

“This isn’t like last time.” Clarke said, trying to hide her annoyance at Bellamy’s constant doubt. 

“How do you know that?” Bellamy demanded. “What’s changed?”

“We’ve changed.” Clarke said placing a hand calmly on Bellamy’s shoulder, squeezing it. “All of us. Before we united to destroy an enemy, now we unite to keep what we have. No one would dare make an attempt on this peace.” 

“Is it peace?”

Clarke sighed. “Bellamy, you’re a soldier, so am I. We’ve only known war and struggle for so long that we find it hard to recognize tranquility. But do you know what I did today?”

Bellamy looked at her, eyes hurt and tired. “I swam in a river today. I laughed. I had fun.” Clarke was sure to leave the part where she had almost died out of her list of morning activities. 

“So that’s what I should do?” Bellamy scoffed. “Go swimming? Come on Clarke, don’t be stupid.”

“You need to let go.” Clarke begged. “I know it’s hard. I do. But you need to try. You need to find something in life other than war.” 

“Or someone?” Bellamy cocked an eyebrow at Clarke. 

Clarke shrugged. “It helps. It doesn’t fix it but it helps.” A loud horn bellowed from the far side of camp. It was time to leave. Clarke sighed knowing that Bellamy needed her. 

“Maybe someday you can come to Polis, get a fresh start.” 

Bellamy lowered his head and nodded. It had been discussed whether he should go to the capitol and learn how the grounders lead their armies but in the end the idea was discouraged. Though Bellamy had proved a model citizen since Pike’s death he still was responsible for killing almost 200 grounders, something that Clarke was sure the people would forgive but not while the wound was still fresh. Something Clarke wasn’t entirely sure she forgave. 

The horn sounded again and Clarke knew she needed to go. 

“It will only get better from here.” 

Bellamy shrugged. Clarke saw the hurt in his eyes and ignoring her aching back wrapped her arms around him tightly, kissing his cheek. Knowing they’d done this before when the world was darker than it had ever been. 

“May we meet again.” She said fighting to keep her tears in. 

“May we meet again.” He said gruffly.


	21. Chapter 21

Despite Well’s best attempts to avoid divots and mounds, riding was considerably painful. It had been only two hours since the group had left Arkadia and Clarke was already exhausted from the pain. She rode next to Monty and Octavia in the middle of the group. Lexa rode up front with several of her best warriors, clearing the path of any dangers that arose. 

Monty and Octavia had spent the duration of the ride discussing what it was like to live in Polis. Clarke tried to join into the conversation where she could but found her brain distracted from exhaustion and pain. 

“Clarke why don’t you just get some sleep?” Octavia finally said having posed the same question to Clarke three times and still receiving no response.

“Huh?” Clarke said wearily looking at her friend. 

“Here.” Octavia leaned over and took Clarke’s reins from her hands. She tied them to her own so that each move she made Wells followed exactly. “Get some sleep Clarke. You can barely keep your eyes open as it is.” 

Monty nodded his agreement and Clarke could do nothing but nod. She reached into her bag and extracted the small yellow pills her mother had given her incase she had trouble sleeping on her back. She hadn’t expected to have to use them but now muttered a brief thanks to Abby’s insensate need to mother her through her stubbornness. 

The pills tasted foul but Clarke managed to choke them down. The minute they hit her stomach Clarke felt drowsy and within a few minutes was fast asleep in her saddle. 

XXXXX

Her face was wet. A strange sensation. She felt the slight put put as cold droplets of rain fell on her face and shoulders. Clarke opened her eyes and saw that in the time she had slept the sun had completely disappeared and had been replaced with ominous dark clouds. Clouds that were now spilling heavy droplets of rain.

“Hey, welcome back to the land of the living.” Octavia said untying Well’s reins and handing them back to her. 

“Thanks.” Clarke said taking the reins gratefully and stretching her neck. That had certainly been the longest she’d ever slept on horseback. Her body felt stiff but she couldn’t tell if that was from the panther attack or the way her neck had been held in her sleep. “How far away we?” 

“Only another hour.” Octavia said pulling her hood over her head as the rain grew heavier. 

“Good.” 

Clarke was so entirely gratefully for Lexa’s forethought of sending several warriors ahead to construct the camp. By the time they arrived at the halfway mark the rain was falling so heavily that it was difficult to see further than 10ft ahead. Despite her several layers of clothing and animal hide Clarke was completely soaked through to her skin and was beginning to shiver when the camp came into view. It was far too wet for there to be any large fires but over a dozen tents had been erected and judging by the warm glow being emitted from under their flaps each tent was housing several candles or small fires. A welcoming sight. The girl couldn’t imagine had the party arrived here now needing to completely build the camp in this weather. As they filed into the camp and dismounted several men and women rushed to lead the horses under a large tarp. Gideon was directing the new arrivals to their tents, waving animatedly and speaking loudly, trying to make himself heard over the pounding rain. As Clarke, Monty, and Octvia approached him for instructions he looked down at them. “Skikru are in that tent.” He bellowed pointing to a medium sized tent just to his left.” They nodded and began to make their way to it. 

“Ambassador.” Gideon called and Clarke stopped, allowing her friends to enter the warm dry tent. “There was a miscount and we are short a bedroll for the Skikru visitors.”

“Oh.” Clarke said, not looking forward to having to sleep on the hard ground. Maybe Octavia would volunteer. 

“But, I’m sure.” Gideon continued. “That Heda would allow you as Ambassador to sleep in her personal tent.” Clarke could swear that Gideon finished his sentence with a wink. 

“Thank you Gideon.” Clarke said nodding and trudging off to the center of the camp where she could see Lexa’s large tent looming. As she approached the tent she could see the Commander standing in the flap of the tent, the light being emitted from the tent giving her a striking silhouette through the rain. 

“Hi.” Clarke said as Lexa stood aside, letting her pass. 

Clarke immediately crossed to the small fire burning in the room and dropped her soaking bag to the ground. “It’s freezing.” She chattered, pulling her dripping coat off. “Gideon said they miscounted how many of my people were coming and told me to come here.” She pulled off her shirts so that she was standing only in her damp bra. She caught sight of her back in the cracked mirror leaning against a wall of the tent. The bruising wasn’t worse than it had been that morning but was no better. Clarke dug frantically in her bag and extracted a (she sighed in relief) dry pair of pants and shirt. She pulled on the fresh clothing and breathed, revealing in the warm already filtering back into her body. She looked back in the mirror and furrowed her brow. In the corner of the mirror she could see the Commander. Lexa hadn’t moved from her post at the front of the tent. She wasn’t even looking at Clarke.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked bundling the wet clothing and spreading it out around the fire to dry. “Is everything okay?” 

The younger girl approached the Commander and looked outside the tent. She could only just make out several dark forms lumbering about in the rain but nothing urgent seemed to be happened. Nothing that required the Commander’s attention. 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked again placing a hand on the older girl’s shoulder. “Hey!” She exclaimed suddenly, feeling how cold the girl was. It was only then that Clarke noticed the Commander was still dressed in her riding armor, which was completely soaked through. The girl was cold as ice to the touch and pale. “What are you doing?” Clarke asked noticing the small pool of water that had formed where Lexa was standing. The Commander didn’t answer, and instead continued to stare out into the night. “Lexa…” Clarke said softly, knowing something was very wrong. “What is it?” 

The older girl didn’t respond. She hadn’t said a word since Clarke had entered. 

“Here.” Clarke said hesitantly pulling the Commander’s jacket over her shoulders and letting it drop to the ground with a heavy thud. Lexa didn’t respond so Clarke continued and pulled the girls outer shirt so she only wore her damp tank top like shirt. “Lexa.” Clarke said placing a hand on the girl’s bare shoulder. The touch acted like a shot of electricity to the Commander who jolted and turned to look at Clarke. The younger girl, surprised took a step back and released her grip.

“What is it?” Clarke said eyes wide as she stared at Lexa. The Commander’s eyes were dark and sad, but hard. 

“I hate this weather.” Lexa spoke so quietly Clarke had to take a step closer so as to distinguish the words she spoke. 

“The weather?” Clarke asked, not comprehending how mere weather could make Lexa recede this deeply into herself. 

“It’s cold and dark.” Lexa said looking back out of the tent. “You cannot see. You’re enemies could be at your very throat and you would not know. It’s like you are blind, blind and deaf. You are vulnerable, weak. Dependant on your enemies to be merciful. To not strike at the time you cannot defend yourself. But they are your enemies.”

“Lexa…” Clarke began to move closer to the Commander. The girl must be exhausted or too stressed out from the journey. She needed to relax. She was scaring Clarke.   
However, before the young girl could make contact with the Commander, the older girl turned, her eyes dark and lifeless. 

“You almost died today.”

Clarke stopped abruptly in her tracks. “Yes.” She said after a moment. “But I didn’t.”

“I almost lost you.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I lost Costia on a night like this.” Lexa looked outside, her mind on her past. “They came into the camp and took her, killing so many others. So many good people lost that night.”

Clarke was silent. Not knowing how to respond. 

“Commanders rarely fall in love.” Lexa looked back to her partner. “Not because it is weak, some of the wisest Commanders were those who had partners. But what occurred when the partner was lost was so much worse.” Clarke noticed that Lexa’s hands had curled into fists, her knuckles white. “The Commanders grew weak and distracted.” Lexa was beginning to shake. “When Costia died I felt as though a hole had been stabbed through my heart. Like I was going to die.” The Commander’s eyes were shining, threatening to spill tears. “The wound never really healed. I just learned to live with it, with a hole in my heart. Then I met you.”

The two girls stared at each other for a moment. Both thinking of the time they met, how they had felt, what their lives had been.

“And I filled it?” Clarke asked. 

“No.” Lexa shook her head. “That would be an insult to you Clarke, saying that you merely were replacing something that had been lost.” Lexa lowered her head, ashamed. “You found a new part in my heart.” Tears tracked their way down Lexa’s stony face. “But today, when you weren’t moving or breathing I felt that part of me begin to hurt. A new hole being bored into me.” Lexa’s voice was growing higher, almost hysterical. The sound seemed strange and alien to Clarke’s ears. 

“But I’m okay. I didn’t die.” Clarke cried. A tightness in her stomach as she watched the Commander struggle to keep herself from breaking. Clarke wrapped a hand around Lexa’s waist and held her face with the other. “I’m still here.”

“Those who love Commanders always died.” Lexa shook her head from Clarke’s grip. “I don’t think I can live with two holes in my heart Clarke.” Lexa pulled away from the younger girl and back up into the middle of the tent. Clarke stood still. 

“I can’t I’m not that strong.” 

“What are you saying?” 

Lexa looked to the ground. “Loving you will kill me Clarke.”

Clarke breathed out. The words the girl spoke make some sort of sense, but in another way they didn’t. 

“You love me?” Clarke asked looking into Lexa’s eyes. 

The Commander met her gaze, and flexed her jaw. Clarke knew this meant yes. 

“Then it’s too late Lexa.” Clarke said taking the Commander’s hand. “You said yourself I’m already in your heart. However cliché that sounds.” Clarke placed a hand on the Commander’s chest, over her racing heart. “You can’t get rid of me without tearing yourself apart.” 

“Clarke…” 

“You also told me not to think too much on what could be or what ifs.” Clarke ploughed on. “So don’t you do it either? I might die. I might not. The same goes for you. How often do Commander’s die?”   
Clarke didn’t wait for an answer and instead pressed her forehead against the other girl’s. “I love you.”

“I can’t lose you.” Lexa said tearfully. 

“Then fight like hell so you don’t.” Clarke moved to kiss the other girl, Lexa pulled away. 

“It’s too late.” Clarke soothed. “Please Lexa.” 

Lexa looked at Clarke her eyes so sad. “I’m weak.” 

“This isn’t weakness.” Clarke said gazing at the Commander. She’d hardly ever seen Lexa cry. The most being the second time the two had kissed. “Please Lexa.” 

The Commander looked at the younger girl, the girl who had made her world so bright in the recent months. The girl who was stunning and was everything she wanted to be and more. Clarke leaned into her again and this time she accepted the girl’s lips. 

It was a passionate kiss, wet from Lexa’s tears but held the drive the love the two had expressed the day when Clarke was meant to leave Polis. Their second kiss. After a moment Clarke found Lexa’s kiss sluggish and uncoordinated, she imagined that it was a similar sensation to kissing a drunk person.   
Clarke pulled away. Lexa just stared back at her, her eyes red with dark shadows. 

“Lexa did you sleep at all on the trip here?”

“A Commander cannot sleep on horseback.” Lexa said bluntly. “They need to be constantly alert.”

“Oh Lexa.” Clarke said pulling Lexa towards the bed. “You need to sleep.”

Lexa pulled back. “I can’t. Not tonight. Not in weather like this.”

“Lexa you haven’t slept in over two days.” Clarke begged. “You’re exhausted. That’s why your thinking like this.”

“Clarke I can’t.” Lexa looked at the younger girl, her face hard.

“Because you slept and you lost Costia?”

Lexa flexed her jaw and nodded. 

“Fine.” Clarke pulled Lexa to the bed. Knowing now why the girl was so paranoid and emotional, she was completely and utterly exhausted and spent. “I won’t sleep.” 

Clarke said on the bed pulling Lexa to join her. 

“Clarke.” Lexa began.

“You won’t be any use to anyone danger or not the way you are now.” Clarke snapped. 

The Commander stared into the blonde’s piercing blue eyes. Like a dog demanding dominance. Clarke stared right back. It was then that Lexa truly felt how exhausted her was. Even staring at Clarke made her eyelids heavy and her head foggy. Despite every standard she held herself to she looked away and climbed onto the bed. 

“Fine. I’ll lay with you but I won’t sleep.” Lexa lay down her back to Clarke, embarrassed. 

Clarke lay down and wrapped her arms around the girl, mirroring the position they usually slept in. It was Lexa who normally enveloped Clarke in her warm arms as they slept, shielding her from the world and her nightmares. Tonight that was Clarke’s responsiabiltiy. “You’ll sleep. I’ll watch over myself and you. Please Heda.” 

At the use of her formal name Clarke felt Lexa’s body release most of the tension it was holding.  
Lexa didn’t respond but Clarke gazed over her shoulder to see that the girl had closed her eyes. Clarke’s mouth formed a relieved smile as she watched the girl slowly drift off.


	22. Chapter 22

Whether Lexa really slept, Clarke could not tell. It seemed that whenever her body would try to fall into a deep sleep her mind would not let her and she would instead fall into a nightmare. Clarke was awake for it all, her eyes glued to the Commander. Whenever Lexa’s eyelids began to twitch or her fists began to tighten Clarke would hold her tighter and whisper soothingly in her ear. “It’s okay. We’re safe. We’re both safe. It’s okay.”  
The words and contact would seem to ease Lexa from her nightmare back into her restless sleep.   
As she watched the Commander sleep Clarke could not help but think of what Costia had been like. Clarke wondered if Costia had ever found herself in a situation like this? Clearly she had been very very important to Lexa, seeing as all of these years later Lexa still found it hard to speak of her, or maybe it was just speaking of her with Clarke. Did Lexa find it awkward? Did Lexa even understand what an awkward situation was? 

Regardless it made Clarke question what she had thought love was. She had told Finn she loved him, right before she plunged a knife into his chest. Lexa’s doing; yet Clarke felt no anger towards Lexa for his death. She actually found herself barely thinking of Finn. Her relationship with the boy had been so complicated and so fast. He had been a fresh new world for her. She’d spent her entire life on the Ark in an incredibly sheltered environment. Her only really friend had been Well who she had known loved her with feelings she did not and could not reciprocate. She didn’t think that what she had with Finn wasn’t real; she had had feelings for the boy. But thinking on it, Clarke really didn’t think she had loved him.   
Clarke had never truly considered what her fate or destiny had been or truly believed that parts of it could be planned out, but she had a feeling she was never truly meant to be with Finn. 

She loved Lexa. She knew this, everything about the girl entranced her and they though her feelings had been tested; having wanted to kill the Commander so many times she found herself unable to do it. She looked down at Lexa’s momentary expression of peace, she looked so young and fresh asleep like that. Like she didn’t have the fates of 13 clans weighing on her shoulders, like she was just a young woman, going through her life. 

Clarke knew she had a special connection with Lexa, Lexa felt it too. She feared for the day when she lost Lexa, like Lexa feared of losing her.   
Clarke began to understand Lexa’s feelings by thinking what would happen if the Commander died. Clarke would no doubt feel so lost and hopeless. She couldn’t even mentally grasp what she would feel. So that’s what Lexa had gone through when she had lost Costia, No doubt the two had made a similar connection and bond. Clarke wished she had known the girl, at least met her once. Which was a bit of a funny thought because had the girl still been alive Clarke would not have found herself in her current situation. 

Clarke blinked. Suddenly realizing how much light there was in the tent despite the fact that the candles and fire were either extinguished by this time or merely burning embers. Clarke squinted at the closed flap of the tent. Grey rays of sunlight were peaking their way through the fabric. It was daylight. 

“The rain stopped.” Clarke hadn’t noticed Lexa open her eyes. The voice startled the girl. 

“Yes, it did a few hours ago.” Clarke allowed Lexa to roll from her curled sleeping position on her side to flat on her back. “How did you sleep?” Clarke asked noticing there were still dark circles under the Commanders tired eyes. 

“I slept.” Lexa said rubbing her face, removing the sleep from her eyes. “You didn’t?”

Clarke shook her head. “Only bad guards sleep while on duty.” Clarke smiled weakly at her joke. 

Lexa shut her eyes and exhaled calmly. “I’m sorry Clarke.” She said quietly opening her eyes to look at the younger girl. “I rarely let my emotions get ahold of me like that. You shouldn’t have had to see that. I just…”

“You were exhausted and scared.” Clarke soothed, too exhausted to say anything else. “Yesterday was a lot handle. Almost too much, even for you.”

Lexa chewed on her lip for a moment before nodding. “Now you are sleep deprived.”

Clarke just shrugged. “I can sleep on horseback.”

“It will still be a few hours before the camp truly awakens.” Lexa rolled over to fully face Clarke and lifted her arm. Clarke gratefully took the invitation and lay her herself into Lexa’s body, resting her head on the girl’s arm so that their heads were pressed together. Once the two were settled Lexa kissed Clarke’s forehead and the two girls drifted off into a content sleep. 

XXXXXXX

Wells didn’t even seem to try to avoid the mounds as he walked, or maybe it was just the trail was rockier; regardless Clarke’s back was not impressed. She found herself gritting her teeth more than not and despite herself would occasionally let out small yelps of pain at particularly large bumps. She had used all of her pain relief medication the day before and was sorely regretting it. Clarke had not felt her exhaustion all throughout the night, not once had she been tempted to fall asleep. She knew that Lexa only agreed to sleep because she trusted Clarke whole heartily. So Clarke had been alert the entire night. However, after their short sleep together Clarke awoke so exhausted that she barely had enough coordination to pack her things and mount her horse. She had hoped to fall asleep instantly once they began riding. She was terribly mistaken. 

As they rode further on; Clarke’s heart sank, before them lay a winding and rocky path. So winding that she wasn’t sure if she would be able to continue onward. her back was in agony. 

Suddenly one of Lexa’s riders, moving opposite to the caravan approached her. The rider was carrying several strange yellow flowers and seemed to holding them with the upmost care. 

“Here Ambassador.” The rider said handing Clarke the flowers. “They are from the Commander, she thought you may need them.”

At her side Octavia snorted with laughter and quickly tried to cover it up with a coughing fit. Clarke herself wondering if this was a joke being played on her. Was Lexa truly sending her flowers? Was it some form of apology? 

“Thank you.” Clarke said accepting the flowers hesitantly. 

The rider nodded and turned her horse, returning to the front of the caravan. 

“ I didn’t think Lexa was the flower giving type.” Octavia snickered quietly. 

Clarke said nothing, utterly bewildered by what she was holding. Then as if they were reading her mind an older rider to her left leaned over to her. “You’re meant to eat them.” He said. “They’ll help you sleep. They help to relax the body.” 

Clarke looked at the man skeptically. Sure that this was simply the continuation of the joke. The man just shook his head and plucked several petals from the nearest flower and popped them in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed. “They will help with your back.” He said nodding at Clarke.

Clarke chewed on her lip and looked to her Octavia. Who simply shrugged. Taking a deep breath Clarke plucked several petals off and ate them. They tasted extremely sour and pungent and Clarke had to chew furiously to swallow them as quickly as possible. The moment she swallowed however she felt a slight sensation of relief. Like part of the flame on her back and been extinguished. She shoved several more petals into her mouth and swallowed them almost whole. The pain her back slowly began to ease away. After two full flowers Clarke knew she would be able to sleep. She packed the remaining flower into her bag and settled herself onto her saddle. Drifting off into a much-needed sleep. 

XXXXXX

It was the sound of heavy drumming that eventually pulled Clarke was her dreamless deep sleep. The sound first entered her dim subconscious and eventually penetrated her sleep and caused her to jerk up her saddle fully alert. She immediately recognized her surroundings as the outside the Polis and saw that it was near sunset. The city was just ahead of caravan and was ablaze with bright fires and the sound of drums. The grounders were celebrating the return of the Commander. 

As they entered the city Clarke saw that the streets were absolutely filled with citizens all applauding and cheering. The caravan moved through the streets and finally halted in front of the tower. There over the head of the Grounders before her Clarke saw Lexa dismount her horse and approach the doors. Titus, the Ambassadors and the Nightbloods all stood at attention as she approached. She shook Titus’ hand and nodded to the other Ambassadors, Clarke could swear she almost saw the girl wink at the children. 

“We have returned.” Lexa yelled to the crowd who immediately fell silent. 

“I return to our beloved Capitol today, I return with new knowledge, with new friends, and new memories for our people.” The crowd cheered loudly, Lexa nodded, allowing the jovial calls to continue for a moment before raising her hands for silence. The crowd obeyed. “Our journey to Skikru was one that will no soon be forgotten as it truly marked the time of peace for ours land and our people. May the clans forever work in harmony and may this happiness we all feel now continue for many years to come!” 

Even if Lexa had raised her hands to call for silence Clarke was certain it would not have done any good. The citizens of Polis were too overjoyed by their Commander’s proclamation that they began to cheer a cheer that Clarke knew would not be silence for some time. Lexa sensed this too for she gestured for her Ambassadors to follow her and she entered the tower. 

Clarke resisted the urge to follow. She and Lexa had discussed their course of action earlier in the morning before leaving the tent. 

Lexa said that she would be required to enter a council meeting to speak of every minor event and detail of her journey. She was to do this so that the other Ambassador’s could interpret the mission on their own accords. Clarke would not be welcome at this. Lexa told her that whenever the Commander journeyed to another clan, that clan’s Ambassador was excluded from the first few meetings so that the remaining clans could discuss freely. 

Clarke knew that she would be almost as busy as Lexa so she didn’t argue the point. She had been appointed the task of assimilating the members of Skikru into Polis. She was to show them the city, teach what she could of the language, and take them where they were required to do their work. The two girls did not expect to see each other for several days and decided not to seek one another out. 

“We will see one another when we see one another.” Lexa had said. 

The caravan slowly diminished as the member went their separation ways. Clarke corralled her people and led them into the tower. Several of their jaws dropped as they gazed around the structure in complete awe. Clarke had almost forgotten how beautiful and extraordinary the structure was and smiled, happy to be home. 

“Welcome.” She said happily, spreading her arms wide. “Welcome to the true world of the grounders.”


	23. Chapter 23

Clarke awoke to the sound of a door quietly closing. She lifted her head from her pillow and looked around. 

Scattered around the large room Monty, and the others still slept. Her eyes fell on an empty bed. Jackson was gone. He must have early training today, Clarke thought sitting fully upright in her bed. 

The sun was just starting to peak through her windows, casting rays of light into her room. When she had been the sole member of Skikru living in Polis she had been given her own private chamber, as a guest and as the Ambassador. However, now the Grounders were not used to so many new visitors so they had moved several of them into Clarke’s room. Which was fine considering the room’s size. Clarke had just had some trouble adjusting to the situation. For one she hadn’t truly slept in the room for almost two months, two she hadn’t slept in such close quarters with so many people since her days in Mount Weather. 

Clarke slowly extracted herself from her bed, gathered a set of fresh clothing and tiptoed to the door of the room. She quietly closed the door behind her with a click and proceeded down the hall to the nearest bathroom. There she gave herself a quick wash. As she pulled her bra on a hint of movement caught her eye. Startled she turned to the source of the motion and saw it was only her reflecting. Suddenly interested Clarke turned so that her back faced the mirror.

In the week that had passed since she had returned to Polis the bruise had changed color from its dark dark purple to a murky plum color. She was pleased that it only tended to hurt when pressure was applied to it and the cat’s claw marks had tiny scabs forming over them. Clarke was hoping for at least some form of interesting scaring. Something to compare to Lexa’s many marks of war. 

The past week in Polis had been very hectic for Clarke. She’d found herself often running around the tower with far too many things to do. Not only had she had to get each member of Skirku settled into their specific area and field but she’d also been pulled into various discussions and debates involving her people. None of these sit downs had been official council meetings so Clarke had not actually seen the Commander since she’d returned. They’d expected this of course but Clarke was finding the lack of Lexa’s presence very strange, like part of her daily routine had been disrupted. Though from what she had heard the Commander had been even busier than herself. She’d even heard that the Commander had left the city for urgent business in a northern clan, nothing seemed too serious but still Lexa had not gotten a chance to breath or decompress in over a week. Clarke hoped she was sleeping.

Clarke was just about to pull her shirt over her bruised back when the door to the bathroom swung open. A young healer made her way into the room and gave a slight yelp in surprise when she saw someone in the room. Clarke instinctively pulled her shirt to her chest to cover her bra. 

“Pardon me Ambassador.” The young girl stammered out. 

“That’s alright.” Clarke said lowering her shirt and putting her arms into the sleeves. 

“Oh Ambassador!” The girl cried catching sight of Clarke’s bruise. “Why hadn’t you had someone look at that?”

Clarke shrugged. “I had one of my people look at it, but they said there wasn’t anything they could do for it.”

“But Ambassador I can help rid you of that terrible bruise.” The healer squeaked. 

Clarke looked confused at her back. “You can heal my bruise?” 

“Well not right away. But we have creams that will quicken the healing process.” 

“Oh.” Clarke said intrigued. “I never knew that. I’d appreciate your help.” Clarke pulled her shirt over her head and smoothed out the creases in it. 

The girl nodded clearly eager to help an Ambassador. “Follow me.” She said holding the door open. Clarke left the room and followed the girl down several flights of stairs to the Grounder version of a medical center. 

As they passed a window Clarke looked out to see a small crowd gathered in one of the far fields of the city. They sat in a circle, in the middle were two figures sword fighting. A small boy with straw colored hair and a tall brunette, Lexa and Aden. Clarke smiled, if Lexa was out training with the Nightbloods that meant her endless hours of meetings and sit-downs were complete. She actually was finding herself with free time again. As Clarke watched the Commander, swung her sword violently at Aden who blocked it with some difficultly, being forced to take a step backward from the strength of the strike. 

“Ambassador?” The healer asked curiously. Clarke turned to look at her, embarrassed. She had forgotten she been following the girl. Though she wanted to continue to watch Lexa’s and Aden’s fight Clarke pulled herself away from the window and entered the medical centre. 

The medical area of the tower was a large open room larger than any room on the Ark had been. There were dozens upon dozens of beds lining the walls of the room and several examination tables surrounded by curtains, where “surgeries” were performed. 

Clarke was pleased to see that the majority of the beds were empty and those occupied held either elders or warriors bearing only minor injuries. Clarke followed the young healer to the far side of the room where large tables and shelves filled with containers of medicines and herbs. There were also several large tables and hard looking chairs.   
There Clarke saw Jackson hard at work examining several strange looking leaves, an elderly healer standing over him very much like a strict teacher quizzing him on the plant’s properties. Clarke couldn’t help but smile as the look of euphoric determination on Jackson’s face as the teacher poured new knowledge over him. 

Clarke tore her eyes away from her Mother’s assistant and found the healer among the shelves. Clarke sat herself on one of the hard rickety chairs and looked around the room. The doctor in her was overwhelmed by all the strange colors and scents the ointments were giving off, she wished she could be in Jackson’s position learning all there was to learn about the healing qualities of the plants she passed by so casually on horseback. She’d probably ask him to relay his lessons to her once her life settled down. 

The healer returned to Clarke smiling, holding a pale green ointment that looked to have the consistency of a thick mud. Clarke took the tub and sniffed it. The ointment smelled surprisingly decent, like fresh grass. “Thank you.” Clarke said to the girl who took the tub back, dipped her fingers into it as Clarke lifted the back of her shirt. The healer’s hands felt cold as they gingerly applied the ointment, which gave Clarke a slight tingling sensation on her back. 

“Come back tomorrow for another application and the bruise should be gone in three days.”

“Really?” Clarke said amazed expecting to still have the bruise for at least another week and a half. 

“Really.” The healer smiled before giving a slight bow and leaving to return the ointment to its shelf. 

Clarke lowered her shirt and began to mill through the shelves looking at the bright colors and strange names scribbled on the jars. She reached the back of the last shelf and halted staring at the large stone wall before her. 

On it, what looked to be over 100 names had been carved roughly into the stone. Some names so old that only one or two letters were still disguisable on the worn stone, some so fresh that she could still see remnants of white dust that had gathered in the carving process. 

Clarke ran in her fingers over the names curiously, feeling each rough letter.

“Excuse me?” She called to her healer. “What are these?” 

“Oh.” The healer walked over to look at the wall as well. “This is our wall of history.” She explained. “It was started after the dark days. On it every name of every healer who has served in the capitol is carved.” The girl ran her hand over a name near her that read Osha. “This was my mother.” The girl said happily. “She served here for her entire life. As did her mother before her.” Clarke smiled and scanned the wall, taking in each name of a past life saver. Then a particular arrangement of names caught her eye. To the far side of the wall several names had been carved in an organic circular pattern, where as the rest of the names on the wall appeared to be carved at complete random.

“What are those names there?” Clarke pointed towards the circular names. 

The healer looked at them and sighed. “They are healers who were killed several years ago.” Clarke looked at the girl confused. “They were part of the Commander’s caravan and when it was attacked they were all murdered.” 

“Why kill the healers?” Clarke asked appalled, she had always thought the Grounders frowned upon killed the innocent, quarrels were to be fought only by warriors. Which was why when villages burned and children killed; her people had faced such high treason. 

The healer shrugged and shook her head. “It is still wondered today. I knew several girls who died that day. All peaceful and skilled healers.”

Clarke just shook her head reading the names of the dead girls. Then her eye caught one particular name. Costia. 

She had been a healer. Clarke had always assumed she had been a warrior or a citizen. Despite herself Clarke ran her fingers over the dead girl’s name. 

The healer followed Clarke’s hand with her eyes. “Yes.” She nodded. “Costa was one of the most promising healers lost that day. She had been an apprentice from Tondc but returned with the Commander after an exhibition and took up serving here. She’s still considered one of the greatest losses of that day.”

Clarke looked at the healer. “Did you know her?” 

The healer shook her head. “She was before my time here. I was still too young to truly be an apprentice.” 

Clarke examined the girl before her, she was probably only 16. “Thank you.” Clarke said removing her hand from the wall which suddenly had grown very cold, like death. She gave the healer a slight bow, “I will see you tomorrow.” 

The healer smiled dolefully and nodded. 

Clarke left the hospital in deep thought. Costia had been a healer, and had been killed on a trip with the Commander. No doubt Azgeda had killed the other healers looking for Costia, or they died defending the girl, Clarke could never know the true and would never ask Lexa for the tale. 

As Clarke made her way back to her chamber she saw a young boy sitting on a window ledge, holding a bloody cloth to a deep cut on his face. 

“Aden!” Clarke called approaching the boy who at his name immediately stood at attention. 

“Hello Ambassador.” He said lowering his cloth to bow. 

“Hello.” Clarke examined the cut on the boy’s face. It ran from his cheekbone to just above his eyebrow. “The Commander trained with today?” Clarke nodded to his cut. 

The boy smirked. “Yes.” She held the cloth to his face again. “She said I grew careless in her absence and was leaving my face unprotected when we sparred.”

“Clearly.” Clarke laughed. “That’s very deep, you’ll need stitches.” Aden nodded in agreement. Then Clarke smiled slightly. “She does not hold back does she?”

“Oh she does.” The boy affirmed. “Otherwise I would be dead countless times by now.

“I’m sure.” Clarke chuckled. She’d grown to know more and more of the Nightbloods in her time in Polis but Aden was by far her favorite. He was the closest thing to a son to Lexa and he carried her personality in him. 

“I want to thank you Ambassador.” Aden said suddenly, looking Clarke in the eye. 

“What?” Clarke asked taken aback. 

“Well, we’d all like to thank you but I wanted offer my greatest of thanks.”

“What for?” Clarke asked sitting on the window ledge next to the boy. 

“For making Heda whole again.” He said simply. 

“What?”

“You’ve made her complete again, happy. Which she hasn’t been for a long time.” The boy explained. “We love her, when she was saddened and hurt, we hurt. Now she’s come back to us as she once was, and we know it is because of you.” He spoke so factually and with such confidence that it took a moment for Clarke to truly understand what it was saying.

“Aden do you know who Costia was?” 

At the name the boy’s face broke into a smile. “Yes. I’m one of the few of my kind who did.”

Clarke’s interest was perked. 

“You knew her?”

“She was wonderful!” He exclaimed, then immediately composed himself. “But that was from the view of a young child, Ambassador, so one cannot know what my opinion would have been of her now. I was only 6 when she arrived here.”

He was only 6, Clarke assumed that he was 12 or 13 now, so Costia had died in the last 5 or 6 years. “What was she like?” 

“I recall that she was sweet.” The boy said thoughtfully, delving into his memories. “She was kind and caring, and funny. She taught us lessons on plants that can heal, and how to clean and dress wounds, fix broken bones, things she had thought were essential for us to know in the realm of healing.” 

Then boy laughed. 

“Even Titus says the never before have a Commander and generation of Nightbloods known as much healing as us.”

“I wish I could have met her.” Clarke smiled. 

At this Aden grinned. 

“What?” 

“It’s just, it is believe dthat when Heda dies her spirit will choose one of us to lead, her spirit will be in us, as will all Commanders of the past.”

“Yes?” Clarke asked, knowing all of this. 

“Well.. There are some… Some of us who believe that like the spirit of the Commander Costia’s spirit chose another. We believe that it found you as you fell from the sky.” 

Clarke just stared at the boy, not sure what to say. 

Aden seemed to understand. “But… We are still children… It is just a theory composed by children.” 

“Aden.” Both turned to the sound of the voice and saw Lexa standing at the end of the hallway, her arms folded neatly behind her back. 

“Heda.” Aden jumped to his feet at attention. Clarke followed him much less formally. 

“That wound needs attention. Go and find a healing to stitch it up for you.” Lexa said approaching the two, gesturing at the still bleeding cut on the boy’s head. “There is no need to bear extra scars.”

“Yes Heda.” Aden bowed, before adding a quick. “Forgive me.” 

Lexa simply brushed him off. “There is nothing to be forgiven.” 

A small bit of relief spread across the boy’s face. “But.” Lexa added. “I would be cautious of what facts can truly be believed from mere children’s tales. Understand?” 

Aden nodded briskly. 

“Ambassador.” He said to Clarke giving another slight bow before turning and heading down the stairs towards the hospital. 

Once the boy rounded the corner and was out of sight Clarke turned to Lexa. 

“Heda.” She said with a slight smile. 

“Ambassador.” Lexa replied with a slight twinkle in her eye. “Will you come to my chamber? We have much to discuss.” Lexa held out her hand to Clarke.

“Of course Heda.” Clarke replied taking the Commander’s hand and squeezing it. 

Lexa smiled and tugged Clarke in the direction of her room.


	24. Chapter 24

Clarke and Lexa fell back together naked on Lexa’s large bed panting and shining with sweat. It had been far too long since they’d truly been able to be intimate with one another so they had taken full advantage on celebrating their return to Polis. 

Lexa lay flat on her back panting, while Clarke rested her head on the older girl’s chest, an arm draped across her torso holding her hip. Even though the girl’s were burning hot from vigor they held one another close, not wanting to be separated even by an inch. 

As Clarke lay catching her breath her mind couldn’t help but return to the conversation she’d had with Aden. The boy had mentioned he’d arrived to Polis when he was only 6, and now was 12. He had been training to be Commander for over 6 years. Clarke glanced at Lexa, whose eyes were closed, though from her breathing Clarke could tell she wasn’t asleep. Just resting. 

Lexa had been brought to Polis when she was 8 and became Commander at the age of 16. Meaning she’d trained for 8 years, only two more than Aden. So theoretically Aden could be fit to Command in less than two years. A worrisome thought to Clarke. 

“Lexa.” Clarke said hesitantly. “Can I ask you a question?”

The Commander opened her beautiful green eyes and glanced down at the girl she was holding. 

“You may ask me anything Clarke.” She replied with a smile. 

Clarke chewed her lip and sat up slightly, so she could look down and see all of the Commander’s face. 

“How long does a Commander’s reign normally last?” 

Lexa’s smile receded slightly but didn’t disappear. Instead she simply examined Clarke, appearing as though she was capable of reading the younger girl’s mind; which Clarke sometimes wondered if she could. 

Finally Lexa spoke. “I will answer your question with a question of my own.” She replied simply taking one of Clarke’s hands and squeezing it. 

“Okay?”

“Clarke, how many Commanders do you think united the 13 clans?”

Clarke just looked down at Lexa feeling like she was being tricked. 

“Just you.” She said hesitantly. 

“That is correct.” Lexa nodded. “Now, another question. How many Commanders do you think witnessed people falling from the sky?” Then in a sudden movement Lexa pulled Clarke on top of her so that the younger girl was straddling her, a knee resting beside each of her hips. Despite herself Clarke laughed. “Just you.” She conceded. 

“Correct.” Lexa smiled, sitting up so that her face we only inches from Clarke’s. “My final question.” 

Clarke just laughed at how foolish Lexa was behaving, she found her heart fluttering. “How many Commanders have made love to the most beautiful Sky Princess?” Lexa finished her words by kissing the side of Clarke’s sensitive neck. 

“Only you.” Clarke said wistfully, reveling in the pleasure Lexa was sending spiking down her spine. 

“Exactly.” Lexa said lying down and pulling Clarke with her so that the younger girl’s face was looking closely down on her; their breaths warming each other’s faces. 

“So I will tell you something Clarke of the Sky People. It does not matter how long the Commanders of the past lived, it does not matter how long they reigned. I’ll tell you that intend to live longer and happier than any Commander ever has.” 

Clarke just laughed lightly and looked away from Lexa, not accepting the girl’s answer. 

“You laugh.” Lexa said placing her hands on top of Clarke’s bare thighs, not allowing Clarke to fully pull away. “But why won’t I? I’ve already done so much that no Commander has ever accomplished.”

Clarke looked back down at Lexa who smiled all the way to her eyes. “I intend to live a long and happy life with you Clarke Griffin.” She whispered, pulling the girl closer to her. Her hands beginning to move from the top of Clarke’s thighs to what lay between. “I love you.” 

Clarke gasped and took Lexa’s lips in her own. 

XXXXX

Later that night as Clarke lay resting her head against Lexa’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of the Commander’s breathing as she slept; hearing the slight thumping as her heart pumped.  
As she lay there, Clarke couldn’t help but know that someday she would press her ear to the girl’s chest and would be greeted by silence, that the steady warm breath would cease. 

She knew it would happen for it was their world. But she was going to fight as hard as she could to keep that heart beating and that breath going as long as she possibly could.   
Because despite everything she loved the girl next to her, and she knew that they both deserved some happiness.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 25 onward will serve as a sort of sequel to the first section of the story. This is a warning that things will get darker from here on in. If you would like to remain in the happy pleasant world I've built stop reading at Chapter 24. 
> 
> What ever you choose. ENJOY!

Lexa tightened her fingers on the string of her bow and tilted the arrow slightly to the left. She exhaled calmly training the tip of the arrow to the male deer before her. She felt the Nightblood’s tension, they seemed to be holding their breath beside her. 

The buck was a large one, 8 points on its antlers and large sharp fangs protruding from its long muzzel and four bright yellow eyes, the eyes were fairly common but the fangs were a rarity. These types of deer had been known to maul hunters with poor aim or reflexes, sometimes to death.

But Lexa didn’t fear this creature. The bow had been her weapon of choice for years, sitting a top the trees, picking off intruders and prey with ease. It was only after she’d entered the more intense era of her Nightblood training had she discovered her fondness of wielding two swords. 

“Breath Nightbloods.” Lexa said calmly exhaling. “Without air you cannot truly focus on your task.” Obediently her charges released their breaths, some with more ease than others. Closest to her she felt Aden’s eyes darting from her to the deer. 

“The third eye.” Lexa said calmly, lining the tip of the arrow with the Buck’s rear eye on the far side of its head, not necessarily the easiest target but one she knew would be fatal. The Commander released her fingers and felt the arrow wush past her face and find its target. 

The deer dropped lifelessly as the arrow impaled its eye and entered its brain. It died completely unaware of the dangers before it, like most who were killed by a bow. 

The Nightbloods beside her relaxed; relieved that the threat had been eliminated. Several made to move forward to examine the kill. Lexa held up an arm halting them. 

“I’ve made the kill but that doesn’t mean training is complete for the day.” 

Lexa nodded to Dara one of the taller girls who had never held, let alone used a bow before being brought to Polis. 

“Send an arrow through its second eye.” She commanded the younger girl who nodded obediently, notching her bow. 

“Tuck your elbow in.” Lexa noted the girl’s stance.

The arrow pierced the ear of the buck but not quite the eye.

“Keep both eyes focused on the target.” The commander critiqued. “Practice more often in Polis to gain a feeling of how the arrows moves based on where you move it. Though bows aren’t generally used in close combat they are still an asset in battle and as Heda.” 

“Yes Heda.” Dara nodded. “Thank you.” 

Lexa nodded. “Perseus, strip of the buck of its antlers and teeth. Then we’ll carry it back to Polis.”

“Yes Heda” The large black haired boy responded, drawing his dagger and moving forward towards the deer.

As the boy took his first step into the clearing the ground began to shake with a grumbling roar. Without hesitating Lexa pulled Perseus back into the small grove the group had settled in to hunt. The children around her were turning their heads fervently searching for the source of the sound. 

The Commander cursed herself for not bringing guards with her on this lesson. She and the Nightbloods were more than a day’s walk to Polis. Though, Lexa knew that in order to truly be protected from the beast that had uttered its great cry she would have needed several warriors she still wished she had at least some with her.

“Heda what should be do?” Aden asked anxiously from her side. Lexa held up a hand to silence him, her ears focused on listening in the trees. Listening for movement, growls, grumbles, cries. 

The beast was not near them, no its roar had been too distant, but what worried her was actually how distant it was. The sound had come from the north where Lexa knew there to be a small village. A village that mainly traded in hunting and not as much true combat, few true warriors lived there.  
Her ears grew tense with effort as she strained them to search through the sounds of the birds, cicadas, and the wind, to what lay beyond.  
Her fears were met as the great creature bellowed again. Seeming to rattle the teeth in her jaw. 

One or two of the Nightbloods yelped in fear.

Lexa’s heart dropped. Not from the sound of the beast, but the sounds that followed after. The cries and screams of fear. The innocent whom the beast had set itself upon. 

“Oh no.” Aden muttered beside her and she felt her heart warm slightly, his empathy towards the their people mimicked hers, as if he too possessed the flame. 

“Come.” Lexa said rising. Several of the children around her tensed, enough to show their reluctance. “Those cries come from my people.” She snapped at them. “Your people, those who it is your job to protect.” 

“But Heda….” One began.

“To protect even if it costs you your life.” She snapped. “Would you respond differently should it be an invading clan? Or when the mountain was still strong?” 

Suddenly the cries of fear grew in volume and the great Pauna roared again.  
The gorillas had been responsible for so many deaths in the land, rampaging villages, slaughter families. As Lexa and her students charged through the trees towards the chaos she only hoped that this time they would succeed in killing it, before it claimed too many of them. 

XXXXX

Clarke grumbled in frustration as she glared down at the paper before her. The drawing of the flower she was meant to be copying was smudged. She was trying to count the number of petals the orange pod possessed but the charcoal drawing must have at some point come in contact with water, leaving the petals nearly indiscernible. This was the fourth drawing she’d encountered that day where she had come close to giving herself a headache from straining her eyes. 

She’d been tasked several weeks ago by one of the healing elders to transcribe the botanical archives of the medical center into one large volume. She was a skilled artist and the archives were in desperate need of re copying so Clarke had been happy to do it. 

Since returning to Polis and settling the Arkadians into their allotted tasks Clarke had found her days long and most times more than not considerably boring. Unlike Lexa and her friends who seemed not to have enough hours in the day to get things done Clarke had been finding herself more and more wandering the city without purpose or need. 

She was almost envious of her previous self now however, the master volume she had spent over a fortnight creating consisted of hundreds of drawings and descriptions, and she was not yet even half way through all the drawings the healers had supplied her with.

As Clarke decided that the plant must have four petals she felt her eyes itch with tiredness. The sun had set several hours ago and she was working by candle light which wasn’t good for eyes at the best of times but Lexa had been out on a training exercise with the Nightbloods for three days now and despite her best efforts Clarke just could not get a full night’s sleep without her. 

She’d never tell Lexa this of course for she knew she’d receive one of the Commander’s infamous subtle smirks. Still though she wished the Commander had not extended the exercise with the Nightbloods. She was supposed to return the previous night from the trip. Clarke had been anxiously awaiting her return but as the sun set Titus ensured Clarke that it was quite normal for the Commander to get completely focused on working with the children and extend the exercise. 

She had not returned this day either which was causing Clarke to become slightly prickly and a tad nervous. She glanced out the nearest window and saw the moon high in the sky. It was late, past midnight. With a sigh, Clarke closed her book and tidied up her working desk, knowing she’d want it clean for a fresh start in the morning. 

Clarke was just about to extinguish her candle and head to bed when there was a hurried knock at the door.

Clarke furrowed her brow. Most of the tower was sleeping and few people had called on her in the past weeks.

“Yes?” She asked hesitantly. 

“Clarke it’s me.” Octavia’s voice called quickly bad.

“Hi.” Clarke said surprised opening her door to see her friend standing before her.  
Octavia looked more frazzled than usual and had clearly just returned from a scouting mission. 

“Is everything okay?” Clarke asked sensing the turmoil in Octavia. 

“I’m here because I don’t think anyone else will think to tell you.” Octavia said breathlessly.

“Tell me what?” Clarke asked, concern mounting. 

“A village half a day’s ride from here was destroyed two days ago by one of those huge Gorillas.”

“Pauna?” Clarke asked, feeling for the people of the village but more confused as to how it affected her.

“Yeah.” Octavia nodded. “The village wasn’t too far from where The Commander and the Nightbloods last made contact. No one has heard from them since.” 

Clarke’s mouth went dry. Lexa would have gone straight for that village if she heard what was happening, or worse she could have run into the Pauna on its way there.  
“Look.” Octavia continued, sensing Clarke’s mounting fear. “No one knows even if anything went wrong with them yet. It may just be a coincidence.” 

Clarke’s eyes burned holes through Octavia. 

“But Titus is still taking it pretty seriously. There’s a bunch of warriors and healings packing up now to head there. They’re hoping to reach the village by dawn. I figured you might want to go with them.” 

Clarke nodded wordlessly, trying best to keep her worries in check. 

“Okay. I thought so.” Octavia said “I’m going too, we can ride together and jeez Clarke. Stop looking so scared. If anyone can handle one of those monsters it’s your girlfriend. She’s as badass as they get, her and her little army of killer kids.”

But Octavia was wrong, Clarke knew as she followed her out of the room and headed for the stables. Those beasts were vicious and enormous. They had killed even the best warriors with ease. One so long ago had almost killed her herself and Lexa. If it came down to a one on one battle Lexa wouldn’t have stood a chance. 

As Clarke mounted Wells and joined the small caravan of healers and warriors hurriedly leaving Polis her mind jumped to the last time she had seen Lexa. 

It had been the morning the day she was set to leave. It was early, before the city had truly begun to wake up. Clarke had found herself jostled by a sudden movement in their bed. She had awoken with a start and had immediately searched for Lexa. The Commander had still been asleep but was clearly caught in a nightmare. Her entire body was tensed and she was spasming violently. Normally the Commander awoke not long after the nightmare but few times like this one she became entrapped within it. Her hands were balled into tight fists around the furs and even the smallest of whimpers were escaping her lips. 

“Lexa.” Clarke had said hesitantly. The memory of getting punched in the face by a sleeping Lexa still fresh. Slowly, as if trying not to startle a striking snake Clarke had taken the older girl’s hand and gave it a slight squeeze. The girl didn’t acknowledge the contact, still completely ensnared by her dream. Slowly and hesitantly Clarke managed to wrap herself around Lexa so that she was holding her form tightly. Her mouth close to the girl’s ear so she could mutter soft and soothing things to her, as Lexa often did to her whenever she was caught in her dreams. 

Bit by bit the Commander’s tension seemed to recede, her fists relaxed, her brow became smooth, and eventually those stunning green eyes greeted Clarke. 

“Hi.” Clarke had said, a slight smile on her face. 

“Thank you.” Lexa gulped. 

Clarke leaned in and gave the Commander a warm kiss. “There’s nothing to thank.”

Lexa gave a content sigh at the kiss, the last of her tension evaporating. 

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked the older girl. 

Lexa took Clarke’s hand and squeezed. “I am with you.”

Clarke smiled broadly, showing her teeth as Lexa pulled her in close to her. No matter the nightmare be it their reality or in their sleep they could always pulled each other from it and make things better. That’s what Clarke had thought that morning. 

But now as she rode off into the darkened forest with Octavia and the others she felt as though she dread she’d only ever felt in nightmares. She hoped and prayed that Lexa would be there when the sun rose to pull her from this awful reality.


	26. Chapter 26

The sun was just starting to rise when Clarke saw the village. It appeared through the darkness like an ominous shadow on the earth.  
She gasped. Through the pale rays of sun she could make out thin pillars of smoke rising from several of the huts, or rather the remnants of the huts. Almost half of the structures that the village was composed of were merely heaps of rubble. 

As she drew closer Clarke could make out small dark shapes moving around the rubble, some appearing to walk aimlessly, some moving stones and lumber about, others carrying what were unmistakably bodies. At this site Clarke felt her heart beat in her throat. 

Several of the warriors spurred their horses forward; Clarke wasn’t far behind them. She needed to see the faces of these dark shapes, she needed to find Lexa. 

As Wells entered the village Clarke immediately reined him in tightly and gawked. The earth of the village was so entirely churned that no grass could be seen, only trampled and ripped up dirt tainted with dark shades of red, blood. 

Those houses that hadn’t been completely flattened were barely standing, windows shattered, doors ripped off; hinges and all, roofs with large holes caved into them. 

Even worse were the smoke houses and fire pits. Pieces of animal remains seemed to have been thrown every which way, some ripped unceremoniously into pieces. As Clarke’s eyes scanned the ground of dead animals she felt her stomach churn. What lay before wasn’t only animal carcasses but human corpses. The bodies of Grounders littered the streets of the village, the bodies of hunters, elders, even children. Some too had had their limbs torn clean off, others seemed to have been crushed or stomped. The only time Clarke had seen this gory of a massacre was when she had entered the dining hall the Mountain. 

As the horses made their way through bloody streets their hooves left ominous dark red U’s in their wake. Clarke couldn’t stop staring. The destruction was so extreme and excessive, the poor little village was barely still standing. As they made their way into the center of the village she almost began to envy the dead for the sounds of the living were so much worse.

Clarke was immediately hit with flash backs of TonDC after the missile had hit. The sounds of cries, moans, and the most eerie of all; laughter bombarded her ears as survivors began to appear on the streets. Some clutching dead loved ones, others merely holding themselves to calm themselves. But in truth Clarke truly saw little of this for she was selfishly scanning the face and form of every human body she passed. Studying its features, fearfully searching for those dark braids, sharp eyes, and strong form but the Commander was nowhere to be seen amongst the dead. This did little to sway her nerves for several bodies even the gender was unidentifiable. Where was Lexa?

Then as if to answer her prayers there she was. The Commander in full armor; she was perched on top of a pile of rubble like a bird. Though she was completely covered in blood both black and red she showed no sign of serious injury. The whites of her eyes were alive and fiery as she shouted. It took Clarke a moment to understand what she was organizing but as her Nightbloods scurried about around and she hoisted a large rock from the pile she was perched on Clarke understood. There must have been people trapped under the collapsed shelter and Lexa was digging them out. Or at the very least she was trying to. It seemed that with each rock or branch she and her people removed three more fell in its place. 

For a moment Lexa stopped her actions to take in the approaching group. She nodded to her fellow warriors as they exclaimed cries of relief to see her. Clarke resisted the urge to run to her for she knew now was not the time or the place. Standing before her was not truly Lexa, but Heda, the Commander of the 13 clans and her people were in danger. That was all she saw. 

Lexa called for the new warriors to rush forward and too begin to excavate the house while she called for the healers to go to the east side of the village where the wounded had gathered.   
Clarke dismounted Wells, ready to follow the healers to see where she could help when a new sight distracted her. Just beyond Lexa and the collapsed house lay a giant black beast. The Pauna. The monster responsible for this massacre. Its grotesques mutated face churned Clarke’s stomach and its bloody great hands and feet filled her with rage. So many lives lost to this rampaging stain on the earth. There must have been more than a dozen arrows lodged in the monster’s back as well as several spears and swords. But from what Clarke could tell the cause of death was a small dagger that had been expertly driven into the Gorilla’s left eye, no doubt piercing its brain. The dagger she recognized as Lexa’s. She had slain the monster. Most fitting. 

Someone shoved past Clarke pulling her stare from the animal and causing her to realize she must have been standing there for at least a minute. She turned to see a boy with dark straw colored hair push past her carrying several large rocks. 

“Aden!” She called and the boy turned to face her. Clarke could barely contain her gasp of surprise. The boy’s face was completely soaked in black blood. From what Clarke could tell his nose and left cheekbone were broken and a large patch of skin was missing from his forehead. She’s never seen him so brutalized. 

“Forgive me Ambassador” He said hoarsely. “But we don’t have much time.” He nodded towards the pile of rubble where Lexa attempting to maneuver herself in the small hole they’d created. 

“I understand.” Clarke said nodding. “I’m just glad to see you are alive.”

To Clarke’s surprise not even the corners of the boy’s mouth twitched as they normally did around her. Instead he briskly turned and continued the way he’d been going. This worried Clarke. She turned back to Lexa but instead of focusing on the Commander she focused on those working around her, on the Nightbloods. They were easy to tell apart from the other warriors and children working; their faces and bodies were covered in black, breaking the theme of dark red that the rest of the survivors sported. Clarke quickly counted the moving children. She frowned. Counted again. 

There were two missing; it only took her a moment to realize which children were absent. Dara, a tall dark haired girl with a very sweet disposition, Lexa had spoken to Clarke about her gentleness and need to train with more weapons. Kovac, one of the few Nightbloods who had any type of sense of humor. Though Lexa scolded him for it he would often crack sly jokes during lessons, he was very intelligent.  
Unable to stop herself Clarke abandoned any thought of following the healers and instead found herself drifting towards the North side of the village, just beyond where Lexa and the rest were working, to where she could see people lining up bodies, the dead. 

As she walked through the rows and rows of dead Clarke found herself removing her outer shirt and beginning to tear it. It was clear that when they had begun those collecting the bodies had tried to cover the face of each and every deceased person, but either they’d run out of fabric or had lost the will. Clarke couldn’t stand seeing the look of utter terror etched on many of the dead’s faces, even if she could only cover their eyes she felt it was better. 

It didn’t take her long to find Kovac. He had been a short boy with bright orange hair. Hair that lit up like a beacon when compared to the hair of most grounders which was brown or black.   
His face had been covered, with from what Clarke could tell was a piece of fabric from Lexa’s cape. The boy barely had a trace of blood on him; he could have been sleeping if it wasn’t for the way his left leg and shoulder were awkwardly twisted. Insinuating that he’d struck something at a great speed, thrown no doubt. 

Dara was much more difficult to locate, she had been older and taller, easier to confuse with the many adults around her. Clarke gasped when she saw her, more blood than skin, both arms gone, hair ripped from her scalp. Clarke immediately turned away and hurried back to Lexa. Tasting vomit. 

She knew Lexa must be hurting for the losses of the Nightbloods. They were like her children, her protégés, she knew them all closely and affectionately. But if she was in pain she would never show it. She would remain stoic in times like these, but later Clarke knew she would hold her tight at she mourned for the children.  
Clarke could only see the Commander’s legs for now she was digging herself deep into the small cave they’d made. Clarke wondered how they knew even if anyone was alive down there; however, just as the thought crossed her mind Lexa’s form began to retract and sharp cries pinched the air. The Commander reemerged covered in dusk and blood but cradling a screaming baby no more than 6 months old. The crowd gasped around her and many muttered.   
A strange occurrence thought Clarke, she had expected cheers of happiness even a small round of applause. They’d saved this child, it would live because of them. Yet many warriors shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot and the Nightbloods just stared at the baby in awe, some Clarke noticed had a strange flicker of darkness cross their faces.   
The child had dark brown hair and bright green eyes, Clarke guessed that it was female from the style of shredded clothing it wore. For being almost buried alive the baby was surprisingly unharmed, it only had a few small lacerations on its face and arms, wounds that barely bled. Small stains of dried black blood surrounded each wound. Black blood. Not red. 

Clarke gasped. The baby was a Nightblood.


	27. Chapter 27

Lexa immediately jumped down from the pile of rubble; baby in hand. As she held it in her arms the baby began to settle itself. It’s tears stopped and instead it stared up at her with its large green eyes. Eyes so close in color to her own. She stared back at it unblinkingly; unsure of how to respond to such a little thing. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this close to a baby let alone held one. 

She felt that being with such young children made her appear weak to those who may prove to be judgmental. Yet here she was holding a child. A child that could change everything about her future and the future of her people. 

Nightbloods were not usually discovered until at the earliest their fourth year. For reasons unknown to any, that was when the blood changed, until then it would be red like most. Some thought that it was caused by the spirits of the old Commanders choosing the child; that in the very earliest of their years every person was taken into consideration to become Commander. Nightbloods simply were deemed worthy and had the change put upon them. Lexa in truth thanked whatever it was that prevented babies having the Blood. She knew that should children be born with such a gift that they would: 1 be robbed of any chance of a childhood. 2. She knew that those who searched for Nightbloods such as Titus would not even blink at snatching a baby from its mother’s breast should it have the blood. In the end causing ill feelings towards the Commander and those around her. 

“Heda?” 

Lexa felt Titus at her side, he was holding out his arms for the child, to examine it, to confirm that the baby had the blood of the Commander running through its veins. She passed the child to the Flame Keeper and it immediately began to wail, its arms reaching out for her. Wordlessly Lexa took a step back, keen on distancing herself from the strange new discovery. 

Titus drew his small dagger and feeling the eyes of all the onlookers drilling through him, ran the fine point of the blade over the baby’s plump arm, its screams pierced the now still air. The crowd held its breath, staring at the cut, which for a moment was simply a line on the waving arm of the baby. Then it began to bleed. Bleed black and thick blood. 

Perseus the tallest of the Nightbloods clicked his tongue; several others could barely contain their gawking expressions. 

Lexa held her arms out for the child once more and with a bow Titus gave it to her. The moment Lexa held it to her chest the baby stopped crying and began to fall asleep. A sight that warmed Clarke’s heart as she watched. 

“Come.” Lexa called to her Nightbloods as she whistled and Tarko came trotting towards her. Careful of the now sleeping child in her arms she mounted her great black stallion, the Nightbloods and Titus too began to find steads. 

Clarke tried to catch Lexa’s eye but before she could even take another step to her the Commander addressed the crowd of surviving villagers. 

“I am sorry for this devastation. I am sorry for the losses you’ve endured. I am sorry that you now must rebuild your homes and lives. The doors of Polis are open for those who need relief and materials. My men will stay with you to aide in the reconstruction of your most critical building. I am sorry to leave you. But know that from this loss, something wonderful.” She glanced at the baby. “Has been brought into the light. I wish will well and know that you are all in my thoughts.” 

As some of the survivors began to cheer and applaud Lexa spurred her horse and took off at a brisk trot. Several warriors and the Nightbloods following her. 

Clarke immediately found Wells and mounted him, spurring him to follow the now departing group. 

XXXX

The ride back to Polis seemed to take no time at all, for Clarke had spent the majority of the journey trying to get as close to Lexa as she could. By the time they were at the base of the tower Clarke was only 15ft or so from the Commander. She saw Lexa dismount, baby still asleep in her arms and head immediately through the main doors. She made to follow but felt a strong hand place itself on her shoulder. She turned to see Titus’ cold eyes staring back at her. 

“Not now Wanheda. Give us time.” 

The Nightbloods began to file past in their clean military like line. 

Clarke nodded and Titus released her, following the Nightbloods, hands folded behind his back. He was never fond of Clarke and knew that he would do anything he could to try to push her away from Lexa but somehow Clarke knew that this restraint had been genuine. Something about this baby had set the entire group on edge, the Nightbloods all looked entirely in shock. 

Clarke resolved herself to returning to her book of drawings for the rest of the day. Though she’d barely slept she felt wide-awake and knew drawing and copying would make the time go faster. Until she could see Lexa in their room.   
XXXXXXX

When Lexa entered the medical room the healers scurried towards her ready to treat whatever injuries she had. She turned to one of the youngest healers. 

“Here” She said handing the sleeping baby to her. “Ensure she has no internal injuries, I pulled her from a collapsed building, clean her up and send for me when she is well. 

“Yes Heda.” The healer nodded. 

Lexa turned to her Nightbloods. Feeling a pang her heart when she remembered that they were two fewer now. They hadn’t lost a Nightblood for 3 or 4 years. It was never easy on any of them. She swallowed firmly before speaking, to ensure her voice would not catch in her throat. 

“Clean yourselves up and get some rest.” She told them as gently as she could. “Tomorrow we will mourn for our losses, but for now rest. You did well today. I am proud” 

They all nodded and began to sprinkle off in separate directions. Those in the roughest shape turning to the healers, others going in the direction of the bathhouses, some headed off in no particular direction. Lexa knew they were going off to think and reflect on the day’s events. They were all hurting. 

Lexa turned to Titus who still stood closely to her side. “We have much to discuss Teacher.” She said. 

“Yes Heda.” He nodded before leading the way from the medical center to her room. 

XXXXXX

Several hours later the Nightbloods were undressing in their shared room; A large chamber full of a dozen beds and wardrobes, with a large square of mat in the center of the room for individual training. This room had housed generations of Nightbloods. As they changed into their sleeping clothes young warriors kept sending timid glances to the two empty beds in the room. The absence of their comrades felt to them as though parts of them had been cut away. They’d known each other for years and had grown up together. Today they’d lost family and now needed to live with it. 

“They died well.” A smaller girl named Nepa said quietly, unable to take the crushing silence encasing the room.

“No they didn’t.” Perseus snapped. “We’d barely entered the village when it grabbed Kovac, he didn’t even have a chance to fight it off.”  
“He died bravely.” Aden called unbuttoning his shirt staring at the empty bed next to his. He could still see glints of bright red hair on the flattened pillow. He and Kovac had been close, they’d shared several deep conversations into the wee hours of the morning. 

“Better than Dara.” Perseus grumbled. 

“No one should have to die like her.” Nepa said quietly staring at the perfectly made bed of her friend. 

There was a moment of silence as they all remembered how the Gorilla had pushed Heda aside roughly. Dara has run forward and sank her blade into one of the beast’s haunches. It had reared up on its back legs and swung at her, she had ducked but her hair had been so long the beast managed to grab it. It dragged her along the ground, ignoring her screams. Then lifted her, took her arms in each of its and… 

“We shouldn’t have been there.” Perseus yelled, slamming one of the drawers to her wardrobe shut.   
Nepa wiped her eyes, ridding herself of the tears pooling in her eyes. She absentmindedly tied her hair back in a tight braid, thinking to herself how long it had grown, and how dangerous that could be. She would cut it off tomorrow she thought. 

“It was too dangerous.” Perseus sank his dagger into the wood of his wardrobe, needing to release his anger. 

“What was Heda supposed to do?” A boy called Caspian yelled back at him.

“Not run head first into a suicide mission.” Perseus snapped. “Our lives are too important to be risked in saving something as small as that village.” 

Some Nightblood gave slight nods in agreement. Which caused hints of anger to burn in Aden’s stomach. 

“Are you saying that as Heda, you shouldn’t risk your life to save your people.”

Perseus glared back at him. “I think risking your life should be sensible. Most of the villagers had been killed by the time we arrived, it wasn’t worth it. Had Heda died today she’d be remembered as foolish.”

“Her people love her for how she cares for them, and will do anything to keep them safe.” Aden said firmly “Every life matters to Heda.”

“Clearly not. Ask Dara and Kovac.” 

Perseus was glowering down at Aden, challenging him to retort. It was then Aden came to realize exactly how much he hated the boy. Perseus was the oldest of the group, just past 17 and had recently hit another growth spurt. He was now taller and larger than any of them, even Heda. With his height and size had come an ego. He’d always been aggressive but now he stood before his fellows swelling with arrogance. He was skilled in single combat as well as a good leader. But he was impulsive and didn’t think things through thoroughly before acting. A trait Lexa often remarked on. She showed no fear when speaking with him. Yet another reason why Aden respected her with all his heart. 

“Dara and Kovac died saving their people. Noble deaths, good deaths as Nepa said.” Aden took a step towards Perseus, trying to show no sign of weakness. “Heda made the right choice.”

Perseus scoffed. A sound that burnt anger deep into Aden. “Of course you’d say that. You’re her protégé after all, you probably don’t even care that they’re dead. You’d have to kill them anyway right? When you became Heda?” 

“Perseus that’s enough.” Nepa begged. The idea that someday they would all need to fight and kill one another was a topic never discussed. They all knew it would happen but felt it best to not face it until the day came, as it might be years, 10’s of years. Today was not the day to discuss any more of them dying. 

“What? We all know it.” Perseus snapped. “Even as Heda thought she was going to die she felt no shame in saying her spirit would choose Aden.” Then Perseus shrugged. “Well at that time it would. Things have changed, changed for all of us.”

“What do you mean?” Caspian asked, sitting on his bed. 

“I mean we all saw that baby today. It’s got our blood.” 

“So?” Aden asked standing tall.

“So. There’s never Nightbloods that young. It’s a sign.” Perseus looked around at his fellows, astounded at how naïve they could be at times. “A sign that that baby is the next Commander, not us. A sign that Heda is going to live long enough to raise it, teach everything from speech to walking. She’s been the best Heda in generations, so why shouldn’t she raise the next to be just like her?” 

“That’s not true.” Aden scoffed. “Any Nightblood can become Heda.” 

“True, but not if they go into a conclave with a Nightblood raised by the Commander and Wanheda. Think of it, the strength and skills of Heda and the power of the Bringer of Death. We are all but useless now.”

Perseus’ words seemed to leave a ringing in the chamber as what he spoke resonated with each Nightblood. The children let his words sink in, deep, imagining what this child could mean for them all. 

Aden shook his head, denying the selfish feelings burrowing inside of him. 

“You’re a fool Perseus. That will never happen.” 

The older boy locked eyes with the protégé; they stared hard at one another. 

“No.” He said slowly. “I guess it won’t.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accidentally uploaded Chapter 29 in 28's place.   
> Here is the true Chapter 28

The candle that Clarke used to work with was burning low in its holder when she finally placed her charcoal on the table. She had wanted to be certain that Lexa would be in her room and not still working so she had drawn over a dozen more plants than she usually would have. The work had been long and tedious and her eyes felt as though they were going to fall out of her head. But still Clarke felt awake. 

She extinguished her candle and began to make her way to Lexa’s chamber. The corridors were dark and she barely passed a single person on her way. That alone told her how late it was and how long she had been working. She hoped she wasn’t going to wake Lexa. 

As she approached the large wooden door of The Commander’s room she saw a small beam of yellow light spilling from under the door. She was still awake.   
Clarke gave a slight knock on the door and heard Lexa’s tired voice give a hushed “Enter.”

Smiling because this had been the first time she’d be with Lexa in four days, Clarke turned the handle on the door. When she opened the door the first thing she was saw Lexa’s back.   
The Commander was standing facing the open window. Upon the sound of the door shutting the older girl turned to face Clarke, the small dark haired baby sound asleep in her arms. 

“Oh”

Clarke stopped in her tracks and stared at the child. This was the closest she’d come to it, and had never really been around babies before. On the Ark babies were kept in medical for some time, ensuring their immune systems were strong enough before being taken back to their parent’s compartment. Even when she worked with her mother she had barely seen infants. 

Lexa was wearing one of her rarest of smiles as she looked at the younger girl.   
“Hello Clarke.” 

“Hi.” Clarke said making her way over. Careful not to disturb the baby Lexa leaned out and the two shared a quick kiss. Reminding themselves of each other. 

“So you’re holding a baby?” Clarke asked looking closer at the tiny form in nestled Lexa’s arms. 

“I am.” Lexa said looking at it as well. “I don’t think I’d ever actually held one before today. But it seems happy.” 

“It does.” Clarke said kissing Lexa’s temple. She glanced around the room. Happy to be back, to her this room felt more like home than anywhere else in Polis. Her brow furrowed. In the far corner of the room sat a small wooden crib.

“Lexa?” She asked nodding to it. 

“Ah yes.” Lexa said “I suppose now that she’s asleep she can go in that.” The Commander crossed the room and gingerly placed the baby on the small mattress within the crib and carefully pulled a small blanket over her. “There.” 

Lexa turned and held her arms open for Clarke who walked into them gratefully. Suddenly remembering how fearful she had been 24 hours ago. 

“I was afraid you were dead.” She muttered. 

“Not quite.” The Commander chuckled squeezing the younger girl tighter. Happy to see her again. Clarke pulled back slightly and the two shared another kiss, deeper than before. Lexa took care to brush Clarke’s long locks out of her face and behind her ear. 

After a moment Clarke pulled away. “Now.” She said nodding to the baby. “Are you going to explain to me why there is a baby in our room?”

At this Lexa shrugged. “I honestly don’t know if I can.” She led Clarke to the couch in the room and the two sat close to one another. “There’s never been a Nightblood this young before. I also have no idea how it survived being under that building. It should be dead.” Lexa glanced back over to the crib, brow furrowed. “My warriors spoke with the villagers, no one knows who parented that child. Some insist they’ve never seen it before.”

“All of their neighbors could have died. There were a lot of bodies today Lexa.” 

“No one knows Clarke.” 

“So?”

“So, myself and Titus believe that somehow this child is special.” Lexa confessed. “The moment I held it I felt something inside me, like the spirits of the past Commanders were rejoicing. I can’t explain it.” 

“So she will train with the Nightbloods?” Clarke asked. “Once she’s older.”

Lexa shook her head. “There is no age that training begins for a Nightblood. The moment they arrive here their training begins.” 

“You plan to train a baby? How will it even hold a sword Lexa?” Clarke joked, a little too loud apparently though for at that moment the baby began to squirm and whine. 

Lexa made to move but Clarke was faster. 

“Hello.” She said picking the baby up and cradling it. “There’s no need to fuss. It’s alright.”

The baby squirmed for a moment but eventually settled, staring up into Clarke eyes. A familiar gaze, Clarke glanced up and caught Lexa’s green eyes staring at her. Suddenly comprehensive filled her. 

“By training her, you mean to raise her don’t you?” Clarke asked. 

Lexa nodded. 

“But I thought Commander’s never parented children?” Clarke had known this and had long since accepted it. 

“I won’t parent her. She shares my blood but not my genes. Not yours.”

At that remark Clarke let a small-satisfied smile flicker cross her face. 

“But I may raise her.” Lexa spoke so casually it made Clarke want to laugh. They could be discussing the weather.   
“Titus and I agree that a Nightblood raised since near birth by the Commander may prove to be as good and wise a Commander as there ever was.” Clarke felt Lexa’s eyes shift from the child to her. “And if taught too by the all powerful Wanheda the child may be respected by all.”

Clarke looked at Lexa in disbelief. “Titus agreed on this?” 

Lexa nodded, smiling. “It was Titus who spoke of it first, many of the elders agreed.” 

Clarke stared down at the child, unable to truly grasp what Lexa was saying.   
Lexa shifted somewhat awkwardly from foot to foot. 

“Clarke.” She said hesitantly. “I… I know we never discussed this. It was never really an option for us. So if you don’t want…”

Clarke quickly held a hand up to silence the Commander. Of course they’d never discussed having a family. They’d always been running around trying to save their people, not to mention the laws following Lexa’s life, let alone biology. But Clarke had thought of it, more dreamt of it. Especially seeing Lexa with the children in Arkadia riding the horses. 

She had never wanted kids on the Ark. She found the life there dark and dismal, with too high a risk of loss. She knew Earth to be rough and dangerous but she also knew it to be beautiful. Why wouldn’t she want to introduce a child completely to this wonderful world? Lexa, too she knew would make an excellent parent. Though she hated to show it Clarke knew the Commander truly loved children. 

“Lexa.” Clarke said looking up at the older girl. “This.” She lifted the baby slightly. “Is like someone watched my most secret dreams and decided to make them reality.” 

Lexa looked down to hide her smile. Too very glad to be given this chance. 

“I love you.” Clarke said earnestly. “And I’m sure I’ll come to love this baby, if I don’t already.” At this Clarke looked fondly down at the child, memorizing her features. 

“She’s not our daughter.” Lexa reminded lightly. 

“She’s our protégé.” Clarke agreed.

Lexa nodded and wrapped an arm around Clarke so the two could look at the baby closely and easily. 

“Has she been given a name yet?” Clarke asked scanning the girl’s light features and dark tousled hair.

“Titus and the Elders spoke for a long time before eventually deciding on one.” Lexa nodded. “Becca.”

Clarke looked up the Commander. Astounded. “But wasn’t that the name-“ She began.

“Of the first Commander.” Lexa finished. “They felt that she was the start of something great and new. She needs a name to fit such expectation. What do you think?” 

“I think it’s great.” Clarke said smiling happily. She meant no disrespect to the Grounders but some of their choices of names were very strange to her. Becca however, was a name she felt suited a person.

“I’m glad.” Lexa kissed Clarke’s temple. “You’ll be with her as much if not more than me.” 

Clarke shrugged knowingly. Besides training with the Nightbloods Lexa was always being pulled on expedition, meetings, and councils. Places where no baby would be welcome. 

“Then she will just be more sky than Earth.” Clarke joked happily. 

Lexa chuckled and rubbed her finger over Becca’s arm, where a small cut was beginning to scab. 

“The healers say she’s healthy?” 

Lexa nodded still looking at the baby. “But I am still curious about her, and admittedly a little worried. I want to know a bit more about her and why she has the blood.” 

“How do you plan on finding that out?” Clarke asked. 

Lexa was silent for a moment. 

“I thought Abby may be able to offer some insight.” Lexa shrugged and Clarke knew she was doing her best to remain casual. “She is due for a check in here as well. Jackson has been sending riders requesting some of Arkadia’s equipment.” 

“You just want to show this baby off to my Mother.” Clarke smirked knowingly at Lexa. Lexa who had no such desire but knew Clarke would never even suggest such a thing out of the strange spiteful relationship she and her mother shared. 

“If Becca is to be Commander some day I would like to know she’s healthy and not going to die on us in two weeks because of internal injuries.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I’ll send a rider for her then, but I won’t tell her why she’s actually needed.” 

“What do you think she will say about this?” Lexa asked. 

“I don’t know.” Clarke sighed. She’d never once spoken to her mother about the potential of her having children. With all that went on it was never on her radar. She also never expected to find someone like Lexa. 

“I think she’s gone to sleep once more.” Lexa whispered nodding to the baby still in Clarke’s arms who was out cold. Her little breathes tickling Clarke’s fingers as she ran them along the child’s plump jaw line. 

“I guess she is. “ Clarke conceded laying the baby back in the crib. “I’ve never taught anyone anything Lexa.” Suddenly Clarke was overcome with fear. “How they should act, what they should do. I…”

“We’ll start with the basics Clarke.” Lexa said pulled the younger girl towards their bed. Sensing her mounting fear. “How to walk, how to speak, how to eat. Then we shall worry of the other things.” She kissed Clarke lightly as the two laid down next to one another. “You’ll be an excellent teacher. Fear nothing.” 

“Okay.” Clarke smiled, the stress she had momentarily felt evaporating like steam. 

“Are you happy?” Lexa asked staring into Clarke bright eyes. “With this?” 

“Of course Lexa.” Clarke smiled pulling the Commander in close to her so they could fall asleep with no more than an inch between them.

XXXXXXXX 

Later that night Lexa stood over Becca’s crib running her fingers through the baby’s short brown hair. She’d awoken to the sound of the child fussing and careful not to disturb Clarke who was fast asleep moved to comfort their new guest. 

Lexa smiled down at this child, not because she was sweet, or beautiful, but for what she marked, what she stood for. Recently Lexa had been concerned for her future. Her Nightbloods were getting older, some only slightly younger than Clarke. Should Lexa’s grand dream of ruling into her old age come true; the Nightbloods too would be quite aged, if not dead. But Becca.   
Becca was young, should Lexa die in 20 years Becca would still be full of youth and energy and the ability to begin a rule. This child would change her world and how she was seen. It gave her a greater sense of permanency and Lexa loved that feeling.   
However, still in the back of her mind the Commander’s of the past-uttered words of warning to her, for with great change came great consequences, dangerous ones. She’d learned this not only from the coalition but with everything to do with Skaikru. Lexa knew that there would be some, no doubt some close to her that would not stand for this child and all she represented.

“I will keep you safe.” Lexa vowed to the drowsy baby. “You will become strong and wise. You will become me.” 

The baby cooed slightly as she drifted off to sleep. Happy content, and having absolutely no understanding of what her future held.


	29. Chapter 29

Clarke awoke slowly to the sound of subtle gurgles being emitted from the far corner of the room. She lifted her head and saw the other side of the bed was empty. The Commander must have snuck away particularly early that morning. Most likely to go speak with the Nightbloods. 

It had been two days since the Pauna attack and Becca had come to join them. Lexa still had not had a chance to see with the Nightbloods. The day before had been hectic with arranging relief for the destroyed village as well as much discussion of how Becca’s days would run. It pained Lexa greatly that she had been unable to speak to the children who like her were grieving immensely for their fallen comrades. 

Becca’s morning gurgles grew louder, a sign that she was more and more awake. She would soon cease her gurgles and begin to cry. Clarke threw the warm blankets from her and crossed to the crib. As she looked down into it she was met with Becca’s bright alert green eyes and a barely toothed smile. Somehow already the baby had come to know her and like her, Lexa as well. 

“Good morning.” Clarke sad brightly lifting the baby up and holding her in her arms. “Thank you for sleeping last night. We really appreciate it.” 

Becca gurgled and Clarke could not wipe the stupid smile off of her face. Despite herself she could not wait for her mother to arrive, which was only in a day or two. She somehow felt that this baby would bring her mother closer to her and earn her a bit more respect as an adult. It might also open her up to Lexa.

“How about we go get something to eat?” Clarke asked the bright baby. “Then I’ll take you around for a walk.” 

Happy to have some sort of purpose and plan for the day Clarke dressed herself, changed Becca and the two left the room.

XXXXXX

“I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you.” Lexa confessed as she stood in the dormitory room of the Nightbloods. They all were sitting around her, some on their beds, others on the floor. “I meant to come yesterday but as you may have guessed the other day’s events proved to create some problems. 

“We understand Heda.” Aden spoke, as those around him nodded in agreement. “We are just happy you are here now.”

Lexa looked around at them all. Some had been crying, she could tell by the smallest traces of red around their eyes, some even had handkerchiefs sticking from their pockets. Kovac’s and Dara’s beds had been stripped and the armor they had not be wearing when they died was neatly folded onto of the blankets. 

“They will be greatly missed.” Lexa spoke, remembering each child and how they had come to her, how they had learned, how they had died. “ They were noble, kind, strong leaders but now their fights are over.” The Nightbloods nodded gravely. “We will remember them but cannot dwell on them. Death is a natural part of our world and though we will always fight it we will never permanently win. Do you understand?” 

“Yes Heda.” They responded in their well-practiced unison. Lexa gave a slight smile with her eyes as she looked at each of them. They each shared a moment before the Nightblood looked away. Except for Perseus who was leaning against a far wall. His gaze lingered on Lexa. 

“What is on your mind Perseus?” Lexa asked, examining her student. 

“What will happy to the newest addition to our generation?” 

Lexa stared at him confused. 

“The baby our fellows died to protect.” 

“The baby. Yes.” Lexa said staring at the taller boy, trying to look into his soul. However, he was doing a good job of shutting her out. All she could sense was frustration and mild anger. 

“As is her birthright, she will eventually in several years join you all for training. She will continue to live here until that time; where she will be taught the ways of the world by myself, and Wanheda. We feel that a fair way to begin her training.” 

She felt Perseus and several others tense at this news. 

“She is but another Nightblood.” Lexa spoke firmly to squash whatever feelings towards Becca the children may be creating. “I will admit she is a new phenomenon that which our laws have no explanation. Therefor myself, Titus, and the series of elders are trying to create a system for her.” 

Several Nightbloods relaxed. Aden even nodded to show his agreement. 

“What’s her name?” Perseus spoke loudly. 

Lexa had always felt strange bonds and almost communication channels between herself and those with the blood. She noticed it as a child when she could often find herself almost reading the former Commander’s mind and though she could never explain it to any outsider she felt that such a mental pathways existed. That those with the blood were all interconnected and could feel one another’s emotions.   
It was moments like this that Lexa always felt confirmed her theories. 

Perseus was displeased with the situation. This was plain to Lexa and he was seeking to poke holes in the justice of it all. He somehow knew that the answer of the child’s name would only create more tension. But, she still was required to answer. 

“The child’s name is Becca.” Lexa spoke her voice steady and not dipping. Not showing any sign of recognition to its meaning. 

The room was still. Lexa caught Perseus’ eyes darting to his fellows, almost as if he was gloating. 

“Don’t look at them like that.” Lexa snapped anger rising her. “Sit.” She demanded of him. Though Perseus knew he was powerful he dared not directly defy his Commander and teacher. He obediently sat next to his fellows.

“ Nothing that I speak at this moment can be taken as 100% truth.” She began gazing at the curious eyes around her. Deciding it unwise and unfair to keep secrets from them, as they trusted her with all their hearts. “For if I die tomorrow all tradition remains intact. The conclave would begin and Becca like all of you would take part.” 

The Nightbloods nodded. Perseus smirked to himself at the concept of killing the child. How pathetic a conclave it would be. 

“But as we know the wars are over.” The Commander continued. “The clans are untied. The time is peaceful. There are still conflicts and dangers as we witnessed several days ago but they are rare. This is one of the only times a Commander has been able to say this.” 

Aden smiled, proud of his Heda.

“ I became Heda when I was 16 years of age. The previous Heda only reined for eight years. I have nearly passed that time period. Myself and those closest to me see no sign of my reign ending in the near future. If this remains true then you as Nightbloods may wait and train for many years, to perhaps a point where you have passed a threshold in which you can properly lead.”

Perseus looked at Caspian and the two shared a look of displeasure. Nothing of what Heda spoke was promising news to them. They’d trained almost their whole lives to be Heda and now she dared to tell them they might not even be given the chance. 

“But I will die. Someday. And my spirit will need to choose another. And at that time Becca will be perhaps how old you all are now, maybe older. A good age to begin her reign.”

Lexa stood straighter. 

“That is why we believe her blood turned at such an early age, why she survived.” 

“So what should we do?” Nepa asked concerned. 

“Your training will continue.” Lexa said firmly. “Though it may lessen, but know that it is not due to this new addition. It is because there is only so much you can teach someone. So much I can teach you. It is time for you to begin learning.”

“What does that mean?” Caspian asked rising slightly, his concern mounting. 

“You will be granted more solo training sessions and exercises. More will be asked of you and less given. You must learn about yourselves now. You will be given more of your life back to you. Do you all understand?” 

They nodded. Lexa glared down at Perseus, holding his gaze, like a dog until he looked away. Satisfied she left them, taking a moment a place a hand on the bedpost’s of both Kovac and Dara. She missed their spirits greatly but secretly was glad of their deaths. As she was whenever a Nightblood died, be it from sickness, training, or combat.   
It was something sick about herself the she never told to anyone, not even Clarke.   
But to her whenever a Nightblood died outside of a conclave it was a blessing, a blessing to their fellows. For, if they died before their conclave they would never need to be cut down by her fellows. She still remembered the friends she’d slain in her own conclave. Their faces, their smiles, their personalities. She’d killed almost all of them, if they didn’t kill each other. Children she’d spent years growing up with. Lexa believed that violent aspect of the conclave to be a strong discouragement of Commanders forming attachment. She thought it useful but still barbaric. 

xxxxx

All and all her day had been a strenuous one, between her conversation with the Nightbloods to yet another conversation with Titus over how best to train Becca which resulted in him deciding to be the one to teach her the histories and how to read. Something she had not been keen on anyway. 

By the time Lexa returned to her chamber she felt heavy, heavy with the emotions of the day, and heavy with exhaustion. She was not used to being awoken during the night. Becca would wake sometimes half a dozen times, each time sending Lexa into a panic. She was not accustomed to movement in her room that was not Clarke. Every time she snapped awake her mind on assassins or intruders. Who knew a child could cause her so much stress after only two days, meanwhile Clarke slept through it all, completely unaware. A trait Lexa had discovered of Skaikru. They were almost all heavy sleepers. 

Whatever stress or emotions The Commander had been carrying with her when she approached her room instantly evaporated. Before she had even opened the door to her room Lexa could hear Becca gurgling and Clarke laughing. Then as she walked in she was greeted by warm candlelight and the beautiful sight of Clarke sitting on the floor leaning over the child making amusing faces as she squealed in delight.

At the sound of the door Clarke turned her head. 

“Oh thank god.” She exclaimed, rising to cross to Lexa. “She’s cute don’t get me wrong.” She said kissing the older girl on the cheek. “But after an entire day of this my face muscles are starting to hurt.”

“Oh are they?” Lexa said smiling into the kiss.

“Yeah.” Clarke pulled away slightly. “So it’s your turn. I’d love to see what funny faces you can make.” 

The Commander shrugged off the joke and crossed to the baby, who at the sight of her instantly reached its chubby little arms to the sky insisting that she pick it up. 

With a smile Lexa obliged holding the baby tight to her chest. 

“She behaved well?” Lexa asked settling herself on the couch. 

“I think.” Clarke said hesitantly, sitting herself next to the Commander placing her chin lightly on her shoulder. “I honestly have no idea. She barely cried if that’s what you mean.”

“I suppose that’s good.” 

The two looked down at the now drowsy child, she’d be asleep in a matter of minutes no doubt Lexa thought. 

“How was your day?” Clarke asked. 

Lexa looked up, suddenly reminded of all that had transpired. 

“There are tensions among the Nightbloods, especially about Becca.” She confessed. 

“What kind of tensions?”

“I don’t entirely know.” She said thoughtfully, replaying the events. “Some of these Nightbloods are growing older than any we’ve had before. I fear they may grow too ambitious or too arrogant. They may become dangerous.”

“So what will you do?” Clarke asked sitting herself straighter to look at the Commander, small bits of worry mounting in her. 

“Crush them down.” The older girl said simply, rising to place the baby in the crib. “Before they crush me.” Lexa placed a now sleeping Becca tenderly in her crib. “Some need to be reminded that I am Heda, and I am greater than them.” 

Clarke said nothing; instead she examined the woman before her. How she oozed such confidence but not in arrogance, she possessed a factual confidence She admitted when she could not do something, or did not know it. She was still the most powerful person Clarke had come to come to know. 

“I’m sure it will all be fine. Aden will keep them in line.” Clarke rose and took hold of Lexa’s hips, pulling the Commander in to her. 

“I’m sure he will.” Lexa smiled, kissing her tenderly. Eventually the tender kisses grew deeper and with more vigor as the two women explored each others lips. After some time Clarke found herself being laid on their bed, Lexa over her kissing down on throat. Clarke could barely stifle her moans. 

“Lexa…” She breathed heavily. The Commander continued tracing her familiar path down the younger girl’s body and Clarke knew what turn came next. “Lexa!” She said slightly firmer this time sitting up and gripping Lexa’s collar. The Commander halted, startled. 

“We need to find a baby sitter.” Clarke nodded over to the crib with the sleeping baby. 

What happened next Clarke with she had someone record somehow for she never expected such a chain of events. 

Lexa, still on top of Clarke looked over at the crib. Groaned and like a dog being denied its favorite toy rolled off the younger girl, and lay flat on her back staring at the ceiling completely and utterly annoyed. All Clarke could do was laugh.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter today because I accidentally double posted a chapter.   
> Chapter 28 has been updated with new content.

“You aren’t serious.” Was the first thing Octavia exclaimed when she walked into the room members of Skaikru shared. Since Lexa was spending the day with Titus and the Nightbloods for combat training; Clarke had taken Becca there to try to get her sitting up by herself, a fruitless effort. 

She hadn’t expected anyone to bother them as most members of Skaikru had jobs that they usually spent the entire day performing. Octavia however, had spent the last week working at the destroyed village and had just returned. 

She opened the door of the large room to see Clarke sitting facing one of the mirrors, the strange baby from the village plopped on her lap. Clarke was holding the baby’s wrists and from what Octavia could tell, making her dance. The child was giggling in delight. 

“Oh hi.” Clarke stammered out, caught completely off guard. 

“I knew it.” Octavia said pointedly, tossing her pack on the nearest bed and crossing over to Clarke, crouching to face her. Examining the baby. “As soon as I saw that baby bleed black I knew you and Lexa would keep it.”

“We’re training her Octavio.” Clarke exclaimed exasperated, finding herself sounding more and more like a broken transmission; she was speaking words that soon would cease to have meaning.

“Oh yeah? What’s her name?”

“Becca.” Clarke said fondly lifting the baby’s arms so that she giggled once more. 

“Uh-uh.” Octavia nodded. “Lexa named her that?”

“She and the elders did. Yes.” 

“She’s cute.” Octavia shrugged. “For a baby I guess.” 

Clarke smiled slightly at her. 

“Have you told your mother about her yet?” The young warrior prompted. 

At this Clarke chuckled. “Not exactly. But she is supposed to be arriving here either today or tomorrow. I wanted her to give Becca a medical exam.”

“Sure.” Octavia said sitting next to Clarke and tousling the baby’s hair slightly. 

“It’s true” The older girl defended. “Lexa’s curious about her. Everyone is. No one knows why her blood changed so early.” 

“There’s plenty of theories, even the warriors in the village had some pretty convincing ones.” Becca reached out her chubby arms to Octavia trying to take hold of the new arrival’s finger.

“Yeah?” Clarke asked, passing the baby to Octavia. “What were they?”

“That she’s supposed to be the next Commander. That the current Commander will train her and raise, and when she’s ready she’ll kill Lexa and all other Nightbloods, to become the most powerful Heda they’ve ever known.”

Clarke nodded her head. “That sounded pretty good up until the last part.” She shrugged. “I personally like the version where Lexa dies of old age and then she becomes the new Commander.” 

“There’s always got to be some drama Clarke. Grounders always need there to be some form a violence or sacrifice.” Octavia laughed. “It’s all just theories anyway.” 

“I know.” Clarke smiled. “It’s just there’s a lot of pressure on her already. What do you think it’ll be like when she’s older?” 

“With you and Lexa hanging around with her all the time I’m sure she’ll be able to handle it.” 

“Heda and Wanheda they’ve been saying.” Clarke shrugged. 

Octavia smiled. “Yeah I heard that one once or twice too. You guys are really working on keeping your whole thing a secret. The baby totally helps shatter any delusions people may have.” 

“If you weren’t holding my baby right now I’d hit you.” Clarke grumbled. 

“You’re baby huh?” Octavia challenged. 

“Oh shut up.” The older girl exclaimed taking Becca back into her arms as Octavia laughed.

XXXXX

The bright sun burned down on the back of Lexa’s neck as she watched the Nightbloods duel one another. Today they had abandoned their swords and instead were trying their hands at spears in single combat. A difficult task but a useful one. 

Lexa glanced at the sun; it was only an hour or so away from beginning to set. The Commander was eager for the day to end. Clarke had spent most of the past few days alone with Becca and Lexa was beginning to feel slightly guilty. She wanted to return to the two of them and spend some time with the child while she was conscious. Perhaps tomorrow, she thought, she’d sit with Becca all day, show her maps, the thrones, maybe even take her to see the other Nightbloods. 

THWACK

The sound caught her attention like a dog to a bone. The noise had come from the group dueling furthest from her. Perseus and Nepa. The sound had been caused by Nepa’s spear cracking in half after a particularly strong strike from her fellow. The shattered spear sent splinters in every direction and Nepa stumbled backwards, landing flat on her back, Perseus towering over her, pointing his spear at her neck. 

“I yield.” The girl grumbled, annoyed at being defeated so easily. 

Then Lexa saw it, as she had many times with past Nightbloods. A glint in Perseus’ eye and for a moment he didn’t look like he was going to remove his spear. He even went as far as to lower the spear slightly and ever so gentle press it to Nepa’s neck. The younger girl lay frozen, glaring at her foe as they both considered the what would happen if he pushed a even a little harder on her. Then the moment passed. Perseus removed his spear and walked away, leaving his comrade to raise herself from the ground. Forgoing the common courtesy of helping to lift her to her feet. 

“Enough.” Lexa called. Keeping her eye on Perseus’ smug grin as he arrogantly clasped Caspian’s arm in celebration of winning. 

At her call every duel stopped instantly, all eyes fixed on the teacher. 

“Good.” The Commander said walking by each pair. “A word of advice for those who are smaller in form. Do not try to use the spear to block blows, especially if your opponent is stronger than you are. Your spear will shatter.”  
She looked at Nepa. “If you are smaller you are usually faster on your feet than larger opponents. Use that, dodge them with your body, and keep them chasing you. That way you are still in control.” Several of the female Nightbloods nodded. Nepa glanced back at Perseus darkly. 

“I will demonstrate.” Lexa called, removing her outer cloak so she wore only her lightest of armor. “Perseus come here.” 

“Heda…” Titus said quietly, his voice full of concern. 

“Hush.” The Commander snapped. “It is time for a new lesson.” 

Quietly the Nightbloods formed a wide circle around the Commander and the largest of their kin. Perseus stood almost a foot taller than Lexa and outweighed her significantly, his genes had been kind to him and he had the greatest of warrior builds. None of this intimidated Lexa, she’d fought worse. She’d killed worse. This boy needed to be reminded of his place.   
She took hold of her spear and began to walk a circle with Perseus. The boy held his spear like a sword ready to charge at any moment but Lexa knew he wouldn’t. He was too smart for that. As Lexa had just instructed that smaller foes wait for their attacker to move; he would not play into her hands. 

So Lexa moved first. She swung wild and fast, like a whip. 

CRACK

Perseus blocked her blow, their spears vibrating from the force of hitting one another. He did not move his feet. Lexa swung again aiming lower this time. Again Perseus blocked her, not moving, not playing into her hands. 

Lexa began to speed up her attacks, striking faster and with more precision, like a viper. Each time Perseus blocked her, deflecting her blows. Not giving her the upper hand. Then he saw it, a bead of sweat on the Commander’s forehead. Her on going assault was tiring her. He took his chance. After one particularly wide blow, Perseus blocked the Commander’s spear but did not deflect it, instead he held her there, pushing against her with all his might. Lexa grunted in effort as she pushed back against him. She weak compared to him and he loved it. 

A faint cracking sound was beginning to come from the Commander’s spear just as she pulled back, causing him to take a step forward. Using his momentum to his advantage Perseus slashed out, forcing Lexa back. The two sparred for a moment then it happened; Lexa stepped on a piece of broken spear and her foot rolled, causing her balance to shift. Perseus swerved the edge of his spear to her face, relishing the feeling of ever so slightly hitting her face. 

As Lexa regained her footing she felt a warm sensation spreading down her face. Blood. Normally she held back slightly went fighting the Nightbloods, trying not to hurt them too badly in training but still teaching them. But the gloating look Perseus gave her as he stared down at her ignited a fire she rarely allowed to be lit. 

Aden saw the shift in his Heda and began to fear for Perseus. The strike that had caused Heda to bleed had not had any chance of actually subduing her; it had only been to draw blood. To inflate his ego. To hurt his Heda but not cripple or defeat.   
Aden himself had done that once, taken a cheap blow at the Commander to make himself feel stronger. He’d cut her bicep with a meek swing. In return she’d split his face open with her knee. No matter how good they all thought they might be in combat, Lexa was better.   
He grinned to himself at the thought of what Perseus was about to experience. 

Lexa began to move around the circle, spear held lightly in hand. A frustrating move for Perseus as he had to follow her, careful not to expose his back to her. She increased her speed so he needed to move in a tighter circle to follow her. He began to grind his teeth, feeling more and more like a dog tied to a lease. He decided to end the game. He swung his spear out to where Lexa was destined to make her next step, but she wasn’t there. Instead he felt a sharp pain on his back and she whacked him with the butt end of her spear. He recoiled in pain and caught a glimpse of her spear darting out and sliding across his stomach, slicing the skin. Not deep enough to spill organs for still enough to cause pain. 

He roared in anger and spun to stab at his foe. But the Commander was already somehow behind him, and stuck the tip of her spear behind his foot and thrust it sideways with surprisingly strength. Successfully tripping him so he landed flat on his back. But this was not to be his end. No, he still had his strength. As Lexa lowered the tip of her spear to his throat the boy grabbed it and thrust it up to her face, trying to break her nose. The Commander seemed to dodge the attack with ease and sensing his plan turned her spear sideway gripping each end in a hand. By this time Perseus was starting to sit up. Lexa swung the spear horizontally at his face, cracking the boy’s nose and sitting her knee on his neck, cutting his airflow off. The two froze there for a moment, glaring at one another. As Perseus’ bloody face began to change color he looked away and slammed his large hand on the ground. Signaling his yield. 

Lexa released him and stood over him. “That will be all for today.” She muttered. “You are released from training. But always remember who you are and who I am. I am Heda. You are my protégé’s. Do not forget that.”

Silently the children nodded and Perseus grunted as he lifted himself from the ground, sure that Lexa had broken one of his ribs with her knee. 

XXX

As Lexa approached her chamber the door opened and Octavia emerged. 

“Heda.” She said bowing slightly. 

“Octavia.” Lexa greeted. 

“They’re just out on the balcony.” The warrior said gesturing over her shoulder. “I’m sure they will both be pleased to see you.”

Lexa felt the corners of her mouth tug slightly. 

“But.” Octavia said hesitantly. “You may want to wash your face before you see them. I’m not sure who will react worse to the blood on your face. The baby or Clarke.” 

Lexa lifted her hand to her cheek and felt the slick wet blood that was still leaking from Perseus’ cut. 

“Thank you Octavia kom Skaikru.” The Commander muttered gratefully. Turning in the direction of the nearest bathroom to wash her face. Clarke shouldn’t worry when there was nothing to worry about she thought. 

XXXXX

Perseus cursed as he removed his shirt in the dormitory bathroom. His upper chest and left side were deeply bruised, a long deep cut just below his belly button oozed painfully and his nose still bled and pulsed.   
She had no right to attack him like that. He thought. She never berated a Nightblood as she had today. To her, he was expendable, a toy to be played with. She had the baby, the future. In anger he threw his shirt roughly against the wall.

“You can’t possibly blame her for today.”

Perseus hadn’t heard Aden enter the room, and but there the boy stood; A foot and a half shorter than him, and 100 pounds lighter. Yet from the way he held himself you’d think he was as large a Pauna. 

“What?” He snapped in no mood to deal with the boy’s condescending personality. 

“How you’ve behaved recently has been unacceptable. You deserved all that Heda gave you. You must understand that.” The boy said in his annoying leveled tone much like Heda’s 

“She was teaching you today.” 

Ignoring the searing pain in his side. Perseus lunged at Aden, who did not flinch. The older boy gripped the younger’s collar and lifted him up slightly with his bulging bicep. Aden did not blink, he did not look away, he showed no fear. After a moment Perseus lowered him back to the ground. 

“You’re right Aden.” He growled. “She did teach me something today.” Then grabbing his shirt Perseus stalked off. 

Once he was sure that Perseus had left Aden released the air he’d been holding and breathed.


	31. Chapter 31

For such a little thing Becca truly had some strength to her; Lexa thought as she wrestled yet another piece of charcoal from the baby’s tight little fist. 

“You must not take any more things that are not yours.” Lexa scolded feeling as though she might as well be addressing the dark stonewall beside her. For the moment Lexa released her; Becca’s plump little hand shot out and grabbed the corner of the nearest map, threatening to tear it. 

“Enough.” Lexa exclaimed in exasperation, rising and carrying the child away from the council’s table where the two had been sitting for the last hour. Lexa had brought Becca there for two reasons. One, to begin teaching her the ways of the world, two Clarke recently had looked as though she was going to fall asleep standing up. She had after all spent the entire week with Becca. Lexa had figured it proper that Clarke appear at least semi rested when Abigail Griffin arrived later that evening.   
And in truth Lexa was perfectly content to spend an afternoon alone with just Becca. The child astounded her daily. Lexa could feel the Nightblood connection with the baby but there seemed to be so much more to her than that. The child was always alert and seemed to watch, not necessarily listen, to everything Lexa did. The Commander had first noticed this when requested a guard to leave a few hours earlier. She had sent him away with her usual waving gesture. Barely an hour later when another guard interrupted them Becca had made the same sweeping gesture with her barely mobile wrist. Earning quite the chuckle from the guard. 

Though she didn’t quite grasp that charcoal was not for eating she could plainly grasp how to respond to other’s presence. She was so bright too, always searching for new things around her. Lexa was reminded of how Nightbloods first responded to their training upon arriving in Polis. So ready, so keen, open to the world that was theirs. 

Clarke had mentioned she had been trying to have Becca sit herself up over the last week. Lexa decided to make an attempt at this lesson as well. She laid the child on her back on the carpet and lay next to her. 

“You must rise.” She said clearly to the baby who seemed content to stare at the Commander or the ceiling for the rest of the afternoon. 

“Becca.” Lexa said firmly. “Like this.” And engaging her core muscles Lexa lifted herself into a sitting position. Becca giggled.

With a sigh Lexa lay back down, staring at the ceiling. How Clarke had had the patience to try achieving this task for 6 whole days was beyond her. But Clarke seemed to better with the baby recently than her, so perhaps it had simply been a bonding experience for them both. Then as if the baby had read the Commander’s mind she clumsily rolled herself sideways, bumping her body against Lexa’s shoulder and groping at her ears. The Commander turned her head to face the child; happy at least that she had managed to roll herself, hopefully not accidently. Once Lexa’s face was inches from Becca’s the baby began to gurgle and laugh. Pawing her clumsy hands over the adult’s face. Lexa shut her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the baby’s warm pudgy hands feeling the features of her face. Becca rolled herself further so that her head was almost pressing against Lexa’s. There she toyed with the small piece of metal stuck on Lexa’s forehead. The Mark of the Commander.

“Someday, you may wear this.” Lexa said fondly, not discouraging Becca’s simplistic curiosity. 

After a time Becca’s probing grew less forceful and consistent. Lexa didn’t notice though for she had kept her eyes shut reveling in her contentness with the situation. She didn’t even notice that the baby had fallen asleep, her small little head pressed against her own. 

XXXX

“Lexa?” A voice whispered through the abyss. 

“Lexa.” The voice said more forcefully this time and Lexa opened her eyes. Not realizing she had fallen asleep. The first site that met her eyes was Becca’s sleeping face. The baby was completely and utterly out. Her small little fist resting under her chin and her brow furrowed giving the impression that her face was being squished. 

“Hey.” The voice came from above them and Lexa looked up slowly. Clarke was standing over her smiling sweetly. “My mother is here and I thought we may as well get this over with. Unless you’d prefer to nap.” 

Careful not to wake Becca Lexa slowly sat herself up and quickly wiped the sleep from her eyes. She glanced at the window; the light seeping through the flowing curtains was a bright orange. The sun was setting. She’d been asleep for at least two hours. The Commander looked to the younger girl standing before her. Her eyes immediately darted to the girl’s fingertips, which were blackened slightly. 

“What were you doing?” She asked quietly, standing and stretching, nodding to Clarke’s fingers. 

At this the younger girl blushed. “I just…” I’ve never seen you like that. I had to have some way to remember it.” 

Lexa looked over Clarke’s shoulder to the large council table. On it were several pieces of charcoal and a piece of parchment. As Clarke bent over to scoop Becca up Lexa walked over to the table. On the parchment was a quick sketch done by Clarke’s skilled hand. It was of herself and Becca, both asleep on the floor. Becca’s hand resting on Lexa’s cheek, their foreheads pressed together. As she stared at the drawing she couldn’t help but notice the likeness in features she shared with the baby. From Clarke’s perspective the two shared the same soft smile, and slightly furrowed brow. 

“I had to.” Clarke said leaning on Lexa’s shoulder, a still sleeping Becca in her arms. “It was so perfect.” She muttered kissing Lexa’s shoulder. “You’re so good with her.” 

“Not as good as you.” Lexa said kissing Clarke’s hair. “Now let’s go show her to your mother, maybe let her decide.” 

XXXXX

If someone a year ago had told Clarke that she would eventually be bringing her mother a baby that she and the Commander were raising together she would have not even laughed at said person, but merely decided that they lacked any matter of sanity.   
But as she and Lexa walked down the corridors of the tower, Lexa holding a slowly waking Becca, Clarke felt so utterly complete. Like some task she had always been appointed had been complete. She made a mental note to ask Lexa if hat was something she felt as well. If the spirits of past Commanders were as pleased with the situation as she was.   
She had decided that Lexa should carry Becca so that her mother may understand the situation more quickly. Should Clarke enter with the child Abby may assume it is a routine medical examination. Plus Clarke still was reveling in the sight of the Commander with the baby propped on her hip. 

“Ready?” Lexa asked as they approached the door to medical.

Clarke stared at the door for a moment, then ensuring that there were no guards or healers nearby she quickly gave Lexa a kiss. “Let me go in first, let her get all of her Motherly things out before you guys come in.” 

Lexa held her gaze for a moment and nodded. 

Taking a deep breath Clarke pushed open the door. On the far side of the room stood her mother, unpacking a small travel bag full of equipment from Arkadia. At the sound of the door Abby looked up. 

“Clarke!” She called happily, putting her bag down and trotting over to her daughter. With a sigh and a weak smile Clarke accepted her hug. Over her mother’s shoulder Clarke saw Octavia and Raven sitting on a bed. Octavia was smirking and Raven gave a slight wave.   
Octavia no doubt was there to witness what was about to transpire and had told Raven to come along. What Raven knew Clarke couldn’t say. 

“It’s good to see you.” Clarke called to Raven as her mother released her. 

“You too.” Raven said rising awkwardly and crossing for a hug. “I figured I should get a better look at the famous Polis.” 

“You’ll love it here.” Clarke nodded, happy to have her friend with her. 

“So where’s this new patient Clarke?” Abby asked putting a set of rubber gloves on. “The riders said she’d been crushed in a building collapse. I think I should see her right away.”

Octavia smirked over Abby’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, she just. Ah. There” 

At that moment Lexa, who must have been listening at the door turned the handle and entered the room. Becca was fully awake now and her bright green eyes scanned this room and took in the new faces. She smiled, which of course caused Clarke to smile, and Lexa’s eyes to brighten. 

“Oh hello.” Abby said startled by the sudden appearance of the Commander. “Commander.” She said bowing slightly. 

“Abby.” Lexa said nodding to her. “Raven. Octavia.” 

Raven’s eyes were wide. The baby in Lexa’s arms was the spitting image of the Commander, eyes, hair, and face. The two side by side looked almost identical. As if Raven was looking at a younger Lexa. The mechanic’s eyes darted around trying to catch anyone’s eyes, they eventually settled on Octavia who just smirked. 

“Oh my god.” Raven mouthed and Octavia just laughed. 

Abby was still taking in the site. She was still growing accustomed to the idea that Clarke was with Lexa so seeing the two in the same room together always took her a moment. 

“And who’s this?” She asked lightly looking at the baby in Lexa’s arms. 

“This is Becca, Mom.” Clarke said reaching under the baby’s armpits to hoist her from Lexa. At the pronouncement of her name Raven’s eyes got even wider. 

“No way.” She muttered to herself. Looking from Clarke to Lexa, to the baby. Both women’s eyes were fixed on the baby, with a happy spark she’d never seen in either of them. 

“Hello Becca.” Abby said smiling. “I’m Abby.” 

Clarke immediately knew from Abby’s reaction that she had grasped the actuality of the situation. Which was maybe for the better. 

Abby reached out her arms. “Will you come with me so I can look you over.” 

Becca from Clarke and Lexa’s experience had always been a content child, she never fussed, she never hid, she only ever greeted with smiles, laughter, and enthusiasm. But apparently that day she decided to break her streak.   
As Abby reached her arms out to take Becca from Clarke’s arms the baby let out a small squeal and glued her arms around Clarke’s neck, hiding her face, shyly.   
It happened so quickly that Clarke reacted instinctually. Holding the baby tighter and pressing a slight soothing kiss on the top of her head. 

“It’s okay.” She said quietly. “You’re okay.” 

At the squeal, Lexa too reacted on some new instinct within her and had taken a step towards Becca, hand on her sword, ready to draw. 

That’s when everything clicked in Abby’s mind.  
“Oh.” She said recoiling her arms, eyeing Lexa warily, comprehension dawning. 

“Clarke?” She asked. “Why did you have me come here?” 

Clarke was still momentarily to preoccupied with trying to detach Becca from her neck to answer so Lexa stepped forward. 

“Abby.” She said calmly. “You recall how I have a different type of blood than most here?”

“Yes.” The doctor said skeptically. 

“My students, we refer to them as Nightbloods also have the blood. Most are brought here when they are older than 4 or 5. But this child, Becca has the blood.”

“Is she related to you?” Abby asked examining the squirming baby in her daughter’s arms. “She looked like you.”

“No.” Lexa said calmly. “We share no known relation. Yet I pulled her from a building, which should have crushed her, and she bled black. As none any living elder or I have seen.”

“So?” Abby asked watching Clarke finally pulled Becca from her and sit the baby on the nearest bed. However, once Clarke relinquished Becca she began to struggle and raise her arms to Lexa.

“So, she is special.” Lexa said picking the child up and holding her close so she relaxed. “My people do not truly know her purpose yet but we think she will be great.”

“So you plan to care for her?” Abby said staring at the Commander, eyes surprised. 

“And teach her, instruct her.” Lexa said as Becca played once more with the mark on her forehead. 

Abby turned to Clarke, completely at a loss for words. 

“Clarke?” She asked. Struggling to even figure out how to phrase what she needed to ask.   
“They think that if Heda and Wanheda work together to train this young of a Nightblood that she could be the greatest Commander they’ve known. Even better than Lexa.” 

“So you are going to be her parents?” Abby said staring at them both. 

“No, we are her mentors-” Clarke began to explain, feeling again like that transmission repeating the same message over and over again. 

“Yes Abby they are.” Octavia said boldly. “But they can never say that because then it was be the final admittance of themselves to the people here. Something they can’t do. And the Commander is never permitted to parent a child.” 

“Octavia.” Lexa snapped eyes cold. 

“Forgive me Heda.” The young warrior said giving a slight bow. “But was anything I stated untrue?” 

Lexa opened her mouth to retort but Clarke put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze. “Don’t.” She said quietly. Turning from Octavia, Lexa looked to Abby. 

“Can you please examine her? We need to know anything you can tell us about her health and why she might have the blood this early.” 

Abby just stared at Clarke. A sudden happiness in her. If Clarke was willingly accepting something into her life like a child then she must truly believe that her world was at peace. She and Lexa were happy together and had achieved some acceptance of their lives in Polis. 

Wishing Clarke’s father could be there to see that day Abby nodding, smiling. She held her arms out for the baby. “Of course.” 

Muttering soft soothing words in Trigedasleng the Commander passed Becca to Abby. The child stared up at the newcomer warily but accepted being held by her. 

“Hello.” Abby said brightly cradling Becca looking down at her. “I’m Abby. In some ways I’m your grandmother.”

As Abby set to work drawing blood and running tests; Raven and Octavia did their best to make the child laugh and remain content. Clarke and Lexa stood back next to each other observing the scene.   
After a moment they entwined their fingers and watched the work-taking place, ready to jump in should Becca utter even the slightest scream. Ready to comfort her. 

Octavia had been right though this was the first time they’d truly accepted the idea. Becca was their daughter. They were a family and the two couldn’t be happier.


	32. Chapter 32

The ball seemed to be rolling as slowly as it possibly, but at least it was still moving. Aden held out as long as his patience would permit him before his grabbed the small dark ball halfway along its journey. Then he sat himself back down and rolled it back in the direction it had come. 

Becca giggled as the ball rolled towards her. For a moment Aden was fearful that he’d rolled it too forcefully and it would knock her down when it reached her. He couldn’t have been more wrong.   
As the ball approached her, Becca stopped it expertly with her tiny hands. For a moment she held the ball, considering it, Aden hoped she would not try to put it in her mouth again.   
But after a moment of consideration the child pushed the ball back to Aden, again rather slowly but faster than before. She was learning. 

“Good Becca.” He said. But he must have spoken too loudly for at that moment a voice called his name. 

“Aden! What are you doing over there?”

Aden turned his head guiltily towards the voice and earned a hard look from Clarke. Wanheda was in the middle of tying a sling around Caspian’s arm and he had interrupted her teachings. 

“I’m sorry Wanheda.” He said quickly getting to his feet, not entirely sure when Becca had completely distracted him from the lesson. 

“Come closer so I don’t lose you again.” Clarke sighed, “These are important procedures you should all know.” She said continuing to tighten the white bandage and addressing them all. “Injuries like dislocated shoulders can cause permanent damage if they aren’t treated properly.”

Reluctantly Aden left Becca and moved closer to observe the lesson. He, unlike many of his fellows had already learned such lessons; from Costia several years ago and she had been sure to drill them into his memory. And Becca had only recently become entertaining to play with. 

After almost a month of hard work Heda had finally managed to get the youngest Nightblood sitting by herself. Then Aden had taken it upon himself to introduce her to playing with a ball. She loved it and even as Aden walked away from her she managed to get hold of it once more and rolled it around the floor, giggling. 

“Hush Becca.” Clarke said firmly to the baby, trying to hide her happiness of watching the baby play. At the sound of her name the child looked at her and smiled. She continued to play but did so without making a single sound. 

“Thank you.” Clarke said completing the final knot on Caspian’s sling. “There.” She said pulling at his arm to test the knot’s functionality. “Now pair up with a partner and each of you are to practice this new sling. Any questions or concerns please voice them.” With a clap of her hands the Nightbloods buzzed about getting their partners and collecting the fabric for the slings. 

Once they began to work with one another Clarke crossed over to Becca who held her arms up expectantly. With a quick grin Clarke lifted her into the air and placed her on her hip. 

“Were you paying attention?” She asked the child seriously. “They’ll be an exam.” 

Becca just gurgled and pulled fondly on Clarke’s collar. 

“Easy Perseus.” One of the Nightbloods cried as Perseus pulled his sling far to tight, forcing his arm to jut out painfully. 

“Sorry.” Perseus mumbled. Loosening the knot but it was already too late. Wanheda was coming over to them, infant in arms. 

“You don’t want to tighten the sling that quickly. You want to ease the arm up; you’ll feel it click almost when it’s in the right place. Understand?” 

“Yes Wanheda.” He grumbled. 

“Good.” And Clarke walked away. 

Perseus felt his insides boil as she did. He always got annoyed whenever she taught them lessons. What did she know? She wasn’t even a trained healer and Polis yet she was given the privilege to teach them. She was only here because of Heda and her weaknesses.   
They insisted on calling the Sky Girl Wanheda, but she was no Commander of death, she was no warrior. She was only alive for Lexa cared for her. Their bond was one of the worst kept secrets in Polis. When Perseus had first come to know of it he began to count how many days it would be until the Sky Girl died.   
But here she was, even after Heda had left her. And now they had this cursed child. And if her existence wasn’t an insult enough for the other Nightbloods they had taken to bringing her to their lessons. Perseus was beginning to exceed his level of tolerance for that abomination’s existence. 

As Clarke walked from pair to pair of Nightbloods, correcting their work she noticed Octavia appear in the doorway of the hall. The warrior gave Clarke a slight smile.   
“Okay.” Clarke called, unable to clap her hands, but to her surprise Becca did it for her. The Nightbloods stopped their activity and chuckled lightly. “Well done.” Clarke said happily. “That will be all for today. Please fold you bandages up before you leave.”   
The children all nodded and began to untie their slings as Clarke made her way over to Octavia. 

“Hey.” She said happily. 

“Hey” Octavia responded. 

“Where’s Raven?” Clarke asked looking over her friend’s shoulder for the mechanic. 

“She’s checking in with Monty but I’ll probably see her later.” Octavia shrugged. 

“Right.” Clarke nodded. “Anyway. Thanks so much for doing this.” She said as Octavia held out her arms for Becca. Clarke passed her gratefully. “I love her, I do. I just need a night off.” 

“It’s no problem Clarke. I bet Lexa needs the night too.” Octavia said placing Becca on her hip and allowing the baby to tug at her braids. “Plus she’s pretty cute. I’m sure she’ll keep me entertained for a while, if not I’ll hand her off to your mom.” 

“She’d probably like that.” Clarke said thoughtfully. “Since she’s leaving for Arkadia in a few days. She if she-“ She nodded to Becca. “Gets to be too much just drop her off to my mom. She’ll manage better than any of us I’m sure.” 

“Got it.” Octavia said looking at the baby. “We’ll have fun. Won’t we kid?” Becca threw her hands in the air and exclaimed loudly. 

“Just make sure she’s asleep two hours past sun set.” Clarke began, worry starting in her stomach; “and try to get her to eat. Lately she really likes those blackberries and if..” 

“Yeah. Yeah.” Octavia cut her off. “I got this Clarke don’t worry.” 

Clarke shut her mouth reluctantly. 

“Just try and enjoy your night.” Octavia said beginning to walk away. “I’m sure you and Lexa will be able to think of at least one or two things to do together. Now say bye bye Becca.” Octavia was sure to turn the corner completely before Clarke could shout an annoyed retort back at her. 

Octavia was right though. In the month since they’d found Becca she and Lexa had had no time to themselves. The main reason she’d asked Octavia to look after the baby for the night, which Clarke hadn’t told Lexa. She was looking forward to surprising the Commander. With a slight spring in her step Clarke began to make her way up to the Commander’s chamber. 

On the other side of the wall from where Clarke and Octavia had held their brief conversation Caspian stood leaning against the cold wall wanting to throw up in his mouth. It truly had been a joke that Heda and Wanheda would simply raise the child. No they were parenting it. An act forbidden in even the earliest days of the Commander.   
Conclave or not. Becca would be the next Commander.   
Caspian pushed himself off the wall and started to walk towards the dormitory. He had to tell Perseus. They needed to act quickly. 

XXXXX

“Hello.” Lexa called as she pushed open the door to her room, several hours later. Her meeting with the elders had gone longer than anticipated and she very happy to be free for the day. 

“Hey.” Clarke called emerging from the balcony. 

“Oh.” Lexa exclaimed, looking around the room. There was no sign of Becca. “Where’s.”

“I asked Octavia to look after her for the night.” Clarke said pouring herself a glass of water from the pitcher on the center table. “I thought that would be okay.”

“I suppose.” Lexa said confused. Removing her outer cloak. “But will she be okay?”

“Octavia or Becca?” Clarke joked taking a drink of water. 

Lexa gave a slight smile. “Either.”

The two caught each other’s eye. 

“I just thought.” Clarke said putting her glass of water on the table and making her way over to the Commander. “That we could use a night off.”

She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck and pulled the older girl into a kiss. The kiss was deep and firm and Clarke felt all the tensions Lexa had carried into the room begin to dissipate. 

“What do you think?” Clarke asked slyly, breaking the kiss. 

Lexa kept her eyes shut, reveling in the feeling Clarke had so easily pulled from her chest. “I think that was a wonderful idea.” 

Then Lexa’s lips were on Clarke’s again. Her hands pulling her in tightly and slinking down her outer thighs. Clarke moaned at the feeling. Suddenly Lexa’s hands tightened on Clarke’s thighs and the Commander lifted the younger girl up so her legs wrapped around her waist.   
Clarke laughed lightly at Lexa’s enthusiasm. 

“It was a really good idea.” Lexa smiled kissing Clarke again and carrying her over to their bed. There she laid the younger girl down and climbed on top of her, kissing her way up Clarke’s chest. Relishing in each point of contact and each little squirm Clarke gave. Once Lexa met Clarke’s lips again the two lay there for several minutes; almost as if they were reacquainting themselves with one another. Enjoying their solitude and pleasure that they each brought the other. 

Then Clarke’s hands began to wander and Lexa began to unzip her coat and the time seemed to pass by the two by without any meaning, as nothing else truly mattered when they were together.


	33. Chapter 33

Caspian made his way into the dorm as casually as possible. Many of his comrades were sleeping and the last thing he wanted was unwanted listeners. A quick glance to the far corner of the room told him that Perseus wasn’t in bed. The boy was probably sitting by his favorite window not far from their room. Caspian quietly shut the door and made his way there. Sure enough there was Perseus sitting on the window ledge sharpening his dagger. The weapon was one of the envies of all Nightbloods. It wasn’t really a dagger because of its size but it was too small to be considered a sword. He had taken it with him from his village when his blood turned and no one knew exactly where his family had gotten it. No doubt it cost them a great deal or they stole it from some rich merchant.

The weapon was shiny and sharp and about as long as a grown man’s forearm. Equipped with a heavy handle incrusted by several large green shaded stones. It was Perseus’ weapon of choice and he never permitted anyone but himself to use it, or even touch it. 

“Hello Caspian.” He said sheathing the blade on his large brown belt. “What brings you here this late at night.” 

“I’ve just been thinking.” The younger boy said sitting himself on the ledge next to his fellow. “About that baby, and how much of an insult it is to us.”

“Oh?” Perseus said raising an eyebrow. 

“Heda has lost her morals ever since Skaikru has come. She’s become arrogant and intent on disrupting the rule. This baby is being treated like her and Wanheda’s daughter.” Perseus raised an eyebrow at his comrade. “ It’s forbidden.” Caspian continued. “Commanders aren’t meant to raise children. We are meant to be their children, their successors.” The boy’s voice began to grow in volume. With the slightest gesture Perseus encouraged him to lower it.   
“But with each passing day I see us thrown more to the side as this new Becca takes the titles we have the birthright to deserve. She is no more special than any of us!” Caspian finished, his face red with furry. 

Perseus stared at his fellow, impressed. He’d always thought of Caspian as a simple follower, a teacher’s pet in a way, not a free thinker. But hearing him speak these words brought forth a new respect for him. 

“I couldn’t agree with you more Caspian.” The older boy said placing a large hand heavily on his shoulder. “Which is why tomorrow I intend to set our lives straight again. Remind Heda that our world is not as black and white as she is seeing it. And she cannot simply ignore our customs and rules without repercussions.” Perseus examined the boy for a moment before speaking.  
“Would you like to play a part?” He said finally, deciding. 

Caspian turned to look at the older boy. His eyes burning with hatred. He nodded firmly. 

“Good.” Perseus said rising. “Then let us sleep. Tomorrow the traditions will be set right once more.”

As the two boys returned to the dormitory in silence Aden rounded the corner in which he’d been standing. He had just been returning from cleaning his teeth when he had overheard the beginning of the troubling conversation. The conclusion had only brought forth more worry. He must tell Heda. 

XXXXX

Clarke awoke in the early hours of the morning from a pleasant dream. It was so early the sun had barely even begun to rise. To her surprise as she opened her eyes she saw that Lexa was still asleep beside her. The Commander was turned away from her, warm and content. Her bare back facing Clarke.   
The younger girl lightly ran her fingers down the Commander’s large tattoo on her back.   
Lexa rarely spoke of her conclave, something that made Clarke assume that it must have been a horrible experience. Killing her friends and fellow students. Normally Clarke had always turned her thoughts away from the horrible things Lexa and her people had to do but since beginning to raise Becca she’d found herself dwelling on these thoughts more and more. 

Becca would one day be forced to kill her friends, her fellows. Aden, Nepa, Caspian, all of them. Clarke wondered if Becca would get a tattoo like Lexa’s, at first sight the ink was gorgeous to look at. Circles appearing like moons artistically drawn along her spine. But each circle was a corpse. A dead friend. How many circles would Becca have? 

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice was thick with sleep. “Is everything okay?” Clarke realized she must have put just a little too much pressure on the Commander’s back and woken her. She retracted her hand quickly. 

“Sorry.” She said wrapping her arms around Lexa’s body and pressing herself against her. The feeling of their warm naked bodies so close to one another made her heart relax and brain stop buzzing. Lexa, still half asleep took one of Clarke’s hands and pressed it her chest. So Clarke could feel her strong heartbeat.

“It’s okay.” The Commander said sleepily. Readjusting herself slightly so she was once more comfortable. 

As she felt the strong tendrils of sleep start to pull her back down Clarke nuzzled closer to Lexa and kissed the back of her neck fondly. 

XXX

Several hours later Clarke awoke to find herself alone in bed. As she lifted her head slightly she saw Lexa at the foot of their bed, completely naked, sword in hand. She swooped and dipped the blade elegantly and with such ease. 

“Good morning.” She said not taking her eyes off the wall she had been staring at. “You seemed to sleep well.”

“The best in a while.” Clarke said propping her head up in elbow. “We should get a baby sitter more often.” 

Lexa smiled as she lowered her blade and crossed to the bed to give Clarke a kiss. “Speaking of which.” She said. I should probably go and get her. We can’t leave her with your people forever. She’ll think we’ve abandoned her.” 

“Can’t we just lie in bed a little longer?” Clarke grumbled. Her eyes darting over the toned muscles Lexa’s body seemed entirely composed of. 

“Clarke.” Lexa said weakly, feeling the girl’s eyes on her. 

“Come here.” She said raising a hand, and without too much reluctance the Commander took it and permitted herself to be pulled back in bed. 

XXXXX

Just as Lexa was fastening the last buckle on her jacket there was a knock on her door. Luckily Clarke was a faster as dressing than she was, (Skaikru wore so few layers of clothing compared to Trikru) so Lexa immediately crossed to the door and opened it. 

One of her guards stood before her. 

“Yes?” Lexa asked while in the far corner of the room Clarke pulled her shoes on. 

“Forgive me Heda but your presence has been requested in the council room.” He said firmly. 

“Requested? By whom?” Lexa asked confused. There were not council meetings today. 

“One of the Nightbloods Heda, the boy Aden.”

This was troubling to Lexa. Rarely did Nightbloods ask for individual meetings with her and if they did it only occurred immediately following a lesson. Whatever Aden needed it must have been dire for him to request her presence so early in the day. 

“I will go there promptly.” Lexa nodded to her guard and with a quick glance back to see that Clarke was dressed she continued. “Can you please go to the Skaikru dormitory and request that Abby Griffin bring Becca to my chamber. Wanheda will be caring for her today.” 

“Yes Heda.” The guard said nodding and leaving her. 

“I’m sorry to leave you.” Lexa said quickly giving Clarke a hug and a quick kiss on the top of her head. “I know we were meant to spend the day with her but I need to see what Aden needs of me. It’s unlike him to request such things.”

“I understand Lexa.” Clarke said completely aware of Lexa’s situation. She’d long since learned that even the Commander’s daily schedule could not be entirely predicted in advance. “Just come back as soon as you can.” They shared a quick kiss and Lexa was gone. 

Clarke had only a few minutes to herself before there was a knock on the door followed by a light muttering. She opened the door to see her mother and Becca both smiling at her. 

“There she is.” Abby said in a playful tone as Becca held her arms up in glee at the site of Clarke. “I told you you’d see her soon.” 

“Hello there.” Clarke said taking the baby from her mother. “And how was your night?” Becca gurgle and giggled happily. 

“She was very good.” Abby said fondly ruffling Becca’s short brown curls. “Octavia dropped her off just after nightfall and she was very well behaved. Even slept for a few hours.”

“That’s my girl.” Clarke exclaimed to Becca who was now squirming to be set down. Clarke obliged and plopped her on the floor, giving her a cup to keep herself occupied with. “Thank you so much Mom.”   
She said gratefully, and she truly meant it. The evening with Lexa had recharged her completely and she felt ready to take on anything the world could possibly throw at her. 

“It was my pleasure.” Abby smiled broadly. Admittedly caring for the baby had been incredibly tiring but she took so much pleasure in looking after Clarke’s child that it was no burden. “Clarke I’m so happy that you are happy.” Though the sentence seemed cliché it carried so much meaning to the two women. They’d both been through so much with each other and had not truly seen eye to eye in years. Becca was creating a common ground for them to stand on. 

“But I do need to go.” Abby said suddenly remembering she’d left Jackson in the middle of teaching the healers how to use a proper syringe. “I will come by later tonight. I’d like to sit down with you and Lexa. Maybe have dinner?” 

At that moment Becca gave a squawk as she dropped the cup on her head. “And you too Becca.” Abby said playfully to the child. 

“I’d like that.” Clarke said giving her mom a hug. “I’m sure Lexa would too.” 

“Oh, and Octavia said she had something to give Becca she forgot to give her yesterday. So she may drop by.” Abby said remembering the message Octavia had given her. “She gets along surprisingly well with her.” 

“Great. Thanks” Clarke said suspicious that this something may be in the form of a toy sword or spear. “Have a good day.” 

“Bye. Bye.” Abby said waving to Becca as she closed the door. 

Clarke immediately laid herself next to Becca and gave her a quick kiss on her temple. “How is that cup treating you?” She laughed as Becca lifted the small wooden mug and tried to place it on her head. All the while smiling a tiny-toothed grin. 

“I can already tell that you will like moonshine.” Clarke joked with the baby. “Did you miss us?” 

Before she could create an answer for the baby she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. The door was opening. She glanced up expecting to see her mother, who may have forgotten something and instead saw two of Lexa’s Nightbloods standing in the doorway. 

“Hello Wanheda.” Perseus said with a smile, his hand resting on the large dagger strapped to his side.


	34. Chapter 34

Aden sat in the council room alone polishing his sword. It had only been 10 or so minutes since he’d asked a guard to have the Commander come to him. He wasn’t expecting her for a short while longer. He was internally grateful for this time. He needed a moment alone to compose his thoughts, to rehearse what he was going to say to her. How to phrase exactly what his fellows may be planning. But how could he accuse his friends and brothers of something so awful? He didn’t want to betray them, he’d known them for years, they’d grown up together. But Perseus, Perseus had changed. Something had come over him with age. His eyes lacked the light spark they once had. Aden was afraid that the boy he’d known years before had all but faded away. In his place was now an arrogant war-mongering warrior. One that was only happy when the world around him burned. 

He knew of course that Heda would not truly believe any word Aden spoke to her at first. How could she? She’d trained both Perseus and Caspian for years, raised them both. Now they conspired to hurt her. Aden decided that he wouldn’t go with her to the dorm to confront the boys. He wanted to distance himself from this accusation the moment he made it. They’d know it was him when Heda spoke to them in the dorm. If they were even there.

Actually he didn’t exactly know where Perseus and Caspian were. When he had awoken from his troubled sleep their beds had been empty and roughly made.   
They must have slunk away in the early hours of the morning. It gave Aden comfort to know that they hadn’t left to actually act out their intentions. Lexa would be with Becca this morning and for most of the day. They wouldn’t dare touch her with the Commander so close to her. 

Aden was comforted that he’d stumbled upon them the night before. It had been reckless of them to discuss such thoughts in that open of a manner. Anyone could have walked near them and luckily he had.

Then the cogs in Aden’s head began to churn. They had been foolish actually. It was foolish of them to speak so freely. Conversations like theirs should have taken place behind closed and locked doors, not in the corridor near the bathroom. 

“They knew.” Aden whispered to himself. How could he have been so stupid? He thought as he ran his hand through his hair.  
They’d known he was there. They’d waited for him. They’d probably even discussed it in advance. They knew he had been listening. They let him overhear their plans. But why?

Then Aden’s heart clenched and he jumped to his feet. So he would tell Lexa. So he would pull her away from the baby and Clarke to meet with him.   
They’d probably awoken early and waited until he’d left then made their move. 

Aden wrenched open the council room’s door and took off at a sprint down the corridor, hoping to run into the Commander or at least arrive at her room before Perseus and Caspian did. 

XXXXX 

“Aden?” Lexa called as she opened the door to the council room. She’d expected to see the boy waiting for her. He’d after all requested her presence. Yet the room was empty. 

Perhaps she’d misheard her guard? Perhaps she was meant to find him in the dormitory? With a small-exasperated sigh Lexa shut the door and began to tread the long path to the Nightblood’s room. She would be harsh on Aden for dragging her around the tower like this, pulling her from Clarke and Becca, granted that his reason for summoning her was not too serious. Which she was sure it wasn’t. What could possibly be going on that she was not aware of? 

Lexa knocked on the door of the room and was told to enter by one of the younger girls. She pushed the large door open and saw the scurry of children as the Nightlboods hurried to make themselves presentable for the Commander. 

“Good morning Heda.” Nepa said surprised. 

“Good morning all.” She said nodded, her hands folded behind her back. She noted that several of the children were absent, which was strange seeing as it was so early.

“I am looking for Aden, I was told he needed to speak with me.” 

The children looked at one another confused. “I do not know where he is.” Nepa confessed. “But I may know why he needed to speak with you.” Lexa nodded to her and approached. She’d always liked Nepa, though she was not as strong a warrior as the others she was very intelligent and a skilled diplomat. Lexa always thought her able to reason her way out of any fight rather than engage in combat. Not a terrible skill to be equipped with. 

Lexa noticed that as she and Nepa sat on two of the beds many Nightbloods went about deliberately trying to make themselves busy, to pull themselves away from the conversation. Which struck her as odd

“Why did Aden call for me?” Lexa asked, suspicion mounting. Perhaps this was more serious than she had predicted. 

“I can only assume Heda.” Nepa began. “That it was because of Perseus and Caspian.” she shrugged, looking worried. Lexa raised an eyebrow, not following her. “Heda, they’ve changed.” Nepa looked to the ground but Lexa cleared her throat, demanding eye contact. Reluctantly the girl returned her gaze.

“In the last month or so, ever since young Becca joined us they’ve been so angry Heda. They spend more and more time alone.” 

Lexa furrowed her brow. She’d certainly noticed anger in Perseus but now realized had not known the true cause. She had assumed it was because of Kovac and Dara’s deaths. 

“Many of us have heard them express their hate towards Becca, they despise her. Are threatened by her.” 

Lexa held up a hand to silence the girl. “Then why did Aden choose to speak to me of this today?” 

“I don’t know.” Nepa shrugged. “But he seemed very distressed last night and both Caspian and Perseus were out until the late hours of the evening.” 

“Where are they now?” Lexa asked noting the two and Aden were the few that were absent.

“They left this morning with their weapons.” Nepa said nervously. “Perseus left with not only his dagger but sword as well.” 

Lexa stood abruptly. Aden’s unknown absence was now more troubling than ever and these theories brought forth by Nepa caused a deep root of fear in her. She needed to return to Clarke and Becca. Bring guards with her; keep them protected until she could find her rogue children. 

“Thank you Nepa.” Lexa said hurriedly leaving the room, letting the door slam in her wake. Surely the boys could not be that stupid. They were better than this. At least she hoped so.

XXXXXX

“Hello Perseus.” Clarke said rising slowly. Leaving Becca on the floor with her cup. “Caspian.” She noted the smaller boy standing behind the older. Caspian seemed nervous his eyes darting from herself to his fellow, a think line of sweat shining across his forehead.

“The Commander is not here.” Clarke said slowly to the boys. “Can I help you with anything.”

She couldn’t exactly say why but something about the two made her uneasy. The fact that they’d come unannounced and failed to even knock on the door was setting off the alarms in her head. But she was trying not to show it. Somehow feeling these boys were like two dogs, that if she made any form of quick movement they’d be on her. A feeling she did not like. She did not allow her brain to fully comprehend what may happen should she move to quickly. These boys were like Lexa’s children after all.

“No we don’t need Heda.” Perseus said taking a step towards Clarke. Who stood her ground. 

“Then I’ll have to ask you to leave.” Clarke said firmly. Deciding that the hair on the back of her neck was standing on end for a reason. “You have no right to be here.”

“We have no right to be here?” Perseus said suddenly very loudly. “You dare say that to me? As you stand their bold and brave; with that thing at your feet.” He nodded down to Becca as if she were a dirty mutt. Clarke instantly bent down and picked the baby up, needing to hold her tightly in her arms, her concern now replaced with fear. 

“Leave us.” Clarke said harshly. “Now.” The boys did not move. “Get. Out.” She snapped. Deciding to abandon her polite demeanors. 

“You think you are so grand.” Perseus said taking steps further into the room. “The mighty Wanheda. How much more of a mockery of our customs can you truly make Clarke?” 

Despite herself Clarke took a step back. The boy was advancing dangerously close, his hand held firmly on the large jeweled dagger strapped to his belt. 

“You come into our city, take our names, our customs, our Commander.” He hissed. “We won’t have any more of. That baby is a treachery.” He pointed to her accusingly. “She is not one of us and will never be. Not as long and you and Heda fawn over her.”

Clarke found herself holding her breath as she began to size the boy up. He was much taller than her, and stronger. Not to mention Lexa had trained him. Clarke had seen Perseus duel; he was one of the best fighters. Though she was skilled this boy was better, not to mention he had Caspian at his side. Two warriors against one, dirty odds. 

“We won’t let you or her get in the way of our birthright.” 

“You are wrong Perseus.” Clarke said slowly placing Becca in her crib, wanting to put as much distance between her and Perseus. “She isn’t taking anything from you. She will not take anything from you. Becca is just like you, she is your equal.” 

“We aren’t stupid.” The boy shouted suddenly. “She’s been named the next Commander and she’s not even a year old. We’ve been forgotten.” 

“She hasn’t.” Clarke noted how Perseus was getting closer to her, his face red with anger. Fear brewing so deeply in her stomach. She wondering if guards could respond to her cry for help faster than he could use his knife.

“Your world has changed Perseus but not because of Becca.” There was no one near enough to help her. Clarke needed to reason with the boy until Lexa returned. “Your people’s enemies are gone. Your villages are at peace. This is all new!” Clarke cried. “Your Commander may not die for decades to come. Becca is here in case that does happen. But should Lexa die tomorrow you still have the chance to obtain your birthright.” 

“Liar.” Perseus yelled drawing his blade. 

“Perseus.” Caspian said weakly. Clarke’s words had had a slight effect on him; now he doubted their plan. They were there to prevent something that may never happen. Even then, surely they still would be stronger than this child in the years to come. What did it matter if she was called Becca? It was only a name and after wall, she was still only a baby. 

The sky girl had good reasoning. But Perseus acted as though he had not heard his friend. He continued to advance. Blade drawn.

“Move Skaikru bitch.” He growled. 

Clarke took a step back, careful to still keep herself between the boy and the crib. Her eyes darting around the room for a weapon but Lexa’s sword was on the far side of the room. She had no chance of reaching it without exposing the crib.  
“Nothing good will come of this Perseus. Your Commander will not stand for it. You will never become Heda. She won’t permit it.” 

Suddenly Perseus stopped. His eyes bright. Somehow Clarke had gotten through to him. “You’re right.” He said slowly. “If I do this I will never become Heda. The other Nightbloods will make sure of that.”   
He glanced back at Caspian and then at Clarke as if seeing her truly for the first time. “But if I do what Heda was too cowardly to do, them no one will stand against me.” He turned to face Clarke squarely. “If I enter the conclave as the Commander of Death then none would dare oppose me.”


	35. Chapter 35

He smiled at Clarke as she began to understand his new purpose. “Perseus no-“ she began to say, but was too late.  
He charged at her. Clarke leapt aside as Perseus swung. She managed to dodge him, but was off balance. She reached out to the nearest wall to balance herself. 

Perseus laughed. A loud booming laugh of arrogance. 

“Mighty Wanheda. They all said.” He gloated. “You are no warrior. You are weak” The boy stood over her, a hateful smile plastered on his face. “But you did kill that boy Finn.“ He said momentarily thoughtful. “But only after he’d been tied to a tree and sentenced to death, the coward you are.” 

“No.” Clarke yelled anger rushing through her. How dare he speak of things he knew nothing about. She lunged forward at the boy’s long legs. She must have surprised him because she actually managed to knock him off his feet. He landed hard on his back and Clarke reached for him, hoping to pin him before he could rise. Or at least knock the blade from his hand. But as she lunged forward she felt Caspian’s timid hands grasp her shoulders and hold her back. 

Then she was in agony. Her right side seemed to be exploding in pain and she recoiled with a gasp. Perseus had sat up quickly and was inches from her face. The two looked down at the hilt of his dagger protruding from her chest, just below her collarbone. He must have missed her lung because she could still breathe but the pain was blinding. Blood began seeping from the wound, red and dark, matching some of the jewels encrusted on the hilt of the blade. Clarke leaned against the wall, needing something to support her. She felt the strength draining from her body like water in cupped hands.  
Caspian released her and took a few steps away, his eyes glued to the blade. 

“You fool.” He muttered to Perseus but the older boy had no ears for him.

He rose to his feet laughing, reaching to take the knife from her chest. If he did Clarke knew she’d bleed to death in minutes. As painful as the blade was, it was keeping the wound closed, reducing her bleeding. 

“Perseus!” A voice called from the hall. Suddenly Aden tore into the room out of breath. He came to a skidding halt as he took in the scene. “What have you done?” He yelled, his voice cracking as he turned to his fellow. 

“I’m doing us all a favor Aden.” Perseus said to his blood brother. “I’m restoring order.”

“No.” Aden’s breath seemed to escape him as he saw Clarke’s blood. “You aren’t restoring order.” He was shaking, with rage, fear, or sadness Clarke could not tell. “You’re breaking it.” He pointed at the bleeding girl. “You can’t kill an Ambassador!” He cried. “Let alone Clarke.” 

“Watch me.” Perseus said drawing his long sword from its sheath. In the corner of the room Caspian recoiled. Aden’s eyes darted from Perseus to Clarke to the sword. 

“No!” Aden said drawing his own sword. The large blade looking almost comical in the hands in the smaller boy compared to the near adult opposing him. 

Perseus eyed the blade warily. “Don’t be stupid Aden.”  
Aden simply raised his blade and stepped between Clarke and her attacker. Back straight, morphing his stance, readying for a fight. 

“Fine.” The older boy said deciding with a shrug raising his sword . “I’d have to kill you eventually.” 

He brandished his blade and took a step towards Aden. The younger boy parried and swung, a blow that Perseus blocked. 

“Leave her be.” Aden growled with a tone Clarke didn’t think was possible.

Aden swung again, knowing he was better with a sword despite Perseus’ size.  
However each swing Aden made Perseus blocked. Aden increased the speed, trying to force his opponent into a corner. But the older boy continued to block each strike. After a minute or so Perseus faltered, his strength failing him. Aden’s sword went under his outstretched arm and succeeded in slicing his side. Perseus yelled in pain and Aden pulled his bloody sword back, readying himself for another strike. Suddenly Perseus lunged forward, abandoning the sword play; in order to defeat Aden he’d need to use his size. 

Aden stepped back in surprise but swung nonetheless. Perseus grabbed the blade of Aden’s sword and held it firmly, halting Aden’s strike midair. Black blood spurted from Perseus’s hand but he made no sound. Doing his best to ignore the agony he was in he pushed the blade backwards, bending Aden’s arm in the wrong direction. The younger boy kneed him in the stomach and punched with his free arm, trying to stop his sword being pushed back. Realizing this was having no effect Aden reached to his side for his own dagger. A mistake. He’d forgotten that Perseus was still holding his own large sword. As Perseus pushed Aden’s arm back he thrust his own sword up, and plunged it into Aden’s exposed chest.

“No!” Clarke screamed. “Aden!” But the boy made no response. He eyes were wide, bulging even, surprise and horror carving into his face. The grip on his sword failed and it fell to the ground with a horrible clatter. Perseus retracted his sword with a sickening sliding sound. For a moment Aden remained standing, swaying slightly as if there were a slight breeze. Then the imaginary wind gave a sudden puff and he fell to the ground. His eyes still wide staring lifelessly at the ceiling.

The room was silent as all took a moment to take in what had just happened. Then Becca began to cry, why she had been silent through this whole ordeal Clarke could not say but this had been her breaking point and she began to wail. 

“Perseus…” Caspian’s voice was quaking as he stared at Aden. Tears streaming from his eyes. “What have you done?” 

“I’m doing what needs to be done.” Perseus shouted, though there was an unmistakable waiver in his tone. “I would have had to do that someday anyway. We all know it.”

“Yes. But.” Caspian couldn’t find words. His eyes were glued to Aden’s lifeless ones. His friend. His brother. Dead. 

“Let us finish this.” Perseus said turning to the crib where Becca was still wailing. Wanting Clarke, or Lexa to hold her, comfort her.   
The boy dropped his now bloody sword and drew a much smaller more agile dagger. One that he knew would get the job done quickly and efficiently. 

“No.” Clarke yelled; struggling to get to her feet, her wounded chest sucking all energy from her body. But she needed to move, Aden was dead, and Becca would be soon. She needed to stop him. 

Caspian pulled his eyes from Aden to Clarke. Wanheda stared up at him, her eyes pleading. 

“Please.” She begged him. He nodded wordlessly and turned to Perseus. 

“I can’t let you do this.” Caspian said stepping beside the crib, his eye wet and blank. “Do you know what Heda will do to us for this? For killing a fellow Nightblood? What will she do if we kill two and Wanheda.” Caspian needed to reason with him. There was no good end in site for either of them now, not with Lexa’s protégé dead on the floor and the other screaming in her crib. 

“Perseus you need to stop.” He placed a hand on the older boy’s wrist. His eyes begging for reason. 

“The Commander will not be able to do anything for these murders. She cannot touch us.” Perseus retorted, throwing Caspian’s arm from his. “You know that.” 

“I still can’t let you.” Caspian said stepping in front of the crib. “ Please.” The younger boy placed a hand on the hilt of his own sheathed sword. 

“So you are against me Caspian?” Perseus said lowering his weapon. 

“I’m with you Perseus. But.” 

“Yet you stand between me and what I want.” Perseus voice was cold and deadly. 

“Please Perseus.” Caspian said again tightening the grip on his hilt. . “Don’t make me hurt you.”

“I won’t Caspian.” The larger boy said lightly. Then in a flash like a whip Perseus’ arm lurched. Black blood spattered the walls and the crib and Caspian’s hand went to his neck. To the deep gash that appeared across his throat.

The boy dropped to the ground choking and gagging on his own blood. In a matter of seconds he was silent, blood pouring from the gash, coating the floor and his face. 

“I’m sorry Caspian. But it needed to be done.” 

Then Perseus was raising the bloody dagger and lowering it into the crib. 

“No.” Clarke dragged herself towards Perseus, as Becca’s cries became shrieks. But her body failed her; she fell forward and forced the knife deeper into her chest. Which was almost a blessing. She cried out, and with the sound of her own cries and shouts of pain she did not hear the baby’s cries cease to fill the room. 

Perseus lifted his bloody dagger from the crib and turned to Clarke who managed to roll on her back, alleviating some pressure from the dagger, which had torn straight through her body. She was sobbing. 

“Perseus how could you?” She cried, her body shaking from shock.

“Now finally you.” He said brandishing his dagger ignoring her pain. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Octavia stood in the doorway of the room.   
Her jaw dropped, the small toy she’d been bringing to Becca slipped from her hand and clattered to the floor. Black blood and bodies were everywhere. In the middle of it all stood this boy of a man holding a dripping dagger. Then her eyes fell on Clarke who lay gasping and sobbing on the floor. A jeweled dagger protruding from her chest. 

Octavia charged forward drawing her sword. Luckily for her Perseus didn’t have time to pick up his own blade, otherwise he would have made short work of her.   
Perseus dodged Octavia’s attack and stepped away from Clarke. 

“You bastard!” The warrior shrieked, adrenaline racing through her veins. She didn’t know what was going on or how, all she knew what that this boy needed to die. She lunged again but Perseus dodged her and in the process tripped her by sticking a foot out awkwardly and grabbing her shoulder. He threw her to the ground. 

“Pityful Skaikru. You call yourself a warrior?”

But Octavia was on her feet again coated in blood from the floor, ready to kill him But who would have died and what would have happened next no one will ever know for it was at that moment that Lexa arrived. 

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?” The Commander roared as she stared around her room. At Caspian’s body, more blood visible than flesh. At Aden’s pale and ever staring eyes, the bloody silent crib, and finally to Clarke’s broken shaking form.

In three large strides the Commander moved across the room. And at the moment it did not matter how strong, large, or fast Perseus was. Lexa’s hand reached out and wrapped around the boy’s neck like a vice grip, as the other powerfully knocked the dagger from his hand. She pushed him back against the wall.   
Perseus gasped as his hands immediately tried to pull hers from his throat. His actions were in vain; in that moment the Commander’s grip was like steel. Had she been taller she would have lifted Perseus from his feet. Slowly her fingers began to tighten as she strangled the boy.  
His eyes began to bulge and his mouth gasped for air, which could not pass through his crushed windpipe. All the while Lexa said nothing. She just stared at him, watching the life slowly fade from his eyes.

“Heda!” One of her guard cried, but not daring to intervene, knowing Lexa would have killed him if he had. 

“Heda. Enough!” It was Titus this time that yelled; his voice rattling through Lexa like an electric shock. She released her grip of steel stepped back. Perseus dropped to the ground gasping and coughing, having no energy to rise. He was all but spent. 

Again Lexa looked around the room. Octavia had crawled to Clarke side and was now checking the girl’s wound. It was serious but not lethal. Aden and Caspian however were beyond saving. They were gone.   
Lexa turned to the bloody crib and knowing fully what she was about to see gazed in. Her heart hardened. 

“Call for the healers to see to the Ambassador.” She instructed looking to her guards.   
“The Skaikru healer Abigail will prove to be most useful for the Ambassador’s injuries.” Several guards nodded and left the room. Lexa turned to Perseus who was barely conscious. 

“Restrain him and lock him in a room. I will deal with him in time.” 

Lexa began to leave the room, unable to spend another moment in her blood soaked chamber. A place she had always assumed to be sheltered from the horrors of her world. 

“What of the dead Heda?” Titus asked stepping between the bodies of the boys. 

“Remove them and prepare them to be burned.” Lexa said over her shoulder, her hand clenched on the door’s frame. 

“Lexa.” Clarke cried. “Please.” In that moment she didn’t care if Titus and guards were there. She didn’t care that they were meant to keep their feelings a secret. She just needed Lexa. She needed to look at her, be held by her. Becca was dead. Though she hadn’t seen it, she knew it. 

“Lexa.” She sobbed but the Commander did not look at her, could not look at her. Lexa’s hand curled into a fist and she gave a short punch to the doorframe and was gone. Striding down the long corridor trying to create as much distance between herself and the bloody crib.


	36. Chapter 36

“Commander!” Octavia yelled at the empty doorframe, but Lexa was gone. Gone where she couldn’t know. Anger swelled up in Octavia. How could she just go like that? When her room was literally covered in blood. 

“Octavia.” Clarke panted. “I need you to tell me. Is Becca dead?”

Octavia glanced up. She didn’t even need to look in the crib to know the answer. She’d seen Lexa look. Seen the way the Commander’s eyes had faltered and then glazed over. There was nothing they could do for the baby now. 

“Clarke just keep breathing.” Octavia said turning to her friend. “Your mom will be here soon and they’ll get that thing out of you.” She said taking Clarke’s hand. The hand was cold but that was no surprise, Clarke was still bleeding pretty heavily and growing paler by the minute. 

Clarke didn’t ask about Becca again. She knew the answer too, she’d known the moment she had stopped crying. She began to shake, the grief in her body too much to handle. 

“Clarke. Clarke, easy.” Octavia said trying to hold her steady not really sure what to say. There was no way to spread sunshine in the room. The guards were milling around throwing sheets over the two dead boys, some trying to start to clean the blood. 

“Where did she go?” Clarke asked tears streaming down her face. Her breathe coming in short sobs. 

Octavia could only assume Clarke meant Lexa. “I don’t know.” She muttered. “I don’t think any of these guys know.” 

“She shouldn’t be alone.” Clarke said. “Go find her Octavia.” 

“I’m not leaving you Clarke. Lexa will be okay. She always is.”

Before Clarke could retort there was a bustle outside the room and Abby Griffin appeared, all a whirlwind. She took in the scene of the room and stumbled backwards. The black blood spattered on the floor and walls was so off putting, somehow she felt it to be worse than red blood. Then her eyes rested on Clarke.

“Clarke!” She gasped rushing to her daughter.

“Mom.” Clarke breathed, trying to crush her grief. Make it recede deeper into her body.

“You’re going to be okay.” Abby said running her hand through Clarke’s matted bloody hair. “You’ll be fine.” 

“Mom, Becca’s dead.” Clarke sobbed. 

Abby did her best not to flinch. She had known before entering the room. One of the guards who had come to fetch her had told her when she asked. Abby glanced over at the darkly coated crib then back to her daughter. 

“It’s going to be okay.” She soothed. “We need to move you. I can’t take the blade out here. I need to be able to stop the bleeding. “

“I know.” Clarke said, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to stop her tears.

“I’m going to give you a sedative. That way it won’t hurt you to be moved.”

“Please.” Clarke nodded; ready to leave this hell that was her world. 

Abby studied her daughter’s face. There was so much pain; it stung her to know that less than an hour ago Clarke had been so bright and happy. Before the world came crushing down on her. She slowly took a cup of yellow liquid she’d brought and held it to her daughter’s mouth. Eyes still shut Clarke drank the entire cup in one gulp. Not long after her breathing grew lighter and her face relaxed as the medicine began to take effect.   
Octavia felt the girl’s hand go limp in her own. 

“Okay.” Abby said. “Bring the stretcher in.” 

As Clarke was carefully loaded onto the stretcher Octavia stood, back against a wall. She knew her friend was in the best of hands; she would be okay and would be out for a while. Now she needed to find the Commander. She’d never truly considered Lexa a friend but she knew she was one of those closer to the Commander. And she was sure that Lexa could use someone close to her now.

XXXX 

Lexa road Tarko as hard as she could out of Polis. Those in charge of the stables had been completely bewildered when she had stormed in, demanding they ready him. They did so in record speed, fearful of the dark soulless look in the Commander’s eyes.

As Lexa road through the main gate of Polis she felt a cold breeze cut through her skin. She hadn’t bothered to put on proper riding clothes and the thin shirt and loose trousers she wore did little to contain her body heat, but still she road. The cold biting at her was pain she wanted. Something to distract from her other pains.

Lexa needed distance; she needed to get as far away from the room in that tower where the bodies of those she loved lay. All because she had been foolish. 

Branches began to whip and scratch her face and arms as she road Tarko into the trees. She had steered him off paths and now was charging through the thick uncharted woods. She felt blood dripping down her face from the deeper scratches the trees had inflicted upon her. Eventually the forest grew too thick and Tarko, against Lexa’swill, skidded to a stop. He’d been going so fast that when he stopped Lexa’s was trust forward so harshly that she lost her grip on his reins. She was flung headfirst off her saddle and landed on the hard ground with a sickening crunch. When she opened her eyes black spots floated over throughout her vision. She had a concussion. She knew this from the distinct pounding coming from her brain. She also was the feel of it had sprained her left wrist, which she’d tried to use to brace her fall. But the physical pain she was in felt like a splinter compared to the pounding, tearing pain coming from her chest. 

Lexa clambered to her feet and drew her sword. Tarko whinnied in fear and trotted a few feet from her range. The Commander yelled and swung her sword. Her voice so loud that her throat cracked and the sound shrieked upwards. She swung her steel at the nearest tree and embedded the blade in its trunk. The force sent rattles up through her arm and into her chest. Meaningless pain. With a grunt she wrenched the sword from the oak and swung again.   
She repeated this motion over a dozen times until her wrist and shoulder burned with exhaustion. But still She slammed the blade so hard into the trunk of the tree that it split. She blade swished through the space the wood had originally occupied and her body moved with it. The momentum of her swing carrying her. Lexa slammed painfully into the tree and with a crack it began to fall. 

The medium sized oak tree crashed to the ground and shook the earth like thunder. Lexa lay on top of the trunk panting. Sweat pouring from her brow. But it wasn’t only sweat and blood coating her face. Against her will tears streamed down her face, stinging the fresh cuts. Lexa rolled off the tree and sat kneeling on the ground, pushing her fists into the earth. 

Caspian was dead.   
Aden was dead.   
Becca was dead.   
Her child, her daughter, had been slaughtered. Killed in her own bed.  
Lexa grabbed at the leaves and roots coating the ground and wrenched them up, yelling. 

She had been stupid. So stupid to think she could live that life she’d so imagined. To live with Clarke, to raise Becca, to be at peace, to be happy. A way so different from the one she’d spent all her life living  
That was not the Commander’s life. She knew this. The Commander’s life was rough, unpredictable and meant to be traveled alone, for if you are alone then you cannot be hurt.   
She had learned this before. She had been taught this lesson previously. When Costia had been torn from their bed in the night. When Costia’s beautiful head had been removed so savagely from her body. When Lexa’s heart was broken for the first time. 

She remembered sitting in the woods that night, so much like she was now. Sweating, bleeding, crying. Her throat and muscles burning from exhaustion. On that night Anya had come to her. 

“You’re people need you Heda.” She had said, kneeling and placing a hand on Lexa’s shoulder. Even now, Lexa could feel her First’s hand on her arm, her words in her ear. 

“I cannot.” Lexa had sobbed, tearless because her eyes were all but dried up. “I am broken.” 

Anya had lifted her face. “You are not broken.” She had said firmly. “You are in pain. You are showing your pain. What have we said about those who show pain?” She demanded. 

“They are weak.” Lexa remembered the response, from hours upon hours of her lessons with Anya. 

“You are not weak Lexa.” Anya said rising. 

Lexa remembered saying how she had loved Costia, so much like she loved Clarke and Becca. 

“Did this love cause you pain?” Anya had snapped. 

“Yes.” Lexa exclaimed.

“Then what is love?”

“Weakness.” Lexa said lowly. 

“Who are you?” Anya demanded.

“I am the Heda.” Lexa said shutting her eyes willing herself to have the strength to rise. 

“And Heda cannot feel weakness.” Anya stated. In the woods alone Lexa could hear the words echoing around her. 

Heda cannot feel weakness.

“What is love?” Anya demanded louder.

“Love is weakness.” Lexa said aloud, rising to her feet. 

“Are you weak?” She heard Anya’s voice snap. 

Lexa took a deep breath and looked down at her torn and bloody hands.   
“I am Lexa of Trikru, Commander of her people and Commander of the 13 clans. I am their strength.” 

Then Lexa felt it, the hollow feeling she had lived with for so long, the feeling Clarke had somehow burrowed her way in and filled. But no, not anymore, now it must remain empty.   
For with love came this crushing pain and weakness. Something she could not survive feeling, something she could not tolerate. She needed to shut out her world of emotions and connections. She needed to be the strong rock in the storm once again. For if she wasn’t her world and people would chew her up and spit her out as they’d done today. The world was a dark place and she must therefor be darker. 

“Lexa!” A voice cried through the trees.  
Lexa stiffened. No one had the right to address her by her birth name.

The sound of hooves followed the voice and soon the shape of Octavia Blake appeared through the trees. The girl reined in her horse and dismounted quickly. 

“Are you okay?” She said breathlessly taking in the Commander’s appearance. Her eyes were red and blood shot, she face scratched and bloody, her hands torn and blistered. She’d also from the state of her clothing fallen from her saddle at some point.

“What do you want Octavia Kom Skaikru?” Lexa demanded, sheathing her sword. 

Octavia just stared at her. Confused. Though the girl standing before her looked like Lexa; somehow wasn’t. It was the Commander before her, cold and heartless. The woman who had called for Finn’s death, the woman who had left her people to die in a mountain. 

“I came to find you.” Octavia said slowly. Lexa’s eyes glared at her like coals in a fire. “I didn’t think you should be alone right now.”

Lexa brushed past her to her horse. “That is a job for my guards not a common warrior. 

“Lexa.” Octavia said, feeling so very sorry for the girl. Becca’s death was causing her to shut down her emotions. Like she’d done so many times. 

“You have no right to call me that.” The Commander snapped, her voice cracking like a whip.

“Come.” She hissed, climbing on Tarko. “We must return to Polis. I must deal with the traitorous Nightblood. “

“Yes Heda.” Octavia said awkwardly. Fearing that the situation would only get worse when Lexa got to Polis. She had left Clarke almost hysterical. Octavia had hoped that Lexa would be able to calm her, the way she always had in the past. Lexa had always been the stoic one. But Octavia knew that the wall the Commander was building now would be near impossible to scale.   
The girl she’d sat with in Raven and Clarke’s compartment so long ago in Arkadia laughing and joking was gone. In her place was the strong driven warrior that was Heda.


	37. Chapter 37

Clarke awoke in a haze, still able to feel the last of the drugs leaving her system. She turned her head slightly and saw that the blade was removed from her chest. In its place large thick bandages were wrapped around her rib cage. 

“Clarke?” Abby’s voice startled her, she hadn’t realized her mother had been sitting next to her bed.

“Mom?” Clarke asked, her vision still adjusting to the light in the room.

“Hi honey.” Abby said rising from her chair and kissing her daughter’s forehead. “You did wonderfully. The blade is out and you’re going to be fine. You were lucky.”

The last sentence was out of Abby’s mouth before she could help it. The words left a rotten bile taste behind and the look Clarke gave her did nothing to sweeten the taste. 

“Lucky?”

“Clarke.” Abby said softly, running her hand over Clarke’s hair. Doing the best she could to sooth her. “You could have died.”

At this, all of Clarke’s memories of the events that lead her to this bed came rushing in. Aden, Caspian, Perseus, Becca. She felt tears in her eyes but she blinked them back. She could not cry, not again. She felt her mother’s hand on her shoulder. 

“I’m so sorry Clarke.” She soothed, struggling to think of any other words that may bring her daughter some comfort. She decided that nothing would be successful except time itself. 

“Where is Lexa?” Clarke asked her eyes squeezed tight to prevent her tears.

“I don’t know.” Abby retracted her hand and she sat back down. “I haven’t seen her. I don’t even know if she’s back in Polis.” 

“She left the city?” Clarke’s eyes snapped open and she tried to sit up. 

Abby’s hand instantly shot out and forced her back down to her pillow. “Please Clarke, you need to rest.” 

“Mom.” Clarke growled. 

Abby sighed. “I heard one of her guards saying she left on her horse. Octavia went after her.” Abby looked around. “They may be back but no one would tell me anything.” 

Clarke sobbed feeling so alone despite Abby’s presence. The world around her was dark and unforgiving. She needed Lexa. She needed to hold her, be held by her. She needed to be held like when the panther had attacked her. Tight, as if they were each other’s life lines. Why had she left?

Then as if to answer her question the door to the infirmary burst open and Octavia came tearing in, closely followed by Raven who was hobbling on her injured leg. Clarke resisted the urge to sit up, knowing it was cause her more pain than it was worth.

“Clarke.” Octavia gasped, holding the stitch in her side. “Lexa’s back.” 

“Where is she?” Clarke demanded but Octavia was too winded to answer. 

“She’s gone down to where they’re keeping Perseus.” Raven continued in Octavia’s stead. 

Clarke felt rage build up inside her. “I need to go too.” She said throwing her blanket off. 

“Clarke no!” Abby said suddenly. 

“If she’s going to kill him I need to be there to watch.” Clarke snapped, ignoring the stabbing pain in her chest and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. 

“She’s not going to kill him.” Octavia said regaining her breath. “She can’t.”

“What?” Raven and Clarke snapped. 

“He’s a Nightblood.” Octavia growled. “He’s sacred. They can’t purposely spill his blood no matter what he’s done. I heard a guard saying it. But he was hoping Lexa would break tradition, as that’s what she’s known for.”

“Then what’s she going to do?” Clarke asked. 

“No one knows.” Octavia shrugged. “A nightblood hasn’t killed another outside of the Conclave in decades. No one remembers what the Commander did as punishment. If there even was one.” 

“The little bastard better get something.” Raven growled, she didn’t think she’d ever felt such hate inside her. The boy had killed not only his friends but a baby. A baby. 

“I need to find them.” Clarke rose from the bed, and ignoring Abby’s protests; Raven and Octavia immediately wrapped their arms around her, holding her upright. “I need to see this.” 

“I know.” Raven said leading Clarke to the door. “We’ll find them in time.” 

XXXXX 

The room they had locked Perseus in was in the lower levels of the tower, below ground. The rooms there had been originally used as prisons before Lexa formed the conclave and had since been empty and ill kempt.   
Perseus was being in one of the smallest cells and the guards who had put him their ensured it was the dankest and the dampest. They’d tied his hands and thrown him to the ground, then left him without even a candle for light. There he remained sitting in the pitch black without any concept of time, robbed of his vision. 

When the door to the room opened he lifted his hand to shield his face from the light. In the door stood not a guard, not the Commander but Nepa and Burke. Two of his fellow Nightbloods. Their faces were hard as stone. Had the light not be so harsh Perseus may have been able to see their bloodshot enraged eyes. 

“Hey.” He croaked. When strangling him Lexa had destroyed his windpipe and it was nearly impossible for him to speak. He was sure that were was heavy bruising around his neck, he just hoped the injuries weren’t permanent. 

The two said nothing and instead gripped either of his arms and dragged him from the cell. His side and arms stung as they moved him. The cuts Aden’s had given him still fresh and bloody. When Perseus was dragged from the room the lights burned his eyes and he was forced to squeeze them shut. He kept them shut for as long as his friends dragged him. Eventually he heard mutterings and sensed several people around him. Then Nepa and Burke threw him to the ground. 

When he opened his eyes he was in one of the larger rooms, this had been a room used to interrogate and torture prisoners. In the past large councils had been convened to sentence prisoners or lawbreakers, sometimes to death. But they couldn’t do that to him. Not as long as he had the Nightblood. He knew this and it gave him comfort. 

“Perseus.” A voice said from the opposite side of the room. Her looked up and saw the Commander standing tall on a platform above the small crowd of guards and on-lookers. The boy immediately struggled to his feet, determined not to appear weak. 

“Today was a tragic day.” Lexa said eyes coldly looking down at the boy before her. “Three Nightbloods are dead. Killed without mercy. Three Nightbloods killed outside of a conclave. Murdered. By you.” 

The crowd around him muttered. To his pleasure not all spoke angrily some impressed others glad even. He stood a little straighter. Proud of what he’d done. He’d shown true strength. 

“Not only did you kill your kin today but you attacked another clan’s ambassador, also a grievous act.” 

At this the crowd muttered. Not angrily or happily but apprehensively. They all knew which Ambassador he’d attacked and what she had meant to the Commander. 

“Now.” Lexa continued, “The usual punishment for such crimes is death. You know this.” Perseus nodded, trying not to grin. “But you have the blood of the Commander running through you. You could be my successor. You could be our future. The clans could possibly have need for such actions in the future.” Lexa spoke as if she were reciting a script. Clipped and to the point, with pure distain in her tonality. 

“Therefor you will be released from imprisonment and retuned to the dormitories.”

“What?” A voice yelled from the entrance of the room. Clarke had just arrived, her side bleeding and Octavia struggling to keep her standing. 

“Silence.” Lexa roared. “I will not be interrupted.” 

Raven and Octavia sat Clarke down on a nearby bench and hushed her. Clarke stared up at the woman above her, she barely even recognized Lexa. Her eyes were dark, her stance firm, nothing about her seemed familiar.  
Lexa’s eyes didn’t even waiver over Clarke as she sat, they instantly went back to her prey. 

“However.” She said, relishing in the word enough to catch Perseus’ attention. He glared up at her. “What you have done has cast a dark shadow over our tower.” Lexa looked around at those present. “The children were our friends and students. They will be sorely missed. They must be mourned and laid to rest.” Lexa lowered her head for a moment.   
Then her voice changed almost to a hiss, almost as if she were a snake; venomous and dangerous. “Such events you will not be welcomed at. It would be an insult to those you’ve killed.” She looked to him, eyes hard.  
“Therefor until all ceremonies are complete and all physical reminders of the events have passed you will remain here.”

What did that mean?   
The crowd muttered confused. Perseus glanced around, trying to gain some sense of the Commander’s decree. 

Lexa revealed in her next words. “These reminders include the injuries that have been sustained by yourself and others. You shall remain in the far chamber and have no contact with any other soul for all must mourn.” 

Lexa finished her statement with what can only be described as a casual tone. As if she were brushing him off. 

“You will be fed and given water.” 

Perseus felt like laughing, this was all she was going to do? Lock him up until his and the Skaikru Bitch’s wounds had healed. That was his punishment. He could handle a week in the cell. He’d probably even enjoy the lack of conversation. He’d be able to truly dwell on how he would increase his training. How to better himself for Command. He’d of course need his hand to heal before truly continuing his training but that would happen soon enough. 

Then all too suddenly he felt the blood dripping from his cut palm. The hand he’d used to push Aden’s blade off. The cut was deep, almost to the bone, with a large amount of exposed flesh. He had been having trouble bending his fingers over the last few hours. The wound required attention. It needed stitches, cleaning, and medicine. The dark clammy water of the cell had done little to help it. 

Titus seemed to be drawing the same conclusion as Perseus. “But Heda?” He asked her quietly. “What of his injuries? Will they be treated?” 

Lexa looked down upon Titus. “I would not ask a healer to interrupt their time of mourning to treat a murderer.” She glanced at his wounds. “His inflictions aren’t lethal.” 

Perseus’ eyes grew wide. They were not lethal yet, but stick him in a wet dark room for three days without even a bandage and his hand would become infected. Possibly so infected that… 

“Heda, he may lose his hand.” Titus whispered urgently. 

Lexa stared back at the Flame Keeper coldly. “Then he loses a hand. He should have better defended himself. He will still be able compete in the conclave upon its arrival.” 

Titus stared at Lexa, who glared back unwavering. This was to be his punishment and all Titus could do was accept it. After all the traditions were being upheld, he was not to be killed. 

“No.” Perseus gasped, but only a quiet gargle could be heard from his mouth. This may as well be a death sentence. He’d never become Heda with one hand. He’d never even win another battle without his hand. His eyes darted around to those in the crowd. Desperate for someone to speak up, to say that Heda was being unjust. But none dared, not with the dark look the Commander gave him, not with the way she had her hand resting on her sheathed sword. This was her revenge. Her loophole. 

“Take him.” Lexa said coldly. 

“No. No.” Perseus tried to cry again but Nepa and Burke had already taken hold of him and begun to drag him back to the dark damp room. The last thing he saw before leaving the well lit crowded room was the burning eyes of the Commander, digging through his soul. Her spirit would never choose him. 

As Nepa threw him to the floor of the cell, Burke took care to tread on his injured hand, pushing the open wound into a puddle of dark water, stinging his flesh. 

As the door began to shut, cutting out the light and sounds of the world Perseus began to sob.


	38. Chapter 38

The room was in near silence as the crowd watch Perseus be dragged from the room. The only sound apart from the scuffling sounds of him being transported was the rasping pleas he was trying to make. All of which were ignored. 

The Commander watched the boy without even the slightest bit of remorse in her eyes. In all respects the boy was dead to her. They had once been close, teacher and student, they’d shared stories and lessons. She had like Perseus despite his strong headedness and instinct to jump towards aggression. But those days seemed so distance from Lexa’s mind they could have been from another life. 

As the doors closed and Perseus’ cries were silence the crowd began to shuffle awkwardly. Unsure of how to proceed. The Commander felt all eyes on her.

“The burning of those lost today will take place at dusk. All are welcome to come pay their respects. That will be all.” 

The moment she’d finished speaking Titus began to whisper fervently in the Commander’s ear. About what Clarke could not hear. She was too far and was feeling light headed. 

“Clarke.” Raven said gently but the girl appeared not to hear her. Raven was worried, Clarke’s color was distinctly paler than normal and her face shone with sweat, not to mention the ever-growing patch of red soaking through her bandages. 

“Clarke.” She said again, but Clarke only had eyes for Lexa. 

Raven looked up helplessly at Octavia who just sighed and tucked an arm under her friend’s shoulder. Raven did the same and together the two lifted their friend on her shaky feet and began to leave the room. 

As her they carried her from the room Clarke desperately tried to catch Lexa’s eye. To get some nod of reassurance or something that acknowledged Clarke’s presence. All of her attempts however were in vain. It wasn’t even that the Commander avoided her eyes, it was that she did not even see her, even if Lexa was looking in her direction it was through her, as if she were nothing more than a regular citizen.   
Lexa was gone. 

Raven and Octavia had just managed to carry Clarke out of the room and to the base of the stairs when she passed out. The exhaustion from the events of the day finally fully weighting her, and seeing Lexa like that had sucked all the adrenaline from Clarke’s body. She succumb to her exhaustion. 

XXXX

Clarke awoke sometime later feeling stiff. She opened her eyes and saw she was still in her bed in medical, the sun shining brightly through the curtained windows. She looked to her side and saw the chair her mother so often occupied was empty. 

Odd. Clarke thought. She could not recall the chair ever being empty. If Abby wasn’t looking over her Raven or Octavia were often there, trying to cheer her up, make her laugh.

There was a sudden sound of someone clearing their throat.   
Clarke’s eyes darted to the source of the sound and she gasped. Lexa was standing in front of her, the curtains around her bed drawn, blocking out the busy bustling of the infirmary. The Commander’s face consisted of several half healed cuts, some with stitches, others small bandages. She looked almost as if her face had been used to break a window. Clarke glanced down at the girl’s wrist and noticed it was tightly bandaged. 

“Lexa.” Clarke said, trying to sit up.

“You are to call me Heda, Ambassador.” Lexa said stiffly, her back straight, arms folded behind her back.

Clarke just stared at her, not sure what to say. The Commander took advantage of the silence. 

“I’ve come to inform you that your presence is no longer required in Polis. The council will not be convening for at least a month and you should return to your people.” 

Clarke opened her and closed her mouth several times before finally forming a coherent thought. 

“What?” She asked sharply. 

“Once your injuries have fully healed, you and several of your people will be escorted back to Arkadia. Where you belong.” The Commander’s words bit into Clarke like fangs. 

“Lexa…” Clarke began. 

“Heda.” She snapped. “I will not need to tell you again.”

“Don’t do this.” Clarke pleaded, wishing Lexa weren’t so far away. Clarke was sure that if she were closer to the Commander, even if she could touch her for a moment Lexa would melt. “Please.”

Lexa’s eyes did not soften, her body to not loosen. She remained firm. “I am sorry for your loses and the trauma you have endured.”

With that she pushed the curtains aside and began to stride from the infirmary. 

“Heda.” Clarke yelled after her, not caring that all healers and patients abruptly stopped their activity at her words. “What about the injuries you’ve caused?”

The Commander didn’t even stop walking at her call. She pushed the doors to the room open and was gone.

Clarke was shaking. Her fists in tight balls, her breathe rapid. But not in sadness. She’d since overcome that, the despair of what had happened, the loses she’d sustained. It had almost been three days since Lexa had sentenced Perseus and Clarke had all but cried herself dry.   
Now the girl shook not with despair but with Rage. A furious anger.   
Anger that somewhere in this mountain of a tower Perseus still lived.   
Anger that she had not been permitted to attend the burnings of Becca and Aden.  
Anger at Lexa. Who the moment things had gotten emotionally jarring had left her. Dropped her as if she were nothing, disappeared.

It was moments like this that Clarke was not surprised that the Grounders had lived in such barbaric ways for so long. They as a people strived to make things better, improve lives, decrease violence, but the moment things became difficult they instinctively reverted into what they’d previously been. Lexa had done this too many times for Clarke not to notice. 

She had hoped once she was healed and permitted to walk alone she would be able to find Lexa and force her to speak with her. But after Perseus’ sentencing Clarke had returned to medical far worse than when she had left. The exertion from the journey to the prison had somehow torn several muscles and split veins, leaving her with a longer recovery time. Still nothing she could not handle, she had thought giving Lexa space was a wise decision anyway. But now the Commander was demanding she depart from Polis. Leaving her with almost no chances to connect once more, pull Lexa from the castle she’d built herself up into.   
And though Clarke was selfish in wanting Lexa back, wanting to hold her, speak with her, love her again, the sky girl knew that when Lexa’s walls were down she was actually a better Commander. She was more open to changes, more sympathetic, wiser. 

Clarke pulled herself up into a sitting position. Determinedly thinking of ways to speak to Lexa again before being forced from the city. She figured she only had three or so more days before her mother deemed her fit to travel.   
As Clarke lifted herself up, Octavia strode up next to her bed. 

“Hey.” She said smiling half heartedly. “What did she want?”

Clarke huffed. “She’s decreed that my presence is no longer required in Polis. That I’m to return to Arkadia.” 

Octavia swore under her breath. “I’m sorry Clarke.” Octavia sat herself in Abby’s chair. 

Clarke just shrugged, still thinking on how to break through to the real Lexa once more. She was broken from her haze however as the doors to the infirmary were pushed open and the healers began to mutter.   
Several guards made their way into the room, supporting what looked like a rotting corpse. As Clarke looked closer at the body the guards held by the shoulders she realized it wasn’t a corpse. It was Perseus. 

Octavia made a move to pull Clarke’s partition curtains closed. 

“No.” Clarke snapped at her. “I want to see this.”

Perseus had always been a boy of half decent looks. Square jaw, charming eyes, neat light hair. But even after only three days in a cell he was changed. His hair was straggled and dirty, his face pale and sagged, dark circles under his eyes. He still possessed heavy bruising around his neck from Lexa’s assault and the clothing he wore was stained with filth and dark blood. He cradled his right arm, which was a dark rotten color. It was infected. So infected that it would need to be cut off. Clarke could see the dark streaks of blood poisoning making their way up his wrist.   
She took pleasure in this sight far more than she could ever admit to a soul. She’d seen so much useless and uncalled for deaths and injuries in her time. But this was one that had been brought upon him and only him. 

The guards lay the filthy boy on a clean bed and the healers hesitantly made their way to him. An older healer picked up his injured hand and crumpled her nose at it. 

“It will need to come off.” She said non-chalantly. “It’s far to infected. “

“No.” Perseus groaned. Too week to offer and form of physical refusal.

“Restrain him.” The healer said, leaving the bedside to examine a tray of instruments. The guards tied Perseus’ barely struggling form to the bed and pulled his left hand out and secured it to a small wooden table. A table that too Clarke looked more like a butchers block than anything that should be used to heal people.   
Perseus began to whimper.

“Please. Please.” He croaked. 

Before Octavia could stop her Clarke was out of her bed and making her way to the boy. For a moment the guards looked as though they were going to stop her, but surprisingly let her pass. 

As the healer meticulously selected the largest and sharpest knife on her table of instruments. Clarke stared down into Perseus’ pale eyes, there were tears in them.

“This is what happens to anyone who threaten those closest to the Commander.” She said, placing a hand on his collarbone, so she was pressing on his bruising. 

“No one is permitted to harm a Nightblood.” A guard gruffed. Clarke slowly retracted her hand. Watched the nurse place the sharp blade over a lit candle, heating it.

“This is what happens to those who try to take the power of Wanheda.” She said darkly. Taking as step back as Perseus began to struggle against his restraints. Wordlessly several healers approached and gagged him. 

The blade was red hot as the older healer approached Perseus’ side. She physically seemed to take no pleasure in what she was about to do but before she lowered the blade to the infected hand, and before Perseus’ gagged screams filled the room Clarke could have sworn she heard the healer whisper. 

“For Becca.” 

Then she sliced.


	39. Chapter 39

When the Commander pushed the door open to the Nightblood’s dormitory the first thing she noticed was that the positioning of the beds had been shifted. Several beds were now lined up in a row on the far wall, stripped of their furs and pillows, four beds; One for each of the recently deceased children. 

Those beds that had occupants were configured in a small rectangle on the other side of the room. Only 5 beds. But there were still 6 Nightbloods. Lexa glanced around the room searching for Perseus’ bed. She eventually saw it in the very far corner of the room. Pushed against the cold dark stonewall, blankets still rumpled from when he rose the morning he killed his fellows. 

No guard had been in the room, nor had Lexa, or Titus. This shifting of lay out had all be done on the remaining Nightblood’s own accord. 

“Heda.” Nepa was the only child present in the room but as Lexa looked at her she saw she seemed much less of a child than she had three days ago. She was aged, just over 14 years and there was darkness in her eyes that seemed to have replaced the spark that had previously lit up her face. The girl closed the book she had been reading on her bed.

Lexa looked around the room again. 

“We felt as though we needed a change of scenery.” Nepa said rising from her bed. “The room felt empty.” 

Lexa nodded. “Where are the others?”

At this Nepa shrugged. “Off on their own, training perhaps.” She looked at each of her comrade’s beds and sighed. “It’s been hard Heda. We don’t really know what to do. It feels as though there are holes in each of us.” 

Lexa nodded and placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “I understand more than you could possibly know.” She said giving the girl a squeeze.

Nepa nodded, appreciating the support, then she turned to the Commander. “What have you come to say?” She asked folding her hands behind her back. So much like Lexa.

The Commander looked to the cold bed in the far corner. “Perseus was released today, once the healers have finished inspecting him he will be returned here.” 

Nepa took a step from Lexa. “The traitor will be returned to us?” The girl’s eyes were cold as ice. 

“He is a Nightblood.” Lexa said staring down at the girl. “He is of equal right to be here as any of you.”

Nepa and Lexa stared at one another for a long time. So many words passing through them, words that they could not say for what was required of them in the public’s eye.

“He has however lost his left hand.” Lexa said breaking the silence that had befallen them. “It became infected.” 

“Pity.” Nepa said. The Commander nodded and crossed to her bed, picking up the book she had been reading. “Pity he wasn’t left handed.” The Nightblood added quietly. 

“Why are you reading this?” Lexa asked, gesturing to the large book entitled Hedas. It was the historic text that documented all that could be remembered of each Commander since Becca’s arrival in the dark days. 

“I was curious.” Nepa stated.

“Curious about what?” Lexa said replacing the book where she’d found it. 

“I wondered if this had ever happened before.” Nepa stared at Lexa. “A situation like the one we find ourselves in.” 

“You could have asked.” The Commander prompted, the spirit of the Commander granted all knowledge and history that each Commander before her had lived. It was in fact her job to ensure that the text before her was compiled properly

“I felt it wasn’t the time, Heda.” Nepa said sitting on her bed. 

“It has happened once.” Lexa said sitting next to Nepa. “Near the beginning of the Commander’s reigns. When the laws of the conclave were still being written.” Lexa shut her eyes, searching for the information she’d so recently visited. “One Nightblood took it upon himself to forgo the conclave and slaughtered his fellows while the current Commander still reigned.” 

“All of them?” Nepa’s eyes grew wide. 

“Yes. The Nightblood in question succeeded in slaying the entire class.” 

“What did the Commander do?” 

“Nothing.” Lexa admitted. “The Nightblood was left unpunished, as it is forbidden to spill the blood of the Commander.”

Nepa clicked her tongue against her teeth. Lexa nodded

“That Nightblood became Commander in the later years.” Whether through natural causes or assignation was left unknown. His name was Atticus.” 

At this Nepa laughed. Atticus was known for being the cruelest of the Commander’s. He reign had been short but in his time as Heda he took so many lives and started so many wars. He was remembered a barbarian who created such conflicts that two generations struggled to achieve some form of peace after his death.

“I never knew that was how Atticus achieved Heda’s spirit.” Nepa admitted.

“It is one of the many bloody secrets hidden throughout his life time.” Lexa nodded. 

It was at that moment that the door to the dormitory opened and Burke and two of his fellows entered dressed in their armor, sleek with sweat. Panting from a training session they must have held themselves. Lexa hadn’t had the time or will to train them for the last few days. They hadn’t objected. 

At the sight of the Commander they abruptly stopped their conversation and stood at attention. 

“I’ve come to inform you that Perseus will be returning to you this evening.” Lexa said gazing at each of them. 

They offered her limited reactions to her words. Ones eyes grew wide, while another’s lips tightened. They all nodded respectively to her.   
Lexa exhaled, knowing she needed to say something to them, but not what. The events of the past few days had taken its toll on all of them. But they couldn’t let it show. Heda could never let his or her emotions get the better of them. That was how mistakes were made. She knew the flame helped with that. It was almost as if when she willed it to the spirits of the past Commanders took her emotions and sometimes even her memories from it. Which made it easier to lock people out.   
When Lexa had spoken to Clarke earlier in the day she had expected there to be at least a slight tugging in her heart but was proud to have felt nothing.   
It was a wise decision to have the girl leave. She had only brought weakness and misery with her. 

“It is unfortunate what has occurred this last month.” Lexa said looking at the children, who with each passing day and each loss looked less and less like children. 

“But know that this is the world. The world of the Commander is a hard one, full of loss, and challenges. But what is to be remembered is to always stand firm. You are the rock in the storm that your people must cling to when the waters are rough. If the rock breaks, if the boat has a leak, all will drown.” 

“Thank you Heda.” Nepa said placing a hand on one of her younger kin’s shoulder, giving Lexa the distinct impression that she had just been asked to leave. Narrowing her eyes at each of them she gave them a nod and left the room.   
They all knew what the future held. 

 

XXXXX

Clarke watched as the healers scrubbed at the floor and wooden chopping block. Their rags and buckets of warm water dark and murky. She had come to notice that the black blood of the Commander seemed almost thicker and less easy to clean than regular human blood. 

She had thought she would take some form of pleasure in seeing Perseus maimed but now looking across the room at his huddle pale form she felt cold inside.   
Her rage, her sorrow, her pain, anything she had truly felt seemed to have faded away when she watched the boy’s hand be removed. Heard him scream, like a baby, like Becca had. 

Clarke shut her eyes tightly and her hands clenched the sides of her bed, turning her knuckles white. Trying to repel the memory from her head. She felt a hand on her shoulder, probably her mother’s.  
Abby had been sitting next to Clarke for the last hour; the two had been entirely silent for that time. Abby reading, Clarke staring off at Perseus or in space, or dozing. But whenever Clarke’s emotions fought to escape her again Abby would squeeze her good shoulder, or hold her, try to sooth her. 

Clarke was grateful for it. She was certain she’d get stuck in her near hysterics without it. But she knew it wasn’t truly what she needed. She needed Lexa. For it all to better she needed Lexa and Lexa needed her. 

Then Clarke thought of it. She was Lexa’s support. She was whom the Commander turned to on those rare moments of emotion. She was the Commander’s rock. Though she could never tell a living soul that. 

But Lexa had shut down again. She wasn’t letting anything or anyone affect her but they still shared feelings for one another but Lexa’s wall was in the way. Clarke had been thinking all this time that she needed to completely destroy or scale Lexa’s wall to get back to her, but no all she needed to do was crack it. Give it a small hole and all of Lexa’s emotions would escape. Know she just needed to be given an opportunity to do it. 

Suddenly the doors to the infirmary opened and two guards strode in. For a moment Clarke feared they were coming to escort her out, that Lexa was already banishing her from the city. But instead the two burly men made their way over to Perseus who sat up shakily. He was cradling his stump of an arm, which was bleeding, slightly through his bandages. 

“Heda had said it is time for you to return to your dormitory.” One guard gruffed.

“But… Butt.” Perseus stuttered raising his injured arm.

The guard glanced over at the nearest healer. 

“You can take him.” The woman shrugged. “If he hasn’t thrown up or passed out yet he won’t.” 

“Good.” The guard said, nodding to his fellow and the roughly pulled Perseus to his feet. The boy groaned. 

“Time to go home.” The other guard sneered.

XXXXX

When the door to the dormitory opened all Nightbloods stopped their conversations and stood at attention. Wordlessly they all watched the guards drag their fellow in and drop him roughly to the ground. Perseus instinctively reached out both hands to catch himself but instead put all of his weight on his fresh stump. He howled in pain and the guards, dusting off their hands left without a word or even helping the boy to his feet.

None of his fellows helped him up and Perseus’ heart sank when he saw they’d moved his bed to a solitary corner. Feeling all of their eyes on him, he limped over to his bed and sat down. 

The moment he sat the other Nightbloods continued on with their activities of getting ready for bed. Chatting lightly. Not paying him even a side glance. 

Feeling tears stream down his face, Perseus struggled to pull the blankets out from his bed and slid under them. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, knowing they all had heard him. But no one said a word to him. 

After a few minutes all the children had settled in their beds and Nepa blew the final candle out. 

“Goodnight everyone.” She said blandly. 

“Goodnight” they echoed.

“I’m sorry.” Perseus said again, knowing it was no use. Their bridge had been broken. 

XXX 

Perseus felt as though he’d only been asleep for an hour or two when he started awake. Confused as to what had woken him he looked around. Nepa was standing next to his head on one side. Burke on the other. Silently the two lunged forward and flung a bed sheet across Perseus’ throat. Together they pulled down with a tremendous amount of force effectively cutting off the boy’s airway. 

Perseus sputtered and gagged, flailing his arms trying to knock the two away but their strength was relentless. All around the room the remaining children stayed in their beds. Whether they were awake or not no one could tell. Regardless not one made even the slightest movement as Perseus’ choking sounds slowly faded away and silence filled the room once more.


	40. Chapter 40

The Commander stared down at the body before her. It was ghostly pale with a peaceful expression on its face. Dead. Slowly she reached down and with her longest finger traced the intense purple and red bruising around Perseus’ neck. The bruises seemed to be the only hint of color on the boy’s body.

Lexa looked up at those around her. They were in the dormitory of the Nightbloods. She’d be woken quite early by a heavy wrapping on her door. She opened it to a guard who stood before her looking grave. He told her that Perseus had died during the night and her presence was required in the dorm. She had gone there at once and now stood over the body of the murderous Nightblood; a collection of guards and Nightbloods surrounding her. She stared expectantly at them.

“How?” She demanded. 

The Nightbloods shrugged and shuffled their feet awkwardly. 

“He must have died in his sleep Heda.” Nepa said suddenly, folding her hands behind her back, espression null. “Perhaps a delayed effect of his previous injuries.” 

The children all nodded. Lexa stood straighter. 

“And none of you heard this?” Some looked to the floor. “You are all such heavy sleepers that one of your companions can die in the very room you sleep in and not one of you notice.” Lexa searched each of their eyes. 

“There was some noise Heda.” Burke said staring back at her, eye cold. “I did hear him panting.”

“As did I.” A few others chimed in. Nepa just stared at Lexa, tightlipped. 

“And you did nothing?” Lexa snapped.

“In truth Heda.” The youngest said. “I assumed him to only be weeping.” 

“And when the weeping suddenly stopped?” The Commander demanded. 

“I thought he must have simply fallen asleep.” Burke shrugged. “And there I followed.” His fellows nodded. 

Lexa stared back down at the body. Unsure of how to feel at what she was seeing. It seemed that recently so many of the Nightbloods had been killed at this one was hardly one to be wept at, ignored? The Commander wondered even if she was feeling joy? 

“Leave us.” The Commander suddenly demanded of her guards. The men and women looked at one another confused. “Inform the healers of what has occurred and send for someone to remove the body. They can come and take it in the half hour. “ Slowly the guards nodded and began to file out of the room. 

“And have someone inform Titus.” Lexa called after them. “I will require his presence soon enough.” 

The children shuffled nervously, side glancing at one another once it was only themselves and their Commander remaining in the room. Wordlessly Lexa lifted the white bed sheet from the bed and pulled it over Perseus’ face. Covering him completely. Robbing the body of its identity. Making it easier to look at. 

The moment she had done so the children around her relaxed slightly. Lexa gazed at each of them until finally her eyes rested on Nepa’s. 

“Speak.” She said quietly. Knowing she needn’t be firm. The facts would come now, truly and confidently. 

“It is a blessing that he is dead.” Nepa said strongly as Lexa knew she would. “And there was no way for it to happen outside of this room.” She continued. “It is a blessing that the tyrant is gone. That who would murder his own kin out of what? Fear of the future? Jealousy?”

“Arrogance.” Burke added lowly. 

“Arrogance.” Nepa nodded to her brother. 

“These are not the pillars of being Heda.” A younger girl named Shauna recited. “It was not what you have taught us. He would have brought forth destruction and death if he had been chosen as Heda.”

“Like his predecessor.” Nepa added. “Our history tells us so.” 

Every word these children spoke to her were true. There had been a chance that Perseus could have become Heda, even without his second hand. And Lexa knew in that world their peaceful ways would recede quickly.

“Heda, why did you have us do it?” Nepa asked suddenly. Startling Lexa.

“What?” The Commander demanded. 

“Why did you permit him to live when you knew all that we have said?” She gazed at her intently. “You’ve changed so many of our ways. You’ve turned out world for the better.” 

Lexa felt a crushing sensation on her chest, a hint of her emotions returning. She pushed it back. 

“Yet when it came to a moment that truly threatened our people’s future you chose to obey the ways of old. Our ways of pain and suffering.”

“The laws are the laws.” Lexa said, straightening her back. 

“You’ve changed them though.” Burke said also standing tall. “You’ve opened your arms to new, you’ve helped our world.” 

“Some laws are present for the better.” The Commander said, suddenly feeling as though the children were backing her into a wall. Nepa’s eyes narrowed, as if she had caught this new sensation. 

“What did Wanheda say of this?” She asked quizzically. 

Lexa stood firm, like a porcupine putting out its quills. 

“The Skaikru Ambassador has no input on the dealings late and will be returning to her clan in a few days.”

At this the Nightbloods gasped. All staring at her, eyes.

“Heda.” Nepa said. 

But Lexa held a hand up firmly to silence her. “We will not discuss this any further.”

Then to her complete and utter surprise Nepa turned to her fellows. 

“Leave us.” She said quietly yet firmly. Each and every Nightblood gave a brisk nod and together left the room, before Lexa could even object.

“Heda.” Nepa said sitting on her bed looking up at the Commander, sadly. “Don’t do this.” 

“Watch yourself Nepa.” Lexa snapped, not accustomed to the children having such courage to speak so freely to her. 

“You’ve done so much Heda.” Nepa ploughed on as firmly as she could, though her eye contact was weakening. “You’ve worked so hard for peace, for freedom, for your own happiness.”

“And look where it had gotten me.” Lexa said loudly, surprised that she had allowed such words escape her mouth. She immediately regretted speaking, thus giving Nepa the power.

“That is exactly why you must stay strong Heda.” The girl stated standing, fists clenched. Lexa glared at her, ready to crush her. No one could dare address her like this. 

“You have served as an inspiration to us all.” Nepa said hurriedly, knowing her time was short and the Commander would soon strike her down. “The histories have shown us the way a Commander’s life must be but you have turned against all of the stories. You’ve denied the reputation and livelihood a Commander must claim. You give us hope.” 

Lexa felt her eyes falter, felt the flame’s hold on her emotions flicker. She had broken many traditions that all Commanders had thus far obeyed with due diligence. But at what cost?

“When I see you Heda I saw a future for myself.” Nepa finally looked down but her words continued with vigor. “Should I ever be chosen to take your place I saw a life where duty and honor could be shared with love and happiness.” Nepa clenched her fists. “I saw you with Costia and I’ve seen you with Wan… With Clarke and I know that you were happier with them.” The girl looked at her teacher intensely. “That your happiness was infectious to the people. That we were more united and you were stronger with someone by your side. Do not throw that away. Not because of what happened. It was a terrible occurrence but don’t let it taint the rest of your life. Don’t be a fool.”

“Enough!” Lexa yelled, raising an arm, ready to strike the child as she and the instructors often did to teach them obedience. 

It was part of their training to learn respect and Nepa had long since forgotten herself. 

Nepa eyed the hand warily and immediately took a step back, eyes diverting quickly to the ground. 

“I apologize Heda.” She spoke quickly and quietly. “I have said what I had no right to. I spoke without respect. I beg forgiveness.” 

Lexa just stared down at her. Fighting to keep her words from drilling themselves into her. 

“What I have done.” She spoke so acidly it was surprising that venom did not spit from her mouth. “Has cost hundreds of lives, some citizens some, those closest to me. It has cost you friends and family, and may even take your life.” 

“It is all something you should be willing to risk.” Nepa spoke clearly and for a moment Lexa saw the spirit of the Commander flicker through the girl’s eyes. The strong, confidant gaze that inspired all those who met the gaze. “Love is not weakness Lexa.” She said planting emphasis on the Commander’s true name, which even to the girl sounded foreign on her tongue. “It is strength. It is the greatest strength any have even known, we only fight the hardest for what we love most. Without love there is nothing to lose and it is easy to fall away. Don’t fall away again. Please.” 

Lexa turned from the girl. From the girl who at that moment was more teacher than student, Heda than Nightblood. She could not bear to look at her any longer. Her wall was weakened. Nepa’s words had hit her. 

She felt a burning in her chest. She needed to get away. Could not let the feelings burrow. Could not be weak. 

Without saying another word the Commander left the room with the body of the boy who had murdered her daughter, and the child whom she was sure would succeed her and let the door slam behind her. Striding down the hallway as fast as she could without running.

When the echo of the door slamming faded and Nepa was left in the room alone with only the body of Perseus she exhaled loudly, releasing all tension and stress she’d been carrying. Despite herself she looked down at the white shirt that ever so slightly silhouetted a face. 

Her had been her friend, but so had Aden and Caspian. Now they were all dead. The young girl sat herself on her bed, tears falling from her eyes, aghast at all she had just said. As her tears fell she shut her eyes and covered them with her hands, trying to block out all light. But as the darkness engulfed her vision, so appeared the image of Perseus’ white eyes staring up at her in horror. His muffled cries filled her ears and she knew it would be ever so long before those sights and sounds faded from her memory. But it was worth it. It had to mean something.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Life got in the way.

As the Commander rounded the corner of the corridor to her chambers she halted. Clarke stood leaning against the door to her room. At the site of Lexa the younger girl immediately stood straight, gazing at her. 

Lexa clenched her fists and bit her lip. She would not. Could not. She was already too far on edge after seeing Perseus and hearing Nepa’s words. She could not engage in a conversation with Clarke.  
But she did need to return to her room. Titus would be there in a short time. She needed to enter that room. But Clarke seemed determined.

“Is Perseus dead?” The younger girl asked. Taking a step towards the Commander, feeling nothing but coldness from her.  
Lexa said nothing. Biting the inside of her lip so hard she was tasting blood.  
“Is he dead?” Clarke asked again. “A healer was talking about it in medical.” 

The healers should know not to speak of such things so openly Lexa thought to herself harshly. She would speak to them; discipline them for using their tongues so freely. 

“Lexa.” Clarke said only feet from the Commander. “Is the murdered who killed our daughter dead?” 

“She was not our daughter.” Lexa snapped coldly. Taking a stride past Clarke. Not looking her in the eye.

“How can you say that?” Clarke said and despite herself trying to maintain her composure grabbed Lexa’s arm. At her touch the Commander froze and stared daggers through the younger girl. For a moment Clarke was frightened that the Commander was going to hit her. 

“She was our daughter.” Clarke said trying to keep her tone level, but failing. “And now she’s dead. And now you’ve…. You’ve gone.” Clarke felt her voice starting to crack at the confession. “Why are you making me bury her alone? Why are you making me bury both of you? Why?”

Lexa wrenched her arm from Clarke’s grip and took a step away, eyes a fire. Having the girl’s hand on her had created a hard lump in her throat. Looking into Clarke’s eyes had erupted the emotions Nepa had already stirred. 

“Leave me.” She growled. “Forget anything that may have happened between us Ambassador.” Clarke noted how the Commander seemed to be refusing to say her name. “Whatever was between us is dead. Accept it.” 

Then she opened her door and let is slam quickly behind her, blocking Clarke out. 

In the silence of the room around her Lexa heard Clarke’s quite voice beg through the door. “Let me help you. I love you.” 

The two stood still. Clarke a hand pressed on one side of the door, tears running down her face. Lexa standing just on the other side, fists clenched so tightly she was cutting into her own skin. 

It seemed that though the two were in conflict they still somehow were seeking out the other’s company, comfort. Lexa didn’t know why she couldn’t yell for Clarke to leave, or call her guards. She just couldn’t get her voice to work.

Meanwhile Clarke stood, pressing her forehead to the door. Feeling so lost. So empty. In a moment of loss she placed either hand on the door and dug her nails into the wood. Needing to be close to Lexa, knowing that Lexa needed her just as much. 

Eventually Clarke was forced to give up at the door. Knowing she couldn’t truly knock on it or make too much noise to get Lexa to open it. She couldn’t attract the guards. They’d just force he from Polis more quickly. With a sigh and one last. “Let me help you.” Clarke walked away from the door. Just so completely at a loss. She’d hoped addressing Lexa so firmly and demanding would get her slightly farther in having a real conversation with the girl. But The Commander was having none of it. She always left, when, and Clarke knew this, whenever Lexa she was starting to be swayed even the slightest bit. She would run, shut down, hide.  
How to get her to stay? Clarke just didn’t know.

XXXX

Lexa heard Clarke’s footsteps slowly make their way down the hall and they eventually faded into nothing. Leaving Lexa once more in silence. The Commander released her breath and let her hands fall to her sides. Feeling the blood from her fresh cuts drip down her fingers. 

She looked around the room. She’d spend as little time in her chamber as possible the last few days, barely sleeping, or eating. Most of the room’s contents had been left untouched since the day the murders had taken place. The chair knocked over, the table full of scrolls and papers, the pitcher of water still sitting with two glasses by the bed. Clarke’s with a slight chip in it.  
The only changes were slight and could go unnoticed by most, but not the Commander. The first being the seemingly giant gap in the far corner of the room; where a wooden crib had occupied the space. The next being the floor in the middle of the room; a hard tan colored stone floor. Where it to Lexa what seemed like large patches of stone appeared far lighter than the rest of the room. The place where Aden and Caspian had died. Where several guards had worked hard and long to scrub the blood from the floor, leaving the stones rubbed raw.  
As she stared down at the stone Lexa saw flashes of the faces of the boys she’d lost. Aden smiling as her determinately swung his sword at her, hoping that maybe someday he’d disarm her. Capsian trying to toss his dagger as high as he could and still catch it without cutting himself. Of Becca. 

Lexa sank onto her bed and put her face in her hands. Why could she not let go? She had experienced loss before. She lost her brother, her parents. When she had lost Costia she felt as though she was going to die from sorrow but she had shut the sadness away. When she’d lost Anya she had felt a slight twinge but had not let her emotions overcome her. Gustus’ death she had felt nothing. But no matter how much she tried to push through these losses they kept coming back to haunt her. The flame was failing her.

Nepa and Clarke were doing little to help. Lexa knew love to be weakness. It was what had been drilled into her brain since childhood. Yet now in that moment she felt no love. Had no love to give. Then why was she so weak? Why had her dreams been replaced from battle strategies and fears for her people with strange haunting dreams of her teaching Becca to walk. Becca riding a horse with Aden’s hands on the reins. Clarke, Becca, and herself all sitting around a fire laughing and reading. That was the dream that always she always awoke from sobbing. Just the vision of a life that could have been. But it could never have been Lexa reminded herself rising quickly and pacing the room. 

She could not have had that and could never think that could be her reality. Her weakness. 

In a sudden rush of grief Lexa swung her hand out pushing all the papers from the table sending them scattering to the floor. As the maps and papers settled Lexa cursed herself and her inability to control anything about herself. She bent down and began to gather papers doing her best not to get drops of blood on them from her hands. 

As she stacked, a specific piece of yellow parchment caught her eye. Tenderly she reached out and pulled it from the papers it was under. A mistake she thought to herself when the paper was more than half exposed. It was a drawing

A sketch by Clarke’s hand. This was evident. Lexa remembered her being shown it. It was a drawing of her and Becca, both fast asleep facing one another. So close their heads had been touching. So peaceful. 

Lexa began to shake again, so fiercely that the paper seemed to vibrate in her grip. The baby’s eyes were closed, her smile so sweet, Clarke’s had had been so light and capturing Becca’s smooth forehead and tiny fists. Lexa had forgotten the curve of the baby’s smile. Clarke had perfected it within the charcoal. Clarke. 

No. 

As she heard Titus’ footsteps make there way down the hall towards her room Lexa swallowed. Deciding.  
She held the drawing out over her nearest candles and watched as the corner of the paper went ablaze.


	42. Chapter 42

“What are you doing?” Raven asked as she approached Clarke’s bed in the infirmary. The girl glanced up from her work.   
“Oh hi.” She said, trying to sound casual.

‘”Shouldn’t you be planning or something? Packing?” Raven asked sitting in the vacant chair looking at the paper Clarke was holding.   
“I don’t know.” Clarke said continue the sketch she had been working on for the last hour.   
Her mother had managed to grab her a few sheets of paper and a thin piece of charcoal. For which Clarke was incredibly grateful. Since last trying to speak with Lexa, Clarke had lost the will to really try and do anything else. She didn’t know how to get through to the Commander and didn’t really have a purpose in the city at the moment. Leaving her to sit in her bed, most of the time alone as the others were busy most of the day. 

“There’s nothing really I can do?” Clarke said shading the drawing slightly.

“Still nothing from her then?” Raven sighed.

“No.” Clarke said shortly trying to focus on her task at hand. In no mood to discuss Lexa. Knowing it would only bring her frustration or despair. 

“Right.” She furrowed her brow at Clarke’s drawing. “Who’s that?” 

Clarke paused, lifting her charcoal to examine her work. “It was Aden.” She said simply. Staring at her memory of the boy’s face. She thought drawing him might help get him from her head, or ensure she remembered him. She wasn’t really sure which she wanted. She just for some reason had felt the need to draw his face. 

“It’s good.” Raven said. 

“He would have been very handsome.” Clarke said examining the boy’s fine agile face, soft eyes, and slight smirk. “He was sweet.”

“That’s all I ever heard anyone say about him.” Raven said nodding. Clarke sighed.

“Clarke?” Raven stared at her, trying to see into her head. But Clarke cut her off.

“I don’t know Raven.” She said shrugging. Not wanting to let Raven even try to phrase a question. “I really don’t.” 

“We’re going to have to talk about it eventually.” Raven pushed. “I’m supposed to leave in two days with your mom. We need to know if you are coming with us.” 

Clarke sighed and put her sketch on her side table.

“I don’t know.” She ran her hand through her hair. “I just... My life was so different a week ago. You know?” Raven nodded sympathetically. “I just didn’t expect any of this to happen. “ Clarke fought the tears that seemed to have been threatening to pour for hours. “I thought I’d gotten through the hard times.”

Clarke lay back on her bed covering her face with her hands. “I’m just so tired Raven.” 

Raven just stared at her friend. Pity written all over her face. It was true the last two months Raven had never seen Clarke so happy and content. She had actually seemed relaxed when they’d been to Arkadia. It broke her heart to know that her world had ben ripped apart so suddenly and violently.   
“Okay.” She said rising and giving Clarke’s shoulder a tight squeeze before leaving the girl. 

Clarke didn’t bother to remove her hands from her eyes to watch Raven leave. She liked the darkness. She was found it soothing. She’d had a headache for the last day or so that seemed intent on splitting her skull. Clarke decided she would lay with her face covered until she hopefully dozed off to sleep. She was just beginning to feel her eyes grow heavy when a voice startled her. 

“Clarke?”

Not fully recognizing the voice Clarke removed her hands and squinting at the light sat up. Through her blurred vision she could see the silhouette of a person standing at the foot of her bed. 

“Yes?” She asked rubbing her eyes, trying to get them to adjust to the light.

“May I speak with you?” The girl said.

Clarke’s vision finally cleared and she was able to identify her visitor. Nepa stood before her, hands tight beside her looking both formal and awkward.

“Yes.” Clarke said confused. Wondering what Nepa would have to say to her. She’d never really gotten to know the girl, Clarke knew her to be smart but she tended to be more of a wallflower in lessons, sometimes over shadowed by her bolder companions. But Clarke did notice a slight change in the girl since she’d last seen her. Somehow she seemed older, taller, and even somehow bolder. There was a somewhat familiar flicker in the young girl’s eyes. 

“Thank you.” Nepa nodded tensely and moved closer to Clarke, walking along the side of her bed. 

“I was wondering.” She began. “If you would consent to going for a walk with me. That is if you are well enough.” She nodded to Clarke’s shoulder where under her shirt a piece of white bandage shone bright. 

“A walk?” Clarke asked confused by the request. 

Nepa shifted her weight slightly. “I would like to speak with you.” Then her voice became slightly hushed. “Away from listening ears.”

Wordlessly Clarke gave a brief nod of understanding sat up and threw her blankets from off, and began to put her shoes on. Nepa took a step back giving her room and glanced around the infirmary. 

As she began to tie her second shoe she heard the girl gasp.

“Aden?”   
Nepa had noticed Clarke’s sketch and was now holding it in her hands tenderly, as if it was made of glass.

“Oh yeah.” Clarke said awkwardly. “I was just… I was just keeping myself busy.” 

“This is very good.” Nepa said, her eyes scanning every inch of the drawing. “You’ve captured his likeness incredibly.”

“It was just a quick sketch.” Clarke said taking the drawing from the girl and folding it in half, embarrassed. 

“May I have it?” The younger girl asked suddenly, clearly reluctant to see Clarke put the drawing away. 

“What?” Clarke hesitated. She had never been asked to give up a sketch; she generally kept them for herself. To preserve her memories. 

“I just…” Nepa stammered, but then seemed to make a decision and looked at Clarke firmly. “I do not have your artistic talent and I would truly appreciate a way to remember his face. He was like my brother, we were closer than any of the others.” 

Not knowing how she could deny the girl Clarke handed the drawing back. “Thank you.” She said taking it gratefully and unfolding it to look at it once more. Still examining the drawing Nepa lead Clarke out of medical and down a corridor that lead to the nearest exit of the tower. 

“Do you miss him?” Clarke asked after a moment of walking in silence. 

“Yes.” Nepa admitted, then she sighed. “I know we are meant to move on and that death is just part of life but I do think about him often. I knew almost my entire life. Much longer than anyone else.” 

“We you two the first Nightbloods Titus found then?” Clarke asked, always curious as to who had been in Polis the longest. She’d assumed it was Perseus since he was the eldest. 

“No.” Nepa said folding the drawing and placing it in her jacket pocket. “We were actually some of the last to be found of our generation.” 

Clarke furrowed her brow, confused by Nepa’s words. The girl sensed her befuddlement. 

“It is not spoken of often but my fellow Nightbloods are actually part of a second generation of children found to be trained by Heda.” Nepa said looking at Clarke. 

“And you and Aden were part of the first?” Clarke prodded, wondering why Lexa had never spoken of the others.

“Yes.”

“What happened to the others?” Clarke asked, assuming them to be dead. But how could an entire generation be wiped out and she not know? When the healers had died with Costia the surviving healers had made a small memorial. 

“Just before the coalition was completely formed Azgeda waged war against Trikru. They were the only clan not to bow to Heda and were determined to end her reign.”

“What did they do?” Clarke asked apprehensively. 

“They brought to Polis a sickness.” Nepa shrugged. “A virus that killed hundreds of our citizens.”

“The fever…” Clarke said knowingly; the memory of the hemorrhagic fever that had infected and killed so many of the 100 when they first arrived on the ground. 

“Aden and I were the only two Nightbloods not to be taken by the fever.” Nepa held the door to the stairs open for Clarke. “But after that we were much closer. Bonding over those we had lost.” 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke said beginning to make her way down the stairs. “I’m sorry he’s gone now too.” 

“Thank you.” Nepa said shutting the door and following Clarke down the semi lit stairwell, letting her set the pace so she would not strain her shoulder. “It’s strange though.” She said thoughtfully. “When he died I somehow knew it was happening. It was almost as if I felt him die. And now I feel almost as if I’m closer to him.”

The two reached the bottom of the stairs and Clarke pushed the door open and squinted at the bright light coming from the hallway. 

“I understand.” Clarke said now holding the door open for the younger girl to pass. “When I lost my friends it was the time I felt closest to them.”

“Do you feel them with you?” Nepa asked suddenly.

“I… I guess I do.” Clarke stammered, trying to understand the girl. “What do you mean?”

“I just… Since Aden died I almost feel his spirit with me.” Nepa struggled to explain the way she’d felt for the last week. This was the first time she’d actually tried to put words to it. “Like he chose me the way Heda’s spirit chooses. Or how Costia’s spirit chose you.” Nepa caught Clarke’s eye at the last of her words. “Forgive me Clarke.”

“That’s okay.” Clarke said not keen on the topic. Aden had told her before of the Nightblood’s theory that she and Costia were the same soul. She had never truly taken the idea under consideration and now, with how Lexa was the idea just made her uncomfortable. Like somehow by losing Lexa now she had failed Costia. 

“I just… I feel like Aden was robbed of his chance to live and now it is my duty to follow his path.” Nepa rung her hands together in deep thought. 

The two moved down the hallway until reaching a door that lead outside. Nepa pushed it open and the fresh air of the trees filled their lungs. Clarke hadn’t really realized it but she had not been outside of the tower for sometime now. The girl’s had emerged from the tower on the far side, away from the actual city of Polis and closest to the woods. With Nepa leading the way, the two walked towards the forest leaving behind the sounds of the city. 

“This is why I have asked to speak with you Clarke.” Nepa said finally turning to face her, once the two were far from the city. “For Aden, and for Lexa. I feel it is my duty to ensure my people’s future is bright. Currently I fear for it.” 

Clarke was completely taken aback, rarely did the Nightbloods refer to her by her first name and never had she heard them call the Commander by her first name. It was almost always Heda. Suddenly the girl while still a child looked far wiser and serious than an elder.

“Lexa has lost her way.” Nepa said gravely. “Losing Becca and the others has done something to her. She’s let herself be pulled back into the darkness. The place she’d been ever since Costia was lost. You brought her out of it. But now…”

“She’s gone.” Clarke said remembering the look in Lexa’s eyes, the dark, soulless holes. 

“You’ve got to bring her out of it again Clarke.” The younger girl seemed so determined and so confidant. It almost broke Clarke’s heart to answer her. 

“I can’t Nepa.” She said halting in the woods. If this was Nepa’s initial quest she saw no reason to continue their walk. “I’ve tried Nepa. I really have. She won’t speak to me.” 

Nepa also stopped walking and turned. “You’re the only one who can though. I’ve tried but she doesn’t see me as she saw Aden. Now there’s only you.” 

“No. Nepa I’ve tried to talk to her, I’ve tried to reason. She won’t listen to me.”

“But do you think she would if she had to. Do you think you could bring her back?” 

Clarke just shrugged. She had known Lexa had been on the brink of breaking the last two times she’d tried to speak with her but whenever she got close enough the Commander would leave her. 

“She always leaves before I can.” Clarke said helplessly.

“As she did to me.” Nepa nodded. “She is determined to remain the way she is now. Heda has never been one to deal with deep loss well but she is so strong we forgive her for this. ” 

“So what do you suggest?” Clarke asked, sensing a small amount of smugness from the girl. As if the answer to pulling Lexa back was simple. 

“Don’t let her leave.” She said simply, extracting something from her pocket. 

“What?”

“Speak to her where she’s no where to run.” Then the girl held up a small rusted metal skeleton key. Though Clarke couldn’t truly place where she’d seen it before it was familiar. 

“What is that?” She asked suspiciously. 

“A key to Heda’s chambers.” That was the first time Nepa looked like a true child to Clarke for at that moment the girl wore a grin. A grin only a child who has done something they are not meant to could produce.   
“In truth I am surprised Titus has not noticed its absence yet, but that is in our favor.” 

Clarke just stared at the key. She had known Lexa to have a lock on the door but she’d rarely used it. Only when she had absolutely not wanted to be disturbed. Most often when she and Clarke had been together. But since Becca’s death Lexa had been locking the door almost religiously. Clarke hadn’t even been able to collect her things she’d left in the room, including the drawing she’d made of her daughter. The only one she’d made. 

“How will this help?” Clarke asked. What did it matter if she could open the door when Lexa was there? She’d just call for her guards or throw Clarke out before she could even get a word in. 

“In two hours Titus will depart from Polis to begin his quest to locate a new generation of Nightbloods. There are too few of us now. We need fresh faces.” 

This was the third generation Nepa would be part of. Some days she wondered if she herself was the curse on her fellows. 

“Heda will be present in the square to see him off, then she will return to her room to retire for the evening. The last few evenings she’s dismissed her guards leaving the area around her chamber vacant. 

“So I should go see her then?” Clarke asked. Thinking the plan to be decent but still Lexa could deny her entrance even with a key. 

“No.” Nepa smirked. “You will already be in there.” 

Then Clarke smiled. 

“She will not be expecting you and no doubt will be slightly unhinged by Titus’ departure.” 

Clarke stared at the girl in wonder. The plan was so intelligent, if Lexa was in her room she would have no where to run.

“Once you are together in the room you cannot leave.” Nepa pushed. “ You must stay no matter what. If you let her push you out this will all be for nothing. You must stay firm Wanheda.” 

“Nepa…” Clarke began, unsure of how to thank the girl for the plan but Nepa cut her off, shoving the key into Clarke’s hand. 

“You can thank me when Heda has come back to us.” She said hurriedly. “I will be around the halls of Heda’s room if for any reason she does try to leave you. But I do not think she will. She is too proud to run from her own domain.” 

“Yes.” Clarke nodded still marveling over the girl’s intelligence. 

“We should return. I need to be at the ceremony to watch Titus leave and you need to prepare yourself. Clarke she will not return easily.” With that Nepa began to stride back through the trees in the direction of the city. 

“Nepa!” Clarke called suddenly struck with a question she absolutely needed to know the answer to. 

The girl stopped walking and turned by to look at her. 

“How did Perseus die?” 

At the question Nepa’s eyes went cold and her body seemed to stiffly close off, very much as Clarke had seen Lexa like. 

“He died in his sleep.” She said coldly. “Suffocated.” 

The two stared at one another for a long while.

“Thank you.” Clarke said, knowing what Nepa must have had to do. “Was it for Aden?” She asked. 

“Blood must have blood is not our way anymore.” Nepa chipped.

“Then why?” 

“I did it for my people.” The girl said, turning and striding into the woods. Leaving Clarke very much alone. She looked down at the key clenched in her hand. This was her last chance and in a way Lexa’s too.


	43. Chapter 43

While it seemed as though every single citizen who lived in the tower was on their way to wish Titus off; Clarke moved against the crowds.   
The skeleton key clenched firmly in her hand Clarke brushed past the moving crowds determined. She didn’t know how long it would take Titus to leave, or for Lexa to return to her room but she knew she needed to be there as soon as possible. She knew she would need time in the room alone to collect her thoughts. 

As she rounded the final corner of the corridor to the Commander’s chamber Clarke was relieved to see that the last of the crowds had finally made their way downstairs. She was alone.   
She approached the door and knocked. Something she had done dozens of times but now felt so foreign to her, so strange. She had decided to knock as precaution, on the rare chance that someone was in the room or perhaps Nepa had been mistaken with Lexa’s schedule for the day. 

Feeling a strange sense of guilt welling in her stomach Clarke placed the key in the door’s lock and turned it. With a click she felt the lock move as she turned the handle of the door. 

Clarke walked into the room slowly, it was still late afternoon so there was plenty of light in the room and Lexa had only left one or two candles burning. A sign to Clarke that she may be alone in the room for some time; that Lexa may have known she would not return until after nightfall. She knew she would need some light when entering the room, Lexa had never liked a dark chamber. 

Clarke placed the key on the table and looked around the room struggling to identify what exactly she was feeling. She had not been in the room since the day Perseus had attacked her and Becca. It was oddly the same, yet different. The room had a strange quality about it; it seemed to be both neat and tidy yet disheveled.   
Clarke imaged this was because that was how its occupant was feeling. 

The table in the room which was usually a clutter of maps and letters was clean, the documents on it neatly stacked and organized, even the writing utensils sat in a clean row along the table. Meanwhile the bed, which Lexa religiously made each morning was rumpled and messy. Clarke did notice that only one side of the bed seemed to have been slept in. While Lexa’s side was fraught with dishevelment hers remained smooth, yet cold, unused.   
She approached Lexa’s side of the bed and began to pull the blankets smooth, fixing the furs where they’d come undone and straightening the pillows. When she lifted Lexa’s pillow she noticed a piece of crumbled parchment underneath it. She picked it up and felt her breath catch in her throat. It was the drawing she’d made of Becca and Lexa. She drew it the day she’d left the two alone for an afternoon and Lexa had fallen asleep next to the baby. Clarke’s brow furrowed, about of quarter of the paper seemed to have been burnt away, the edge black and seared. The flame’s edge had come horribly close to licking the actual charcoal of the drawing but Lexa must have chosen to extinguish the flame just in time.   
This was proof, Clarke thought to herself. That Lexa was still there. That she wasn’t so far gone as to burn the only physical memory of Becca. This gave Clarke hope, yet still she was fearful. Lexa was strong, horrible to anger, and worse of all at this moment was on an emotional edge. 

Holding her drawing to her chest Clarke walked around the room. She noticed the raw patches of stone where Aden and Caspian had died; she saw drops of fresher blood on the table and parts of the floor, dark black blood. Lexa’s.   
She opened the small wardrobe in the room and saw her clothes still hung next to the Commander’s untouched. That perhaps was a good sign, but she also noticed Lexa’s clothing was undisturbed. Maybe the Commander hadn’t even bothered to open the wardrobe in the past week?

The sound of cheering drew Clarke to the open door that lead to the balcony. She placed the drawing lightly on the table before stepping out into the cloudy day. Below her she could clearly make out a crowd in the circle cheering and waving. If she squinted Clarke could just make half a dozen mounted figures departing from the crowd and making their way out of the city. Titus.   
If he was leaving that could mean Lexa would not be far behind in entering the room. Clarke’s fingers dug into the railing of the balcony and she took a deep breath, trying to ready herself for what was to come. Hoping she’d be able to make Lexa see reason, praying that she could get the girl she loved back. 

XXXXXX

As Lexa stood on the steps in the circle hand raised to wish Titus fair well she felt as though she was living life over again. She had done this before, traced each step she had taken that day. In most Commanders’ life times they had a single generation of Nightbloods to train. Throughout history the reign of the Commander was not long enough to find need of a second. But not her. This was the third time she’d watched that man ride from the city, and it would be the third time she would see him return, children in tow. Some she knew would be absolutely terrified, terrified of what their future held, terrified of the responsibility that had befallen on them. Some would be sad; tears would still be falling from their eyes, tears for the loved ones they’d left behind. And some, some would smile, some of their eyes would be a fire, eager, ready for whatever this new world was ready to throw at them.   
She remembered the day she had been brought to Polis. Though she wished she could say she had been one of the brave ones that would be a lie. She recalled walking through the gates of the city, fruitlessly trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. She remembered the fear, the regret, even the denial that this would be her home and life. She had not wanted it. Not wanted the responsibility, the politics, the solitude.   
As the Commander stood watching the man she’d come to know so well ride off she wondered if she still wanted what had befallen her. The world had chewed her up and spit her out, but was she stronger from it or weaker? At that moment she just felt so spent. So tired of it all.   
She looked down at the now very small collection of Nightbloods standing just at the base of the steps below her. They too have been through so much. She remembered the each of the children had arrived; many of these had been criers. The only one she remembered being brave had been Perseus. Perhaps that spoke something of those who came prepared and eager for the life. 

Lexa did not know how Aden had arrived. She’d been away when he had been found. She had returned after he was well settled into the life. She remembered him to be bright and to have a bit of a tongue on him. She allowed herself the briefest of smiles at the memory of the small straw colored hair boy asking quite simply why the clans fought one another. 

The memory of the day she’d truly met the boy clouded her eyes as suddenly as darkness upon extinguishing a candle. 

They had been just completing a lesson when a 6 year old Aden, who had been in Polis barely a week raised his hand. Costia had been teaching the lesson and nodded to the boy expecting a question regarding the plants that had been addressed. However, Aden raised his hand looking at the Commander.

“Aden?” Costia had asked. “Do you have a question for the Heda?” 

“I do.” The young boy had said standing and gripping at his new sword. Lexa remembered being curious of the boldness in this new boy “I am Aden, Heda. I am of the desert clan. I arrived while you away.” 

“It is a pleasure to meet you Aden. I am glad you were chosen.” Lexa had said kindly. “Now what do you wish to ask?”

“Why did the Ice Nation attack one of your villages?” The boy simply asked.

“Now Aden.” Titus who had been monitoring the lesson spoke sharply. “You mustn’t ask the Commander such things.”

“That is alright Titus.” Lexa said unaffected raising a hand to silence the teacher. Aden shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “I shall answer your question with another question Aden.” 

Aden looked up apprehensively, clearly not wanting to give an incorrect answer. His eyes still holding a strong determination. 

“What do we as leaders want for out people?” Lexa had asked, feeling her pull on the memories from the past Commanders for this lesson.

Aden seemed stumped by this question. Lexa looked at the other Nightbloods.   
Unsurprisingly it was a young Nepa who answered. 

“Power.” She said quietly. 

Lexa nodded and spoke again.

“But why do we desire power?”

This seemed to stump Nepa, her gaze shot down to her feet. Aden however looked up quickly, his eyes shining.

“We desire power so that we may be safe.” 

Lexa remembered feeling a rare smile tug at the edge of her lips.   
“Explain Aden.”

The boy looked at his comrades uneasily but continued. “With power comes safety.” he gulped. “The great cats are the most powerful hunters in the forest so they fear nothing and have no threats. As leaders we wish to eliminate the threats of our people. We cannot do this without strength.” 

Lexa recalled staring at the young boy. He spoke as wisely as any of her council elders and as articulately as herself. 

“Well done Aden.” Lexa commended. “Now did that answer your question?” 

Aden looked at her puzzled. 

Lexa stood and began to walk around the circle. “You all have knowledge Nightbloods but knowledge is nothing without the ability to process it. Most dilemmas we face daily we have a conclusion for it just takes requires time and thought to process it. This is why the Heda surrounds themselves with a council of elders who have experience problem solving and if they all combine their abilities we can solve and dilemma.”

“The Azgeda attacked us because they seek safety?” Nepa spoke doubtfully. “But Heda what have they to fear but your wrath? You as Commander keep them safe as long as they obey your wishes. They have plenty of power”

“That is not power.” Aden said swiftly to his fellow.

“Aden.” Titus snapped. 

“It isn’t.” Aden persisted. “They are safe as long as they obey the Heda, that is not power. That is weakness. They lack control of their fates. They do not influence the Heda’s laws, only the council does that. There are no members of Azgeda on the council.” 

“That is enough Aden.” Titus said smacking the boy’s face. Lexa did not interfere; the young Nightblood though intelligent, lacked proper training yet. He needed to learn when and how to speak to those around him.

“That will be all for today Nightbloods.” Titus spoke loudly looking at Lexa verifying they were free to go. Lexa nodded. “Come.” The teacher spoke briskly beginning to walk towards the city. The youths rose and one by one bowed before Lexa as they followed their stern teacher. Aden was the last to bow. His right eye was swollen and small cut just above his eye brow bled lightly.

“I meant not to offend you Heda.” He said steadily. “I only wonder how you can be a powerful Heda while many of the clans do not feel secure and seek their own power.” 

“Aden!” Titus yelled. Aden gave a hurried bow and ran after his peers. 

“He’s got quite tongue. That little fellow.” Costia said. Lexa recalled the warmth in her eyes as she looked at the boy. 

“Such thoughts are not necessarily a bad thing. It is how he presents them that he must learn.” Lexa said thoughtfully. “He speaks more truth than he realizes though.”

 

Aden had been the one to plant the seed of a thought of the possibility of the Collition between clans. An idea that had been new and had since saved many lives. A child. A child had helped shape the way their world was structured. He proved that children could be wise. That could present new ideas and influence the Commander. 

 

 

As Lexa’s thoughts continued to dwell on the past she caught eyes with one of the children below her. Nepa.   
The girl was standing firm and tall next to her fellows, she was now the oldest, and had been in Polis the longest. She had suffered nearly as much loss as Lexa herself had. Yet she stood straight and as she and Lexa looked at one another. She did not look away, she held the gaze until the crowd gave one final cheer and she was forced to turn and face the road. 

The memory of her conversation with Nepa was still incredibly fresh in Lexa’s mind and she sensed the girl still had much to say. When the crowd started to disperse and Lexa began to make her way to the tower she felt the girl’s eyes on her. But each time Lexa looked back the girl looked away. Even as she walked she could not help but sense that she may have been following her. At a great distance of course but still Lexa could hear the faintest footsteps behind her as she rounded the corner to her chamber.   
The light from the sun was just beginning to fade and she was grateful to herself for leaving several candles lit. The room was haunting enough to her without being engulfed in darkness.   
Lexa turned the key in the door’s lock and pushed the door open. The first thing she noticed in the room was that there were more candles lit. She had only left one or two yet the room was bright and glowing. The second was that her bed had been made. Shutting the door behind her Lexa crossed to her bed and ran her fingers along the smooth furs. Straighten with a delicate hand, not her own.  
Someone was in the room with her. 

The Commander whipped her head around, hand on sword ready to fight off whatever threat had found its way into her room. 

Clarke stood before her, just in the archway of the balcony eyes wide.

Lexa felt anger engulf inside her like a flame on oil. This was the last straw.


	44. Chapter 44

The two women stared at one another. Lexa, hand on sheathed sword. Clarke leaning back on the closed doors to the balcony.   
The silence in the room was deafening. So silent that each girl could hear the other’s tight compressed breathing. Clarke was afraid. She was afraid of the girl before, who’s eyes were nothing but cold dark masses. In this moment this was not the girl she’d come to love, not the warm Lexa she had held at night. This was the girl who had called for Finn’s death, let a bomb destroy an entire village, left her and her people in the mountain.   
Fighting every nerve in her body Clarke opened her mouth. She knew she had to be the one to break the silence, if she left it to Lexa, the Commander would once again gain dominance over her. But that could not be. That was not why she was here. 

“Lexa.” Clarke said quietly. “Don’t turn me away.” 

“Clearly that would be a waste of breath.” The Commander hissed. “As you have no respect for my past commands.” 

“I do respect you Heda.” Clarke said, giving a slight bow. “Just not in your most recent decisions.” Clarke took a step forward. She felt Lexa tense the girl’s grip tightened on her sword handle. 

“You don’t need to be strong here.” Clarke said, deciding not to advance any further. “Not with me. I know you. I can be strong here for you.” 

“I have been lenient these past few days with you Ambassador.” The Commander’s voice was hard as granite. “But should you not leave my chambers at this moment Ambassador. My patience will have all but run out.” 

Clarke took a deep breath and stepped forward again. “ My name is Clarke. You call me Clarke. I call you Lexa. You don’t need to be the Commander here Lexa. Not with me. Not while I love you. Not while you love me.” 

At Clarke’s next step Lexa drew her sword and held it out in front her. The tip of the blade inches from Clarke’s throat. 

“What did I tell you?” 

“You’ve told me so much.” Clarke said refusing to look at the blade. “You told me you loved me. You swore fealty to me. How can you forget that?”  
Then ignoring the pain Clarke took a step forward. She felt the pointed metal blade make contact with her neck and pierce it ever so slightly, enough to draw blood. All the while she held Lexa’s eyes, which now possessed an unmistakable quake.   
“You will not hurt me.” She said confidently. As Clarke readied herself for another step Lexa lowered her blade and turned to the door. 

“Don’t leave me again.” Clarke called at her loudly. But Lexa’s hand was already on the handle and turning it. Though the lock clicked out of place the door did not budge. Lexa pushed forcefully against it but still the door remained shut.   
Unknown to either of them on the other side of the large oak door Nepa was pushing against Lexa with all her might, ensuring the door would not open. Keeping the two in the room together. 

Lexa cursed loudly. “What have you done?” She yelled to Clarke. 

“I’ve done nothing.” Clarke said, opening herself up. “This has all been you. This has all been your doing.”

Lexa gave the door a final brutal kick and turned to face Clarke, face red.   
Clarke flinched, the doctor in her knowing the kick most likely had broken at least one toe. 

“My doing?” Lexa moved at Clarke so quickly the younger girl took a step back in surprise. “My doing?”   
The Commander was so close to Clarke that the younger girl could feel flecks of spit raining down on her as the older girl spoke. “ You dare blame me for this? Do you realize al that you’ve done? Done to my people, done to me?” 

Clarke took a step back again, not out of fear, but for the ability to look the Commander in the eye. 

“You are upset. You are hurt!”

“There was no need for any of this before you came. Before your people rained from the sky and turned my world upside down and took so many people from me.” Lexa yelled. “Now get out!”

“No.” Clarke yelled back. “I will not.” 

The Commander gave a roar of frustration and took a step back.

“I will not let you push me away again. I need you and you need me in this. Lexa I am not your weakness!” She reached out to take Lexa’s arms but the Commander further away. 

“Get out!” She bellowed. 

“No.” Clarke yelled.   
She reached out again and managed to take hold of one of Lexa’s wrists. Clarke knew the moment she’d touch the Commander that she’d made a mistake. 

The contact was like a jolt of electricity through Lexa. In that moment instinct took over the Commander’s warrior body and she retracted her arm, pulling Clarke closer to her. At the same time she reached out with her other arm and grabbed hold of Clarke’s throat. Before Clarke knew it she was slammed against the wall, hitting her head painfully on the stone. 

“Lexa.” She gasped feeling the Commander’s hand tighten on her throat. “Please.”

Lexa stared back at her, eyes shining, teeth bared. “You will leave this room now.” She said without emotion, without anything. 

Clarke just stared back at her. “No.” And then she kicked. That had been her clue that Lexa wasn’t fully mentally aware of all she was doing. When she’d pinned Clarke she had left part of her body open to Clarke’s legs. A mistake she never would have made before. Clarke’s foot made contact with Lexa’s abdomen and the Commander released her with a gasp taking a step back. 

Feeling that words had done all they could do for now Clarke lunged forward, tackling the Commander. She gasped in pain as she felt the stitches in her shoulder tear but she didn’t stop. She forced Lexa to the ground attempted to pin her, all the combat lessons she’d been taught running through her head. 

“People died. That doesn’t mean you get to block everyone else out.” Clarke yelled as the Commander struggled against her. “I won’t let you!” 

The two women grappled for a moment on the ground but it only took Lexa a second to gain the upper hand. Clarke was no match physically for the Commander and after a short but violent struggle the younger girl was pinned to the ground.   
Clarke stared up into Lexa’s green eyes, struggling to catch her breath. 

“Aden’s dead.” She gasped. Lexa gave a roar like a wounded animal and pulled Clarke to her feet, her fists digging painfully into the Skygirl’s shoulders. “Becca’s dead.” Clarke said ignoring the pain keep eye contact with the Commander. Lexa turned Clarke and slammed her face first into the wall. Rage and grief blinding her, taking over her body. Clarke felt her nose hit the wall and blood stared to pour from it. It wasn’t broken but her eyes still watered in pain. “I’m still here.” She sputtered spitting blood from her face.   
In one final blow of anger Lexa pulled Clarke from the wall and threw her across the room. Clarke who had become impossibly disorientated and dizzy put in no effort to break her fall and hit the large wooden table. The table slid with her weight and the younger girl slammed onto the hard floor, cracking her head on the stone as she did so. 

“Now get out.” The Commander roared as she stood over Clarke breathing fast. 

She stared down at the girl before her, waiting for her to rise. To speak other travesties to her. But she didn’t. Clarke didn’t even struggle to raise herself. As the Commander stared down at the motionless girl she saw a small trickle of red blood seep from the girl’s face down head. 

“Ambassador?” Lexa said staring. There was no answer. 

Then Lexa felt it. Fear, gripping strangling fear, fear that shoved a spike through her heart. It was like the ice had finally shattered and everything came rushing back to her. “Clarke?” She yelled suddenly very loudly. Realizing what she’d done  
Still Clarke did not respond. 

The Commander was on her knees in an instant. She rolled the girl over and gasped to see her face covered in blood. Not only was Clarke’s nose bleeding but her lips had several cuts as well as one deep one on her head. “Clarke?” She repeated, lifting the girl into her arms. She was like a corpse in her arms. “Clarke!” Lexa began to shake Clarke, trying to wake her. 

“No. No. No.” She said loudly. 

She felt the tears tricking down her face before she even realized she’d begun crying. Why? Why? Why? Had she done this? Why was she so weak against her feelings. How could she have hurt Clarke like this? Killed her?

“Please.” Lexa begged kissing Clarke’s forehead. “Wake up. Wake Up.” 

With still no response Lexa lay Clarke flat on her back and put her ear beside the girls mouth. Listening. Feeling. Then she felt warmth. Warm air was moving in and out of Clarke’s lungs. She was alive. Yet she was still unresponsive.   
For a moment Lexa considered taking her to medical, but no. She’d never be able to explain to the healers what she had done, explain to Abby to whom she had sworn that she’d never hurt Clarke. 

The Commander wrapped her arms around the unconscious girl and lifted her, carried her to the bed and laid her gently down. 

“Please wake up.” She whispered kissing Clarke’s forehead once more. “I need you.” She reached over to the small pitcher of water and dampened a cloth. Tenderly she began to wipe the blood from Clarke’s face. All of Costia’s teachings on treating injuries tearing through her mind. She put pressure on the head wound and tilted Clarke’s head down so the blood from her nose didn’t travel down her throat. She lifted and eye lids and saw Clarke’s pupil dilate properly. The head injury wasn’t serious, but it still had been enough to knock her out. 

“I’m sorry.” She sobbed. “I’m so so sorry.” 

XXXXX 

Clarke woke hazily and was greeted with what had to be one of the worst headaches she’d ever had. Not only was there an intense pulse from the front of her head but her entire body seemed to be aching. 

She opened her eyes and was greeted by a semi lit room. She tried to sit up and felt a sharp sting come from her shoulder. She looked at it to see fresh lines stitches tightly across her wound. The sutures were jagged and uneven. Not done by any healer’s hand. 

Clarke looked around confused but after a moment realized exactly where she was. It had been difficult at first because most of the candles in the room had been extinguished leaving the room a large shadowy cavern. As her eyes adjusted to the lack of light she knew it to be Lexa’s chamber.   
Then with another sharp pulse from her head she remembered the events that had lead her here. Nepa, the key, Lexa attacking her. The last thing she truly remembered was the Commander yelling at her. Yet here she still was, with no guards, no healer. 

“Lexa?” She called out into the shadowy room. Her voice sounding strange in the silence. “Lexa?”

From the dark room Clarke heard what sounded like a near stifled sob. “Lexa!” Clarke cried throwing the furs off of her and ignoring the shooting pain coming from what seemed like her entire body.   
In the far corner, where Becca’s crib had sat was the Commander. Clarke could only just make out the girl’s dark silhouette. All of the candles in the room had been placed by the bed, leaving this side of the room almost completely black. 

Taking hold of the nearest candle Clarke approached the huddled girl hesitantly. “Lexa.”

As the light hit the Commander’s face Clarke saw her eyes were completely red, her body shaking and pale, her breathing quick and panicked. Her face had splashes of both red and black blood strewn across it, her tears streaking lines through it. 

“Hey. Hey.” Clarke soothed reaching out to place a hand on the girl’s shoulder. 

“Don’t. Don’t.” Lexa said weakly retracting herself further into the corner. Clarke stopped respectively and instead sat herself across from Lexa.

“I… I hurt you.” Lexa struggled to say. Her words coming out as sobs. “I almost killed you.”

“I know.” Clarke said simply.

“I left you.” 

“I know.” 

“I can’t do this.” Lexa put her hands to her head and pulled at her hair. “I can’t do this anymore.” 

“Hey. Stop that.” Clarke said moving closer to Lexa so that she was sitting next to her. “ Don’t say that.”

“They’re dead. They’re all dead. But I’m still here. I shouldn’t be here.” 

“No.” Clarke said reaching out to the older girl, trying to gauge if she could touch her.

“I’m supposed to be the one who dies not them.” Lexa didn’t seem to retract from Clarke. “But I’m outliving them. I can’t… I can’t fix this. ” 

“Lexa.” Clarke said slowly putting a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “You don’t have to. No one should be expected to.” 

“I’m the Commander.” Lexa gasped, hitting her head against the wall. “I have to.”

“No you don’t.” Clarke said forcefully. “Lexa. Becca died. She’s gone, our daughter was murdered. No one can expect you not to feel that. No one should expect you to walk away from that.” 

The Commander’s body only began to shake more violently. 

“She’s dead.” She stumbled. “She’s gone. And it’s my fault. I should have… Could have…” 

“No it’s not!” Clarke pulled Lexa’s shaking body closer to hers. “It’s not your fault. It’s just how our world it.”

“It just all was so perfect.” 

“That wasn’t us.” Clarke said quietly. Holding Lexa’s shaking head. “It could never be us.” She pressed her forehead to the older girl’s. “It is not who we are and it never can be. We should have known that.”

The words had been something Clarke had thought of often but had never wanted to say out loud. But she knew it to be true. She and Lexa should never have thought they could just settle down as they did. They’d already known their world to be vile and unpredictable. It was stupid of them. 

Lexa’s shaking was subsiding slightly. “I know.” She muttered. “I just… I wanted it to be us.” Clarke squeezed Lexa’s shoulder almost to give herself comfort as much as Lexa. “I know.” She said biting her lip to fight back her tears.

“I should have known better.” Lexa said looking up at Clarke, eyes shining. “It’s my fault. I should have known that it would never work out and stopped it before it started.”

“Lexa.” Clarke cried, kissing Lexa’s temple. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just our lives.” 

Lexa crumpled more. “Clarke. I’m so sorry.” 

“Shhh.” Clarke said pulling Lexa in as tightly as she could. 

“It was just too hard. I couldn’t. I can’t.” Clarke looked down confused. The Commander’s shining green eyes met her. “They’re all gone Clarke.” She gasped. “So many of them have died. I don’t know what to do.”

Clarke’s heart pulled tightly in her chest. She’d only lost Becca. She’s only truly horribly lost one child. In the last month Lexa had lost 6. Half of her children had died. The other half would never be the same again. Clarke realized that not only had losing everyone like this had Lexa shattered but in a way her entire legacy had been lost. 

“I don’t know how to… I don’t even know.” 

“I’m still here.” Clarke pushed. “Not everyone is gone. I’m still here. Nepa’s still here, Burke and the others are still here.” 

She felt the Commander’s hand clench her own sleeve, wanting to be closer to her. 

“You just need to keep on living Lexa, for them.” She allowed the older girl to rest her head on her chest so that Clarke was all but cradling her. “They need you. I need you.”

“I hurt you.” Lexa sobbed. “I left you. I’m weak.” 

“You aren’t weak Lexa.” Clarke pressed her lips to the Commander’s temple. “You are so strong. The strongest women I’ve ever met.” 

“I left you.” 

“But you’re here now.” 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa kept sobbing. “I’m so sorry for everything.” 

“I know.” Clarke said tears streaming down her face. “I’m sorry too.” She pulled herself as tightly as she could to Lexa, as Lexa did to her. 

This seemed like the first time she could truly let go of her emotions. She’d needed to talk to someone about what had happened but knew that person could only be Lexa.

The two women sat in the corner holding onto each other as if the world would tear apart should they let go. They sat there sobbing and crying, letting everything they’d been holding in for the last week out. Both muttering apologies and regrets and comfort; both just missing their daughter and each other with all their hearts.


	45. Chapter 45

Clarke awoke hazily. Her head was pounding and her entire body was stiff with aches. As she opened her eyes bright light blinded her, she lifted her arm to shield her eyes but felt a strange tugging coming from her elbow.   
She glanced down and saw an IV had been stuck in her inner arm. Confused she glanced around. The last thing she remembered was sitting on the floor of Lexa’s room holding the Commander. 

From what Clarke could tell she was in the infirmary, in her bed. The same bed she’d spent the better part of a week confined to.   
The curtains were pulled tightly around her so she couldn’t exactly tell what time of day it was other than it was bright outside. She reached up to run her hand through her hair and stopped when she felt stitches and bandaged over her forehead; covering the cuts Lexa had make. She pleased that her nose hadn’t been covered, meaning it hadn’t been broken or seriously damaged. Her wrist however was in a small wrap. She hadn’t even noticed it hurting the night before. 

Just then a shadow moved across the curtains in front of her and Clarke heard her mother’s hushed voice. 

“No she’s not awake.” Abby whispered. “I told you I’d send someone for you when she is.” Then there was a pause. “Did you hear anything new?”

“No.” Clarke strained her ears to identify the owner of the second voice. 

“No one really knows what happened here either.” 

“I’ll kill her.” Clarke heard Octavia’s voice hiss.

“And you’ll be killed for doing it.” Abby snapped. “Be careful what you say.” 

They were talking about her, and Lexa. Octavia wanted to kill Lexa. 

 

“She’s an easy target now.” Octavia growled. “No one would notice.” 

“Octavia!” Abby’s shocked voice sent small electric waves through Clarke. Were they saying that Lexa was hurt? Or weakened somehow? That Octavia could get to her easily?

“Mom?” Clarke called, her voice hurting as she spoke. Clarke hadn’t realized how dry her throat was.

The curtains ripped aside and Abby was by her side in an instant, Octavia close behind her. 

“Clarke thank goodness you’re awake.” Abby cried a hand on Clarke’s forehead. 

“What?” Clarke said removing Abby’s hand and trying to sit up. “How long have I been here? How’d I get here?” 

Octavia and Abby shared a concerned look. 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Octavia said sitting in the chair beside the bed, leaning forward to listen. 

Clarke paused for a moment, the two woman looking at her concerned.

“I was with Lexa in her room, we were on the floor in the corner.” 

“That’s where they found you two.” Abby sighed, somewhat relieved. 

“Who found us?” 

“Lexa’s guards.” Octavia said toying with the arm of the chair. “Apparently one of the Nightbloods went to them saying something might be wrong.”

Abby nodded. “The door was locked and no one was answering. They had to break it down.” 

Clarke swallowed guiltily; she had taken the spare key into the room with her. 

“They didn’t need to do that.” Clarke put her hands to her face. “We just must have fallen asleep.” 

“What did Lexa do to you Clarke?” Octavia said suddenly, standing and looking down on her. Abby chewed her lip nervously. 

Clarke just stared at her. 

“They couldn’t wake you, or Lexa.” Abby said side glancing at Octavia who seemed to fume slightly. “and they told us that the room was a mess.”

“That…” Clarke struggled to find the words, to explain what had happened. “It was nothing. It was fine, we are fine.” 

“Clarke!” Octavia looked appalled, Abby put a hand on the warrior’s shoulder to calm her. 

“Clarke.” Abby said looking at her daughter. “You have a concussion, a sprained wrist, and at least two bruised ribs. Not to mention all those cuts on your face.”

Clarke refused to wilt. “I’m fine.”

“We didn’t actually know if you were going to wake up.” Octavia said furiously. “You looked dead when they carried you in.”

Clarke just shrugged, not knowing exactly what to say. Then Octavia’s words seemed to penetrate Clarke. 

“Wait.” Clarke said looking at her. Realizing that Lexa hadn’t opened the door for the guards or answered their calls.   
“What’s wrong with Lexa?” 

Octavia looked at Abby, nervously, clearly not keen on telling Clarke. 

“Is she okay?” Clarke said trying to sit up. 

“She’s going to be fine.” Abby said pushing Clarke back down. “She just…” Her mother hesitated, not wanting to continue.   
“Mom.” Clarke demanded. 

“They only brought her down for an hour or so, so I could treat her.” Abby said sitting down taking her daughter’s hand. “Clarke, she was terribly dehydrated. I don’t think she really had enough for drink for days, and she had a lot of deep cuts on her arms and hands that were infected. It was starting to get in her blood stream.” 

Clarke just stared at her, shocked she hadn’t noticed any of this on Lexa before. 

“I got her fever to go down before they took her back upstairs but I asked someone to come get me when she woke up.” 

She was dehydrated and septic. That’s why she’d been so violent and emotional. When she had come back to her room Lexa must have been suffering from minor delirium and then when Clarke had woken up it had gotten worse. 

“Mom can you go check on her please?” Clarke said, suddenly fearful that when they were here talking Lexa could have gotten worse.

“She’s not going anywhere until you tell us what happened.” Octavia said forcefully having Abby take a step back. “What the hell happened to you? Did she hurt you?”

“Octavia…” Clarke said quietly shutting her eyes, not wanting to discuss the events of the previous night. 

“No. Clarke.” Octavia said loudly. “This is not okay, them finding you like this is not okay. You’re just lucky it’s me here. If Bellamy had been here instead of me; she’d be dead already.”

“I needed to get her to talk to me.” Clarke yelled slightly, needing Octavia to stop talking. “I needed to speak with her, and she didn’t want to. So I didn’t leave when she ordered me to.”

“She attacked you?” Abby gasped. 

“She wasn’t in her right mind.” Clarke said exasperated. “She just… Everything got to her.”

The two women just stared at her. 

Clarked sighed. “Look I know that doesn’t sound like a good excuse but it just… she wasn’t in her right mind, and I pushed her.” Abby shut her eyes and Octavia plopped herself back in her chair. “I don’t know how to explain it but it was fine. It was like it needed to happen. Then we were. I don’t know, not fine but back, it was like we were woken up.”

“Then you both passed out.” Octavia growled. 

“I guess we did.” Clarke admitted. “But I’d already been asleep.” She explained. “Lexa cleaned me up and I don’t know. Took care of me.” 

“Clearly not enough.”

“Well I guess she wasn’t in the best shape either Octavia.” Clarke snapped. “Worse than I am from the sounds of it.” 

That seemed to finally put Octavia’s fire out and Abby accepted the answer. 

“Okay.” Abby said kissing Clarke’s forehead. “As long as you say you are okay.” 

Clarke accepted the kiss before speaking again. “I need to see her.” 

Octavia seemed to growl, earning a dark glare from Clarke. 

“She’s not awake yet.” Abby said glancing at the healers bustling around them. “I asked someone to tell me when she had. I need to examine her.” She turned to her daughter who despite everything had eyes full of worry. Abby sighed. “I’ll go up myself then and check.” Clarke’s face seemed to brighten. “Then I’ll come let you know how she is. But you need to get more rest.”

“Okay.” Clarke conceded laying flat on her back. “Take care of her Mom. She… She needs it.” 

Abby gave a nod and left the room, leaving Octavia with Clarke. 

“She beat the shit out of you.” Octavia said leaning back in her chair glaring at Clarke. “She literally attacked you. And you still care. That’s pretty messed up. Especially after everything she’s done to you in the past.” 

Clarke just stared at the ceiling, trying to collect her thoughts from her concussed head. “I can’t explain it Octavia. It’s like it almost needed to happen. I don’t know.”   
She glanced at the warrior. “We’ll see when she wakes up how she is.” 

Octavia just shook her head and picked at the arms of the chair.   
Then a thought occurred to Clarke. 

“You said that a Nightblood got the guards to knock down the door?” She asked. 

The warrior shrugged. “That’s what I was told. Someone mentioned that it was the older girl, Nessa, Nepa!” 

Clarke chewed her lip; Nepa must have been sitting out in the corridor all that time. 

“Can you go find her Octavia? And bring her here?” 

Octavia just stared at her, almost as if she hadn’t truly heard her speak; yet she was giving her her complete and undivided attention. 

“Hey O.” Clarke said, trying to brighten her words up. Octavia started slightly. “I’m okay.” She reassured. I don’t know how it must have looked to you and my mom but.” Clarke thought for a moment. “I’m honestly better than I’ve been in a while.” 

Octavia stared at her friend for a long time, trying to pick her brain apart, read into her mind. “Okay.” She said finally accepting Clarke and her words. “Who do you want me to find again?”

“Nepa.” Clarke prompted. “The Nightblood. I need to talk to her.” 

“Okay Ambassador.” Octavia said rising. “I’ll see if I can find her.” She started to leave. “And don’t do anything stupid or suicidal when I’m gone okay? I’m getting pretty sick of spending my days in here.” She gestured around the infirmary. 

“You and me both.” Clarke chuckled, which she slightly regretted as it hurt her injured ribs.


	46. Chapter 46

As Abby approached the Commander’s room the first thing she noticed was the large oak door laying beside the doorway, its hinges torn clean off and splinters of wood scattered around the entrance. They truly hadn’t been exaggerating when they said they had to break down the door. 

The guards at the door eyed her suspiciously as she approached but Abby simply raised her small bag with a deep red cross on it and they waved her in. With a gruff. “She’s just waking up.” 

Abby nodded gratefully and made her way into the room. The Commander was lying in her bed, only a thin sheet covering her as she had a hot fever burning into her. She was pale and somehow looked much older now that Abby could examine her fully without the hustle and bustle of the infirmity to distract her. Lexa’s previously young looking face seemed drawn out and worn now, no doubt some of this would improve as they gave the girl more and more fluids but it still had Abby’s worried. Lexa also appeared to have lost several pounds in the short time since they’d seen one another. Abby assumed that the girl had stopped truly eating as she had drinking.  
Though the Commander’s body seemed fairly still her eyelids were fluttering slightly. As Abby approached the bed Lexa opened her eyes slowly. 

“Where’s Clarke?” Lexa rasped, her body feeling as though it had been crushed. 

“She’s safe.” Abby said lifting Lexa’s now heavily bandaged hands to try and take her pulse. “How do you feel?”

Lexa seemed to brood for a moment taking stock of herself and digesting her current situation. “I do not remember receiving these.” She said after a moment, glancing at the bandages covering her hands.

“They were infected.” Abby said tersely. “You should have had them looked at days ago.”

The doctor could almost swear she saw the Commander give a shrug at this news.   
She was definitely groggy and delirious. Abby glanced at the pitcher of water by the bed and poured the patient a full glass before handing it to her. 

“How did you get those cuts?” Abby asked suddenly, hoping the Commander’s slow brain would cause her to open up more than usual.  
She was wrong. 

“That is none of your concern.” Lexa said taking a deep drink of water, studying Abby.

“I think it is considering you almost killed yourself and my daughter last night.”  
The harsh words were out of Abby’s mouth before she could stop them. She knew that as a doctor she should speak to her patients, especially ones in a state such as Lexa’s in a confronting soothing way, yet the rage that had been steaming in Abby since they’d called on her for Clarke was now reaching a boiling point. 

“You are angry with me.” Lexa stated and was answered with a nod. “You said Clarke is going to be okay?” 

“That’s not the point.” Abby’s voice snapped suddenly. The Commander just stared at her through heavy eyes. “You lied to me.”

Confused eyes stared back at you.

“You said you wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I never promised…” Lexa began.

“Yes you did.” The concerned mother was now in full throttle. She’d showed discretion when speaking to Clarke but would not offer such courtesies to Lexa. This woman had already done so much to her daughter, but physically attacking was proving to be the final straw. “Yes, you said you couldn’t protect her from the world, that you couldn’t guarantee her safety, but you said you would never hurt you.”

“Abby…”

“Then tell my why my daughter is down in a bed with a concussion, bruised ribs, and a sprained wrist.” Abby’s voice was rising in volume. “All done by your hands.” One of the guards poked his head into the room, responded to the shouts coming from the room. Lexa caught his eye and waved him away. She could handle this. Or rather, she hoped she could. 

“I do not know.” The Commander said simply. Finishing her glass of water. 

The two stared at each other for a moment. Abby completely at a loss, normally the Commander was one to reason through everything, to know everything, but this simplistic denial of an answer went against all Abby had thought she had understood of the girl. 

“You did that to her.” She said, feeling herself grasping at straws. 

“Yes.” Lexa nodded. 

“Why?”

“I do not know.”  
Abby’s mouth opened and closed several times. “You… You must have some kind of explanation?” 

Lexa sighed. “In truth, Abigail. I remember last night’s events very vaguely. The events of the last week even less so. I cannot explain it.” 

Abby examined the Commander’s face. She was telling the truth. This was a fact; though Lexa could be a skilled liar this was not a moment of deception. 

“I am sorry I attacked Clarke.” Lexa said staring at her hands. “Truly, with all my heart, but to explain why I did it is beyond me. What has she said?”

“She told me she’s fine and that whatever happened needed to.” Abby said tightlipped. 

Lexa sighed and gave a shrug. “Maybe it did then.” 

There was something in the way Lexa was speaking and behaving that was sending warning signals flashing in Abby’s brain. The girl’s symptoms rushed through her mind like she was reading a medical textbook. 

“Commander.” She said hesitantly. “Did you inflict those injuries upon yourself.”

At this Lexa chuckled. “ I was not trying to take my own life.” She assured Clarke’s mother. She vaguely remembered gaining some cuts the day Becca died, others after Perseus had died. She had driven her fingernails deeply into her own hands. It had helped relieve whatever stress had been plaguing her. “I suppose I just came upon them but found my mind distracted, too distracted to care for them.”

“To distracted to eat or drink as well?” Abby asked sitting on the girl’s bed.

“I suppose so.” 

Lexa stared at the ceiling trying to deduce exactly what she was feeling. Clarke had broken the shell she’d encased herself with, by having Lexa hurt her it seemed as though Clarke had permanently destroyed Lexa’s ability to block the world out, or rather she was frightened to. As she now knew entirely what she was capable of whilst in the restricting view. She felt Abby’s eyes on her. Driving into her, trying to read her mind, which Lexa considered to be an incredibly difficult task considering she didn’t even know what she was thinking. 

“How do you feel now?” Abby asked after a moment’s silence. 

Lexa looked at her, she considered treading on Abby, saying she had no authority or business asking the Commander such questions but in that moment she saw how similar Clarke and Abby actually looked. Something in that realization caused Lexa to open up slightly. 

“Heavy.” The Commander said dropping her head harshly onto her pillow. “But not as numb as I’ve felt of late.” She still felt a weight on her chest from her emotions but it wasn’t nearly as all encompassing as it had been. Clarke had helped more than she could say but yet still she felt a tension with in her. As if she were still repressing something. 

Abby awkwardly shifted her weight from foot to foot. Unsure of how to proceed. She knew the girl was still hurting. 

“Do you want me to get Clarke?” Abby asked remembering that Clarke was the whole reason she was here. “I can bring her here.” 

“Not yet.” Lexa said shutting her eyes. “I still need a few moments. I’m tired.” The Commander was feeling her emotions beginning to bubble again; thinking of Clarke was bringing forth the memories of previous night, and all the days that had come before it. Despite her best efforts she felt her breathing increase and small tears begin to form in her eyes. 

All the while Abby watched, absolutely bewildered. Then she saw a tear fall from Lexa’s tightly closed eyes. She had never seen the Commander cry.

“Commander.” Abby said trying to be soothing. “It’s going to be okay.” Lexa’s breathing was coming in short constricted gasps. “You will get through this.” 

The Commander’s breathing didn’t ease, nor did she open her eyes. Abby felt a tugging at her heart and forgetting all the hate, and dislike she’d often possessed towards Lexa; Abby reached out and took her bandaged hand. When the girl didn’t push her away Abby, being cautious of the wounds gave it a squeeze. “Shhh.” She said pushing herself closer.   
Though Lexa wanted nothing more than to remain stoic and composed; with each tear she shed she felt better. This was what she needed. She just need time to cry, to miss her daughter, to miss everything she’d ever lost, to dwell in the harsh reality encompassing her. The time for explanation, logic, expression was over. This would be her last cry. The final release.   
And there was Abby was trying to comfort her, calm her. Something neither of them had ever imagined doing.

As the Commander’s crying increased Abby moved closer to her and sat her up. “It’s okay.” She said putting Lexa’s head to her shoulder, so she could fully lean on her. “It is all going to be okay.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Lexa sobbed. “For everything. For hurting… I never wanted to hurt Clarke. I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Abby said rubbing the girl’s back. Feeling more like a mother than she had in some time. “I know.” 

It was then that Abby felt a new connection with Lexa. Until then she of course had been forced to accept her and Clarke, as well as make some form of peace with all the harsh decisions the girl had made. But then as she held her, Abby felt that this girl was her daughter too. She had been in this same situation with Clarke more than once in their lives and it had always (though sad) brought them closer, and now she was sharing this moment with Lexa. Showing once and for all that they were accepting one another. That they were bonding together. 

After a time Lexa’s sobs grew quieter and less frequent, her breathing steadied. Slowly Abby laid her down on the bed, and before letting her sleep again had her drink another glass of water. 

“Thank you.” Lexa said drowsily, exhausted from her tears and strain her body had been under.

“Don’t thank me.” Abby said brushing the Commander’s hair from her puffy face. “Just promise me something.”

“I will not harm Clarke again.” Lexa said firmly looking Abby straight in the eye. 

“No, don’t promise me that.” The doctor swallowed, accepting that fact. “You may not be able to keep it.”

The Commander gazed at her troubled, unsure of what she was going to be asked. 

“Promise me that you will try to take care of yourself.” Abby rung her hands together. “That you will eat, drink, and ask for help when you need it. I know you are strong Lexa.” The name sounded strange in her mouth when addressing the Commander but Abby felt the use of her first name would have a greater effect on the girl. “You are the strongest person I’ve ever met, but you do not need to carry the weight of the world solely on your shoulders. Others will help you, you just need to ask.” 

Lexa nodded, understanding her. 

“And you need to take care of yourself for Clarke.” She exhaled, trying to keep her courage strong, and her words flowing. “She needs you. She probably needs you more than she or I even know. She can’t lose you too, not again. You need to stay strong and be careful for her. Please.”

“I will try.” Lexa stated, lifting an arm for Abby to take. “I promise you this.” The two women squeezed arms. “For Clarke, and for you.” 

Biting back tears Abby nodded gratefully. “Now sleep. You will feel better when you’re rested.”

“I will.” Lexa said wearily shutting her eyes. Abby stayed with her until her breathing grew even and quiet. The doctor watched the sleeping girl with some concern. She was sick Abby knew. How severely and how permanently however, she did not know. She wondered how much the Grounders knew of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or if they just knew it simply as what happens to veteran warriors. Flashbacks, nightmares, repressed emotions.   
Lexa had PTSD and its effects had finally been brought out. Abby just hoped that the girl would be able to make it through, to see light in the world again, else she may not be in the world much longer.


	47. Chapter 47

Clarke felt as though she had only just shut her eyes for a moment when Octavia had left however, when she reopened her eyes she saw that the bright fresh light of the morning had left the infirmary. Instead, now the room was inflamed with the dark orange of the late afternoon sun, Clarke sat up astounded that she could have dozed off for so long. She must have needed the sleep though; for now she felt much more alert and the pains coming from her various limbs seemed to have subsided significantly. 

To her left someone cleared their throat. 

“Nepa!” Clarke exclaimed in surprised, not as much by the girl’s presence sitting in her chair, but by her actually appearance.

The 14 year old was quite pale and had large dark circles under her eyes. She must have been sitting in the chair for some time waiting for Clarke to wake. 

“I’m so sorry you must have been waiting for hours.” Clarke apologized, wishing Octavia had simply told the girl to leave and Clarke would call for her again. 

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.” Nepa muttered. 

Clarke just looked at her; the Nightblood, though exhausted seemed to be positively vibrating in her skin. 

“We can talk later.” Clarke said worriedly. “You should go get some sleep. It’s been a long day.” 

“I’m the one who should be begging for forgiveness.” Nepa said looking at Clarke, eyes staring wide. “This is my fault entirely.”

“What?” Clarke sat herself up slightly in bed, needing to gain more ground in the conversation. 

“I made you speak with her, allowed it, planned it.” Nepa said, fists clenched. “And look at you.” She nodded to Clarke’s I.V. which was still connected to her arm. “You both could have died.”

Then Clarke understood. No one quite knew exactly what had happened between Lexa and herself in that room. It appeared so much worse than it had concluded.

“Were you pushing against the door?” Clarke asked the girl. “When Heda tried to leave, you stopped her.”

“Yes.” Nepa said, looking to her hands. “Then I heard the yelling and… Then slamming and…. Then… Then she was crying and you were saying nothing.” Tears were forming in the girl’s wide eyes. “Then it was quiet, for so long. I wanted to go for help. Wanted to help you.” Nepa was ringing her hands staring hard away from Clarke. “But I couldn’t move, it was like I was frozen sitting against the door. I could still hear Heda moving, then you both were talking, then you stopped.”

Clarke could picture the girl, sitting, back against the large oak door, listening to the violence, fearing the worse. She had been so hopeful, so confident that her plan would work but it had all literally crashed around her. 

“That’s when you went for help.” Clarke concluded. 

“I thought she killed you.” The girl sobbed. “I thought… That you’d died and Heda… Heda had joined you. Or I… I don’t know.”

“I’m okay Nepa.” Clarke prompted. 

“But I’ve made things worse. I shouldn’t have interfered.” Tears were streaming down her paled face.

Clarke sighed. The girl hadn’t known the conclusion. 

“Nepa…” She said softly. “You’re wrong. You didn’t make things worse.”

The girl looked up from her hands, eyes hard. “Don’t lie to me Wanheda. I know what I did.” 

“Look I know it probably doesn’t seem like it, but what you did helped, you fixed it even. Heda and I talked. We… I don’t know, we are okay now. I think… Everything will be okay.” Nepa opened her mouth to speak but Clarke cut her off. 

“The only reason I’m here was because of what it took to get us there.” Clarke reached out and put a hand on the girl’s shaking shoulder. “Which we only could do because you held the door.” The corner of Nepa’s mouth twitched. “And Lex… Heda is upstairs because…” 

“Because this last week has been hard on her, and she’s been hard on herself.” Nepa put words to Clarke’s thoughts. As if she could read her mind, a very Lexa-like trait. 

Clarke smiled. 

“You saved us.” She squeezed the younger girl’s shoulder firmly. “We are okay. Everything is going to be okay.” 

Nepa seemed to accept this, and with a deep breath wiped her eyes and stood at attention. “Thank you Wanheda.” She said a hint of a smile in her eyes. “Rest well. I hope to see you at your fullest as soon as possible. The new Nightbloods will need your wisdom and skills. ”

Clarke nodded. “Thank you for all you’ve done Nepa. You make Heda proud, I am sure.” Then as a quick after thought she added. “and you keep his spirit present with us all.”

The comment made Nepa absolutely glow. So much that Clarke could almost see Aden’s eyes through hers. Her face seemed to fill with color and as she gave a bow and left Clarke, she noticed a significant bounce of confidence in the girl’s stride. 

As Nepa pushed the door to the infirmary open she immediately stood aside for Abby to pass through. Clarke’s heart leapt. Lexa must be awake if her mother was coming back. 

The doctor paused to speak quickly to a few healers before making her way over to her daughter. Clarke sat up, fully alert and trying to look as strong as she could. She needed to see Lexa. She couldn’t have Abby keeping them apart on the excuse that she was too weak. She would not allow it. 

“She’s doing well.” Abby said before Clarke could even open her mouth to ask. “She was exhausted but she’s doing better with each hour of rest and I’m making sure she keeps drinking water. Frankly Clarke I’m surprised she was able to stand, let alone do all this.” She gestured to Clarke’s head and wrist. “She was in terrible shape.”

“Did she say anything?” Clarke asked, trying to search her mother’s eyes for an answer. But they were closed off, secretive. 

“Clarke you need to watch her.” Abby said suddenly very serious. “You need to make sure she’s eating, you need to make sure you stays Lexa. She can’t do that ever again.”

“Of course I will.” Clarke stared at her mother curiously. “What’s wrong? You said she was okay?” 

Abby sighed. “Physically yes, I’ve done all I can for her. She’s awake now. But.” Clarke made a move to get up, Abby placed a hand firmly on her shoulder, keep her down. “Mentally Clarke. I don’t know if she can come back from this. I think losing the kids did something to her that can’t be undone.” 

Clarke pushed against her mother’s hand, needing to rise. “I know.” She said harshly. “I know what she’s feeling. I lost someone too. I’ve lost people before.” She glared at her mother purposefully. Abby held the gaze but released Clarke, knowing that her daughter was referring to her father. 

“Just watch her, be there for her.” Abby said taking a step back and helping Clarke to her shaking feet. “I know that she’s the all powerful Commander but she’s still human and she can’t carry the weight of everything by herself.” 

“I know Mom.” Clarke said accepting Abby’s outstretched hand and taking a few steps waking her legs up. “I’ll watch her, and I won’t let her slip away.”

“She sick.” Abby said not looking her daughter in the eye. “Her past has caught her.”

Clarke inhaled sharply. Lexa had always been so firm and put together, Clarke knew losing the children had broken her for the time, she however hoped it hadn’t been permanent, that the previous may have healed some wounds. But Abby now implied that the wounds had cut deep and scars larger than any Lexa possessed were left behind. 

“Let me see her.” Clarke said, throat clenched. Abby nodded, knowing Clarke understood. She stood aside and let her daughter pass. 

XXXX

The guards were just completing their task of rehanging the repaired door when Clarke arrived at the Commander’s chamber. They nodded respectfully to the Ambassador as she approached and obediently stood aside. Clarke knocked on the scratched and cracked door, determined. 

“Enter.” She head Lexa’s voice call and suddenly Clarke felt nervousness in her. She did not know who or what awaited her on the other side of the door. She had imagined she’d be walking to see Lexa, as she had been before, eyes bright, slight smile. However, now her mother’s words echoed in her ears. She’d seen all too much of how grief and trauma could effect a person. She’d seen it on the Ark, with Jasper, even with herself. That couldn’t happen to Lexa. Lexa was too strong, too accustomed to it.   
Taking a deep breath Clarke turned the handle of the door and slipped into the room. 

Lexa who had been sitting on her bed rose quickly when she saw the younger girl enter. Her fingers twitched nervously at her side. Though she was feeling apprehensive Clarke’s heart warmed slightly when she caught eyes with the Commander and saw that there was some recognition there, some light. Lexa had been so cold and lifeless the last week.   
The bright twinkle was gone but still Lexa was there. 

Without truly thinking, in two strides Clarke crossed the room and wrapped her arms around the Commander. Though she was surprised by the gestured Lexa did not recoil. Instead she hugged Clarke back tightly burrowing her face into the younger girl’s shoulder, breathing her in for what seemed like the first time in a life time. Clarke pressed her face into Lexa’s long brown hair and breathed the girl in. Feeling her body lighten with her familiar scent. The two women stood there for what could have been hours, neither making a move, neither wanting their embrace to end. 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa said after however long, her voice muffled by Clarke’s shoulder. “I love you.” 

Clarke, ignoring the pain in her ribs squeezed Lexa tighter. “I know. I know. I love you too.” The Commander accepted hug before pulling back slightly so she could look at the younger girl fully. Her eyes scanned her face, focusing on the deep cuts in her forehead and the bruising around her nose. “Clarke…” She began. 

“I’m okay.” Clarke said smiling weakly, cradling Lexa’s cheek. “Really.” Lexa seemed to accept this and nodded. “You?” Clarke said dropping her hand and gripping Lexa’s arms. 

The Commander closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep her rushing mind in check. Clarke squeezed her arms, pulsing life through her. Lexa opened her eyes and stared into the fresh blue eyes before her. “I’m okay too.” She said, doing her best to smile. 

“We are okay.” Clarke nodded.

Their choice of words described them to the tee. Earlier when Abby had asked Clarke how she was she had said that she had said she was fine. A lie. She had said it to brush Abby off, to get to Lexa more quickly.   
Fine implied that all was well, that she was in perfect condition, that she was as she had been before. That wasn’t true. There was still so much going through Clarke’s mind, so much pain, and so many wounds that still needed to heal. For Lexa Clarke imagined that things were twice as complicated, twice as painful. But they were okay. Not everything was bright and shiny but they were managing, things were steady, firm. 

Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist and pulled her in tight, pressing her face to the side of the shorter girl’s head. “We still need to talk.” She mumbled weakly. “About… Everything.”   
Clarke could feel tremors in Lexa’s form and when she glanced to look at the older girl she saw her eyes were shining. 

“Don’t.” Clarke said pressing her forehead against Lexa’s. “No more tears.”

The Commander took a deep breath and nodded. “No more tears.”

“We will talk.” Clarke said firmly holding Lexa’s gaze. “Just not now, let me have this… just for a minute.”

Lexa held her gaze and gave a small nod. “Okay.” She said slowly breathing out. Her breath warmed Clarke’s face and it was then that the two noticed their closeness. Lexa was hesitant; she made no move to close the gap between them, not daring to push the younger girl’s emotions. It seemed she had lost all her ability to read Clarke’s mind, or perhaps the Sky Girl had just completely shut her out. 

Clarke sensed Lexa’s inner confliction and moved her face closer to the Commander’s with ease, she pressed their lips together. It was a light kiss, not intense, not deep. Just a kiss, a re-acquaintance, a greeting after a long time. To her it was a confirmation, that this was still real, that all could be right. 

To Lexa the kiss was like waking up after a long dream, like resurfacing from the deepest of waters. Clarke’s touch and lips filled her with a soul again and for the briefest of moments her mind went silent. Her racing thoughts halted. And it was blissful.


	48. Chapter 48

Clarke woke slowly from what she could only describe as one of the best sleeps she had in days. She reveled in the feeling so that even though she was almost now fully awake she kept her eyes shut. Relishing the warmth of the furs, comfort of the mattress, and the calm she felt. 

She and Lexa had spent the rest of the previous night in near and utter silence. But that had been okay. Their kiss had been interrupted by a guard knocking on the door. Lexa permitted him to enter and with him, he brought two trays of food for them, he also came bearing direct orders from Abby that the trays were to be returned empty and all the food eaten. 

Clarke wondered how on earth she could have refused. The trays had been laden with the sweetest fruits and cheeses Polis had to offer as well as several slices of venison cooked to perfection. A meal fit for the Commander.  
Once the guard had left Clarke had sat down and immediately begun to eat with an almost frenzied vigor, realizing only then exactly how hungry she was. 

She was halfway through he second piece of meat when she realized Lexa had not joined her. The Commander was still standing at the point where Clarke had kissed her, her eyes fixed on the repaired door, which still bore marks from where it had been cracked. Clarke noticed the Commander’s hands clenching slightly into her bandages and her eyes had glazed over slightly. No doubt she was reliving the events that had cause the door to be broken. 

“Lexa” She had called, forcing a happy tone into her voice. “Come eat with me.” 

The older girl had started as if realizing she wasn’t alone in the room. 

“Of course Clarke.” She said, forcing a smile on her face as she sat across from Clarke taking a plate of food. 

As the two ate, Clarke noted Lexa had consumed much less than she normally would have but still more than she probably had in the entire past week. It gave her slight worry but at least she was eating. 

After their plates were cleared Clarke noticed Lexa try to stifle a yawn and she had suggested they get some rest.   
Then she had risen and made to leave the room, unsure that Lexa would want her to stay. They’d spent so much time apart Clarke was unsure of how long the Commander would need before she warmed up to the idea of her spending the night.   
However, As she had secretly hoped the Commander had grabbed her hand and pulled her to the bed with her. There the two had lain down. At first Lexa had had her back to Clarke but after a moment of silence in the darkness of the room the Commander turned to face her. 

“I feel so strange.” She uttered quietly. Her voice moving silkily through the darkness. “So unlike myself.” 

“I know.” Clarke had said taking Lexa’s hand and gripping it as tightly as she could without hurting the girl. “It’s hard. You’ll find yourself again. I know you will.”

“What if I don’t Clarke?” Lexa said, worry etched on her now emerging face as Clarke’s eyes adjusted to the darkness. 

“I’ll help you.” The younger girl said moving so close to the Commander that the older girl’s breathe warmed her face. That was how the two had fallen asleep. Face to face, clasping hands, so close to each other their foreheads were inches from touching

Now as Clarke lay awake in the bed she noted how she had moved in her sleep. She was now on her side facing the far wall. She shifted slightly, moving her body on the bed trying to gain a sense of where Lexa was. Normally the Commander would eventually move to be directly behind her, their bodies pressed together, her arm holding Clarke’s stomach. But as Clarke moved she felt nothing but cold sheets. 

She sat up slightly, expecting to see Lexa standing at the foot of the bed, sword in hand as she had so many times. Instead she saw an empty room barely light by early morning sunlight. Confused Clarke glanced to the other side of the bed. 

The Commander was positioned on the edge of the bed, the furs wrapped tightly around her lower body, curled in the fetal position, her knees close to her chest.   
As Clarke watched the sleeping girl she noticed that though the Commander was still very much asleep a slight shaking seemed to have encompassed her body. Then Clarke saw Lexa’s hands, they were clenched, a small stain of blood visible through the bandages where the Commander’s nails hit her hand. This was how Lexa had hurt herself. It wasn’t truly intentionally; it was her body’s way of reacting to the stress it was feeling. 

Slowly and gingerly Clarke slid herself across the bed and pressed her body against Lexa’s. She placed a hand on the girl’s arm and slowly directed it lower, to her side. All the while muttering soothing words. Lexa’s entire body was tense. Clarke began to lightly rub her back and pressed her lips to the back of the Commander’s head, not making contact with her flesh due to the girl’s wavy brown hair; but knowing the comfort would still be perceived.   
After a time Lexa’s body began to relax, she began to uncurl her form out and her fists unclench. Clarke was reminded of the night they’d left Arkadia and were traveling to the city. How Lexa had been overcome by fear of losing Clarke she could barely sleep. 

Clarke had helped her through that night and would help her through all that was to come. She had to.

As Lexa’s form completely relaxed and in her sleep straighten out. Clarke held her tightly. Placing a hand on her stomach, pressing her body as close as she could. Repaying Lexa for all the night she had held Clarke with such love. 

XXX

Several hours later a slight shifting woke Clarke. She had drifted off again after soothing Lexa. She opened her eyes and saw the other side of the bed was empty. The room itself was much brighter, it was now late morning. Much later than she or Lexa normally slept. But Clarke knew they had both needed it.   
Rubbing her eyes, the younger girl looked up to see the Commander sitting at the edge of the bed, running her hand over her sheathed sword. Seeming to be having a dilemma as to whether she would unsheathe it or not. 

“Morning.” Clarke said, her voice still hoarse with sleep. Lexa turned her head slightly in surprise. 

“Good morning.” She said replacing the sword on the chair with the rest of her armor. “I’m sorry to wake you.”

“That’s okay. I woke up a few hours ago, I guess I fell back asleep though.” Clarke said sitting up and edging her self to sit next to Lexa. “How are you feeling?” She asked kissing the Commander’s shoulder and wrapping and arm around her waist comfortingly. 

Lexa gave a slight shrug. “I am okay.” She turned her head slightly and pressed her cheek against Clarke’s affectionately. Breathing deeply. 

“Good.” Clarke said relishing in the closeness for a moment before the dried blood on Lexa’s fingertips caught her eye. 

“Those need to be changed.” She said lightly nodding down at the older girl’s hands. 

Lexa glanced down at them spreading her fingers to see the full extent of the damaged she’d done in her sleep. “I’m sorry.” She muttered, pulling away from Clarke. 

“It’s okay.” Clarke said, taking Lexa’s hand preventing the girl was adding any more distance between them. “It happens, I’ll fix them.” She added kissing each of the Commander’s fingers. This didn’t seem to comfort the older girl. Sensing this Clarke rose and retrieved the small bag of medical supplied she knew Lexa kept in a cupboard. Inside she extracted fresh bandages and cleansing herbs. “Here” She said taking Lexa’s hand and beginning to unwrap the soiled linen. 

Lexa avoided her eyes as she exposed the wounds.  
On each of the Commander’s hand was four dime sized cuts, they were fairly deep and the flesh around each gash was red and flamed. Without allowing a single visible reaction to cross her face Clarke cleaned the cuts and wrapped them in fresh gauze.   
“There.” She said as she tied the final knot. “They’ll be good as new in no time.” She added kissing Lexa’s hand a final time. “You’ll be okay.” 

“Thank you Clarke.” She said rising from the bed and crossing to the window, having a sudden need for fresher air. As she opened the window and the wind blew in the sounds and smells of the city Clarke was struck with something. Though she and Lexa had portrayed this same morning ritual dozens of times there was something different about it, something missing.   
Of course Clarke knew it was Becca, the baby had entered and burrowed her way into their lives and she could not be replaced. However, Clarke felt healed, she felt as though she didn’t often think of her baby, she moved on as she had from her father, Wells, and Finn. But still her and Lexa’s lives weren’t the same. 

“We should go somewhere.” Clarke said, the idea suddenly striking her.

“What?” Lexa said turning her back on the bustling city to face the younger girl. 

“We should travel somewhere. A new place, or a place you’ve been before and want to go back to.”

“Arkadia?” Lexa asked hesitantly. 

“No not Arkadia.” Clarke shook her head. “That place it more for me, you don’t truly have a connection with it. Well except for a memory of being shot.” The corners of Lexa’s mouth twitched. Clarke took this as a good sign and stood from the bed. “Lexa, I hate seeing you like this.” She said thinking aloud. “And I want to think I can help you through it; but I honestly I don’t think I can.” Lexa looked at her affronted. Surprised by Clarke’s sudden lack of confidence The girl was always so sure of herself.  
“I can’t help you get back to how you were, not when every room and corridor of this place reminds you of what we lost.” 

Then as if struck by a bolt of inspiration Clarke crossed to the large map on Lexa’s table. “Where do you love?” She asked running her hand over the mountains, forests, and lakes. “Of all the 13 clans where would you like to go?”

“Clarke…” Lexa said sadly. “I can’t just leave. I have responsibilities.” 

“Titus is gone.” Clarke said defiantly. “He won’t be back for at least a month. The clans are at peace, the council won’t meet for weeks, they have no need to.”

“I have the other Nightbloods!” Lexa exclaimed, the faces of the children she’d been neglecting dancing across her eyes. 

“We will take them with us.” The younger girl pushed. “Go somewhere you were taken when you were younger, teach them, prepare them for the next generation.” She took the Commander’s hand and gave it a slight squeeze. “Lexa you need this.” 

Lexa just stared at Clarke at a loss for words. All other premises for rejection of this preposterous idea fading away with each word Clarke spoke. She did need to leave Polis. She’d known it the day Becca had died, when she had retreated to the woods. She’d needed to escape, change her scenery, be where she was happy, that was no more untrue now than it had been that dark day. And if she had Clarke with her, experiencing everything with her. Maybe then Lexa could truly begin to wake up and keep herself awake. Return truly to herself. 

“The Great Ocean.” The Commander said slowly, straightening herself.

“What?” Clarke said, unsure of what she’d heard the older girl say. As well, shocked that she was taking the plan into consideration so easily.

“We will travel to the east, to the great sea and the tall cliffs.” Lexa said approaching the map and tracing a finger along a sharps costal border. “We’ll jump from the cliffs. The ocean. It’s so… Breath taking, rejuvenating. I need its strength again.” Lexa spoke more to herself now than to Clarke, amazing she hadn’t thought of it before. The one time she had been there was when she had been very young. Her parents had taken her as part of a warrior’s initiation. She couldn’t begin her Trikru training until she’d jumped from the cliff. It had been an honor and the sensation of the water had still remained with her even after all of the years she’d lived. 

“The ocean.” Clarke said slowly and Lexa could not miss the hints of fear in her voice. 

“It is like nothing you’ve ever seen or felt Clarke.” She said, almost majestically. “I promise you.”

And the fear Clarke was feeling she did her best to push to the bottom of her stomach, she perhaps been hoping for the deep woods, or mountains, but the ocean was something she was so entirely as a loss at in terms of mentally grasping. An endless realm of water both in distance and depth, filled with who knew what? And rocking with tremors Lexa had called waves.   
But, as Lexa stared at her, a slight smile pulling at the corners of her mouth Clarke knew it was where they had to go. For in those beautiful green she saw a glint; like a small spark, ready to relight a dormant fire.


	49. Chapter 49

“Thank you.” Clarke said as Abby removed the last of the light bandaging around her shoulder. The wound was now almost completely healed, only the smallest of scabs had formed over the hole Perseus had made when he had driven his dagger into her shoulder.  
The wound would scar, impressively; it had already left a white tint around the scab and the skin that had already healed. Clarke was pleased to find that she wasn’t experiencing any limited ranges of motion in her arm and the small tingling sensation of pain had slowly decreased. His blade hadn’t severely torn any tendons or ligaments as well as it didn’t damage her nerves. In the most basic sense she had been very lucky. If you ignored the fact that she had been stabbed in the first place. 

“You’re welcome.” Abby said placing the bandages in the wash bin. “How does it feel?” She asked tracing the scab with her fingers. 

“Pretty good.” Clarke said with a slight smile. “It doesn’t hurt really, and it should be completely healed in a few days. Right?” She looked at her mother expectantly. 

Abby sighed. “I really think you should still take it easy.”

“Mom.” Clarke groaned trying to hide her exasperation. She had had enough of her mother’s protest. 

Ever since Lexa had announced their plans to take the Nightbloods to the coast Abby had been voicing every and any concern or reason for Clarke not to go. It had gone from Lexa being untrustworthy and unstable, to her duties as Ambassador, and now finally it was her residual injuries. The doctor had been so vocal and forceful that Clarke and Lexa’s departure date had actually been delayed for two days now. 

“It’s just Clarke, I don’t want you to have to deal with anything while on the road. I still think this could use daily cleaning.” She began to fussily apply a salve to the scab, which to those who didn’t know any better could have been caused by a small scrape. 

“Mom.” Clarke said taking her mother’s hands. Knowing that the window for her to depart was closing. Titus would return before they knew it with the new Nightbloods and then it would be impossible for Lexa to leave, as they would require new and intense training. 

“I’m good.” She said squeezing Abby’s hands. “I know this past little while I haven’t been. I wasn’t ready, I wasn’t in a good place, neither was Lexa and you helped us through it. You got me to where I am now. You got us both here. You pulled Lexa and I out of the fire and treated our burns.” She sat her mother down on her chair in medical and kneeling down to face her. “And I am so grateful Mom, so grateful.” She sighed not exactly sure how to convey her thoughts with enough sincerity “But now we need to go. We need to prove that we are healed. Lexa needs to wake up. Mom you haven’t seen her in a while. She really needs this. If we stay here we still smell smoke.”

“But Clarke.” Abby began. 

“The only way for us to be completely okay is for us to go.” Clarke cut her off “Leave this place behind for even just a few days.” Clarke abandoned her mother’s hands and instead pressed them to her knees. “I need you to understand that. I appreciate everything you’ve done. I really do, but now you need to let us go.”

Mother and daughter stared at each other for a long time. Clarke with all her will trying to show in her eyes how much she needed this, how much Lexa needed it. After a full minute of silence Clarke pulled her mother into an awkward hug, squeezing her tighter than she usually would have to just enforce how unphysical injured she was. 

“Please Mom.” She muttered. 

Abby released the tension she’d been holding, released the worry, the fear. “Okay.” She whispered to her daughter. 

“Thank you.” Clarke said giving her mother one final squeeze. Then stood and crossed over to the small bag she’d brought to medical with her. “I know you’ll be gone by the time I get back.” She said reaching into the bag. “So I thought I’d give you this now.” She extracted a patch of thick soft grey colored fabric from her bag and handed it to Abby.

“It’s part of Becca’s blanket.” Clarke said, refusing to acknowledge the lump that had formed in her throat as she held the baby’s blanket. “Lexa and I have the other half, Lexa thought you may want some of it. She was like your grand daughter after all.”

Abby, fighting her tears nodded and took the fabric gratefully. She did miss the baby, and she missed what she had meant to Clarke. Clarke’s possible real normal life. She held the fabric close to her face and still could smell the baby’s fresh clean scent on it. Maybe some day, some how Clarke could have another baby. 

“Thank you Clarke.” Abby said thickly pulling her daughter into yet another hug. But this time the women held it. Know this would be the last time they saw each other for several months and knowing the harshness of Earth, maybe ever. 

“I love you.” Abby said quietly. 

“I love you too mom.” Clarke said grateful for the woman before her and how much she had helped her recently. 

XXXX 

As Clarke left medical and made her way back to Lexa’s chambers a voice stopped her. 

“Hey!” 

She turned to see Raven briskly limping down the corridor. 

“Don’t tell me you were going to go running off to the ocean without saying goodbye to me?”

Clarke smirked and pulled into Raven an embrace, which felt like a loose hug compared to how tightly she had been squeezed by Abby.  
The mechanic had been fairly absent throughout the whole ordeal and Clarke knew it was because not only was she incredibly busy getting the Grounder’s technology moving but because she herself had so much loss held inside her that watching Clarke’s pain would have just hurt her more. But she was grateful to see the mechanic now. She wished they’d gotten to spend more time together during her visit. 

The girl’s released each other from their hug. “Take care of yourself out there.” Raven said punching Clarke’s scabbed shoulder. “And take care of that crazy girl of yours.” 

“I will” Clarke laughed. “And don’t you go electrocuting yourself.”

“Well I was going to.’ Raven falsely conceded. “But since you now told me not too I guess I won’t.” Raven laughed at Clarke’s groan. “When do you leave?” She said suddenly interested?

“Well I finally convinced my mother that this shoulder is good to go.” Clarke said moving her arm about to show Raven its functionality. “So hopefully in the next 2 days.” Raven nodded, happy for her. “I just need to talk to Lexa to figure it out but I think she’s been ready to go for the last week.” 

Raven laughed. 

“No Raven. You don’t understand.” Clarke said seriously. “She’s been like a kid at Christmas. She can’t wait to go but she’s trying so hard not to show It. The other night she couldn’t even sleep because she was busy making lists of everything we needed to bring.”

“Now this I’ve got to see this.” The mechanic said impressed. Clarke laughed beckoned her along. The two women made their way down the corridor. Clarke relaying several stories of Lexa’s mounting excitement. 

 

“Enter.”

Lexa’s voice said as she heard a knock and the two younger girls made there way into the room. 

“Oh wow.” Raven said in quiet awe. In the middle of the room sat two large backpacks, surrounded by several items that Lexa had deemed necessary for travel. The Commander herself was standing over her wooden table drawing out a map from her larger one. She was tracing the area that they would need to travel and how they would get there. 

“Clarke.” The Commander said, not looking up. “I think we will take the more eastern path, it’s rockier but I think… Oh hello Raven.” 

“Commander.” Raven said giving Lexa a slight bow but eyeing Clarke, who simple mouthed, “told you so”.

“It’s rockier Clarke but we will hit the coastline faster so the Nightbloods will be able to take in the water long before we actually arrive at the village. I don’t think the longer journey will have too great an impact as Titus is still some time away.   
What did your mother say?” 

Lexa’s train of thought jumped so quickly that Raven let out a small laugh. Clarke just chuckled to herself and approached the Commander. She had grown so used to this the last week that she almost couldn’t remember a Lexa who had always been so formally composed. 

“She agreed.” Clarke said wrapping her arm around Lexa’s waist. 

“She said you could go?” Lexa said shocked. 

“She finally relinquished her grip of death on you both.” Raven said taking a seat near the table. 

Lexa beamed at Clarke who just laughed. “Yes we can finally go.” She said leaning in to kiss Lexa’s forehead. The Commander however pulled away before she could get the chance. 

“Then I need to speak to the Nightbloods.” She said briskly. Picking up her freshly drawn map. Raven was still giggling quietly to herself. 

“What?” Clarke said, falling slightly forward not realizing how much she had been leaning on Lexa. The Commander did not seem to notice. 

“If we are going to leave tomorrow morning they need to know now. They need to be ready. I’ve told them to start packing several days ago but they are still children.” Lexa said quickly collecting several lists she’d made and holding them awkwardly with the map in one arm while turning the handle of the large oak door with the other. 

“Tomorrow morning?” Clarke said surprised not expecting Lexa to want to leave so soon. 

 

“We don’t have much time Clarke.” Lexa said opening the door and stepping into the hall. “It’s a long way.” Then she was gone and the door shut leaving Clarke standing in the middle of the room, jaw dropped.

“Merry Christmas Commander Lexa.” Raven said in awe staring at the closed door.


	50. Chapter 50

CHAPTER 50

It seemed to take hours for the sounds of the bustling crowds of Polis to fade away and be replaced by the sounds and sights of the thick Trikru forest. It was so early that the sky was still grey and the birds were just beginning to wake. There was a certain sereneness to the woods this morning, or perhaps it was just that Clarke was so pleased to be rid of the capitol. 

She gave a slight yawn as she maneuvered Wells along the narrow road. 

“Still tired Ambassador?” Nepa chuckled from just behind her, having caught Clarke’s drowsiness. 

“I could probably have used a few more hours of sleep.” Clarke said good naturedly, making a mental note to try and keep her yawns as subtle as possible. “But I know it’s best to travel early.” By a few more hours of sleep Clarke really meant any sleep at all. 

Once she had confirmed that Abby was releasing her medically Lexa has been a whirlwind of activity. She had spoken to the Nightbloods and ensured they were all ready to travel, she’d called a small council meeting and gave strict instructions on how conflicts were to be dealt with in her stead. She had loud and passionate arguments with her guards insisting that she travel without them, unaccompanied.   
When she and Clarke had first theorized the concept of traveling this had been one of Lexa’s most prominent points. This was not to be a caravan, this was to be a training and spiritual exercise. She was adamant that it was not to be disturbed by politics or warriors. To appease her guards she had sent forth riders to alert the small coastal village they were traveling to. She figured they should be aware that they would be receiving the Commander and to have security heightened around their borders. The riders also were to stay in the village and await the Commander, they would serve as her protection while in the village. Though Lexa was not concerned. She had assured Clarke that the people of the village were nothing but peaceful. At this time of the year apparently the coastal weather was favorable and the sea was accessible but for the rest of the season it proved to be perilous and at points deadly. Apparently the coastal villages rarely ever quarreled amongst themselves or other villages, as their lives were already so full of conflict against the elements. 

After Lexa had completed all the necessary arrangements to travel and set their departure time to just after sunrise the next day she had returned to her chamber and had immediately unpacked everything she’d so diligently packed before. Clarke watched this and had said nothing, knowing that Lexa was simply and compulsively ensuring that all would be ready for their journey. However past nightfall, after their packs were once more secured tightly and efficiently Lexa could still not settle. Though she knew she and Clarke would both need sleep as doing so on the road, especially without guards would be difficult; the Commander could just not seem to lay still. Tossing and turning in her bed to such a degree that Clarke couldn’t even shut her eyes completely without being jostled by a shifting Lexa. 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa had apologized profusely as the hours of the night ticked by and still the two had not found sleep. “I just… I am ready to leave. It’s time.”

“I know.” Clarke would say, fighting any hints of exasperation that were twinging her consciousness. She could not berate Lexa for her seemingly unquenchable desire to travel to the water. The Commander was excited, had a sense of purpose, and had something in her future that was bright. All of these things she had needed desperately and Clarke would not squash that.  
So when the sun began to light up the horizon and neither of them had slept a wink Clarke had said nothing, she had simply splashed water on her face and put a smile on. 

However, now two hours onto the road with no consistent conversation she was beginning to feel the unavoidable exhaustion. Wells had slowed to a pace that held her near the back of the group with Nepa and her small slender palomino. Lexa and Tarko were of course leading the group, every once in a while Clarke would catch a word or two on the wind of her conversations with the following Nightbloods but for the most part they were quite disconnected. Left alone to her thoughts and her tired brain.

“If you’d like to sleep I’m sure you would be okay.” Nepa said quietly. “Your horse is trained well enough to follow the group, most are.” 

“Thank you.” Clarke said glancing back at the girl. “But I don’t want to miss anything.” She said defiantly. At this Nepa chuckled.

“Wanheda, we are still within the realm of Polis. It will still be at least three hours before the landscape even remotely changes. A few hours of sleeping won’t cause you to miss anything. If you get some sleep now you will be fully rested for when we stop to set up camp and hunt.” Nepa kicked her horse so that it followed slightly closer behind Wells. “Sleep.” 

Clarke though to argue further but then realized it would be in vain. Even now as she spoke she felt her eyelids itching to close and remain that way. “Thank you Nepa.” Clarke said settling herself in her saddle, amazed at how comfortable it could prove to be when she was sleep deprived. She remembered the first few times she had ridden and had been so impressed by warriors who could sleep while riding. She had always found it too awkward and bumpy. But now the saddle seemed as comfortable as any bed and the rocking motion in which Wells walked seemed as soothing as being rocked in a crib. 

“You’re welcome.” Nepa said quietly as Clarke drifted off. 

Further ahead, at the front of the group Lexa glanced back just in time to see Clarke’s head droop slightly forward, signally the girl had plunged into a deeper sleep. The Commander caught eyes with Nepa who gave a slight nod. She would watch out for her. 

Lexa made a mental note to speak to Nepa later after they’d made camp. The girl had proven to be so resourceful and strong in the times of darkness. Clarke had told her that she had been responsible for having her enter the chamber that night. Responsible for that conflict that had snapped Lexa awake. In a way Lexa owed her life to Nepa. 

As the group rode further and further from the Capitol conversation dwindled and became silence. Not that they had nothing to say to one another but because the new scenery and areas were preoccupying the children. The group was riding further east than most of the Nightbloods had ever traveled. The main hunting grounds for Polis were more North West and Arkadia was in the south so there was hardly ever a reason for the Commander to travel in this direction. In truth, Lexa was trusting Tarko just as much as herself to navigate them through the dense trees and overgrown trail.   
The horse seemed to have a sense as to where they were going and Lexa found her grip on her reins not as tight as it might have been should they been traveling in more familiar territory. She trusted the horse to choose a safe and direct path, she was also heavily relaying on him to sense any approaching enemies.  
She had always been terribly jealous of a horse’s powerful intuition of danger. They could sense enemies or threats when there was no seeming warning or them. No change in breeze or sound. Lexa often watched horses for this reason, trying to understand how they seemed to know when danger was coming. How they knew who to trust and who to reject?   
Here she watched Tarko with intent. Though the east was the way of the sea it was also home to the most deadly predators of the 13 clans. The wolves. 

Admittedly, Lexa had never seen them she’d heard tales of the great dog like animals. The wolves roamed the unmanned territory between Polis and the coast. A territory spanning over 80 miles.  
As a child traveling with her family, Lexa recalled her parents having been incredibly diligent at avoiding the beasts. They had taken such extreme measures for safety that could only have been prompted by a distinct level of respect and fear. 

The Nightbloods, like her knew of the reputation the land had and the many lives that had been lost to the wolves. There came a point past midday when the only sound that could be heard from the clopping of hooves as the horses navigated the rocky and rooted path. Even the horses felt the tension, as they rotated their ears about regularly, trying to gain a sense of their surroundings. By that time Clarke had awoken and quite audibly asked where they were. She was greeted with a dark and slightly panicked look from Nepa. 

It was then that Lexa realized she had not confided nor ever told Clarke of the wolves. They were such a commonly known thing amongst her people that she astounded herself she never realized Skaikru’s lack of knowledge. But now was not the time to relay all of the dark stories of passers by of this land.

As the sun peaked and began to set Lexa lead the group to the edge of what she knew to be the edge of the wolves’ territory. They would need to hunt for their supper and she knew better than to do it in the animal’s land. The stories she knew by heart since they’d been recited to her from a very young age spoke of how smart the wolves were and how deadly they could prove to be. The songs and rhymes told of how you were to pass through their land and leave no signs, now debris, no fire pits, no weapons, no death. Those who broke those laws paid the price, and she remembered her father saying that the wolves demanded a high price and if you broke the law. There was no avoidance. They would find you.

Lexa stopped the group just over what she knew to be the territory line and the Nightbloods immediately dismounted and began to bustle about setting up their small camp. Normally when Lexa traveled she had more than dozen guards with her and several large elaborate tents. However on this trip she only have half a dozen teenagers, herself, and Clarke. They’d brought only the supplies they needed the most, meaning Lexa’s large Commander tent had been left behind. 

Obediently Burke and three of the others set out to hunt what they could, Lexa encouraged them to try to catch fish as those would be the best to eat raw. Even though they were outside of the wolves’ territory she didn’t think it worth the risk, they’d brought enough furs to warm them and the water from the nearby stream would serve perfectly safe to drink. So no fire would be lit.  
Having dismissed the hunters she set to work helping Clarke erect their tent. The younger girl had never traveled fully in this fashion, either they’d had no shelters or guards had built it for them. Lexa was determined to teach Clarke the proper way to erect the tent and do her best to distract Clarke from the quick and efficient work the Nightbloods were doing.   
Though Clarke put her best effort in, it was Lexa and a subtle Nepa who constructed the Commander’s small two-person tent. Leaving Clarke standing on the sidelines baffled as she watched the two woman used intricate knotting techniques to make the seemingly randomly torn fabric into a V shaped shelter complete with clasped entranced and small chimney hole for a fire. Yet they’d lit no fire?

Since Clarke had woken up from her brief sleep she felt completely disconnected from Lexa and the other Nightbloods. They’d been so silent while riding and when they set to building the camp they seemed to communicate with some form of unspoken language she didn’t understand. They were rarely speaking to one another and still hadn’t lit a fire, or even prepared one. Instead they’d all eaten their freshly caught fish raw and if she even opened her mouth to speak she was greeted with wide eyes of fear. She had more than once sought Lexa’s comforting green eyes for assistance but the Commander had glazed over hers, offering no help. 

When the sun had completely set leaving the camp in almost complete darkness wordlessly all the Nightbloods crawled into their tents. The air was growing colder and the children were grateful they’d decided to share tents. The other person to share heat with made sleeping at least slightly possible. As Clarke and Lexa climbed into their tent (no Nightblood questioning the pairing) the younger girl was just beginning to shiver. 

Clarke was not used to the cold, whenever she had spent a night in the wilderness there had always been a fire, it was like a right of passage to those camping in the cold dark trees. She didn’t understand why Lexa had chosen to keep their camp engulfed in the oppressive night. Then through her shivers, she felt Lexa wrap her arms around her waist and pull her close to her sturdy form, warming her. Clarke felt a flutter in her chest. This was the first time in so long that Lexa had instigated the contact, she had done it so naturally like they had before. Recently Clarke felt as though she was always the one testing the waters to see where the two stood. She had been afraid that she would push Lexa too far and cause her to close off. But now here she was holding Clarke as she always had, her steady breath warming the back of Clarke’s neck, causing her hair to stick up, and not because of the cold. 

Feeling Lexa push closer against her; Clarke turned to face the Commander. Their noses were only inches apart and Lexa’s eyes were open, staring intently at Clarke. Feeling her body melt Clarke burrowed her face into Lexa’s neck. The older girl gave a content sigh and kissed Clarke’s head, her hand slinking down to hold Clarke’s hip. The sensation seemed to spark through the younger girl and she felt her body fill with a tension, an apprehension. Then before she truly realized what she was doing she was kissing Lexa’s neck. 

“Clarke…” Lexa moaned quietly, but not negatively, almost weakly. Her grip on Clarke’s hip tightening and her other hand running along the younger girl’s back. 

“Shh.” Clarke said looking up at the older. Lexa’s bright green eyes stared at her through the darkness. Though she knew the Commander was doing everything to hide herself, Lexa’s eyes were hopeful, excited even. The look ignited the fire in Clarke’s chest and suddenly she didn’t feel cold anymore, she didn’t worry about what was in the woods. She tenderly put a hand to cradle Lexa’s cheek and brought their lips together. No hesitance what so ever in her actions. Though it had been so long for them both they knew the steps. They knew each other, and were ready to finally enjoy each other once more. 

XXXX

Lexa awoke with a start. At first she didn’t really know what had caused her to wake, then she noticed the terrible draft that was cutting through her naked body. She fumbled in the darkness for Clarke but only felt the other side of the cold tent. The Sky Girl was gone. 

Then came the sounds. The familiar tap tap of stone on stone. 

“No.” Lexa whispered in the darkness as she began to fumble to dress. She’d just managed to pull on her shirt when the tent lit up with warm bright orange flames. Clarke had lit a fire.


	51. Chapter 51

Lexa’s pants were only half on when she flung the tent flap back and scrambled from the tent, as she did so she saw the frightened eyes of the Nightbloods peaking out from their own tents. 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke whispered as she looked towards the source of the sound and saw Lexa slowly crawling from the tent. She was warming herself in front of the medium sized fire she’d just ignited. “It’s just so cold. I didn’t think I’d wake anyone.”

“Don’t move.” Lexa said staring at her, slowly rising to her feet.

“I’ve got it, Lexa. Don’t worry.” Clarke said tossing a few more bits of kindling onto the growing orange flame. Surely Lexa knew by now that she was perfectly capable of lighting a fire. 

“Don’t move.” The Commander said again, her voice sharp with what Clarke discerned as fear.

“What?” Clarke asked, looking confused at the older girl. Who was staring hard at her, her green eyes wide. “Lexa?”   
Then Clarke realized Lexa wasn’t looking at her but just past her. When she realized this Clarke felt as though someone had dropped an ice cold stone into her stomach. The hair on the back of her neck went up and every fiber in her body was demanding her to run.  
Trying to remain as still as possible Clarke slowly turned her head to face the dark woods past her fire. She turned to the dark shadowy trees, which emitted no light and showed nothing discernable but she knew something was there. Somewhere, multiple things were just in the tree line. She could here the subtle snaps as twigs broke and leaves brushed against moving forms.  
The horses shuffled and snorted in slight fear, but none whinnied or tried to bolt. It was as if they knew better. 

Clarke swallowed. Large dark shapes were beginning to slink from the woods.

“Lexa…” Clarke said quietly, her voice shaking but Lexa did not answer. The Commander was slowly slinking from their tent, her large sheathed broad sword in hand. 

“Be calm Clarke, and extinguish the fire.” The Commander said now standing beside the younger girl. 

“I…”

“Clarke.” Lexa said in a loud whisper. “Now!”

Trying not to take her eyes from the approaching shapes Clarke bent over to fill the small container of dirt to put the fire out. As she bent over however, she heard what could only be described as a growl, but distorted. Like she was hearing the sound through a bubbling stream. . Without truly thinking Lexa’s grip on her sword tightened and she began to remove it from her scabbard.   
Then she froze for to her immediate left arose another low growl. This one grating, like sword against stone. 

Lexa looked slowly to the source of the sound and came face to face with what could have once been described as a wolf. The beast was inches from her. Close enough that she could make out its horrendous features. These wolves have been made the worst victims of radiation. Grossly enlarged, they were bigger than any bear or cat that wandered the woods. Their fur was matted and came in patches of different colors and length. The pointy ears of the beasts sat slightly higher on its head than anything else canine, like two ugly blistered peaks of a mountain. However, the most distinct mutated feature of the wolves were their eyes; or rather lack there of. When first sightings of the wolves occurred the hunters and travelers had though that the creatures had been subject to the madness or reapers or some other sort of wronged human. However, as generations passed it became known that these beasts simply existed and were born as such. Where eyes should have been were only raw, red, blistered, veiny flesh. It was as if the eyes had been burnt or sewn shut by some sick god. One would think that this made the wolves blind, and less deadly. Oh how the first hunting parties were wrong. The beasts were mostly blind. However, their sight was incredibly sensitive. While most of their world was dark hunters knew them to be drawn and attracted to the smallest fragments of light. Fire, moon reflections, even some glowing plants had caused the deaths of dozens of warriors as they drew the creatures quickly and violently. 

The wolf’s teeth were mere inches from the Commander’s face and its growl was growing ever louder in her ear. Lexa resisted the impulse to drop her sword. Any movement or clatter and she would be killed.   
The hot breath of the wolf ran over her face as it walked by her. Its paws the size of her head scratched at the earth beneath it, long sharp claws tore at the earth. Though it couldn’t see her, it knew something was present. The fire had drawn it and its fellows like ants to honey.   
The Commander could make out distorted dark shapes moving throughout the camp. Lexa prayed that either all the Nightbloods were awake or that the sleeping ones remained so, any sudden noise or movement and Titus would not be simply looking for new Nightbloods. He would be looking for candidates for an immediate conclave. 

She glanced at Clarke. The Sky Girl was shaking and pale. Beside her a large wolf sniffed her suspiciously. It’s long scaled tongue lolling from the side of its mouth. The multiple rows of teeth shone brightly through the ebony darkness. Clarke must have known not to make a sound. Her lips were tightly held together, no doubt holding back gasped or terror or disgust. 

Lexa felt at a loss. The wolves had not attached them. While they could still smell them, for whatever reason the lack of auditory noises or light seemed to have them confused. They simply continued to mull about the camp. Their large jaws agape and dripping, hungry for the firelighters. How long they’d remain in the camp Lexa couldn’t say. Perhaps they would stay for hours? Days? Regardless she had little faith that she or her fellow campers could remain still and silent for much longer. She could practically smell the fear from the other Nightbloods, let alone whatever was being issued from her own pores. Surely she’d sweat her body weight out by now in apprehension. However, the next bit of movement that caught her eye was neither from kin nor wolf. It was from a horse. Until now the beasts had been stoic and still, knowing their fates should they not. But now one of the smaller horses seemed to be reaching the ends of its wit. Its ears were rotating round like a children’s top and its eyes wide, and thick white foam dripped from its mouth.

That’s when Lexa was hit with a sad yet brilliant idea. Reaching slowly and quietly back into the already open of her tent she said a silent thank you as she felt her hands close on her bow. Feeling as though a snail could out run her she slowly extracted the weapon and the one arrow already notched in it. A regular safety protocol she kept to incase of sudden intruders.   
Feeling the eyes of the Nightbloods go wide; Lexa readied her bow. Clarke tilted her head slightly to the side in question and confusion. Surely a single arrow would be no match to these horrific monsters.   
Even the horses grew restless; the youngest took a small step, readying to bolt. The hot breath of a wolf settled on the back of the Commander’s neck. It knew she was there. Lexa only had seconds. The world began to move in slow motion.

Abandoning all will to remain silent Lexa plunged the tip of her arrow into the once live coals. Seconds later the tip of the arrow was ablaze. Behind her the wolf lunged and a large claw raked deeply down Lexa’s face. She felt herself being pushed to the ground by the weight of the great beast, yet she kept her bow straight. 

The movement had been the last straw for the young horse and with a whinny it began to bolt off away from the camp. Ignoring the pain and dripping blood from her face Lexa aimed her arrow at the large traveling pack on top of the running steed’s saddle and released. The horse’s pack ignited upon impact and blazed as brightly as the rising sun through a dark night. This only made the horse whinny with fright and increase its sprint.

Even though she now lay on the ground, face-dripping blood; the wolf that had maimed her seemed to have entirely forgotten its task at hand. While the beasts were eyeless their heads tracked the running horse, drawn to the new light source. With horrible groans, snarls, and growls that Lexa knew would haunt not only her dreams but all present; the pack of wolves set off at incredible speed following the blazing horse. How far it would get before they over took it Lexa did not know, nor did she care for in that moment the camp a flurry of activity. The Nightblood had all burst out the moment the wolves had departed and began to deconstruct their tents. Ignoring the throbbing pain and dripping blood from the wolf’s claws Lexa began to assist Clarke. It seemed only a minute or two had passed before all the horses were loaded with packs. Burke who had been left stead less sat a top Nepa’s young mare, arms rapped around his fellow. Silently thanking his skittish stallion for its sacrifice. 

Lexa tightly gripped Tarko’s reins feeling weak from her wound. The horse seemed to sense what she needed and took off at a steady gallop in the opposite direction of the wolves. 

Far off in the distance a young stallion whinnied as its hunters proved successful. The air was then filled with high-pitched screams and yowls of a successful hunt. Sounds that made Clarke’s ears sting. She thought she’d seen the worst earth had to offer in terms of its hidden monsters. She had been wrong.


	52. Chapter 52

The group rode in silence for several hours before Lexa suddenly pulled Tarko to a hault. Clarke had to rein in Wells quite harshly to prevent him from butting into Lexan and her stead.

“We will camp hear until sunlight.” She ordered, barely even looking over her shoulder at the children behind her. She did look back, however, just enough for Clarke to catch a glimpse of the Commander’s face. She could barely contain her gasp. Though the Nightbloods had surely missed it in the dark, but Clarke could see that the Commander’s entire face was coated in thick black blood. As the Nightbloods dismounted and began to scurry about constructing the camp once more Lexa and Clarke dismounted. 

The young healer immediately turned to her saddle bag and began to dig for her medical supplies. Within a moment she extracted several bandages and herbs. She turned back to find Tarko abandoned. The Commander was no where to be seen. 

Clarke froze. Lexa wouldn’t have wandered into the dark forest at random. The older girl was too wise. She would have had a location in mind. Clarke shut her eyes and focused on the sounds around her. Insects scurried, bats chirped, and not too far away a stream bubbled. Clarke opened her eyes. The water. That’s where Lexa must have gone.   
Following the sound of the water running over stones Clarke made her way through the dark and thick trees. Trying her best not to trip on the roots and branches, all of whom seemed intent on having her roll an ankle.  
After a moment of walking she came upon the water. The stream catching the star’s and moon’s light sneaking through the thick tree leaves. 

There on the bank of the stream sat Lexa. Her silhouette shaped by the moonlight. As Clarke approached she saw the Commander cleaning her eye; tenderly splashing water down the wound to rid her face of blood.

Clarke sat herself next to the Commander. “Let me see.” She said soothingly putting a hand on the older girl’s shoulder. Lexa didn’t look at her, she was beginning to dab her face with a strange light green moss. 

“Lexa.” Clarke turned the Commander’s face to her. “Oh Lexa.” She gasped.   
The older girl had successfully managed to staunch the bleeding with moss but it did nothing to hide the three long scratches down her face. The gashes started at her hairline and made their way down to her jaw line. A quite unsettling sight.

“It didn’t hit my eye.”Lexa said looking at Clarke. “I was lucky.”

“It still got you.” Clarke grumbled beginning to dab the wound with her disinfectant.

Lexa didn’t wince as Clarke’s work began to sting. “But it didn’t kill me.” 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke said lowly, suddenly embarrassed. She after all, had caused all of the commotion of the night, let alone Lexa’s injury.s

“Don’t be.” Lexa took Clarke’s hand from her face and squeezed it. “It was my fault. I should have told you, warned you. “ She glanced around at the trees. “The wolves are just something that all my people grow up knowing about.” 

“Still.” Clarke said looking at her hands. “I should have known there was a reason.” 

“Don’t worry Clarke. What happened happened.” Lexa said wisely lifting Clarke’s chin to look examine the younger girl’s face. “We are all still here.”

Clarke tried to hold onto Lexa’s green eyes but her own eyes kept wandering to the scratches down her face. 

Clarke huffed slightly “But that’s going to scar.” The wounds were wide and deep. Lexa was no doubt going to bare the long three marks for the rest of her life.

“I know.” Lexa said gently touching the swollen tender skin around her eye. “But I can still see. Which is a blessing they will never know.” 

She meant the wolf. Clarke knew. The grotesque monsters. Clarke almost wondered if they were indeed beings. If they had relationships, or thoughts besides hunt kill and eat. Were they intelligent or were they simply some monster left behind by some demonic deity?   
“Do I need stitches?” Lexa asked examining her reflection in the water. 

Clarke squinted in the grey light of forthcoming dawn. She was having a difficult time seeing the true extent of the injury. “I don’t know.” Then she thought. “Normally I’d say yes. To be safe.”

“But.” Lexa asked concerned. 

“It’s going to scar anyway.” Clarke said sizing the wound up to the best of her ability. “If I stitched it, it would only slightly limit the marks.” She smelt the moss Lexa had been using. “And this is the plant that prevents infection right?” Lexa nodded. “Plus the salve I just applied, so it will heal properly.” 

“And?” Lexa said sensing Clarke was leaving something out. 

The two women stared at each other for a moment. “If I stitched your head you wouldn’t be able to go into water for a couple of weeks.” Clarke concluded.

Lexa tensed as Clarke knew she would. “But it doesn’t need stitching.” Clarke assured her, taking the older girls arm sensing her tension. “It will just mean another scar. It will be fine.”

Lexa stared at her with her level green eyes piercing through the semi light. “It is no a mark of weakness. It is more a mark of strength. I met the wolves and survived.”

“You are powerful.” Clarke agreed. Knowing that what Lexa needed right now was a slight amount of comfort about having three long scars down her face for the rest of her life. “And you are beautiful.”   
Lexa gingerly touched the side of her face. “I cannot not go in the ocean Clarke.” 

“You are beautiful Lexa.” Clarke said again. Knowing the girl’s words to be true. The water was the reason they’d made this journey. 

A hint of a smile crossed Lexa’s face and Clarke could swear she almost saw white teeth. With a smile of her own the younger girl leaned closer to the older, and taking care not to touch the marked side of her face pressed their lips together.

XXXXX 

Clarke and Lexa sat on the edge of the stream for the rest of the night. Every once in a while Clarke would soak the green moss in the water to dab at the older girl’s face but for the most part they sat next to one another quite still and in silence. The silence was not an awkward one; in a way it was a necessary one. Though they had nothing truly to say to one another about they still found comfort in the other being so close. When the grey light of the morning turned to a yellow and what had previously been only dark ovals became leaves; both girls stood and make their way back to the camp.   
There they found the Nightbloods bustling about the camp. Upon their entrance into the camp the children glanced up and said their formal greeting to the Commander. Clarke noticed that most of the children were doing their best to divert their stares from Lexa’s newly scratched face. It would take time she knew before even she herself would become adjusted to seeing Lexa now. But Clarke had not lied to the Commander the night before. She was still beautiful. In a way the marks had only made Lexa seem more powerful, and enhanced her already striking appearance.

“Shall we hunt Heda?” Reed, a broad black haired boy asked eagerly. He was quite skilled with his narrow spear and loved to use it whenever given the chance. 

“No.” Lexa said lifting her heavy pack onto Tarko. “We’ve got some plants and nuts for breakfast. We will have those.” Reed’s face fell. The other children too looked slightly crestfallen.

“We will hunt again once we are back in the realm of the clans.” Lexa assured them all. “I do not wish to overstay our welcome. Do any of you?”

At her words the children glanced nervously around the trees and began to pack the camp up once more. Clarke smirked to her. Lexa was so good at reasoning with the children she didn’t even know it. Within 15 minutes of their return, the camp was completely packed and the Nightbloods mounted.   
Lexa mounted Tarko and with a side-glance to those nearest around her asked. “Shall we?” And with a nod from the Nightbloods urged Tarko forward and the group continued on their way.


	53. Chapter 53

As the sun rose higher and higher so did the exhaustion levels of the small caravan of travellers. Their meager breakfast of nuts and small roots did little to satisfy the mounting hunger they each were feeling. The supper they’d had the day before had been small and cold. By the time they emerged from the tree line many hours later even Lexa was feeling a slight rumble in her stomach.

“Heda?” Reed asked as the last silhouettes of the trees vanished on the past horizon. “May we hunt now?”

Lexa looked back, and was met with hopeful glances from each of the Nightbloods and a reproachful glance from Clarke who was pressing her hand lightly on her stomach, signaling hunger.   
With a sigh the Commander reined in Tarko. “Very well.” She said turning to face the group. “We will make camp at in the valley there” She nodded to the small divot in the field about 400m from where they stopped. “Reed, Burke, Shauna.” The three sat straighter in their saddles.  
“We will travel further on to hunt.” Reed kicked his horse slightly moving to the front of the group eagerly. 

“Nepa and Tess you will remain with the Ambassador and ready the camp.”

“Yes Heda.” Nepa said glancing to Tess, the youngest of the Nightbloods. “We will have the fire hot and ready.”

Lexa and the hunters unclasped their packs, excluding their weapons and passed them to those remaining so they could construct all of the tents. 

“We will be back within the hour.” The Commander stated, then as a quick after thought. “I’m sure by that time, with the speed our Ambassador here works you may have erected hopefully one tent.” With that she kicked her horse forward leaving a mortified Clarke and sniggering Nightbloods in her wake. 

XXXXX

“It’s an Elk” Reed said slipping back into the brush he and the others were crouching in. The animal was grazing just over the mound of earth they’d taken cover in.   
The Commander had led them to the edge of a wooded area instructing them to hunt. She was awaiting them on the plain. Even while traveling the Commander never missed a chance to train or teach them, something they sometimes adored about her, others irritated by. This was a moment in which they were proud. For she’d trusted them to go on their own into unfamiliar territory and hunt for their meal; A great responsibility and to them a fun task. The three all had their heads imagining them returning with some huge kill to present Heda with.   
Against Burke’s chest however, was strapped a small horn. Lexa has given it to them to blow in case trouble found them. The three young teenagers however were determined to not let trouble find them. They would not blow that horn. 

“How many antlers?” Shauna asked playing with the hilt of her sheathed dagger apprehensively. 

“Only two.” Reed said. “It barely had any mutation at all, just one extra eye.” 

“So it should be pretty docile.” Burke said straining to try and get a glance of the beast over the brush.

Shauna nodded. Generally the more an animal was affected by what the Skaikru called Radiation the more aggressive it was. Though they were confident hunters the three had no desire to try and take down a savage monster. 

“Triangle formation with Reed leading?” Burke asked looking at his fellows quietly. Seeing if they were game to try and take this Elk down. A fairly tricky task, as the animals were quite large and muscular, not to mention equipped with long sharp antlers capable of skewing a hunter as easily as a needle through fabric.  
All three nodded and gripping their weapons Reed and Shauna scurried silently through the bushes to surround the unaware animal. After a moment the young warriors had formed a triangle around the eating elk. Reed was just raising his bow when he felt the ground begin to shake beneath him. The boy froze, his eyes darting to his fellows, both of whom looked back at him with the same confused face.   
The elk’s head shot up and looked about. It too was sensing the ground’s sudden movement.  
Then theyheard it; the trampling of hooves, the grunts and groans of animals. A stampede.   
It would be difficult to say who moved quicker, the Nightbloods or the Elk. Both seemed to sense the urgency of the situation but for different reasons. The elk bounded off in the direction of its stampeding fellows. The Nightbloods began to scramble about, moving towards the nearest, largest tree they could find. Burke held base as he was the largest, and the other two used his hands as supports to reach the lowest branches of a large oak tree. Then they hoisted him off the ground and began to climb higher. They had just scaled about 8 feet when the Elk began to run beneath them, trampling and destroying the bushes they’d just moments ago been using as cover. As he climbed Reed’s spear must have come loose from his belt and it slipped away from him. Expertly avoiding his desperate grabs, the large piece of wood hit several branches as it fell to the ground amidst the panicked animals. Within seconds of the weapon hitting the ground the spear snapped and shattered under the weight of the running Elk. An all too realistic reminder to the Nightbloods what would have become of them had they not reached their tree in time. 

“Heda.” Shauna said worriedly. 

“She’ll be fine.” Burke said confidently, his eyes tracking the elk as they moved. “She’s mounted. She could always out run them if she chose.” 

“Let’s hope so.” Reed agreed, his approximate count on the animals that had run past surpassing 50. “As long as she can also outrun whatever spooked these guys.”

Less than a mile away Tarko was beginning to shuffle nervously from foot to foot. Lexa watched him curiously. She was sat on a large rock just on the tree line of the forest she’d found with the Nightbloods. From her position she could see quite deeply into the trees as well as keep an eye on the small pillar of smoke that had formed in the direction of their camp. Clarke, Nepa, and Tess had managed to light the fire and from the size of the smoke it seemed to be a hot one. But now her eyes were not on the fire, nor the woods but her faithful steed standing in front of her . Who seemed to be tense, frightened even. 

“Shh.” Lexa said rising to pet his large muzzle. “What’s troubling you?” She looked deeply into Tarko’s dark eyes, trying to read into what he was thinking. All she could see was fear. Then she felt it. A low ominous rumble from the ground. 

“No.” She said looking to the woods. The rumbling was intensifying. “Damn it.” Lexa pulled herself onto Tarko’s back and held the reins loosely in her hands, trusting him to know which way to run. “Go Tarko.” She said giving the great horse a gentle pat on his neck. The stallion gave a snort and gauging the direction of the grunts and groans of the oncoming elk trotted away to the left.   
Lexa sat on his back momentarily confused as to why they’d traveled so little, then the stampede broke through the tree line and onto the plains. The animals leapt from the trees in exactly the spot she’d been sitting. Lexa watched, not 15ft from them, as Tarko had led her from their path. 

Lexa couldn’t help but marvel at her horse’s intelligence. Keeping her safe from the danger but also allowing her to witness it. She removed an arrow from her quiver and notching it in her bow aimed in the midst of the animals. An easy kill, she thought releasing the arrow and watching her target tumble to the ground. An easy meal.

The Elk’s fellows, none seeming to even notice its death, ran on, not even paying mind to the fact that they were crushing the body of their kin. Lexa hoped the Nightbloods hadn’t been in the path of these animals or at least had picked up on the warning signs and avoided the stampede.   
Her momentary fears of the hunting Nightbloods vanished however, as the stampede’s course turned towards the thin pillar of smoke on the far hills. 

“No.” Lexa said loudly as the sprinting Elk ran on. Towards Clarke, Nepa, and Tess. The three she’d left behind. The three least skilled at hunting and combat.   
The Commander was about to kick Tarko on to try and race the stampeding herd when the horn sounded. A deep bellowing sound that rose above the noise of the stampede. The horn she’d given Burke, knowing they’d never sacrifice their pride to use it. Yet she knew the sound.   
The Nightbloods were in trouble. Lexa felt her body tense. Ahead of her Clarke was in danger; the herd wouldn’t even notice whatever makeshift camp the Skaigirl had managed to construct in the time since they’d left them. They would destroy it, and anything living in their path. There were no trees, no caves, nothing for the group to use as shelter. They’d be killed. But behind her, the horn sounded again, closer to her than the camp, the Nightbloods were in danger, a danger they deemed severe enough to call for her.   
Swearing under her breath Lexa turned away from Clarke and the rush of death approaching her; and urged Tarko into the now trampled tree line. Following the path of destruction the elk had left.  
As she moved deeper into the woods she heard it. Yells, Children’s yells. Lexa drew her sword while riding. She rounded a corner in the woods and reined Tarko in hard. Ahead of her stood a large oak tree, Burke, Shauna, and Reed woven in its large thick limbs. At the base of the tree prowled four large Lynx.   
The culprits who no doubt spooked the elk into stampeding in the first place. 

The thick short cats were jumping at the tree and sinking their deep claws into the bark. These cats were climbers and Lexa could tell from a quick glance at their jaws that their teeth had mutated to be twice as large as a panthers. Deadly and as sharp as a blade.

Scattered beneath the tree lays almost an entire armory of weapons and one dead cats. Several arrows sticking out of its haunches. As Lexa leapt off of Tarko she watched as Burke swung his sword wildly at the high climbing cats. His blade caught a Lynx in the face and it lost its grip, falling to the ground. However, before completely detaching from the tree the mongrel managed to get a grip on Burke’s sword pulling it to the ground with it. Taking the last of the warrior’s weapons. 

“HA.” Lexa yelled at the predators, successfully gaining their attention. Gripping her sword tightly in one hand and holding a straining Tarko with the other Lexa didn’t bat an eye as all four cats turned their heads in near unison to face her. 

“Heda No!” Shauna cried in horror as the four Lynx began to advance on the Commander who held nothing but her sword, her bow strapped to her back. 

“Come down.” Lexa commanded the children who were no use to her 10ft in the air, and in no position to learn. Keeping her eyes on the advancing enemy Lexa sensed the Nightblood’s hesitance. “Now!” She yelled, the increase in her volume instigating the Cat’s attack. The nearest Lynx broke into a run towards her. Without blinking an eye Lexa released Tarko’s reins and the large stallion ran forward, colliding with the cat, who stood no chance against the horse’s bulky size. 

As Tarko trampled the first cat the other Lynxes roared in rage and charged. The horse reared and its plate-sized hooves fell down on the next nearest cat. While Lexa, who had run from behind Tarko plunged her sword into the other. Both attackers fell dead to the ground joining their fellow, leaving only one breathing Lynx.   
By this time Burke, Reed, and Shauna had descended the tree and landed safely on the ground, collecting their nearest fallen weapons. 

Lexa held her sword at the ready and whistled for Tarko to retreat. The horse whinnied and back up behind her, away from the hissing and spitting Lynx.

“Now Nightbloods.” She said eyes locked on the predator. “Finish it.” 

Shauna, who had gotten hold of her dagger, launched it into the cat’s shoulder, an easy shot seeing as the poor beast had been totally preoccupied with Lexa. The animal roared in pain and staggered around to see what had dared attack it. However, it was only met with an arrow in the head launched from Burke’s bow. 

“Good.” Lexa said as the cat fell dead. “Now.” She said gesturing to the tree. “Explain to me why you let them get an advantage over you. You all had the high ground.”

“They pulled our weapons down…” Reed muttered ashamed that he’d had to blow the horn. 

“You shouldn’t have let them, or you should have gone down with them.” Lexa said in a no nonsense manner.

“We know Heda.” Shauna said quietly wrenching the dagger from the Lynx’s shoulder. “We let fear take over us.” 

“Thank you.” Reed said not looking her in the eye. “For coming.” 

Lexa looked at the crestfallen children and sighed. “We will speak more on this later.” She said trying to avoid any disappointment in her tone. They should have known better than to permit themselves to be stuck in a tree. She’d trained them better than that. “We have more pressing matters. Where are your horses?”

To answer her. Shauna whistled for their steeds and two slight horses trotted into view. “Good.” Lexa said, again perplexed as to why the children hadn’t called for their steeds sooner. “Now mount up. We must return to the others.” 

The Nightbloods looked at one another confused. “Heda, shouldn’t we continue the hunt?” Reed asked timidly. 

Lexa pulled Tarko and turned in back they way they’d come. “The stampede went in the direction of our camp. We must go to them.”

“Of course Heda.” The three said hurriedly knowing the severity of the situation. They set to work collecting the rest of their fallen items; as well as hoisting two of the cats onto their horses, their kills of the hunt.

“Come!” Lexa said loudly kicking Tarko forward, not allowing the Nightbloods to dawdle. The stampede had been large and fast, she only prayed Clarke had had the sense to leave the camp the moment she heard. If she didn’t, Lexa was admittedly terrified as to what they might find.


	54. Chapter 54

Smoke was still curling into the air when Lexa and the Nightbloods road over the hill just above their camp.   
As they came over the hill and looked down into the small divot below the Nightbloods gasped.   
The stampede had most definitely run through the camp. Below where they stood, many of their tents lay mangled, the fabric torn, the pole snapped. Several of their packs had been crushed and shredded, their broken contents of clothes, food, and other supplies strewn across the camp.   
It only took Lexa a moment to take in the entirety of the destruction, the rest of the time she spent scanning the area for Clarke and the others.   
From what she could tell they were not in the camp, she also could not seem to see a speck of blood spilled in the camp. A good sign. 

“Nepa!” Burke yelled down kicking his slight mare down the hill. “Tess!”

“Clarke!” Shauna called following her fellow her head swerving around searching for movement. 

Lexa was about to lead Tarko down the hill when suddenly her Brother’s namesake snorted loudly and tossed his head.

“What troubles you?” She asked warily, having had quite enough danger for a single day. 

The black stallion responded by stamping his front hoof impatiently and whinnying again. 

“What are you…?” The Commander began to ask then it hit her. He was drawing attention to himself. He as a horse. Clarke had been riding Wells and had taken him to the camp, along with Tess’ and Nepa’s mounts. Yet there were no horses in the camp. They had to have been ridden somewhere. 

“Thank you.” Lexa said patting her stead fondly. Then she sat straighter on her saddle to call down.  
“Stay here.” She shouted to the Nightbloods below her who had begun puttering through the camp’s remains searching for clues of the whereabouts of their comrades. “Begin salvaging and erecting what you can. I will return.”

“Heda?” Burke called up to her, confused but it was too late. The Commander had already placed on hand on Tarko’s neck and whispered, “find them”.  
From there the horse gave a great confident snort and began to trot off in the opposite direction from which they’d come.   
“I will bring them back.” She called back to her baffled charges. 

Tarko lead Lexa at a steady pace for only roughly 10 minutes before coming upon a sparse group of trees. There he slowed and came to a stop. Lexa gave the horse a gentle pat before dismounting. She scanned the trees, unable to see Clarke or the others but sure that they must be nearby. The Commander was however concerned about what else may be hiding in the thin tree line. Deciding that it was not best to call out for them, Lexa began to make her way through the trees, only walking one hundred meters before coming upon Wells and the other two horses. Clarke’s roan stallion turned its head to look curiously at her, its eyes sparkling in a bright hello. 

“Wells.” The Commander soothed giving the horse a slight pat. The stallion shut his eyes and seemed to give a relaxed sigh. “Now where’s our girl at?” She asked the animal lightly.

Almost as if to answer her question Lexa heard the violent snap of branches just ahead of her. She chuckled; even for Clarke who had little grace when moving through the trees these sounds were extreme. It was if the girl was trudging blindly through the trees, taking care to shatter every branch in her path. 

Leaving the horses behind Lexa began to head toward the sound of snapping branches. She’d however only traveled a few steps when the hair on the back of her neck shot up. The Commander’s instincts took over and without truly thinking the she drew her small blade and turned on the spot, ready to face the threat approaching her from behind. 

She swerved around and pressed her blade against the human foe’s neck. Only to find a blade on her neck as well.

Nepa’s eyes, Lexa was sure looked much like her own, dark and determined. No true soul within them in that moment.  
The two women stood still and silent for a moment feeling their adrenaline flowing throughout their bodies. Not truly recognizing one another. Then Nepa’s eyes went wide and she retracted her own blade from the Commander’s throat. The young girl’s fears of thieves or murders receding. Lexa faltered with her blade. 

“Nepa!” She cried in surprise, not because she’d found the girl but because the Nightblood had managed to sneak up so closely to her. She expected either more of herself or less of Nepa. She wasn’t sure.

“Heda!” Nepa exclamation was much more of a happy one. She had a relieved grin on her face. “We were worried about your safety.” 

That’s true, Lexa thought to herself. She and her group had at least known what caused the stampede. Nepa and the others had only seen the aftermath. They’d been left with no way to know where the hunters had gotten to or how to find them. 

“Nepa?” A voice called from the trees and Clarke pushed a branch aside to reveal her face. Now was the moment that relief truly washed over Lexa’s face. Clarke stood before her, alive and unharmed. Her face bore a few scratches that came from riding through trees but apart from that she was uninjured. And now stared at the Commander with what was no doubt a mirroring expression. 

Surely had it been any other Nightblood than Nepa; the two women would have exercised their usual level of restraint of none contact or even any type of connection. But as the Nightblood was the most aware of their relationship Clarke and Lexa in that moment mutually agreed to knock down their walls and hugged one another. Lexa moved to Clarke, arms wide, the Skaigirl walked into them and pressed her head to the Commander’s shoulder. 

“You’re okay.” Clarke huffed, hugging the older girl tightly. 

“You’re okay.” Lexa’s voice was muffled as she pressed her face into Clarke’s bushy blonde hair. They stood like that for a moment, breathing each other in before Tess’ voice called from the trees. 

“Nepa? Clarke?” 

“We are here!” Nepa called back, giving her Commander and Ambassador a moment to break apart and collect themselves. 

Tess’ small timid face emerged from the trees and she immediately broke into a broad grin at the sight of Lexa.

“Heda!.” She cried ecstatically. “You’re alive!” 

Lexa gave the girl a pleased nod. “As are you.” 

“Barely.” The younger girl, a slight bounce in her step. “We only just got out of camp before those Elk trampled it to pieces.” She glanced around quickly. “Where are the others?”

Lexa gave a slight smile with her eyes. “Trying to put the pieces back together.”

Clarke laughed. “I wish them luck on that.” She nodded her eldest Nightblood. “Nepa suggested we cut some new supports for the tents.”

Tess nodded. “I will get them so we can return to camp.” With that, she disappeared back in the direction she’d come. Lexa made the realization that the creation of the supports had been making the large snapping sounds, not Clarke’s blundering through the forest. The Skaigirl deserved more credit than she had given her. Nepa too, had somehow managed to get a blade to her throat.

Then as if on cue Nepa spoke up. “I’ll help you.” She said brushing past her Commander and Clarke, giving them a slight knowing look before following Tess. 

The moment they were alone Clarke wrapped an arm around Lexa’s shoulder and pulled her tightly to her, kissing her strongly. The movement startled the Commander but the older girl did nothing to resist.

“I was scared you were gone.” Clarke said after a moment, their faces still close. Hearts racing. 

“I’m right here.” Lexa said warmly. “And so are you which is the important thing.” 

Clarke smiled before taking a step back, knowing that soon the Nightbloods would be back. 

“We only just got away.” The younger girl said remembering the fear she and the others had felt. “The horses started to lose their minds, and Nepa told us that we had to run. It was so close that Tess’ horse got caught up in the front of the stampede.” Lexa tensed. They’d had it worse than her. “They just had to barrel through. Lexa she almost didn’t make it” 

Lexa nodded. “Tarko did the same for me. If he hadn’t warned me they might have run me down.” 

Clarke pressed her forehead to the Commander’s. “I swear I don’t think our lives will ever be quiet for more than a day” 

Lexa sighed and pressed her lips to the younger girl’s forehead. “Probably not.” Then she took a step back as the two heard the Nightbloods returning to them.

XXXX

The lynx caused the fire to crackle loudly as it cooked on the large spit Clarke had personally cut as a tent post. 

When they’d returned to camp Clarke and Lexa found the Nightbloods erected and salvaged almost all of their tents and had already built a fire to cook their kills.   
The group in its entirety felt a new sense of euphoria as they became reunited in their camp. The last two days had been stressful and strenuous and with their camp near completion and a delicious meal being prepared they all seemed to feel a weight lifted from their chests.

Now, having completed repairing the last of their tents and cleaning their strewn supplies Lexa and the Nightbloods were sat around the fire enjoying the very heavy flavorful meat of the stampede instigators. 

When Clarke had returned after having changed into fresh clothing she found all the Nightbloods and their Commander sat around the fire. Upon approaching the fire Reed, who had been sitting next to Lexa immediately rose and found a place on the other side of the circle, leaving the seat near Lexa vacant. 

Clarke had paused, hesitant to take the seat, feeling it in a way; too obvious a give away of their unspoken relationship. Even though many knew of their bond Clarke and Lexa still did their best to keep it subdued. The fears and threats to a commander with a love still very real and ever present in their minds.   
However, upon receiving an encouraging nod from Reed as well as most of the other children Clarke took the seat. Settling herself next to the Commander. She glanced sideways to Lexa, the older girl seemed to not to acknowledge what had just occurred, her eyes entirely focused on Tess who was recounting the tale of their escape from the stampede. However, as the young girl explained the story, albeit much more suspenseful and exciting than the actual event; Clarke felt Lexa’s hand come to rest on her knee and give it a small squeeze. A small yet comforting bit of affection. Possibly noticeable by the children but chose to be glossed over or ignored. Clarke felt a comforting wave of heat come from Lexa’s calloused hand. A heat that warmed her deeper than the blazing fire. Clarke placed her own hand over the Commander’s, running her fingers over Lexa’s knuckles. She caught a slight smile from the older girl; gauging the Commander’s openness, contently leaned against her.   
Around them the Nightbloods all smiled to themselves.


	55. Chapter 55

The air about the camp was very open and the small walls the Nightbloods were trained to build around their personalities had come down slightly. In that moment Clarke did not feel like she was eating with the Commander’s protégés, the deadly warriors, the future of the clans. In that moment she felt like she was sitting back at the drop ship with the 100. With children, joking, laughing, and telling stories. 

After Tess had recounted their afternoon and escape Burke told the story of he and his comrades’ escape and Lexa’s spectacular act of saving them. As the children told of the Commander and Tarko flattening the Lynxes in less than a minute Lexa barly even moved, not allowing even a satisfied grin to cross her face. She was the most modest person Clarke had ever met. 

From there Reed went on to share a story of his younger childhood where he and several hunters came upon the largest grizzly bear they’d ever seen, that had chased them all up a tree and proceeded to chew the tree down, with its knife-like mutated fangs. 

Lexa even took it upon herself to speak of the time she and Clarke had been trapped by the Pauna all that time ago and how Clarke’s genius led to them trapping it in it’s on land. As these compliments Clarke blushed. 

“What was the largest trial you ever faced in space Clarke?” Nepa asked curiously, catching Lexa’s eye when addressing the Sky Girl by her first name. Lexa merely nodded in approval.   
Clarke hid her chuckle at how formal her comrades were then set to thinking on the question.

Admittedly compared to all she’d faced here her life on the Ark had been quite tame. There had been no Pauna’s, grizzly bears, and stampedes. Her world had actually been so small in relation to how these children and Lexa had grown up.

“I think.” Clarke began deciding. “The worst I face was my last year on the Ark.” Lexa’s brow furrowed slightly, expecting to know the story Clarke was about to relate. But this was a time so confusing for Clarke that she wasn’t even sure if she’d be able to speak of it accurately. 

“On the Ark.” Clarke spoke on finding the proper words. “In space there were so many of us that if you broke a law, even the smallest of laws you would be killed.” 

At this to her surprise many of the Nightbloods sat straighter, finding somehow this a more brutal law than many of their ways. 

“The exception was if you were still considered a child, under the age of 18.” Burke exhaled. Their age of adulthood was considered 16. “ If you committed a crime when you were under 18 you were put in a cell. When I was still only 16 my father and I broke a law. So…” Clarke did her best to speak casually, not wanting to dampen the mood of the camp. “My people killed him and put me in prison, the Sky box. But instead of putting me in with the other prisoners they put me in solitary.” 

To her surprise this warranted no reaction from the Nightbloods. Many just creased their brows. Tess poked Shauna looking confused. 

“That i8s not a term we are familiar with.” Lexa said aloud, addressing Clarke by giving her knee a squeeze. 

“Oh.” The younger girl said understanding now. Now wondering what else these people had no concept of Clarke continued. “I was put in a room. A small room with only a window to the outside.” Clarke said remembering her tight little cell. “And I wasn’t permitted to see another person. The only time I saw my mother that year was just before I was sent here.”

Shauna’s eyes went wide. 

“So how long were you in there?” Tess asked sitting on the edge of her seat intrigued. 

Clarke shrugged. “A year.” 

“And you didn’t see anyone?”

“Not really.” Clarke said shrugging remembering the first few days in her cell. Mourning her father, needing some small form of comfort but finding only the cold blank walls of the Ark. That was when she began to sketch on them. She’s found small bits of charcoal and just begun to make marks on the wall. Those days in solitude had been long and hard but in a way beneficial. For when it had come to Clarke living her nomadic life after Mount Weather she had been accustomed to being alone, she knew how to keep her mind sane. But now Clarke wondered if she could ever go back to that life style, she was so accustomed to Lexa’s presence now. 

“It’s almost as if you were a hermit.” Burke marveled. 

Now this was a word Clarke was not familiar with, Lexa must have caught this confusion. 

“Hermits are people who chose to live alone in the wilderness away from the troubles our worlds and clans create.” The Commander explained. “They are often considered the wisest.”

At this Clarke grinned slightly. “Well I must be the smartest of you all.” 

The children all chuckled. Enjoying the rare bits of humor.

XXXX

Eventually as darkness fell a silence drifted over the fire as the group watched the dancing flames. Each pondering the events of the day, and the stories they were now playing in their heads. 

Clarke found herself yawning, feeling the strain her muscles had undergone in making the tent supports. She was half way through the action when she realized she probably should have stifled the yawn. But by the time her hand reached to cover her mouth she felt the Commander’s green eyes on hers. Lexa gave her knee a squeeze before rising. Snapping the Nightbloods from their stupors. 

“Goodnight Nightbloods.” She said to them all, then glancing at the still seated Clarke. Who with a jolt realized she was meant to follow. The younger girl awkwardly got to her feet. 

“Goodnight Heda.” The children echoed back to their teacher. 

“I trust you will all sleep soon.” The Commander said reproachfully. “Tomorrow we will be traveling to the coast.” She paused, sensing their apprehension. “You will need your strength.”

They nodded obediently, trying their best to mask the mounting excitement they were all feeling.

“We will rest soon Heda.” Nepa said adjusting the logs in the fire. 

Lexa’s jaw flexed in a slight smile, noting the authority in the girl’s voice. Then she moved from the camp.

“Goodnight.” Clarke said awkwardly giving the children a wave as she followed Lexa to the tent they shared pitched not too distantly from the fire. The Commander was already holding the flap open expectantly. The younger girl entered and the older followed her almost immediately. 

Knowing their close proximity to the fireside and the Nightbloods both women undressed in silence and crawled under the warm furs wearing only their trousers and binding. Once settled, Lexa immediately wrapped an arm around Clarke, pressing her lips comforting to the back of the Sky Girl’s neck. Clarke let out a content sigh and pulled Lexa’s hand closer to her stomach. And there feeling Lexa’s steady warm breath on her Clarke felt the tendrils of sleep begin to pull her down. 

But, slowly as if resurfacing from deep water Clarke felt herself being restored to consciousness. She opened her eyes to the dark tent, finding herself in the exact same position as when she’d drifted off. She pondered for a moment to what had woken her; then she heard it. The small rumbles of not so distant voices; the Nightbloods conversing. 

“Did Heda really kill all the cats with just herself and Tarko?” Tess said in awe. 

“She did.” Burke confirmed. “It was as if she was communicating with Tarko. He knew exactly what she needed him to do.”

“Yeah.” Shauna agreed. 

“I can’t wait to have a connection with a horse like Heda does.” Reed said, lost in his thoughts. “You should have seen her when we came onto the camp.” The boy marveled. “She was actually speaking with him, you could swear he was speaking back.”

“I’d love to be able to do that with my horse.” Tess added. 

“You all realize she only can do that because she’s been with Tarko for years.” Nepa suddenly snapped. “He’s the Commander’s horse after all. You only get a horse like that if you are the Commander.” 

Then a silence fell over the fire. Clarke felt Lexa’s hand tighten on her stomach. Lexa was awake too, or perhaps hadn’t even fallen asleep.

“I’m sorry.” Nepa caught herself, trying to pull back the words she’d spoken. “I just. It’s hard to think of myself with a horse like that.” The girl’s words trailed off, knowing herself to be in the wrong. She’d broken the largest undeclared rule of the Nightbloods. Never speak of being the Commander. Never speak of a time where all others around you would be killed. 

“Maybe things will change.” Tess said sadly. “Maybe there won’t be a conclave.” 

“Of course there will be a conclave Tess.” Reed barked. 

“But why?” Tess said. “So many things have changed under Heda’s rule. Why can’t that be one of them.”

“Because someone’s got to become Heda.” Shauna grumbled. “And we all can’t do It.” 

“Why not?” Nepa asked suddenly. “Heda’s uses the council for wisdom, they even have the power to overrule her under extreme circumstances.” At this Burke laughed to himself, having heard the girl’s theory over and over again. “What if there comes a time when we are all the council?”

“It won’t happen.” Reed scoffed. “It’s not our way.” 

“Coalitions were never our way.” Shauna said deciding to side with Tess on the subject. “Heda changed that.”

“Love was never accepted as Heda.” Nepa played off of Shauna. “Yet look at her now.” 

“It’s came with a great price.” Reed said and Clarke could almost image all of the children looking at the tent. “They’ve both been hurt. Perseus…”

“Everyone’s hurt them.” Burke cut in, not letting his brother finish his thought. They were all working as hard as they could to wash the memory of their murderous kin. 

“But they’re still here.” Tess added, sounding very small when compared to the husky confident voices of her fellows. “I like Clarke.” 

Clarke smiled to herself, she felt Lexa press in closer to her. 

“So does Heda.” Shauna joked lowly.

“I’m glad she does.” Tess whined, begging them to be serious for a moment. “She was so angry when I first came here.” The girl paused, thinking for her words. “I was afraid of her.” Clarke sympathized with the girl, Lexa had been quite terrifying when she’d first met her. “Now… Now she doesn’t seem that bad.”

“You clearly weren’t there to see the Lynx.” Shauna added, enjoying irritating the youngest girl. But with the pouting expression she was met with from Tess she was forced to concede. “I know what you mean. It’s like I feel closer to her.” 

“It’s because Clarke has made her open up more.” Nepa said entering the conversation again. “None of you knew Heda back at the birth of the coalition. She was much like she is now.” 

“Except after Becca.” Burke mumbled. Lexa’s hand tensed again on Clarke’s stomach. Clarke placed a hand over the older girl’s and rubbed her fingers gently over it. Comforting her. 

“That’s exactly why we have to hold on to her and each other now.” Nepa addressed him firmly. “We all saw what she can become. How fragile we all are. How fragile the world is.” 

“I’m glad Clarke is still here.” Tess said again; Sounding simplistic but still wanting to enforce her opinion. 

“We all are Tess.” Nepa said fondly. 

“She is a great teacher.” Shauna agreed. 

“And she’s got a kindness Heda doesn’t.” Burke added. 

“Plus she’s good for a laugh.” Reed smirked. 

“No matter what happens in days to come I’m glad she and Heda are together.” Nepa said, well aware by now that their voices would have at the very least woken Heda. “They’ve opened up the possibility of having a life to all future Hedas.” The others grunted in agreement. “We get to love now too.” Nepa said slightly louder than she should have. 

The group hushed her. Though they spoke of Lexa’s new found kindness they still feared her wrath. It was growing quite late. They should have gone to sleep some hours ago. 

“Maybe Clarke will speak to Heda about ending the conclave.” Tess said quietly. 

Then came a silence. Where on the sound of the crackling fire could be heard. A silence where each of the Nightbloods pondered their youngest’s words. They’d spent the majority of their lives with the understanding that they’d one day be forced to kill one another or die trying. A very bloody, scaring future. One that none of them truly looked forward no matter how much they wanted to be Commander. But Tess’ small ideas sparked a slight hope inside them. 

Clarke felt Lexa’s hand relax against her stomach. As if in a way giving up. As silently as possible Clarke rolled over to look at the Commander in the dim light of the tent. Lexa simply shook her head defeated.  
For she knew that of all the traditions she’d changed as Heda the conclave would remain. There was only one flame and could only be one Heda. It was there way. 

One day the children would have to die.


	56. Chapter 56

Clarke awoke blearily as she felt movement within her and Lexa’s tent. Confused, she glanced over slightly to see the Commander laying flat on her flat convulsing slightly. Her body tensed, fists balled, and closed eyes darting around. Lexa was having a nightmare. 

Feeling her heart hurting for the girl, Clarke rolled herself to face Lexa. Eyeing her balled fists, warily slunk an arm over the older girl’s tensed form. The Commander didn’t seem to notice, still trapped in her nightmare. Slowly Clarke pulled herself towards Lexa until her face was pressed against the girl’s shoulder. There she kissed Lexa’s smooth skin while running her hand soothingly along her side. 

The older girl must have sensed Clarke’s presence and comfort for she eased slightly and still asleep, rolled to face the Sky girl. Now Clarke’s hand was resting on Lexa’s back and their faces only inches apart. Clarke pressed her forehead to Lexa’s, taking one of her hands in her own. The sleeping girl’s now calming form seemed to wrap itself around Clarke, holding her like a life line. That’s when the Commander opened her eyes.

Clarke held a gaze with those intense green eyes for a moment before speaking. 

“Are you okay?’ She whispered, running her thumb along Lexa’s hard jaw. 

“I am now.” The Commander responded, kissing Clarke’s thumb as it passed across her mouth. “Thank you.”

Clarke didn’t answer; instead she wrapped herself around the Commander tighter and buried her face into her comforting shoulder, breathing in Lexa’s scent. The older girl let out a content sigh and ran her fingers through Clarke’s tangled hair. 

“Why did you never tell me of how you lived in a prison?” Lexa said finally. 

Clarke pulled away so she could look at the Commander fully. 

“Huh?”

“You’ve told me so much of you life in space.” Lexa thought aloud. “But never once did you speak of living entirely by yourself in a cell.” 

Clarke shrugged. Never truly realizing she’d never mentioned the Sky Box to Lexa. “I guess.” She pondered. “I guess it’s just something I’d like to try and forget.”

From the look on the older girl’s face Clarke could tell Lexa was expecting more.  
She sighed. 

“I guess it’s probably the same reason why you don’t’ like to talk about your conclave.” 

At those words Lexa’s jaw set and her eyes darkened slightly, as Clarke knew they would. The Commander hated speaking of the conclave. The day she’d been named Commander, but also the day she had been forced to kill 7 of her childhood friends. 

“Why last night did you say there would always need to be conclave?” Clarke asked suddenly, remembering the conversation the Nightbloods had been having before she’d fallen asleep. “Why not try to create a more civilized by of choosing the next Commander?” 

“Clarke…” Lexa sighed lowering her face to look away. “There is so much you don’t understand about being Heda… About the flame choosing the next Nightblood. There can only be one Commander” She sighed, knowing no one could ever really grasp what it felt like to be Heda. “As there is only one flame.” 

Clarke furrowed her brow. “But why have them slaughter each other for it?”

At this Lexa receded slightly, offended by the Sky Girl’s words. “It’s not a slaughter.” She snapped. “We do not treat them like pigs or cattle. It’s a day of great honor.”

Sensing her mistake Clarke tried to pull Lexa closer. “I know.” She said quickly. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean that.”

“There can only be one Commander.” Lexa cut off the younger girl, staring at, needing her to understand. “And each of these children must believe they are to be Heda. A good Heda needs to make the best decisions for their people. ” Clarke intertwined her fingers with Lexa, and kissed them.  
“A Heda also must make hard decisions for their people. As you know.” The two shared a hard look as they both remembered Lexa walking away from Clarke at the doors of the mountain. “So if a Nightblood believes that are to be the right Heda they will fight as hard as they can to govern and protect their people. Even if its protecting them from their brothers and sisters. They must make the hardest decision of killing their comrades who may not serve as good of a Commander.” 

Somehow Lexa’s words struck some sense in Clarke. “So the Nightblood that fights the hardest and makes the most sacrifices by killing their friends will be the strongest Heda?” Still feeling the brutality of the situation. 

“That is correct.” Lexa nodded. “There have been cases in the past where Nightbloods knew they would not be a powerful Heda and either took their own lives during the conclave or allowed the true Commander to kill them with ease.”

Clarke shuddered at the thought of Tess, Burke, or any of the children driving a sword through their own chest or kneeling before another awaiting the removal of their head. 

“Is it easy for them to make those decisions?” Clarke asked. “Is it easy for you?”

“To make the decision on what’s best for my people?” Lexa asked confused. 

“Yes.” Clarke wondered. “Did you know you would be the best Commander?”

Lexa shrugged. “I assumed I would be, I fought my hardest. But making life or death decisions like I did on that day have never gotten easier.”

“Was it hard for you to leave me on the mountain.” Clarke asked, diverting her eyes from the Commander’s. 

Lexa sighed. “You know it was Clarke.” Then she pressed her lips to Clarke’s forehead. “ It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made.”

For reasons unknown to her that comment make Clarke smile. In a twisted way proud she had caused the Commander the most turmoil.   
Lexa pressed her lips to Clarke’s forehead and exhaled calmly. “We should prepare for the day.”

As a response Clarke pulled the older girl into a firm deep kiss, suddenly not wanted to have anything to do with the world outside their beautifully isolated world within their tent. 

“Clarke.” Lexa groaned as the Sky Girl ran her gentle hands down her back, resting them on her hip, kissing with more and more intent. “We can’t.” Lexa laughed slightly.

Clarke set to work on Lexa’s sensitive neck. “Can’t we.”

Lexa moaned slightly and knowing the sun was climbing higher and higher over the horizon, forced herself to pull away. “Come on.” She said extracting herself from their warm blankets and beginning to dress. Clarke groaned. 

“If we start moving soon we will hit the coast before nightfall.” The Commander said buttoning up her shirt, aware of Clarke’s eyes raking her exposed stomach and chest. “You’ll see the ocean.”

This caught Clarke’s attention, her eyes snapped from Lexa’s hard abdomen to her face. “By tonight?” 

Lexa smiled one of her rare smiles. “We’d better get the others up then?”

XXXX

The morning was silent and crisp as Lexa and Clarke crawled from their tent. Stretching their tight muscles. Clarke was finding herself missing their bed back in Polis, the grounds here were made up more of rocks than soil. She hoped where ever they were headed had beds that were raised from the ground.

Lexa crossed to the fire and shuffled the ashes about, there were still several hot coals burning, meaning the Nightbloods had only let it burn down 3 or 4 hours ago. They’d stayed up much too late, and they would pay the price today.   
Taking slightly too much joy in the action Lexa reached for the largest of the copper pots they’d brought with them for cooking and boiling water.   
Feeling Clarke’s confused watchful eyes on her Lexa drew her dagger and with a devilish smile that came only from her eyes strode over to the nearest Nightblood tent. 

Before she’d even raised her knife Clarke was sniggering under breath.   
Every tent shook and rocked as Lexa banged the hilt of her knife sharply on the pot creating a painful echoing snap of a sound. The type of sound that send shivers down your back and just created a level of discomfort. 

“Wake up Wake up Dear Nightbloods.” Lexa cried aloud walking between the tents banging her pots. The of the bleary eyed yet panicked Nightbloods tumbling from their tents ready to face the new loud danger. 

“Have a late night did we?” Clarke called to a tousle haired Burke who was sleepily clutching his shoe as a weapon. 

“Warriors should know to sleep with the sun whilst traveling.” Lexa said mildly as Shauna dragged herself from the tent she shared with Nepa. “Now let’s ready the horses.” 

XXX

Within the hour all of the tents had been packed up, the last of the Lynx eaten or preserved, the fire doused and cleared. Now Lexa, Clarke and the semi-awake Nightbloods were making their way across the plains. 

Clarke now rode behind Lexa, feeling she’d be little help at the back of the group for defense and as Lexa’s teaching moment had already occurred with her rude awakening of the children the atmosphere of the group was somehow lighter. Still there was very little conversation as they rode, mainly because the ride became more difficult as the day progressed. Within a few hours of leaving their campsite the plains came to a sudden halt and were replaced with a forest so thick that they could only ride in single file. Lexa led of course, Tarko navigating through the thick and grabbing branches with even some level of difficulty. More than one a member of the group had a branch catch on their clothing and even their faces. The dark black blood of the Commander dripping slowly down each of the children’s faces from the deep cuts the forest was inflicting on them all. Clarke felt almost out of place as her face bled red. 

Past mid day Clarke found the trees were somehow growing noisier and seemed to move more aggressively, though she felt no wind. 

“Heda?” She called ahead to Lexa how had by this time drawn her sword to cut a path 

“Nearly there.” Lexa grunted with effort as she hacked a particularly large branch down. As the branch fell it was as if a large door had been opened and a large gust of wind shot through the gap the branch had left. 

“Finally.” The Commander wiped her sweating brown and led Tarko forward. Clarke followed closely behind on Wells struggling against the wind.   
As they cleared the trees Clarke was forced to shield her eyes as the sun’s brightness. Intensified. They emerged onto yet another plain. 

She trusted Wells to guide her as she rubbed her eyes, encouraging them to adjust to the sudden contrast from the shaded forest they’d been in for most of the day. When Clarke’s vision finally cleared she gasped. As she stared ahead, the blowing tall grass of the plain suddenly stopped. Its landscape was replaced with a blue, and endless blue line of water. 

“Oh my god.” She said aloud, not evening noticing she was holding up the line of Nightbloods trying to exit the trees. She didn’t care. She’d never seen something so gorgeous   
The ocean.


	57. Chapter 57

There wasn’t another side. It just kept going.   
That was the main thing that baffled Clarke as she stared over the cliff at the endless line of blue and grey water. The ocean. 

“Clarke.” An exasperated voice called from behind her, but the Sky Girl barely heard it. The water moved so vigorously. The wind pushing it back and forth. At some points of the water its tips would grow white before fading back into the blue. Waves. These must have been the Waves Lexa had spoken of so long ago. 

“Clarke!” An annoyed Nightblood called again. 

“Here.” Lexa said chuckling at the girl’s dropped jaw. She reached out and took Well’s loose reins, urging him forward. Clearing a path so that the rest of the Nightlboods might finally see the ocean. 

Their reactions were nothing short of Clarke’s, so much so that it was almost a full five minutes before they’d all managed to exit the trees. There they stood, lined up staring at the water. Jaws open, eyes wide and gleeful. Feeling the salty wind blow on their faces and whip their hair around on their heads. 

Burke even grew as bold enough as to approach the edge of the cliff and glance down at the crashing waves below. The others weren’t far behind him, clambering to see the water meet the earth. Soon all the children sat on the ledge, letting their legs hang over the steep drop off. Not a hint of fear in them.   
The sight warmed Lexa’s heart as she thought fondly back to the first time she’d seen the water. The first time she’d felt the encapsulating sense of astonishment and wonder she had felt , even though she had been so young.   
Here, the Nightbloods were so much older and had a greater understanding of the world. She could only try and imagine what was going through their heads. Or even what Clarke was thinking. 

The Sky Girl had laid herself down on her stomach, resting her head against the ground staring out to the water, no doubt focusing on the point where the water seemed to become the sky. 

“Has anyone ever found the edge?” Clarke asked curiously. Sensing Lexa’s eyes on her. 

The Nightblood’s perked up, eager to hear Lexa’s response.

The Commander sat next to them on the ledge. Tossing a small rock down into the crashing shore. 

“There is no edge.” She said simply. “The water just continues on, leading travelers to many strange new lands.”  
Lexa recalled the stories her best sailors had recounted to her after their journeys. Sometimes voyages that lasted many years.  
The sailors spoke of lands so warm that snow never fell, of plants could be harvested all year round. Of the ice lands that made Azgeda’s ice terrain nothing more than a joke. A place where there was more ice than rock and nothing green to be seen. Where the ice was so thick that it could not be dug through. Lexa had even heard seemingly old salt tales of lands where the seasons were reversed from her own land’s and hardly any animal was recognizable to one’s known by Trikru. 

As the Commander told the stories that had been passed on to her, or ones that previous Commander’s had experienced the Nightblood’s muttered in awe. Each imagined themselves exploring these strange lands. There finger’s itching to take the wheel of a ship and sail out with a crew of their own. 

“We need to keep moving.” The Commander said eventually, after more than an hour had passed. The sun was now high in the sky and would soon begin to dip down again.  
The group let out a resigned groan and they all remounted their steads. To somewhat appease Clarke and the Nightblood’s desire to remain close to the water; Lexa led them towards the village along the edge of the cliff. The village was still a day’s journey but even the Commander was feeling the desire to jump in the water more and more encompassing. Lexa still found herself waking if not from a nightmare with her fists painfully clenched and her mind buzzing with sad thoughts and memories. She needed the feelings of release and freedom she knew the water would bring. 

Clarke must have sensed Lexa’s growing urgency, for as the day progressed the younger girl urged the children along more forcefully than she normally would have. So much so that once or twice she almost road past Lexa. 

Conversation on the edge of the cliff was limited, mainly because most minds and eyes were fixed on the water, each person in their own heads. Reveling in the feelings brought on by the water. As well the wind was blowing so hard that it made speaking difficult to be heard. 

Lexa herself road so focused on the water that more than once Tarko redirected himself from walking directly off the cliff when it would have a sudden jut in the path they followed. The horse seemed quite on edge walking on the cliff and Lexa did not blame him.   
She began to wonder if she should pull the group even a slight bit further from the edge. For their safety, she was beginning to notice how freshly exposed some of the earth was on the edge of the cliff was where they walked.

Then almost as if to add an irony to her thoughts; Lexa felt the ground beneath her rumble. The edge of the cliff began to slide towards the water, the group still standing on it.   
In complete instinct Lexa kicked Tarko forward and veered him away from the water’s edge, yelling as she did so. The other’s yells echoed the Commander’s. However, as Lexa was ahead of them she could not see what was fully occurring. It was only after she had traveled several metres away from the edge that the ground stopped shifting. There she reined Tarko in and turned him back to look for the Nightbloods. The group seemed to be moving in slow motion. The ground was crumbling away and falling into the abrupt abyss, while the horses ran on the seemingly flowing earth. It was Shauna who drew Lexa’s eyes the most, the girl’s horse seemed to be running in place as the earth it’s hooves kept hitting broke away. But the girl did not disappear, at the last second her mare seemed to gain a lightening burst of speed and it overshot the tumbling earth, successfully landing two hooves on stable ground and using its momentum to pull itself forward until all four hooves were safely landed. 

The sound of several feet of earth and rocks hitting the water crashed in the group’s ears.

The group all stood in silence, listening, feeling the adrenaline pounding through their bodies. Lexa quickly counted, her eyes darting to each familiar face, needing to make eye contact with each and every one of her companions. Praying none followed the rocks and earth into the sea. No.   
They were all there. They’d been incredibly lucky. 

Then, feeling the stress and shock shaking her body, her thoughts running through what could have happened. The Commander began to laugh. At first it was simply a quiet chuckle but soon the sound crescendo-ed into a full-bellied laugh, that Clarke had only managed to coax out of her once or twice.  
To Lexa it was completely hysterical that they could have come all this way to simply fall off a cliff. That their journey was to conclude in jumping into the ocean and they could have died doing it too soon. 

As Lexa laughed; the Nightbloods all just stared at her, eyes hard and confused. Then as if hit by the same realization as the Commander; Clarke began to laugh. She’d watched Lexa drop at least a foot from ground level before feeling her own footing give way, a horrific feeling. She had seen her life flash before her eyes.  
Yet here they all stood. Safe and uninjured for once. It was comical how complicated and dangerous all of their lives proved to be on a daily basis. It seemed now that even the dirt itself was against them. And all Clarke and Lexa could do was laugh. Eventually even the Nightbloods joined in. Seeing their teachers let loose slightly encouraging them to relax. They laughed, allowing the warmth of their laughter flow through their chilled terrified veins. 

XXXX

The group pitched their camp more than 100ft from the edge of the cliff.   
Lexa had wanted to try and find a more sheltered camp area but come nightfall they had found themselves in a treeless brambled plain. The field just past their camp consumed by thick thorned bushes, that housed from what Lexa could guess, less than friendly hives of wasps.   
Feeling that they were still slightly too close to the water’s edge but knowing they had no other choice, Lexa agreed to pitch the camp just on the edge of the bushes. 

The wind near the water blew so hard that getting the tents up had been a mission and a half, so much so that more than once they almost lost their tents to the wind completely. Tess and Burke had to be sent off several times to collect large rocks to put on the corners of the fabric so that it didn’t blow away completely.

A fire was completely out of the question, as any spark they might have been able to conjure up would have been immediately extinguished by the gale that blew harshly around them, as if determined to blow them off the earth itself entirely.

It was an early night for them all. For with no fire and the cold wind cutting through their bodies, staying in any unsheltered area for too long was terribly uncomfortable.   
Lexa spent one last moment staring out at the huddled horses and rocking tents before ducking into the tent she shared with Clarke.

Clarke, as usual was already huddled under their furs trying to gain some warm in her destined to be always frozen toes and fingers.

“It seems almost as if its getting worse.” Lexa said worriedly crawling under the blankets, letting the younger wrap her shivering body around her own. Clarke trying to steal as much of Lexa’s ever present body heat as possible.

“The wind?” The Sky Girl shivered.

“Yes.” Lexa said, giving the girl’s forehead a slight kiss. “I remember the winds here being strong. But this is just absurd.” 

“Hopefully it will die down by morning.” Clarke said, burrowing herself into Lexa’s comforting chest. “This will be difficult to travel in and we’re almost there.”

Lexa grunted in agreement as she held Clarke tightly and began to feel sleep encompass the two of them, the wind pounding against their tent like thunder.


	58. Chapter 58

Clarke awoke suddenly to her world in a complete whirlwind. Something had been thrown on top of her. She opened her eyes to see the Commander staring straight back at her, eyes panicked and confused.   
Lexa had been seemingly thrown on top of her, their heads cracked painfully against one another. The Commanders knees were jabbing into the younger girl’s stomach and her elbows hit Clarke’s chest, effectively knocking the air out of her lungs.  
Then Lexa rolled off of her, landing on the opposite side of the tent to where she’d been sleeping. The Commander was cursing loudly. Clarke barely had a moment to even revel in her confusion before she felt herself being pushed upwards by the fabric wall of the tent and now she was rolling on top of Lexa. Their heads smacked together again and Clarke felt the contact split Lexa’s facial wound open. The older girl gave a slight yell in pain and lunged upwards. Shoving Clarke towards the door entrance of their now rolling tent. 

The two fought their way out of the moving tent and immediately were blown to their stomachs by the raging wind. The large heavy rocks they’d set on the corners of their strongly pitched tent now rolled away as if they were leaves, following their tent as it blew towards the cliff’s edge. Without their weight holding it down the tent rolled with ease and soon disappeared into the darkness, or off the cliff.   
Once her eyes left her now vanished tent she turned to see what was becoming of the rest of the camp. To her horror she saw the her and Lexa’s tent wasn’t the only one forced from its pegs. All around her the tents were moving. 

Clarke had just managed to struggle to her feet when a panicked voice called over the wind. 

“Look out!”

Immediately she felt Lexa push her to her stomach again, this time staying on top of her, holding her down on purpose.

Another tent flew over them, completely airborne. Had Clarke still been standing she would have no doubt been hit and gone over the cliff with the shelter. However, seeing the tent fly freely brought some relief to her, if there was still someone in it, it couldn’t have possible blown so easily. Who ever had owned it had escaped. 

“Burke!” Lexa yelled, releasing the younger girl and standing, blood pouring down her face, making it even more difficult to see.

“Heda here!” Burke’s voice called, sounding as if her was calling from miles away, but Clarke could just make out the boy’s shape holding down what would soon be the next air born tent. The two made their way over to help. 

As Burke put all of his weight on the fighting tent, Reed was pulling out its occupants. First came Nepa, then Shauna, both looking completely jostled.

Clarke was just about to lay hands on the tent when Burke gave a yell. The shelter had begun to slide, causing him to slip to the ground. Releasing it. 

With a blood-curdling scream, the tent began to roll, the petit Tess still struggling to get out. All three standing Nightbloods lunged for their fellow’s cage, each missing by mere millimeters.   
The tent was now picking up speed in the wind, blowing directly to the edge of the cliff. Then with less than five feet of earth remaining, Lexa’s stallion, Tarko appeared, blocking the tent. His large bulky stallion body absorbed the impact with difficultly. Lexa lunged at the tent, throwing her entire body weight onto it.   
Dagger in hand the Commander sliced through the tent’s wall and reached inside. Tarko whinnied loudly, and Lexa saw that the horse’s hooves were beginning to slide from the force of the wind. Just as the tent began to slide again Lexa felt Tess grab her searching hand.   
Turing her grip into steel Lexa saw Tarko step away from the tent, surrendering it to the wind.   
Tess screamed as the tent blew off the cliff, however the cut Lexa had made in the wall was just large enough for her to be pulled through. The tips of the youngest girl’s boots were just hanging over the cliff’s edge when she was completely free of her shelter. 

Once she felt the tent stop pulling; Lexa pulled Tess towards her. Taking hold of the youngest girl in nothing short of a hug. Both were shaking, knowing that had Lexa missed the tent, or had they not managed to grab one another Tess would have been lost. 

Strong hands gripped both of their shoulders and began to pull them from the cliff’s edge, leading them to the thorned field. The wind was somehow blowing harder than it had before. As Lexa, Burke, Tess, and Reed made their way to the others, more than once they were forced to dive for the ground as the head sized rocks they’d been using to secure the tents flew at them, moving so easily one could have thought they were weightless. 

The group scrambled into the thick bushes, ignoring the deep scratches the thorns inflicted on their barely clothed bodies. Most of them were only dressed in their underclothes.   
“What’s a few more scars?” Lexa couldn’t help but think as one particularly sharp bush caught her the face.  
Once they were far enough into the bushes, Lexa set to work in cutting away at some of them with her dagger, trying to make some form of small clearing so they could at least sit without completely puncturing their bodies.   
The horses, lined the small clearing she made and lay down, providing slightly more shelter from the wind. Lexa admired the loyalty of these creatures; surprised none had run off to seek better shelter.  
Wordlessly, the Nightbloods all lay down close to one another for warmth and relief from the wind. The wind shot through their thin underclothes like knives on their already bloody skin.   
Lexa was at least relieved that any form of animal or insect that may be lingering in the field too was taken shelter and choosing not to wage war on them.   
Sitting close to Tarko, his dark coat radiating heat, the Commander gazed around their clearing. The bushes were blowing roughly, several had been ripped from the ground and she watched them blow into the darkness. How any creature could live in a place where the weather was so rough Lexa did not understand. 

Feeling a hand take hers, the Commander looked down to see Clarke laying a few feet from her, her blond hair completely matted and tangled. Giving the Sky Girl’s hand a squeeze and deciding that there was truly nothing they could do but wait out the weather Lexa lay down, pressing her body close to Clarke’s shivering form. 

XXX

Whether any of the group truly slept was a mystery as the wind continued to blow loud and strong well after sunrise. In fact the sun was fully over the horizon before Lexa felt the wind even calm itself slightly. 

That’s when she heard the buzzing. The wasps she’d known to be lurking in the brambles they’d settled in were starting to wake, and she and the Nightbloods would be no doubt unwelcome in their midst. 

“Move!” She said suddenly rising, breaking the small cocoon of warmth she’d built between Clarke and Tarko and feeling the wind send chills through her body.  
The Nightbloods all rose from their sleeping positions and began to lead their horses through the thorns. They’d lost almost all of their supplies to wind and sea so there was no packing to be done. One or two of them were even without shoes. 

Once they were free of the bushes each Nightblood simply mounted their stead and readied themselves to follow Lexa. Clarke looked around at the half dressed, scratched, exhausted, and weaponless group. At the Commander who’s face was marred and covered in dry blood. 

“We will certainly be some site to the village.”   
She thought grimly as Lexa gave Tarko a slight kick to start moving.   
The Commander had them ride all day without stopping. Which Clarke, though resented, understood. They had no weapons, therefor they could not hunt. As well there didn’t appear to be much to hunt to begin with. As they travelled along the coastal line they barely encountered and trees or any living things. 

Luckily by mid day they did come across a fast moving stream. There they stopped to drink and clean themselves. The Commander wasn’t the only one with dried blood crusting over her body. Burke and Nepa who had taken point in leading the group through the bushes the night before were so covered in blood it took them a full five minutes to scrub themselves clean in the icy water. Leaving their bodies chilled and their many scratches clearly visible.   
Lexa’s face, now slightly paled face, due to her lack of food and sleep now showed off the wolf’s claws remarkably. Clarke couldn’t tell if they made her appear more intimidating or beaten. 

“How much longer would you say?” Shauna asked as she rang the black bloody water from her hunting vest. “Until we reach the village.” 

Lexa splashed water on her face and looked in the direction they were traveling. 

“I’d say we should be there in less than two hours.” She said, recognizing something that resembled a trodden path in the soil just ahead of them. No doubt they’d enter some scouts sooner rather than later. 

This news seemed to lift the moral of the group, as did the ever-rising sun that sent warm glowing rays through their damp clothing. 

“All right.” Lexa said taking a final drink and feeling a big more rejuvenated. “Let’s keep moving. We mustn’t keep our hosts waiting much longer. We don’t want to be rude.” 

At this Clarke chuckled, knowing that Lexa was actually referring to how no member of this group wanted to spend any longer on the road than necessary. They were all thoroughly spent after the night they’d had.

The horses too seemed to sense the nearby destination and moved at a slightly quicker pace than normal. Clarke was grateful to the animals and patted Wells fondly. She had unwisely removed her shoes to sleep and could not imagine trying to walk to the village in bare feet. 

Not an hour after the river the group found themselves on a trail that was clearly well used, the weeds trampled and the earth churned.   
As they rounded a particular wide part of the cliff side Clarke gasped.   
Less than a mile ahead of them sat a village. High on the cliffs, huts and houses sat perched precariously on the rocks, small pillars of smoke rising from each dwelling. On the coastal side of the village she could make out several figure jumping into the rough water below, where several large boats lay anchored. 

“And there’s our welcoming committee.” Lexa said giving a wide wave. Clarke followed the Commander’s gaze and saw a small group of horses trotting along the path towards them. 

They’d finally arrived.


	59. Chapter 59

The village was nothing like Clarke had ever seen. It seemed only slightly larger than Arkadia, and had the same feeling almost to her people’s own village.

As they walked through the single street (the horses were left on the outskirts as the street was too narrow for the animals) Clarke was struck by how peaceful the village was. She hadn’t realized she’d become so accustomed to the hustle and bustle of Polis. But here, in this slight fishing village on the edge of the world; no one truly seemed in a rush. 

Even their welcoming committee had taken their time in greeting the Commander. It was all so casual. Just a few citizens, some young, others old and from what Clarke could tell, the leader.   
The leader of the village, an elderly woman with dark skin named Marie didn’t even give Lexa the slightest bit of a bow when she greeted them, instead she’d held her hand out waiting for the Commander to shake it. Lexa of course had, and the women had remarked about how much she’d grown. That was when Clarke realized that the last time Lexa had been here she’d been but a child. Now she was the Commander, but Clarke had an inkling that Marie still saw Lexa as no doubt a curious yet courageous child.   
In the back of her mind she made a mental note to ask the woman what Lexa had been like as a child. 

The stones on the road where incredibly rounded and smooth, so smooth that Clarke and the Nightbloods found themselves slipping slightly as they tried to make their way to the house where they were to stay.   
“It’s the salt.” Marie said chuckling. “Smooths out any surface if you leave it out long enough.” Reed took a particularly miscalculated step and slammed himself, backside first onto the hard rocks.   
“Yes, it’ll even smooth out your ass if you try hard enough.” Marie snorted at the “capitol kids” as she called them. “You’ll get used to it soon enough.”  
Clarke couldn’t help but grumble as she helped a wincing Reed to his feet, she noted Marie’s sturdy looking sandals, which gripped the stones so much better most of their bare and tender feet. She’d like to see this woman try and walk around all day without shoes. 

The people of the village had a very old timey-ness about them, Clarke was reminded of members of Farm Station on the Ark. They’d been simple people, who did their work and then had their fun, and had respect for only those who they saw worked the hardest. Which was why on the Ark they had so much trouble getting the Farmers to respect the council. They saw none of the council’s work or efforts.  
She imagined that was why they treated Lexa so casually. 

Whenever Lexa had returned to Polis after a journey or arrived in a new clan she was greeted by the largest of the celebrations, feasts, and drums. Yet most citizens here merely turned their head in her direction as they approached and gave a slight wave.   
The people were so calm.  
Here they were so separated from the rest of the clans and their troubles. They no doubt knew of Lexa and the Nightbloods but little of her perceived power had reached or influenced this place, so why would they bend a knee for her? Clarke had a feeling that this village had barely changed with its generations. They were so isolated, how could they? 

“Here we are.” Marie said as they arrived at a house near the end of the street, close to the cliff’s rocky edge. “The visitor’s house.”

“This is where I stayed when I was a child.” Lexa said in awe looking at the two floored house, that to Clarke looked as though it could have been old enough to have housed three Commanders before Lexa. She just hoped it was sturdier than it looked.

“You’ll find clothes in the cabinets in each of the rooms and shoes in the back.” Marie said tipping her weed woven hat to them. “I’ll be back for you in an hour. Then we will eat.”

“You have my thanks Marie.” Lexa said clasping the woman’s shoulder. 

Marie gave a slight shrug. “You’ll be wanting some seaweed for that face of yours I imagine.” 

Lexa’s fingers instinctively went to her face, where her marks still stung in the cold air. “It would be appreciated.” 

Marie nodded and walked away grumbling. Clarke was sure she heard the words   
“Damn wolves.”

Lexa opened the creaking off centered door and stepped inside. The Nightbloods followed her somewhat hesitantly. They’d never been in an entirely wooden house before. Most of the houses in Polis and the other clans used trees as support and leaves or racks as walls. But this house was entirely constructed of thin, sea washed wood, giving the structure its own choir of creaks. 

“Now.” Lexa said as they’d all gathered in the main room of the house, a crackling fire burned brightly in the corner of the room and several makeshift chairs had been brought in for them. Clarke noted how the Nightbloods eyed the fire warily, each subtle crackle causing them to flinch, expecting the entire house to burst into flame.

“I want you to all go and clean yourselves up.” The Commander spoke ever so slightly harshly, snatching the children’s attention. “I won’t have Marie waiting for any of you when she returns.” 

The Nightbloods nodded briskly. Taken aback by Lexa’s tone. She’d been so open and pleasant the last few days. 

“I want you all to understand.” She continued. “That we are visitors in this village.” She looked at each of the children, needing them to understand what she was saying. 

“Whenever we have traveled in the past, we were the guests of the clan, they respected us, praised us, and catered to us. Here that is not the case. These people do not care what color your blood is, or where you come from. They care about how you treat them and eachother.”

The Nightbloods looked at each other, this was unexpected. How could Heda stand for such disrespect?  
“These people live different lives than the rest of the clans, lives you will begin to understand the longer we stay here.” The fire cracked again, accusing the Nightbloods to jump.   
“But you all must be on your best behavior.” Lexa ploughed on. “And help out wherever you can.”. 

“Yes Heda.” The Nightbloods said in their student unison. 

“Good.” Lexa folded her hands behind her back. “Dismissed.” 

With that the children moved to the rickety staircase that led to the upper levels. Clarke made to follow them, eager to see the second level of the house, but felt a strong hand take her own, holding her back.   
“You will not be staying upstairs.” Lexa said pulling Clarke to the closed door just to the left of the fire.   
“I’ve no intention of having us sleep on cots or stacked beds.”   
The door opened to reveal a cozy room of modest size, the walls of which were lined with various types of brightly colored rocks. 

“Wow.” Clarke gasped when she saw the rocks. Their shapes and colors were like none she’d ever seen before. Bright blues, greens, and pinks that had wrapped themselves into rounded curls or stuck out in jutting spikes. They were like nothing she’d ever seen before.   
Lexa chuckled as she undid her belt and placed it on the large quilted bed, next to the fresh neatly folded clothing that had been left for them. 

“What kind of rocks are these?” Clarke asked running her finger over a particularly teal on that had flecks of bright pink running through its seemingly endless circles.

“Those aren’t rocks.” Lexa said removing her shirt. 

Clare turned to her confused. “What are they?”

Lexa paused, new shirt in hand. “They’re shells Clarke.” She smirked in bemused sort of way. “Sea creatures use them as shelter or carry them around as protection. Then when they die or are hunted these people collect the shells.” 

“Oh.” The younger girl poked a spike of one of the shells; now understanding that they’d be used as potential weapons against predators. “They’re beautiful.”

“Some days I forget that you fell from the sky.” Lexa said pulling on the new clean shirt, which was made of a rough yet silky fabric. She could tell by its feel that it would dry considerably fast should it become wet. “This is not one of those days.”

“Forgive me Heda.” Clarke joked, “There wasn’t exactly endless bodies of water in Polis either.” The girl made her way over to the Commander and fondly wrapped her arms around the older girl’s shoulders

“You are forgiven.” Lexa said resting her forehead against Clarke’s, taking a deep breath. Allowing herself to relax for just a moment, knowing that soon Marie would be knocking.

Clarke felt Lexa relax slightly and moved her arms from the girl’s shoulders to around her waist. Letting her relax further. 

“There was a time that I thought of taking Becca here.” Lexa spoke so quietly that Clarke barely heard her, even though their faces were only inches apart. “It’s a wonderful place for children.” 

Clarke tightened her grip on the Commander and placed a kiss on her forehead, taking care to avoid the deep marks across her face.   
Lexa was right. Becca would have loved it here. Whenever Becca needed a bath, she hadn’t screamed or struggled; like the healers and her mother had warned, instead she’d giggle in delight or mischievously as she went out of her way to make sure her parents were just as soaked as she was, regardless of who was supposed to be getting bathed. 

“Don’t think about that.” Clarke said, half to herself, half to the now tensing Commander. “Think instead…” She paused, trying to divert her own thoughts from giggling toddlers with bright green eyes. “ Think of how much the Nightbloods will love the water, think of jumping from those cliffs. Focus on that feeling that I can’t understand because I haven’t done it.” 

Though she didn’t necessarily feel she’d done justice with her words Clarke felt Lexa relax slightly. 

“Thank you Clarke.” She muttered taking a step back, and kissing her warmly.  
The younger girl could still feel the Commander’s mind buzzing, but she had become accustomed to it the last little while. At least on the outside Lexa looked composed. 

“You’d better change.” Lexa nodded to Clarke’s blood stained nightshirt. “I’ll find you some sandals.” 

Then she was gone, leaving Clarke alone in the room. With one last look at the gorgeous shells lining the walls, she began to strip and dress into the strange new clothes that had been provided. 

She found it funny how she often told Lexa to think of the feelings of swimming in the sea, and jumping from the terrifying cliffs they’d all almost fallen from the day before, yet she herself actually had no idea what that jumping must feel like. 

Lexa said it was like waking up from a deep sleep. She said that it brought relief from the troubles of the world. 

Clarke truly hoped so, she felt so strained, her mind so exhausted, her memories a labor instead of a vacation. She said a silent prayer that the water be everything she’d been told. She needed a re-awakening.


	60. Chapter 60

Clarke had only just managed to get herself into the new clothing before there was a brisk knock on the house’s front door and Marie was there again, ready to take them to dinner. 

She, Lexa, and the Nightbloods all strode out of the house in a line looking and feeling very different from when they’d entered the village. Not only had they either lost or left behind most of their weapons; but their new wardrobe was not like anything they’d ever worn. It’s color was much lighter than they were used to and the fabric itself did not hug their bodies as securely as what they wore in Polis. Clarke felt as though she herself were wearing some kind of rags, like a beggar. However, as they made their way down the street of the village she noted that most of the citizens apparel was almost exactly the same as their own. It brought her comfort. 

As it was nearing noon the sun now shone brightly in the clear sky, casting its warm rays onto the village. Clarke was content, that despite the still blowing wind she was quite warm. Whether the temperature had increased significantly since the morning or the clothing offered better insulation she could not tell, but she was not complaining either way. Especially after she’d spent the night shivering in thorn bushes

As they approached what Clarke was beginning to believe was the far edge of the village she was surprised at how many citizens seemed to present. When they’d arrived the streets had been bustling as she expected, but now as it was later in the day and they were more centralized she saw dozens of people. The citizen’s varied in age and stature, the older folks seemed shorter and squatter, while the adults tall and lanky, Clarke was also surprised by the sheer number of children that were running up and down the streets, all young, strong, and happy. 

They rounded a final corner and arrived in a form of town square, on one side the street and houses, the other side was a earth that lead to the cliff that was some 50ft away. A long scrubbed table had been set up just on the edge of the buildings with over a dozen sturdy chairs around it. The group made to sit down, Clarke noting how the seats were almost double their number. The group was only compiled of 7 people yet, with a quick count she noticed there were 14 chairs. Lexa confidently took a seat at the end of the table; Clarke made to sit next to her when she felt a firm hand gra her shoulder. She turned in surprise to see Marie’s stern eyes looking at her.

“No.” The women said huskily but not harshly. “You sit here.” Hand still clasped on shoulder the woman directed her to a seat further down the table, leaving a vacant chair between herself and Lexa.   
As Clarke settled herself in the hard chair she watched as Marie directed the Nightbloods to their assigned seats, leaving one chair as a gap between each confused young warrior.   
On the wind Clarke heard Lexa give a sigh of understanding, she looked to the Commander and saw a hint of a smile in the woman’s eyes. 

“There.” Marie said, having plopped Tess into the final chair opposite to Clarke. “Now you may eat.”

It was then that Clarke directed her attention to the actual table itself, which was laden with so much food she was surprised that it wasn’t groaning from the sheer weight of it all.   
The food, Clarke presumed had been primarily harvested from the ocean, for most of the table looked completely new and strange to her. Some dishes she recognized clearly as fish, much like they’d once fished from rivers and streams at the Drop Ship. However, these fish were much larger, their round beady blue eyes staring blankly up to the clear sky, their sharp rounded fins still attached.   
Near the fish were roasted creatures Clarke had no hope of identifying, she noticed that they appeared to be made of similar coatings to that of the shells that had been hung in her and Lexa’s room but yet they seemed to coat the entire animal. The bright red creatures had several antennae protruding from several points of their bodies, as well as large pinchers and claws at what she assumed was the front of the creatures.   
How she could possibly find anything edible through those thick shells was beyond Clarke. She turned instead to the steaming bowls of green, blue, and pink plants. Doing her best to be polite, she ladled several spoonfuls of the plants onto her plate, and then looked about slightly helplessly. How could she only eat vegetables when all of these other dishes had been offered to her, but she had absolutely no concept as to how to eat them. Then as if answerer her prayers an elderly man with a long white hair tied back in a wispy pony tail sat himself between herself and Lexa, equipped with his own smaller plate. Giving her a broad, slightly toothless smile the man reached out and pulled the red shelled creature towards himself and Clarke. He picked up a strange metal tool that Clarke just noticed had been sitting next to the animal. The tool was composed of two parts, that opened to exposed a slightly grated edge, almost like a clamp of sorts. Using the clamp the villager lifted the claw of the shelled creature and with a flex of his muscular arm cracked the hard shell. Juice squirted out in every directed and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh as she saw tender pink meat beneath the shell. 

“Here.” The man’s accent sounded incredibly thick as he offered her the clamp. Following his lead Clarke grasped the other claw and with some difficulty cracked the shell, exposing even more meat and spraying herself with juice. 

Now looking at the man for more guidance, Clarke watched as he ripped the claw from the shelled creature and placed it on his own plate, beginning to tear away the broken shell, picking the meat out and eating it with his fingers. She followed suite, extracting the meet and putting it, hesitantly in her mouth. It was like nothing she’d ever tasted, flavorful and easy to chew. It was delicious. Clarke had to clamp her mouth shut to prevent any form of pleasurable groan escaping her mouth. 

“So you are from the sky, yes?” The man spoke as he dug through the shell, extracting whatever meat he could locate. 

“Yes.” Clarke said, slightly distracted by the intense flavors she was experiencing. 

“How did you live up there?” The man asked, and Clarke realized he was staring at her intently. At that moment, equipped with her own plate, a young frizzled haired woman took the seat next to her and began to ask Nepa questions on what it was like in the Capitol. 

Clarke felt like giving an exclamation of understanding. That was why they’d staggered her group’s seating. It was to allow citizens to sit next to the visitors and engage with them in conversation. It was a chance for the villagers to learn of worlds they’d not lived, and Clarke presumed, a chance for her to learn of these people’s cultures as well.

“Well.” Clarke said raising her fork to begin to sample the pungent and salty plants before her. “We lived in a very large house, the size of several villagers.” She tried to explain to the man. 

His eyes widened at the concept. “But were there trees? Oceans?”

Clarke smiled at his curiosity and set to work attempting to explain how life on the Ark actually worked. 

Several minutes into their conversation, a younger man no older than 25 put his hand on Clarke’s conversationalist. The older man smiled, politely shook Clarke’s hand, vigorously thanking her and welcoming her to the village. Then he stood and the younger man replaced him. Sticking his fork into the nearest fish, the young man began to ask Clarke about how she’d survived when first arriving on earth. Baffled that they’d not killed themselves by doing something stupid like eating poisoned berries, or burning down their camp. He was charming Clarke found, a joker but a little too arrogant, so Clarke wasn’t entirely disappointed when another villager prodded him to take his place. 

The dinner went on for several hours and Clarke filled and cleaned her plate of the strange new delicious food, speaking with the seemingly endless stream of villagers of varying ages and personalities, some with accents so thick Clarke could barely understand them, even if they chose to speak English. 

All around her Lexa and the Nightbloods were having similar experiences to her. She laughed slightly when a girl no older than 8 sat herself in front of Lexa and asked her, eyes wide as the fish’s what kind of animals they kept as pets in the Capitol.   
What surprised Clarke was that she never was asked the same questions twice, everyone who sat themselves in front of her seemed to have a different curiosity about living in space or transitioning into her life here. Once in a while the village opened themselves up to Clarke asking them about their lives. They seemed almost as eager to speak of their own world as to learning about hers.   
Clarke learned that life on the cliffs was a hard one, apparently in colder months that ocean’s waves grew so high that they broke over the edge of the cliff and sent water rushing through the streets.   
These people were no strangers to death or loss. No wonder though, Clarke though considering the hardship she and the others had faced just trying to get to the village.  
One particularly old villager explained to Clarke that that was why they lived their lives so freely and carefree. They all knew that their lives could literally be swept away in an instant and chose not to live in fear, and instead embraced all the happiness they could. The woman spoke so interestingly and told such tales of the things she’d experience that Clarke was almost sad when she was asked to leave so someone else may speak. 

Clarke must have spoken to over 50 villagers by the time Marie finally announced that the meal was complete. Lexa who had been speaking with a 12 year old boy rose and shook his hand as firmly as if he had been a respected veteran warrior. 

“Thank you.” She said loudly enough so that all near her heard her. “For your words, stories, and questions, and of course for the lovely meal.”

Clarke glanced down the table and to her surprise saw that nearly all of the food had been picked clean. The bowls with the plants empty, their remaining juices drunk, the fish simply bones, and the shelled creatures merely a pile of cracked shells.   
Her stomach felt as though it was going to burst from all she’d eaten. 

“Commander?” The 12 year old boy Lexa had been speaking with spoke up suddenly. “Would the other children like to come play a game of ball with us?” 

At this the Nightbloods perked up slightly all down the table. Clarke couldn’t help but wonder the last time they’d played any form of game.

“I’m sure they would love to.” Lexa said looking down at the boy who with a smile trotted over to a group of other children. All of whom were whispering excitedly. 

The Nightbloods all stood up awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

The boy turned to them and waved his hand for them to follow. “Come on then, we’ll take to you to where we play.”

As a group Clarke, Lexa, and the villagers all followed the children to a sandy area just off to the side of the village. Several benches had been placed around the sand, the older citizens immediately made use of the seats. The benches creaking like their occupant’s bones. The children tore onto the sand, one dark brown ball larger than a grown man’s head being kicked around. Without much instructions the Nightbloods seemed to quickly grasp the concept of the game and Clarke soon realized that it was much like the long extinct game soccer; a game she’d once watched videos of with her father. 

Surprisingly after very little game play, it turned out that Shauna was a natural soccer player. She had a unique ability to move the ball around expertly and intricately with her feet, so fast that the opposing players (Burke primarily) were unable to get the ball from her. 

Laughing at the broad smiles on the Nightblood’s faces Clarke made her way over to the Commander who was standing just on the sidelines applauding each team when they scored.   
“You should play Commander.” She said jokingly. Lexa flashed a knowing gaze in her direction, both well aware that Lexa would most likely exceed any of these children’s abilities. As it was the Nightbloods were proving to be better, if not equal to the village children. 

Lexa moved away from Clarke and took up a conversation with a group of young women many of who were holding the hands of or were carrying younger children, no doubt the soccer player’s mothers. The women were watching warily as the Nightbloods played slightly rougher than their children were accustomed (not that the children minded). The mothers however were quite happy that Lexa had chosen to speak with them; Clarke assumed that the Commander was assuring them that the Nightbloods wouldn’t hurt the children. Clarke watched as after only a minute or two one of the toddlers broke the grip of its mother’s hand and toddled over to Lexa and began pulling at her pant leg, asking to be picked up. Lexa obliged and expertly picked the young boy with wispy red up, resting him on her hip.   
The mothers were clearly impressed, Lexa even managed to hold onto the toddler as it squirmed excitedly as Shauna scored yet another point.   
Feeling a slight pang in her chest, and knowing that Lexa was probably feeling the same. Clarke began to make her way over to them. 

“Heda.” Nepa called from the sand before Clarke had even gotten to the Commander. “Why don’t you guard the posts for us?”

The children stopped running about with the ball and nodded vigorously, shouting words of encouragement for the Commander to join them. 

“Oh yes Please.” One boy called. “This one.” He pointed accusingly at Shauna. “Keeps scoring and someone has to stop her.” 

Lexa smiled with her eyes and returned the toddler to its mother. “Very well.” Giving Clarke’s shoulder a slight squeeze as she passed, the Commander made her way onto the sand.

Clarke wasn’t truly paying attention to the Commander; she was too busy looking at Nepa. The oldest Nightblood caught her eye and gave a weak smile. She’d no doubt been watching Lexa with the baby and knew it was causing her pain, so she’d intervened. Clarke simply mouthed the words thank you, the girl nodded. She was still looking out for the Commander.   
Though Nepa wasn’t the strongest or the fastest, she was certainly the wisest of the children, and for that Clarke was extremely grateful.


	61. Chapter 61

When Clarke had thought that Lexa would be significantly skilled at soccer she had completely underestimated the Commander’s skills. Lexa was not just good at soccer, she was a master at it.   
It had been at least wise for Nepa to ask her to be in the goal area and not as an actual player. There, Lexa was confined to completing one task. Blocking the ball from passing two markers.   
She was unstoppable. It became clear within 5 minutes of the game that no matter how good Shauna was at maneuvering the ball away from the other children she was no match for Lexa’s quick reflexes and ability to read people. It seemed as though Lexa knew where Shauna was going to kick the ball even before the girl herself knew it. Sometimes Shauna would move right and kick the ball left, but Lexa would already be diving to the left to make stop the ball, it was fascinating to watch. 

The Commander made some truly spectacular saves, catching, kicking, even head butting the ball away from the net. Not too long after she’d joined the game did the children abandon the team sport. Instead, they as a group focused on attempting to get the ball past Lexa; something that proved to be very entertaining to watch. The children would all huddle in a large group and discuss who would pass the ball to who and how. Then executing their carefully planned plays to perfection. However, no matter how tricky or complicated they made their movements Lexa still managed to block the ball.   
With each failed attempt the crowd would cheer loudly, both at the Commander’s great skill and at the valiant attempts made by the children.   
Clarke couldn’t help but laugh to herself as she saw the eyes of the Nightbloods burn with determination as they tenaciously tried to get the ball past their mentor. Clarke knew that they were taking the challenge to heart, taking advantage of the situation and trying to best their Commander. Not maliciously of course, but it was a challenge they’d not yet been given. Burke and Shauna’s faces were burning red with effort as they led their fellows and the local children in play after play.   
Then, finally it happened. Burke passed to Shauna, who quickly passed backwards to a local boy, who kicked the ball across the sand to another girl, who kicked it back to Shauna, who making as if to score, kicked the ball ferociously towards the net. Lexa dived for it, ready to make yet another spectacular save. Oddly enough, Shauna missed the markers by inches, then the plan became clear as Tess, who had stationed herself just to the side of the net, her small stature making her easily overlooked, head butted the oncoming ball directly into the net, sending it flying over the sprawled and defeated Commander. 

Every single spectator young and old rose to their feet cheering loudly. Lexa just gave a genuine laugh and sat up nodding her head with respect. Clarke could tell that Lexa was not upset by her loss, but more proud of her students for over coming the task. Her ego was not bruised by this, she knew she was far from being undefeatable, especially at something as little as soccer.   
The children all swarmed to Tess and suddenly the small girl was heads taller than all as they hoisted her into the air pumping their fists gleefully.   
Clarke applauded with the rest of the villagers. Laughing as the Commander gave another respectful bow to the children. The scoring of the goal had lifted the competitive tension from the area, and now several more children made their way onto the sand, some barely able to even support themselves on their chubby little legs. The older children helping their younger siblings to kick the ball clumsily to the Commander, who now was playing at a much lower difficulty level, letting the particularly younger children get the ball past her. Being sure to put on a convincing appearance of defeat whenever they scored; something that made the toddlers absolutely gleeful. Lexa had and would always have a way with children. 

“You two are together?” A voice just next to Clarke asked. 

She turned to see several of the mothers she’d been standing with looking at her curiously. 

“I…” Clarke was completely taken aback by the boldness in which the young woman had asked her. Though Clarke supposed that these people probably did not find it bold to ask about the Commander’s personal affairs, she after all was simply a visitor to them.  
But what was Clare supposed to say? She’d hesitated too long in responding to say no, but could she just bluntly say yes? 

“We all tend to watch the children, but you just keep watching her.” Another woman spoke up, she to was smiling. 

Clarke felt herself blush slightly. 

“You seem happy together.” The first woman said, taking Clarke’s blush as her own confirmation. 

“We are.” Clarke felt herself smiling slightly wider than usual.

“Have you been in the water yet?” One of the women cradling a baby no more than 3 months old asked.

Clarke shook her head. “No. Just in some lakes and rivers. Not the ocean.” 

The woman’s smiles widened. “You will enjoy it. It will be like nothing you’ve ever done.”

Clarke simply nodded a pleasant knot in her stomach.   
She glanced back at Lexa, who was now helping a four-year-old guard the net, as if sensing her gaze the Commander looked to Clarke and gave a brief smile from her eyes. Lexa gave a brief beckoning wave and Clarke excused herself from the mothers and joined the children on the sand. 

As it turns out, though she’d watched dozens of soccer games back on the ark Clarke had absolutely no skill what so ever when it came to actually playing the game. Once Lexa had invited her to join the game Clarke had joined Nepa and Reed in trying to score against Burke and several locals while Lexa and a few others played with the smaller children.   
Clarke found herself unable to maneuver the ball without tripping herself, once she even lost her footing all together and landed flat on her face in the sand, earning a raucous of laughter from the children, and Clarke was fairly certain the Commander herself. 

As the day progressed and the sun began to set, the area around the sand pit began to fill with adults as they returned from their day’s work. With them they brought more food and drinks and from what Clarke could tell, musical instruments. Several villagers ignited a large pile of smooth looking wood just a ways off from the sand in a large pit to cast light on the darkening land. As the flames began to dance the music started and with it the villagers took to the clearing to dance.  
As the musicians began playing their one of a kind drums and pipes Lexa excused herself from the children and sat on one of the vacant benches. It was not too long before Clarke, sweaty and dusty joined her. 

“I take it there weren’t many opportunities for you to play with a ball in space?” Lexa whispered to the Sky Girl with a smirk. 

Without truly thinking Clarke plunged her elbow into the Commander’s side, feeling her elbow painfully hit a rib. Lexa’s breath hitched in slight pain before she broke out laughing, gingerly rubbing her side. “But you did have opportunities to fight dirty.”   
Clarke stared daggers at the Commander, who good-naturedly leaned against her. 

Around them their interaction went unnoticed, the villagers were all on their feet dancing to the music or milling about eating small crispy fish with their bare hands.   
Most of the children were still playing, though much less intensely. Clarke noticed a few of the Nightbloods had sat themselves on the edge of the sand watching and chatting with one another. It was moments like this that Clarke wished everyone would simply freeze and allow her to sketch them. The shading would be gorgeous The way the light from the flames silhouetted the lounging Nightbloods was incomparable. She would love to try and replicate the shading.  
Several of the mothers had settled in the sand and were playing with their children by burying their tiny limbs. The toddlers giggled gleefully and pulled their arms or legs free. Clarke would love to capture the smiling faces on both the mothers and the babies.   
She even just wished that she could sketch the look of the instruments being played for the ever-growing group of dancing villagers.  
Long logs with holes drilled carefully into specific crooks that emitted different pitches when drummed, pieces of metal carefully entwining long sticks that created new metallic sounds when hit. A variety of containers filled with who knows what, that when shook sounded like falling rain and the waves. 

Clarke fingers had begun to itch at her side, subconsciously moving against imaginary paper as she drew the intricate shapes of the instruments when Lexa stood up abruptly. Startled, her daze broken Clarke gazed up at the Commander in confusion. She was met however with bright green eyes and a smile. Lexa extended and open hand to her. 

“Dance with me?”

“Lexa?” Clarke asked, glancing around, sure she’d misheard her. They’d never done anything so obviously affectionate in front of a group. 

“Come Clarke.” She smiled, taking the younger girl’s hand and pulling her to her feet. “These people have no cares or worries, neither should we.” Lexa leaned in and gave Clarke a quick kiss, pulling her towards the group of dancing adults. Several of whom were couples.

Feeling several sets of eyes on them, including the Nightbloods and the mothers in the sand, Clarke followed the Commander into the dance area.   
Immediately Lexa placed a hand on the younger girl’s waist and held her close. Clarke chuckled, letting a small amount of her happiness escape. She’d only truly gotten to dance with Lexa once, long ago back at Arkadia when she’d first visited them. Then their relationship had been much more secretive and they’d both danced stiffly, not wanting to expose themselves. Here, however, surrounded by these carefree strangers both women allowed themselves to move more loosely. They swayed and twirled one another to the music, at one point when the music slowed Clarke found herself resting her chin on Lexa’s comforting shoulder. She shut her eyes and breathed in deeply, taking in the older girl’s scent. She felt Lexa squeeze her tighter, turning her head and kissing the side of her head. 

“I love you.” The Commander muttered. 

Clarke moved to bury her face in the Commander’s shoulder, suddenly overcome with more happiness than she’d felt for a long time. They were both there, a little bruised and scarred but still standing. Still together. 

“I love you too.” Clarke knew her voice was muffled by Lexa’s shoulder but she was sure the Commander had heard her. For at that moment she pulled back slightly, making Clarke raise her head lazily.  
The younger girl felt Lexa’s hot breath on her face just a moment before her lips. Both women seemed to sigh into each other. 

A sudden nearby yelling and wooping broke them apart.   
Clarke was instantly fearful that the sounds had been directed towards them. However, briefly scanning around she found the source of the sound.   
Their ball abandoned, several of the children had begun to sprint in the direction that the sun had just set. As they ran the older children were yelling and wooping with joy. The also were beginning to remove their clothes. It took Clarke a second glance to realize this, but yes, the younger villagers were stripping their clothes as they ran, some already were close to being completely naked. 

Clarke searched for the Nightbloods and found most of them standing or sitting looking completely and utterly lost. Several were looking to Lexa for guidance on how to react. Lexa simply shrugged with a smile and ushered them to follow. Some more eagerly than others began to trot after the group of young adults, gripping their collars and belts clearly deciding if they should remove their clothing. 

“Come on.” Lexa said taking Clarke’s hand and pulling her after the group of yelling children. She noticed that most adults were following as well chuckling and conversing happily. 

It took only a minute of walking for Clarke to realize that they were all headed to the cliff’s edge. Twenty or so feet from the cliff the adults all stopped walking and stood watching as the naked children, still yelling happily, took turns running and jumping off the tall cliff. As the first boy jumped Clarke felt herself start, her eyes following the boy of no more than 11 disappear over the rocks. The cliff was extremely high, so high that she didn’t even hear the splash as the jumpers hit the water. But no one seemed concerned. This had been the cliff Lexa had spoken of Clarke realized. Where the water was so deep that you couldn’t reach the bottom no matter how deep you tried to swim. 

“Look.” Lexa nudged Clarke over to a group of taller children huddled. The Nightbloods. 

“Come on.” One of the village boys called to them, before running and doing a front flip off the cliff. 

It was Nepa who moved first. Confidently pulling her shirt off and discarding it by her fellows the girl gave a heroic yell and sprinted off the cliff. Clarke had a feeling that she ran so quickly so that if she did suddenly find herself overcome by fear she would be going too fast to stop. Smart girl.  
Nepa vanished over the cliff, her cry fading away as she did.   
Burked followed her with just a much gusto, going the full mile and removing his pants as well. Shauna and Tess ran together hands clasped tightly. Reed hesitated at the edge of cliff; naked as the day he’d been born. 

“Just jump Reed.” A voice finally cried from the sea. “It’s amazing.” 

Clarke watched as the boy clenched his fists and jumped up and down before mustering enough courage and flinging himself off into the oblivion. 

Clarke made to move to the edge of the cliff, to join the Nightbloods in the water when she felt Lexa grab her hand and pull her back. 

“What?” The Sky Girl asked confused, this was why they’d come after all. To jump off the cliff, and feel the sea all around them. 

“Now is the time for the children.” Lexa said simply, and out of the corner of her eyes Clarke saw several of the adults wandering away, several walking hand and hand. “Our time will come later.” The Commander’s eyes were searching Clarke’s, testing to see if you understood.   
Eventually, deciding it best not to argue, especially since they were all but alone near the cliff. Clarke nodded.

Lexa smiled, her green eyes still glowing bright in the dark of the night. “Come on then.” She gave the younger girl’s hand a slight tug and began to walk in the direction of their house. Gaining more and more understanding Clarke followed with ease.

XXXXX

The old house’s door creaked as Lexa pushed it open. The large fire in the hearth still glowed slightly with warm coals. Releasing Clarke’s hand she moved to stoke it and place more logs on it, otherwise the Nightbloods, when they eventually returned would be greeted by a cold and dark house. 

Once the fire was burning brightly again Lexa looked up to Clarke, who had settled herself on the couch, watching her intently. 

“You are amazing.” Was all Clarke could say as she stared at the magnificent woman standing before her. Lexa smiled, almost even bashfully and Clarke barely could even see her scratched face over her sheer beauty. 

Lexa sat herself on the couch. “It is you who is a amazing.” She said sincerely, leaning over to gently kiss Clarke’s neck. Sighing Clarke let her head lean back, allowing Lexa more access to the sensitive skin on neck. The Commander moved closer to her placing one hand across the younger girl’s shoulder, kissing along her pulse point, sending jolts of pleasure through Clarke’s body.   
Unable to take it anymore the younger girl moved suddenly to straddle the older, placing a knee on either side of the Commander’s hips. Smiling down at those green eyes Clarke leaned in passionately captured Lexa’s lips.   
As the two kissed, Clarke found herself toying with the tails of the Commander’s loose shirt. She made to pull it over her head when she was suddenly stopped. 

“Clarke.” Lexa said, laughing slightly, her cheeks red with lust. 

“Hmm?” Clarke was confused, Lexa showed no sigh of wanting her to stop, yet there she was gripping Clarke’s wrist stopping her. 

“We have a room for a reason.” The older girl tried to hide her chuckle at the other’s eagerness. 

“Oh.” Clarke laughed, instantly glancing at the house’s front door, where eventually the Nightbloods would enter. “Let’s go then.” She said slowly rising from Lexa’s lap and holding out a hand to help the Commander to her feet. 

Clarke had just shut the door when Lexa was pushed her up against it, kissing her viciously. He hands running up and down her sides.  
Clarke pulled the older girl’s shirt off and immediately found herself rid of her own, both women now only wearing their constrictive binding. Since Clarke’s back was against the door she had the advantage of being able to reach behind Lexa and begin undoing her binding. Once it was free she began to push back against the Commander, leading her to the bed, and ultimately pushing her down. There she climbed on top of her, feeling her body tingle as it made contact with Lexa’s warm bare skin. Lexa was now working at removing Clarke’s binding and soon both woman where free from the waist up. 

Clarke began kissing her way down Lexa’s chest onto her toned stomach; there she paused, looking at the perfectly round scar on her right hip. Her bullet wound. 

“Are you okay?” Lexa’s voice faint as a whisper, concern written on her face. Clarke realized that she’d been staring at Lexa’s scar too long. 

“Yes.” Clarke said laying herself beside the Commander looking at her scratched face. “And you are alive.” 

Lexa glanced down at her scared body, besides the bullet wound she had many marks of war and training. Then she looked back to the girl in her arms. 

“I am.” She said putting their foreheads together. “And so are you.”   
Then in a quick movement Lexa was laying on top of Clarke, pushing their bodies together so that their curves fit together like a puzzle piece. “So let’s make the most of it?” 

Feeling Lexa’s hands running down her sides and along her thighs Clarke smiled captured the older girl’s lips once more. She felt the Commander smile into the kiss as she moved her hands generously along her body, pausing at each and every sensitive area that she’d long since memorized. 

Soon both women were sweaty and panting as they lay in bed holding each other. Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s chest as she’d done so many times before and allowed herself to drift off to sleep. Listening to the constant soothing rhythm of the Commander’s still beating heart.


	62. Chapter 62

There was a breeze. A cold breeze, touching skin that had previously been covered.   
Clarke awoke hazily in her chilled body. The bed’s furs had been thrown aside slightly leaving her left side exposed to the chilly morning air.   
Lexa was gone.

Clarke’s hand sleepily groped out to the other side of the bed. The far side of the bed was still warm. The Commander hadn’t been gone long.   
Now feeling more awake, Clarke looked around the room. It was barely dawn. Grey light was just starting to creep through the small shaded windows of the room. Hinting that sunset was approaching. 

Curious of the Commander’s whereabouts Clarke resolutely got out of bed and pulled on the shirt she’d so carelessly discarded the night before. The morning air was crisp on he bare skin, and Clarke had a feeling that the outdoors would be even worse.   
She was comforted slightly though, by the fact that at this moment the old house wasn’t terribly creaky, meaning that the wind had died down.

Clarke made her way into the dimly lit common area where the previous night’s fire was now only glowing embers. Deciding it best not to let the fire die completely she placed several smooth sea worn logs and coaxed the embers back to life. There was such a serene silence to the morning that Clarke would have been content to rest herself on the couch and watch the fire until the rest of the house awoke. But still, Lexa was nowhere to be seen. Clarke assumed she’d left the house entirely. Pulling her shoes on Clarke opened the creaking front door to the house and made her way out into the chilly dewing morning. The village was not yet awake. Clarke could swear she could almost hear snores from the small houses as she walked down the street. Somehow she knew to head for the cliff, that’s where Lexa would be.   
Sure enough as she rounded the corner of the final house, the cliff came into view, and with it the Commander. 

Lexa was standing straight and at attention, wearing her armor and fully done up in her war paint. Marie stood in front of her, speaking quietly. Around them several other elders were gathered, watching what was transpiring. As Clarke inched her way forward she saw Lexa’s eyes look over the older woman’s shoulder and rest on her. She hesitated, not sure if she was interrupting something very sacred. She was about to turn around when Lexa raised and arm and gestured for her to come forward. Marie turned to look and for the first time, smiled. The Sky Girl hesitantly approached the hard people of the earth, feeling as though there was a feeling in the air so tense she could cut it with a knife. 

“Here.” Lexa said as Clarke stood next to her, and the Commander dipped her fingers in a nearby bowl of war paint. “Close your eyes.” Clarke obliged and she felt Lexa’s rough but gentle fingers begin to apply the paint around her eyes. Clarke could tell by the movements that she was being painted almost identically to Lexa’s custom painting. “There.” Lexa finally said and Clarke opened her eyes. The Commander was beaming at her. Taking her hand and giving it a firm squeeze, Lexa turned to Marie. 

“It is time.” Marie said, her eyes on the horizon and Clarke turned to see the hint of gold rising above the endless line of water and sky. The sun was rising. 

“Lexa Kom Trikru” Marie spoke gently. “You may descend into the sea and be rid of whatever weigh you may bear. The waters await you.” 

To Clarke surprise Lexa released her hand and the Commander went about unbuckling and removing her armor. To her this made sense, if Lexa was going to swim she wouldn’t want the extra weight. But then the Commander began to shed her clothing as well. And before Clarke could even blink Lexa was standing naked before her. In truth not a sight she was unfamiliar with, but not necessarily accustomed to while surrounded by so many strangers.   
In the fresh sunlight Clarke could make out each and every scar on the Commander’s body. From her fresh marks of the brambles, her ancient sparring wounds, to her bullet hole but still as always Lexa was stunning. 

“See you soon.” Lexa smiled to Clarke before in a few long running strides the Commander leapt off the cliff into the seemingly endless abyss. The cliff was so high that Clarke didn’t even hear her splash. 

“And you Sky Girl?” Marie asked curiously to Clarke and suddenly the clothes on her back felt very heavy. Feeling the several sets of eyes on her Clarke began to undo her shirt. The air shot through her bare skin like little daggers but somehow the cold didn’t bother her. Something about the way Lexa had looked at her had relaxed her. This was all normal, it was why they’d come here after all. To jump into the sea.   
Naked as an infant Clarke turned her back on the sea people and instead looked over the horizon. Not daring to look down, keeping her mind off of her weak swimming abilities, and not even beginning to ponder how cold she was about to feel; Clarke began to run. Her feet were off the ground before she even knew what she was doing and suddenly she was falling. The wind roared in her ears as gravity pulled her body back to the ground, or rather waters.

It was like nothing Clarke had ever felt. It was cold. Her mind almost went numb with the force in which she hit the water, most of the air was knocked from her lungs and her body locked. Then it all cleared and she realized she was sitting below the surface of the water. Clarke opened her eyes, and ignoring the burning she felt, looked around. All around was water, to the left, to the right, and down. Endless water. It was magnificent. 

Then came a burning, not from her eyes, but from her lungs. Engaging her arms and legs Clarke clumsily propelled herself to the surface. Her face breaking through the water just as she felt the last of her air was leaving her body. Taking a deep breath of salty air she let herself slip below the surface again, not waning to leave the silent endless black. But again her lungs called for more air and she was forced to surface once more. This time choosing to keep her head above the water and explore her surroundings above the water. 

The first thing she saw was Lexa. The Commander was only 10 or so feet from her, treading water a smile like a child plastered on her face. Her war paint was almost all but washed away and her skin looked surprisingly pale against the dark water. And there was this light in her eyes, something Clarke hadn’t seen before, it was like seeing a newborn baby.   
In two long strokes Lexa was in front of Clarke, both women breathless yet full at the same time.   
Taking care not to let their heads slip below the surface Lexa leaning forward and pressed her cold lips against Clarke’s, they both tasted of salt. The younger girl felt a warmth spread through her chilled body starting in her chest. Then Lexa was gone, bubbles churning the water’s surface where she’d just been. Clarke laughed aloud and looked below where she could make out the vague outline of the Commander swimming under her. Then she felt a playful tug on her foot and Clarke was pulled under the water. Through her blurry eyes Clarke watched as Lexa swam down into the blackened water, eventually disappearing. Clarke felt her lungs begin to burn so she surface again, deciding to keep her head above the water, but face down, searching for Lexa. After what seemed like an eternity Clarke saw the Commander’s form come shooting out of the black. She must have kicked of the bottom to give her the momentum. 

Lexa broke the surface with a gasp and took several deep breaths. 

“What’s down there?” Clarke asked curiously, noticing a smiling twinkle in the Commander’s eye.

“Come on.” The Commander just smiled, gesturing towards the shore, where Clarke noticed several villagers were gathered, some fishing, others building a fire. A nice warm fire.

The shore it turned out was much further than Clarke had anticipated. It seemed as though they’d hardly made any progress in swimming towards it when suddenly Clarke found her arms and legs seizing in resistance, utterly exhausted from the strange use the swimming motions were inflicting upon them. 

“Lexa.” Clarke managed to sputter before sinking beneath the surface. She only had a moment to feel terror in the dark black water before a strong arm gripped her around her shoulder and pulled her to the surface. 

“Are you okay?” Lexa’s voice was full of concern as she began to drag Clarke to shore. 

“Yes.” Clarke coughed as the salty water splashed in her mouth. “It’s just hard.”

“You should be able to walk soon.” The Commander said confidently and Clarke was glad that she’d chosen not to commit to any form of mockery. Clarke knew she was weak when it came to the Grounders, even though she’d been on the ground for some time. These people had been born to it, it was times like this she truly just felt like a guest in their world. As Lexa pulled her Clarke felt the girl’s strong muscles flex and relax against her body. 

“Here” Lexa said casually releasing her hold on Clarke, letting her sink once more. 

“No!” Clarke gasped as she felt her weak body begin to sink once more, however before her head was fully submerged her feet crashed into rough sharp rocks. “Not funny.” She growled as she caught Lexa chuckling. 

The two women clambered clumsily across the sharp and jagged rocks towards the smoother shore. As they neared the villagers Clarke was once again hit with the self-consciousness of how naked she was. Her body close to freezing and displaying all the physical signs of it. 

However, Lexa too was bare and cold and of course showed no signs of shame. These sea people were somehow so comfortable with nakedness. Perhaps it was from how much they actually spent in the water.   
As Lexa stepped onto dry ground a villager held out a large dry fur to her, which she immediately wrapped tightly around Clarke, giving her shoulders a brisk rub to encourage her circulation. Then she took a covering for herself. The fur was warm and soft on Clarke’s skin. She set to drying herself off as Lexa made her way around the small group of gathered villagers, shaking their hands and muttering words of thanks to them.   
“Here Clarke.” Marie said suddenly at her side. “Come by the fire before you lose your toes.” The women took Clarke’s arm so suddenly that she almost lost her blanket completely. Marie didn’t seem to notice. She half lead, half dragged the younger girl over to the new crackling fire and plopped her roughly on a log.

“I’ll get you some food.” She said gruffly, striding off towards the shore where several men and women were spearing fish. 

After a moment Lexa sat herself down as well. “Here” She said quietly offering out her open palm.   
Clarke glanced down and saw a bright green shell in the Commander’s hand. A color so green yet blue, like nothing she’d seen before. 

“Oh Lexa.” Clarke exclaimed, gingerly picking up the shell and examining it. “It’s gorgeous.” So this is what the Commander had dived deep down in the water for.

Lexa smiled proudly. “If you ask some of the elders they may be able to string it into a necklace for you.” 

At this Clarke chuckled, the Commander was giving her jewelry. They’d clearly hit a new part of their relationship, something she felt somehow she’d be able to compete in. “Thank you.” Clarke said giving the older girl a brief kiss on her cheek. 

“No.” Lexa said in a sudden seriousness “Thank you Clarke.” 

The two women stared at other for a moment, saying more with their eyes than they’d said in a long time. The weight from their past few months seeming to lift from them like bubbles popping on the surface of the sea. Lexa was smiling, not a forced smile, not a placating smile, but a true smile of happiness, something that Clarke once feared she’d never see again.


	63. Chapter 63

As the morning air dissipated more and more villagers began to arrive on the shoreline. Eventually a man was kind enough to bring Clarke and Lexa their discarded clothing from the top of the cliff so that they may be properly dressed instead of in Clarke’s case gripping the fur around her body like iron, still feeling the self consciousness that some of these people it seemed had no comprehension of. 

Lexa was kind enough to hold up her blanket as a make shift wall while Clarke quickly pulled on her pants and shirt. By now there were more than 50 villagers settling themselves on the shoreline or beginning to tip toe into the chilly water. Clarke noticed that most of those arriving were later in their adulthood or brought young children with them. She had a feeling that those of the Nightblood’s age were still sleeping, most likely having had a late night of swimming with in the moonlight. Clarke couldn’t complain though, the mood brought forth by the older generation was different compared to what she was used to. It was somehow more subdued and down to earth than that of what she felt with the Nightbloods. These people were much more content, they knew what their future was and weren’t necessarily striving for one particular thing. 

By noon the wind had picked up slightly and waves with white foam on their tips began breaking against the shore, forcing the group to relocate their fires and settle further up along the bank. Now was the time the children were beginning to arrive. The boldest making their entrance by leaping off the cliff and diving into the water with loud yells of triumph. Once in the water, the children tended to hover just around where the waves were breaking, allowing themselves to be caught up in the churning water and being pushed to shore. They’d arrive sodden and laughing with glee ready to swim out once more. 

Tess who was having trouble keeping her smaller form afloat eventually pulled a large branch of wood into the water and used its floating form as support. However, as she floated near the breaking waves she kept finding that the branch would get caught up in the water more easily than her body. Eventually while the other children tumbled with the wave she would come streaking gracefully into shore yelling with delight. Clarke admired her courage. Though the water was in some way rectifying it also burned a small amount of fear into her, having her head nearly slip under the water from her weakness had done well to instill that within her. 

Lexa on the other hand could not get enough of the water. After she and Clarke had first come to shore; the Commander had sat, eaten, and spoke to the villagers. However, not more than 30 minutes after Clarke settled herself on a rock here the fire, the Commander was in the water again diving as deeply as she could, exploring the cliff’s edge, and after a villager offered, spearing fish.  
The fishermen were swelling with pride as they showed the Commander the proper stance and grip for spear fishing and somehow Clarke felt that they swelled even more when Lexa failed to catch her prey. Unintentionally enforcing their idea that though she was the Commander, she could not do everything.  
Lexa to her credit though was a fast learning and soon had speared more than half a dozen fish, she had even collected several of the hard shelled animals was the bottom of the ocean. 

“It will be strange.” A voice mused near Clarke. She turned to see a freshly soaked Nepa sitting next to her. “To return to Polis after this.” She was looking around at open friendly site before them. “To return to the lessons, the meeting, the haste.”

Clarke nodded in agreement. “But it will be a good thing at the same time.” Nepa looked to her confused. Clarke simply shrugged. “Polis is your home, it’s become my home. It’s only by comparing it to other places can we truly have a respect for anywhere.” Clarke stared out at the high noon sun hitting the endless water. “And it does have its own beauty.” 

At this Nepa chuckled. “Clarke Kom Skaikru, you sound more and more like Heda with each day that passes.” 

Clarke cocked an eyebrow at the girl. “So do you.” Nepa simply shrugged, the older girl sensed the Nightblood’s thoughts. Nepa did not truly want to be Commander. Not because she thought she would not do the task justice but because of the repercussions of her taking the title. Lexa’s death, and the death of all her friends. A bloody victory but one, as Lexa had told her that was necessary. 

 

XXXXX

The sound of the waves must have drowned out the sound of the horses hooves for the small group of riders were dismounting before Clarke even noticed their arrival. She could tell in an instant by their large and intricate armor that they were from Polis. She was however surprised to see a familiar face among them. 

“Octavia!” she exclaimed rising from her log to embrace her friend. 

“Clarke!” Octavia accepted the hug with a one arm. “It’s nice to see you are hard a work for once.” The young warrior was glancing around at the frolicking villagers and lounging adults, eyebrows raised. 

“What are you doing here?” The older girl said with a chuckle taking a step back to take in Octavia and her fellows. 

“We are here to speak with the Commander.” One of the riders gruffed, not having bothered to removed his skull helmet. A state that annoyed Clarke slightly. She noticed the villagers edging away from the intimidating looking riders and their burly horses pawing horses. They were not accustomed to seeing warriors like these men and women. 

“Speak to me in regards to what?” Lexa who had seen the horses approaching from the water had taken no time in swimming to shore to meet them. Clarke was just grateful that the Commander had chosen this time to swim in her undergarments.

“Your return to the Capitol Heda.” The rider bowed. “We received news that Titus would be returning in less than a fortnight with several new Nightbloods” 

“He had good luck then?” A villager handed Lexa a large towel and she set to work drying herself as she listened. 

The guard shrugged. “I was simply told that he deemed the voyage successful.” The others nodded in agreement. 

“We assumed Heda.” Octiavia added, mustering as much formality as she could “That you would wish to be present upon their arrival.” 

By this time several of the Nightbloods had swum ashore and were crowding around curiously. 

“Another generation then.” Nepa said, her arms crossed in front of her. “Just like that.” 

“Hush.” Lexa said placing a hand firmly on the younger girl’s shoulder before returning her attention to her men. “Thank you for bringing me this message.” 

The riders nodded before standing at attention ready for their next orders. 

“You are to return to Polis with news that I will be arriving shortly after. Have them prepare another chamber for the arrival of the new Nightbloods. “ Lexa instructed. “Myself and the Nightbloods will depart tomorrow and arrive well before Titus.” 

The riders nodded to her, making direct eye contact assuring her they’d understood their orders. The exception to this was of course Octavia whose bright curious eyes were lingering on the water.

“Octavia Kom Skaikru” Lexa’s voice snapped Octavia out of her staring like a jolt of electricity. “You are to remain here for now and travel with us as a guard.” Then with the smallest hint of humor in her voice Lexa spoke. “As you can see we encountered more than one foe on our journey here.” The Commander outlined the deep cuts her face still bore. 

“Yes Heda.” Octavia said eagerly and Clarke smiled to herself, knowing full well that Lexa was only having Octavia stay so that she too could enjoy the water, even if it was only for a day. 

The villagers ensured that the riders were well fed and rested before sending them off on their return journey to Polis. As a small crowd waved the horses and men off Lexa sat herself near one of the small fires, tossing several bits of tinder into it. As night was beginning to fall; the villagers were beginning to relocate themselves back to the village, leaving the shoreline nearly vacant.  
Herself, Clarke, Octavia, and the Nightbloods were some of the few remaining. The warrior had been thrilled at the idea of jumping from the cliff and hadn’t left the water since. Lexa was certain that the girl was closer to a fish than a human. At that moment Octavia, Clarke, and a few of the Nightbloods were tossing a ball about in the water playing some form of game they’d been taught. 

“I wasn’t expecting Titus to find enough Nightbloods so soon.” Nepa said as she sat herself next to the Commander. “After the sickness, I remember it took him months to locate enough. Aden and I were alone for so long.” 

“This will be a strong group.” Lexa said stoking the fire. “The Commander’s of past choosing them so quickly means they were obvious choices. Strong candidates.” 

“How do you plan on training all of us Heda?” Nepa asked curiously, toying with a twig attached to the log on which she sat. “We all will have such different levels of experience and some of these children may be quite young. I came when I was only 8.” 

Lexa turned to the girl amazed, wondering how she’d had such similar thoughts to her own. Most generations of Nightbloods came into training together, so it was simple to create the building blocks for their training and lessons. Even when the past generation had failed and replacements were found; they still were close enough in age and experience that it made little difference. But now, Titus would no doubt be bringing some children who (like Nepa) could be no older than 7, who may still cry themselves to sleep for the first few months. How could these children train with the likes of Nepa and Burke? Her current Nightbloods were all so much older and experienced, any of them fit to command should it be necessary. 

“I’ve thought on this as well Nepa.” Lexa said thoughtfully. She decided that not only was this the time to teach Nepa but also that perhaps if she spoke her own thoughts aloud they would arrange themselves in a more coherent pattern.  
She’d wanted to pose this theory to Clarke but had found herself not wanting to discuss the future with the Sky Girl. The two of them had been so focused on surviving their present that the future had just seemed too far off to trouble them. 

“What do we do when we are presented with a challenge like nothing we’ve encountered before?” The Commander asked the younger girl. 

The Nightblood thought for a moment. “We look into the past, to see if they’ve sought answers to similar questions.” The answer was well phrased and brought a brief smile to Lexa’s lips. 

“Precisely what I did.” The Commander nodded.

“Did you find an answer?” 

“ I did.” Lexa confirmed, Nepa sat herself slightly straighter, listening intently. 

“You’ve been told of the Commander before myself and the trials they faced.” 

Nepa nodded. “Their reign was short and throughout a war against Azgeda. This was before your coalition.” 

“Yes.” Lexa confirmed, once again pleased at how well versed Nepa was proving to be in the not only the histories of the Commanders but as well their ways of thinking.  
“So as a Nightblood my Commander had many more important tasks at hand than to actually train us. We were given rare lessons now and then but nearly to the extent in which I have trained you.” Lexa recalled those lessons with the actual Commander as such a valued experience. “ But never once did I cross blades with my Commander.”  
Nepa leaned backwards, examining Lexa. “But you are so skilled Heda.” 

“Because my Commander recognized their weakness and created ways in which to compensate for it.” Lexa agreed. “You recall the warrior Anya?” 

“You called her your First.” Nepa nodded. “You were her second.” 

“As my Commander could not train us properly she found people who could.” Lexa explained, thinking fondly of her fallen mentor. “Each Nightblood was assigned to one of the Commanders best and hardest warriors.” Hard could have had no truer meaning than training with Anya. They’d trained everyday morning and evening rain or shine, much harder than any other Nightblood. 

“So you will assign warriors to the new Nightbloods?” Nepa thought allowed. “Then what will become of us?” 

At this Lexa just stared at the girl. “I said the previous Commander assigned some of their best and hardest warriors as mentors.”

Nepa sighed, comprehension dawning on her. “We will train the new generation.” She said quietly.

The older girl nodded. “I will still work with all of you, but who better to teach than those who have already been students?” 

“But Heda” The younger turned to fully face her Commander, a hint of aggression in her tone. “How can you expect us to train children who will someday try and kill us?” She paused for a moment. Letting the question hang in the air. “How can you expect them to learn from us when we will eventually kill them?” The last of the girl’s words were just short of a yell. 

Lexa stared at a slightly fuming Nepa then to their surroundings, those in the water had heard the commotion and had stalled their game. Clarke’s eyes were on her, trying to gauge the situation and if she should leave the water. 

“Continue on.” The Commander called to the players. “This does not concern you.”

Despite every warning yelling in her head, Nepa growled aloud. “But it does. If you expect them to train children, like feeding pigs for the slaughter. ” 

“Watch your tongue.” Lexa snapped. Generous she was with letting the Nightbloods speak their minds, there were lines and Nepa was finding herself on a precipice. The younger girl held Lexa’s eyes for a moment before looking away, accepting the Commander’s dominance.  
“Nepa.” Lexa sighed, preventing herself from being overcome by any form of anger. “I know of your thoughts towards the conclave and I know that you are not alone in these opinions. But what you must understand is that it is a necessary trial that a Commander must face.” 

“ I know Heda.” Nepa said receding into herself. “But I do feel there must be better ways to choose a Commander.” 

“You will teach the new Nightbloods.” Lexa said, choosing not to enter the conversation on other ways a Commander may be chosen, she’d had those words with herself too many times into too many late nights.  
“And in doing so you will no doubt learn something yourself. You will begin as their teacher but eventually you will be their peer.” Lexa gazed around at the other Nightbloods, recalling how estranged they’d been to one another upon arriving in Polis and how she’d watched their friendships form through their training.  
“And as I have always said.” The Commander added finally. “Come the conclave those who believe they will be the strongest Commander will fight the hardest and make the ultimate sacrifices for their people.” 

At these words Nepa resolutely stood. “ Sometimes Lexa..” She said eyes hard. “I do not feel as though I am strong enough to make such sacrifices.” Without another word the girl walked away leaving Lexa alone at the fire.


	64. Chapter 64

Clarke watched Nepa stride away from Lexa without the slightest glance back. She wasn’t the only one. Burke’s eyes followed his friend as she began to leave the beach, arms crossed. 

“I think I’m going to head back.” He said to no one directly as he began to swim into shore leaving the others to their game. 

Reed had thought of it. It was a team-wrestling match where the smaller member sat on the larger’s shoulders and tried to push opponents into the water. 

As Burke reached the shore he caught eyes with the Commander. Lexa’s eyes were slightly colder than they’d been the last few days. 

“I’m sorry.” He said. “It’s been hard.” He wasn’t entirely sure what else he could say having not be part of the conversation. “I’m sure what ever she said wasn’t truly from her heart.” 

“It is alright Burke.” Lexa nodded surprised by the boy’s chivalry. “But she may need someone else to speak with at the moment.” Lexa gestured back in the direction Nepa had gone. 

Without hesitating Burke nodded and followed the path Nepa had taken off the beach. 

All of this Clarke watched, she was only distracted when a particularly large splash sent water burning into her eyes. 

“Victory!” Tess yelled aloud. 

“No fair” Shauna retorted sputtering only having just been knocked off Reed’s shoulders. “Octavia shoved Reed.” 

“What do you think Clarke?” Octavia called to her fellow, a broad smile plastered on her face. “Fair or not fair?”

“She wasn’t even watching!” Reed coughed only have just resurfaced after being forced underwater by Shauna’s falling form. “We weren’t exciting enough.” 

“Sorry.” Clarke muttered distractedly as Burke trotted along, catching up to Nepa. 

“It’s fine.” Octavia grinned. “We’ll just have to go again.” Tess rubbed her hands together enthusiastically. 

Suddenly Clarke felt movement around her legs. She only had a moment to feel the absolute terror in her heart before she was hoisted unceremoniously out of the water. Working hard to balance herself as she sat precariously atop Lexa’s narrow shoulders. 

“Heda!” Reed called, clearly impressed. 

“So now we’ve got three in the battle have we?” Tess asked. 

“Oh it’s on.” Octavia said gleefully shifting slightly so Tess sat more securely on her shoulders before charging at Clarke and Lexa. 

XXX 

Clarke shivered slightly as she watched the sun dip below the never-ending horizon. Though they’d gotten out of the water some time ago, her clothes were still quite damp. When the villagers had left they’d taken almost all of the blankets and furs with them. The only remaining had either been draped over a shivering Nightblood or was being sat on. The fire they’d lit did help to warm her up but Clarke kept finding that the extremities furthest from the fire becoming completely chilled. She longed to lean herself into Lexa. The Commander somehow always seemed to be emitting warmth. On colder nights this was useful as Lexa liked to sleep with her body pressed to Clarke’s, ultimately keeping the younger girl as warm as she’d like.

However now was not the time for affection, Clarke thought as she watched Lexa inform of the Nightbloods of her plans for them to mentor the newer generation. 

As they’d be leaving to return to Polis the next morning the Commander felt that this was the appropriate time. This way the children would be able to use the journey back to plan how they’d teach and interact with their student. Burke and Nepa had not returned for this conversation but the other three seemed incredibly eager at the idea of teaching and mentoring others. Even Tess who may only be a year or two older than some of the new initiates. 

“You will be their mentors.” Lexa did her best to convey how the Nightbloods were to interact. “But you are also their peers, their equals. Do you all understand?” They all nodded. “Good.” Lexa sighed, letting herself relax slightly. She’d been worried that they all would have a similar reaction to Nepa’s and had gone into the conversation with her back up. 

“No I want you all to return to the house.” She said glancing up to the top of the cliff where the lights from the village shone. “We will leave tomorrow just after the sun has risen.” She ignored the quiet groans issued by Octavia and the children. “I want you all to be well rested. We will travel faster than we did on our way here.” 

“Yes Heda.” The Nightbloods nodded rising. Octavia stood too, barely stifling her yawn. 

“Octavia.” Clarke said suddenly. “In the house we are staying at there’s another room on the first floor. You can sleep there.” 

“Thanks Clarke.” Octavia nodded and as she followed the young warriors, leaving Lexa and Clarke alone by the fire. 

“Nepa didn’t like the idea of training the new generation did she?” Clarke asked as the last of the warriors disappeared into the darkness. 

“It’s more the tradition of the conclave that she is against.” Lexa said, her jaw square as she looked into the fire. “She disagrees with training and teaching someone who she may one day need to kill.” 

“Oh.” Clarke said, understanding the girl’s point but knowing that disagreeing with the ways of the conclave was one of the few topics she could not speak freely on with Lexa. 

“I’ve already changed so much of our world.” The Commander sighed. “I simply cannot change the one that will result from my death.” She turned to Clarke, her green eyes glinting slightly in the firelight. “It is just something I do not like to dwell on.” 

“Neither do I” Clarke said shifting herself closer to the Commander so that the older girl could wrap her arm around her. Sure enough Lexa was warm, even though she only wore a short sleeved shirt and pants the Commander’s body was radiating heat. 

“You’re cold.” Lexa said, feeling Clarke shivering. 

“The ocean is cold.” Clarke said nuzzling into Lexa’s neck. “But you’re warm.” She felt the Commander smile. 

The two women sat huddled together as darkness over took the land and the moon rose higher and higher into the sky. 

“It’s beautiful.” Clarke said after some time. “It will be so strange to return to Polis knowing that this is out here.” 

“It will.” Lexa agreed. “But perhaps we will be able to return again some time. Bring the new Nightbloods.” 

“Marie would love that.” Clarke chuckled. “Even more, what did she call them? City Kids?” 

“Capitol Kids.” Lexa corrected. “She called me a tree brat when I first came here. Somehow in my mind she still looks the same.” 

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Clarke smiled, thinking of what a young Lexa might have looked like, how she would have acted. “Were you a brat?” 

“Most likely.” Lexa mused. “I remember being confused by the lack of trees here, I kept asking if I go climbing instead of swimming. That was of course until I discovered how amazing the water really was.” That was when Clarke noticed how intently the Commander was staring at the water; she could feel the girl’s yearning radiating. 

We a resolved sigh Clarke sat up, feeling the cold air on the skin that had just seconds ago been pressed against Lexa. “Well let’s go then Tree Brat.” She said rising, holding a hand out for the confused looking Commander. “I know you want to go back in.” 

A broad mischievous smile moved across Lexa’s face as smoothly as melting butter. She took Clarke’s hand and gave it a strong squeeze before allowing the younger girl to help her to her feet. 

As the two women walked hand in hand from their fire’s light they found themselves engulfed in the inky blackness of the night. The only light coming from the moon as it reflected off the small waves splashing against the shore. 

“Wait.” Clarke stopped suddenly.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked concerned having had to stumble back slightly in surprise by the girl’s abrupt halt.   
Wordlessly Clarke released the Commander’s hand and slowly pulled her shirt over her head.   
Despite herself Lexa smiled, not at the physical site to which she was being treated to but at the confidence in which it was done. Clarke’s world had torn about and flipped upside down but still this woman could be brave, be bold, be magnificent. 

Feeling the cold on their skin both woman completely undressed and leaving their clothing just above where the waves lapped began to step into the water. Somehow, compared to the cold night air the ocean’s water seemed as warm as a bath.

Lexa of course made her way into the water faster than Clarke, who despite herself was tip toeng, her mind on all of those mysterious sea creatures she’d been eating and how they’d once lived in the water. 

“Come on.” Lexa said, holding a hand out for the girl. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Feeling somehow more comforted by just those words Clarke took the older girl’s hand. It was in the moment that she was struck with déjà vu and realized her error.   
Sure enough, Lexa’s eyes glinted, and not just as a reflection of the waves. Clarke felt a strong tug on her arm as the Commander pulled her into the water until she was completely submerged. 

“Lexa.” She resurfaced sputtering and tasting salt, the Commander laughed. Clarke opened her eyes to see Lexa fall back so that she was floating easily on the water, her eyes closed.   
She took a moment to watch the Commander relax before the need for revenge overcame her, cupping her hands together Clarke slapped her hands to the water, causing it to splash up and over the Lexa’s face. 

Knowing she’d have to pay for what she’d done Clarke immediately began to swim away. She felt a strong hand grab her retreating foot and with a laugh allowed herself to be pulled back towards Lexa, the water rushing over her face. 

 

She hadn’t even stood up when she felt Lexa’s body press against her own, their lips connecting. 

“Thank you.” Lexa said after a moment, their faces still so close that Clarke could feel the Commander’s quick breathes on her face. 

“For what?” The younger girl asked, pressing their foreheads together. 

“Thank you for falling from the sky.” 

Clarke smiled and pulled Lexa into a tight hug. “Thank you for fighting.” 

“Fighting?” The older girl asked, trying to pull away slightly to look at the younger but Clarke held her firmly. 

“Thank you for fighting so hard to live.” She said kissing Lexa’s bare shoulder. “So  
we can have moments like this. So that I can love you.” 

Lexa lowered her head and let it rest on the Sky Girl’s shoulder; the two women were holding one another other so tightly there was hardly room for water between them. Clarke could feel Lexa’s heart beating strongly against her chest. 

They’d come from completely different worlds, different lives, different histories. Yet here they both stood, on the edge of the world. Their hearts beating and giving them strength. Strength they’d use to take on the rest of their world. 

A strength they’d use to survive


	65. EPILOGUE

Nepa stood on the top of the hill overlooking the smaller forms dancing with their swords. In the five years since the new group of Nightbloods had arrived they’d improved vastly. Some had barely been able to hold a sword let alone lift one when they’d arrived, but now she watched as they expertly blocked and parried with each other. Burke walked the warriors correcting stances and giving defensive suggestions now and then. Every once in a while he’d glance up to her a smile on his face, a smile she couldn’t help but replicate. She’d have to get after him later for making her smile like a fool when she was meant to be a hard training instructor. 

Then she felt it, the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. Without truly thinking Nepa drew her sword and swung around feeling the metal of the blade clash against another. 

“Good.” Lexa breathed holding her blade against Nepa’s. “You did let me get quite close to you though.” 

Nepa lowered her blade and shrugged at the Commander. The two were roughly the same height now and though the warrior still respected the older girl there was familiarity between the two. It was this that prompted her next words. 

“I just thought it would be nice to chat you.” 

Lexa’s eyes flashed with a smile. 

“How are they doing?” She asked looking down the hill at the training children, all of whom now were visibly un-eased by her presence. Unlike the older generation they still felt a slight fear towards her at least when Clarke wasn’t around. The Sky Girl, despite having the name Wanheda had won their hearts fairly quickly with her bright smiles and magnificent stories of the sky.  
They all now perked up whenever it was time for one of their medical lessons. 

The 13 clans had been at peace for 5 years, something completely unheard of. The only time Lexa had had to raise her sword had been to train with the Nightbloods. Even Azgeda had accepted the conclave and her reign. She had now officially been the longest commanding Heda. Something that brought her great pride. 

“I thought they were going to finish training early today?” Clarke had finally begun to master the ability of approaching without being heard. Now the Sky Girl stood with the Commander and her student, slightly unimpressed. “We were going to start a lesson on bandaging today, now they’ll be so tired.”

“We were going to rest.” Nepa said. “But they seemed to be making great strides and I didn’t want to stop them.”  
A sharp look from Clarke told her that she’d been wrong to do this. The girl gave a brief nod. 

“I’ll gather them up.” She said quickly before trotting down the hill to gather the children. “I’m sure they’ll be attentive.” She called back nervously. 

“And it’s me they fear?” Lexa said dryly at Nepa’s retreating form.

“I’m not that scary.” Clarke said giving the Commander a slight shove; The tarnished metal ring on her left hand catching in the sun. Lexa saw the glint and caught the girl’s hand. Though Clarke had worn the ring for over two years now it still brought her delight, especially its likeness to the one she wore on her own hand. 

The stories the distant clans had begun to tell of the pair spoke of how the Commander of the united clans and the Commander of Death bonded to bring the land to peace. Their marriage celebration had kept Polis from growing completely dark for almost five days and brought thousands of members from the different clans together. Two years later and it was still a topic of conversation on the streets. 

As Lexa leaned down and gave Clarke’s hand a brief kiss Nepa called to them. 

“We are ready for the lesson now Wanheda.” The Nightbloods sat gathered young and old in a semi circle.

“You should come learn as well.” Clarke said pressing her lips briefly against Lexa’s before making her way down to the students. 

“I will.” Lexa said hesitating at the top of the hill for moment. Taking in the site before her. 

Each Nightblood below could have been her child with the amount of love she held for each of them and to see them all gathered around Clarke, listening intently as the girl spoke warmed her even further.   
It was moments like these that Lexa knew it had all been worth it. All of the trials, the wars, and the deaths she’d experienced. They’d all be leading to moments like this. To a world where she loved and was loved, a world where she wasn’t considered weak for it. A world where she smiled and the world smiled back. 

Clarke glanced up at her expectantly, no doubt waiting for her to serve as a simulated patient for the exercise. The Commander began to make her way down the hill.   
All was well and would remain well until the end of her days. 

 

THE END


End file.
